Staying Within

inner-light-2No matter how developed we feel in ourselves, it is always curious to observe how we react or respond when stressful situations arise. Because when we are under duress, that is when we usually resort to our “fall-back” positions, and we react from old prints and psychologies rather than from our more recent developed state. There’s no avoiding it, but we should remember, in those moments, that the real solutions lie within us, and are not found in the external world. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: And so in the dream I had in the morning, and I had lots of images and dreams that were like delirious. One of them I even motioned for you to come into the bathroom, as I proceeded to show you that I was trying to throw up, but I couldn’t. And with that, therefore, I was afflicted, but can’t seem to throw it off, throw it out.

There was that image, which is an interesting image that I probably should have written up because behind that indicates that I’m under a type of stress that I’m not able to get to the bottom of.

And then in this dream, I find myself in this large, overall business, which is spread out over an area that is more extensive than where I tend to come and go. In other words, lots of departments or whatever, attached to this and I just tend to stay in my area.

But something has come up and I need to find an individual named Telrod who’s a kind of a business type person, who also tends to move about and have a general sense of overallness of things.

So, I go from where I’m at, the department or where it is that I’m basically centered, to other areas in this large office building. I go to an outer fringe area, where there actually is another business that I inadvertently come next to, and I realize, “No, I’ve got to stay within.” You know, Telrod, if he’s around, is going to be within the network of this overall system that I’m part of.

So, I reach this outlying area where all of a sudden there are attendants, who function as medics, that extend from this place and go out in the field to help or assist. And there are like four of them all of a sudden. To me, that bothers me because they should be doing something. But I don’t notice this, that I’m bothered right away. I just mention I’m looking for Telrod and one of them says, “We are busy saving lives,” as if they have no time to pay attention to where Telrod is at.

This is her response. And that response caused me to realize that I’m in a company that does not have good cost controls. There’s no one overseeing things. And when it’s slow like this, you can’t have people standing around without something to do.

The meaning is the dream is pointing out that I have a blindside when it comes to the overall health of the environment that I am in.

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A Vortex of Things

097geIn meditation, as we cross the threshold from consciousness to states of semi- and unconsciousness, we are surrendering ourselves to deeper levels of interaction. One reason dream work provides such profound insights into our own workings and psychologies is that it speaks to us directly, without all the veils and filters that we have established to manage our waking life. The entire process of dream work shows how we are constantly surveillant upon our own lives, and how that allows for unbiased views on how best to proceed. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: In my meditation, I was unable to quiet the body sensations down. I just couldn’t sit. So I wasn’t able to catch up with the state that I could experience something from within.

And I kept thinking that maybe it’s because I knew how this kind of worked because this quality of sitting and whatnot, and going into an absentness, is a trait of Zen Buddhism. And I hadn’t realized that. This is the big thing of Zen Buddhists make note of what they experience there, in doing that. And that is what they find is amazing about this practice or process.

And the difference with the Naqshbands is the Naqshbands put their attention upon a certain heart/love quality vibration behind the breath and focus upon immersing in themselves in that. But the Zen Buddhists don’t try anything. They just sit there. That’s kind of the trait and characteristic that works for me. I can lose myself into that sound, which sounds are big for Zen Buddhists, too. I could lose myself in that sound and just go somewhere.

So I hadn’t realized that this was an aspect of Zen Buddhism, but I kept thinking the fact that I know that and that I’m actually doing Zen Buddhist practice—the main practice of Zen Buddhism—I suppose that kind of alarmed me, because it seemed to set me thinking and whatnot, plus the fact that my synapses wouldn’t slow down, and they even talk about how hard it is to do the practice. Like the teacher in Zen Buddhism indicated that when they were aware that something like that opened up inside, they would try to make the effort of just stopping for a couple of minutes. Not the idea that you could do it for any long period of time, but can you totally let go for a couple of moments at a time? And how hard that is because the nature of the body is always inclined to have to move, or itch, or do something.

And just by describing the primer behind this, I realized, my gosh, this is a key component to this process. The meditation that meditates and brings in the vibration of love that’s the quality that you feel as a heartfulness or tenderness in the heart and you lose yourself in, as a building block component, is this ability to sit, which is in Zen Buddhism.

Now I know what it means when the teacher indicates that this has some linkage to Zen Buddhism. And so it’s like I am seeing the foundation of that rise to the surface in my nature.

Well, I also have some other connection and I don’t know what that connection is where, if I can’t just sit there, I can sometimes lay back and let go in another way. This may be actually a Zen Buddhist trait, too, because you’re supposed to get to the point where you walk around in this state and you have the experiences of this, that you can hit in the emptiness. You have the experiences by knowing and learning qualities and characteristics and walking around, so that that quality of mannerism or aliveness or attentiveness is there as you walk about in life.

Well, maybe to a certain degree I have that. When I can’t sit there, I can lay back or something, or stretch out and sometimes disappear into that altered space. Not usually. Usually, I have to sit. Usually when I do anything like lay back or something like that, I compromise it. But I have this propensity, you know, how to fall back into something inside of myself that sometimes laying back actually works. Although on a rational level, I often consider that a type of laziness, where it technically shouldn’t work. Because the sitting and being in the space that goes into the absenteeism is still part of attempting to meditate, when the other is more inclined to be falling into a stupor-like sleep.

Well, that’s kind of what I did, and when I did that, when I laid back, I had the following dream.

In this dream, I was seen as being all alone and expendable. The one thing about my life that I seem to enjoy is the freedom of something that looks like a motorcycle that you drive like in the countryside. It doesn’t have any limitations about it. It’s kind of out in the open, carefree. An aloneness there is something I kind of like.

Other than that, the way I see myself has questionable value. And on two separate occasions, it’s like an energy that is a little bit like something that prunes or polishes or tightens things up, or whatever, visited, and asked how I wanted it. The first time I was able to put it off or establish some additional time. The second time, I have to respond.

And this time, I learn what the three options are. And this particular dark quality part of me person that’s there, that has access that can zip right into where I’m at, that has found me, points out that one way is this death by arrow, where it has a sharp protruding object that can just fire right out and that would be it.

I can’t remember what the second is, but it also might involve some sort of suffering. The other is quick and expedient. The second involves a type of suffering. And the third is like you go about your business and you drop dead, because it’s death by bite, which means that you ingest something. So I select that and eat something. This thing goes away. So I have the freedom now to move about again. So I get on my motor scooter, feeling okay. This isn’t going to hit immediately. I probably have enough time to go to an area where, when I keel over, they can take care of the body or something.

But what I end up seeing is I don’t quite get there. I end up visiting a place, in which the father is out to work. The family is playing. The kids are playing. The mother might be off to one side or isn’t visible, but the kids are playing, and I’m sitting in a far corner. This quality hasn’t hit me yet, but I’m staying quiet because it can come up at any time. And I could lay down and I could actually fall asleep there. But if I do, that will be the last of me, because I won’t be waking up if I fall asleep.

And about that time, the father comes and I could see him through under the stairwell or something like that because I’m in the far corner. I could see him as he comes in and he sits down. Again, no one’s acknowledged his presence, he’s come back and he’s sitting down yet. And the kids are still playing. He obviously must sense or see me because I can see him. He’s all bearded and everything. He’s got to be wondering what’s going on with me like this. There’s nothing communicated. It’s just kind of a vortex of things. So I wake up.

And so, what is going on?

On a sensation level, I am not able to turn off the synapses. In other words, a certain restlessness or something that couldn’t just sit, although there’s no reason for that. And when I had the dream and woke up and wrote the dream up, I was experiencing that. So, because I couldn’t let go of it, I laid back.

Because I was unable to reach the state within that takes me out of my present physical condition, when I lay back, instead I am shown this image, that based upon a decision I have made, from which there is no turning back, that my demise is being duly noted. I chose to go out in a way in which I have a final fling in life. I think it is one way. I am shown it is a flare that benefits a family bloodline, in which the younger energies there have no idea of what’s going on. In other words, they don’t pay any attention to me being there. They don’t recognize the effects of whatever it is that’s taken place, as they’re just—as kids do—enjoying themselves in a playful way. The father could possibly guess but, by and large, it is only me that knows the meaning of what it is that I’m doing that is kind of a sacrifice or commitment.

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A State of Disarray

l_9bCan the message be more clear? We must take care of our responsibilities at “home” before we can set out to save the world. And it strikes a chord because it can seem so much easier to solve the problems of others before we have the strength to face the issues in ourselves. But, of course, it doesn’t work that way, because we can only change the world with our energetic radiation, which is a reflection of our inner energetic state. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: In the dream, I’m staying at my folks’ house, but there’s some relatives, and my great aunts and somebody else, that are staying there because my folks are gone. And I’ve gone off to the movies with a friend of mine. And after the movies we’re walking home and we’re talking about the fact that I’ve been asked to take care of another friend’s house while they’re gone, but I want to go by my folks’ house first.

So, when I get to my folks’ house, my relatives had invited other people over, so their kids are all swimming in the swimming pool and the water—it’s kind of a neat sensation. It’s like for some reason, the water has flooded and it’s coming all the way out to the gate, so you can swim from when you get to the gate all the way to the end of the pool.

So, in some ways, this is kind of fun because the water’s deeper, but on the other hand, I’m thinking it’s probably not good to have those relatives take care of the house that often because they have so many people come over and because the pool floods. But it was an interesting sensation to swim in it and have that much water to swim in.

So I’m thinking that rather than go straight down to the house I’m going to take care of for the night, maybe I should spend the night at my folks’ house and then go down in the morning. And then I realize that’s what I should do anyway because they’re not leaving until then. I had forgotten that.

John: It’s a dream that has you pondering responsibility, in that where you have your attention, looking to extend to something other than what is in front of you, which has to do with taking care of something. In which there’s a kind of unconsciousness that prevails with that rising up and there being kind of a delirium about it all that’s just allowed to be, as opposed to a certain focus that makes the place a viable setting. And the idea that you can go out and do something somewhere else, and there’s an unconsciousness rising up here, and the setting lacks a balance and a focus.

It is a dream that is pointing out that’s an irresponsible way of being. That you’d be leaving one thing unattended, unfixed, and unconscious, and in a state of disarray, to go to another place where you think you can help. But whenever you leave something disconcerted inside of yourself, there’s an imbalance in terms of trying to probe out.

So, the dream is pointing out that there is something about the way that you’re conducting yourself in your world, in which you’re finding yourself in an unconsciousness that is overwhelming the situation in front of you. And you’re thinking you can move on and stretch out, you know, and extend out, and find value that way. But the dream’s kind of indicating, and you’re supposed to be able to see from the dream, that there’s something that doesn’t make sense. When you’re not in a rhythm and you have an unconscious quality that is overrunning the area where you naturally live or stay, an area that is a connection from through your grandparents, that goes back to a sight, a linkage, a flow that is important in terms of natural, general transmission.

The basic overall theme of being in life is to be a conduit for transmitting energy down and through and into the whole. And in this particular dream, it shows you with your attention wanting to go out and deal with something else, where you’re not even necessarily invited yet, instead of establishing the means by which something as an attentiveness and a clarity comes down and through, where it is that you’re currently at.

And the dream is a memorable image because it shows that, if you could have, you would have ignored all of this other and figured that the unconsciousness of things would sort itself out. But as you evaluate that and you look at that in the general schematic, you can’t help but notice that how is it possible for you to be connected and in touch with where and how it is that you really are when the whole lineage of your being is in a state of disarray?

How can you reach out from this disarray and make any difference? And the dream is showing that you can’t, of course, because not only are you not invited, but it’s not timely or anything like that for it to happen.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: A State of Disarray