Losing Yourself

2d2895cA man being seduced by a woman in a dream may seem to be based on a movie plot or a fantasy, but that’s not the importance of what the images are expressing. It’s another example of how our two natures, masculine and feminine, communicate on a deep inner level. To become whole, we need these aspects to work together inside us because each has a role to play in the unfoldment of our life. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: So in the dream I’m probably in my 20s or 30s and I look like Cameron Diaz, except I’m darker-skinned than she is. And the organization or people I’m affiliated with, there’s a gangster or someone they think is a gangster they want to get close to. He looks a little like a young Clark Gable, but he’s rough. He’s a little dangerous to get close to.

So without really running it by all of them or anything, I decide that I’m going to get close to him by singing at a nightclub. So I go to the nightclub; I know he’s going to come there. I go over and I start to even play the piano a little, and then I notice this black musician kind of like the old Fats Waller or Fats Domino or something, somebody who has kind of a bit of presence and I know he can really play the piano. So when he plays the piano, then I can sing.

And sure enough I attract the attention of the guy we want to get close to, even though I know that there would be like my boyfriend or other people I know would disapprove of this. Well then the dream kind of fast forwards and it feels like I’ve been kind of stringing him along. I haven’t slept with him, but we hang out.

And in this part of the dream I seem to know he’s coming shortly and I’ve gone into my house and this woman, who’s my mother, she’s downstairs. And I see a room that I assume is like the bedroom with a lot of light coming out of it, and I feel like he’s coming over to the house.

Then the next thing I know I seem to wake up next to him. I don’t even know if we’ve made love. It’s like I almost don’t know if somebody drugged me and I just woke up next to him. I don’t know if he just got frustrated with the relationship not being consummated and drugged me. I just really don’t know because it was like there was this blackout period, and then I sense that I’d woken up with him – and that’s actually when I wake up in reality.

John: Well what you’re doing is you’re taking and you’re looking at a higher aspect of feminine energy. And in order to describe it to yourself, you’re portraying a situation in which there’s the usual mannerism in which the feminine pulls to herself that which she wants. And to do that she actually has to, in some fashion, intertwine with that which she is attempting to bring closer to her. In other words, she has to get the attention of the guy.

It is said that the feminine trait creates its connection to the masculine or, in other words, to bringing and connecting up with something coming into life, or acting in life, by helping it feel itself. In other words, it is said that if you really were to look at a relationship between a man and a woman, the woman’s connectivity in relationship for an idea of her security, in other words looking at it in that sense, is how it is that she makes the guy feel about himself – because left to his own devices he is all over the place with his aloneness, and his various ideas, and patterns, and mechanisms, and it just needs to have a more wholesome dynamic.

When you do that you can actually do this to a point to where you lose yourself, because you can be in creation to such a degree that you can’t see the forest for the trees, but then when you’re able to connect and pull with masculine energy, the other half, you can get to a point where you have the blackouts, the blank outs. In other words where the other half comes together and it’s in an invisibility. In the breath it’s kind of like the breath is going home, it’s going back.

There is the breath, the feminine breath, that is going back, then there’s the masculine breath that’s coming down, and you have to connect the two to create a cycle of creation, or to create something that is an emptiness, or a nothingness, or otherwise you are always trying to experience or pull to yourself something.

But the dream isn’t there to give you that kind of information. The dream is there to show you how it is that you are able to effectuate or influence the awakening of something, in terms of masculine energy, able to recognize and see something about itself that it doesn’t ordinarily see. And you’re able to do this by taking and helping it feel itself, and you utilize what is normally considered shallow principles but you use the kundalini higher aspect of those shallow principles in order to draw that out so that it has to come to grips and see what it needs to see.

It’s as if your dreams are themeing and since introducing the idea of how there is a way that the feminine works that’s a little different and opposite the perspective of how the masculine works, that setting that in motion has gotten you curious, and you’re having dreams that are taking and enabling yourself to see this trait and this quality as an octave upon which to play with life.

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The Memory of Existence

Salvador Dali

However deep we go internally, or whatever heights we reach, in our spiritual journey it will always be with the tether of our existence in physical manifestation. Part of the reason for that is that we can’t be human without being in a physical body, and the universe wants for itself what we can be and do while in human form. Of course that is assuming we are doing what we have been designed to do. The truth is, however, that for most of us our human destiny is an abstract concept. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: I see myself wake up and I am in a far, far away place, but even though this place is a long way from manifestation I am able to denote that there is always a faint memory: I know deep within about something like a thought, which actually takes you back to manifestation.

You can never totally blank out its existence somewhere deep within. It may look like it’s gone, but there’s a pause and then it comes back just like that dream before that this is kind of like correlated to. You go beyond to the poles and everything is at and you have to be rescued when you get that far out because you’ve lost all cognition.

And it’s the out-breath coming back down and you are bounded in manifestation, so it’s designed that way so we can never totally blank out its existence. There’s the malingering memory or thought. The out-breath takes you to that, and every thought then has to manifest. The more my attention goes to this place, faintly familiar within to begin with, the more my attention is taken up by the memory. Or you can go so far into it that the density of it has you trapped and you don’t have any close enough recognition of manifestation, or of the essence.

And the meaning is, we are in a physical world in manifestation that is there like a thought. No matter how far we may go within we cannot get totally away from this thought. We may in deepest meditation get to a place where the thought is almost forgotten through the all pervasive essence, but even then it echoes back because this is where we reside – basically speaking.

We reside in manifestation even though our soul, or the quality of us, is the essence. When put this way the idea that we actually go somewhere spiritually is an illusion because no matter what it is we experience within there is always more we are at physically speaking, even if it is nothing more initially than shock, it’s like a shock when something jerks you this way or that way, to suddenly perceive coming back into us as a distinct awareness.

And then I came to bed and then this is all explained through the breath. As we breathe in there is a prayer-full like thank you to our place within in which the essence exists. As we breathe out there is the memory of existence.

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A Degree of Separation


This is a beautiful example of how a chase dream works. Jeane is trying to get away from some bad guys, and in escaping must leave a part of herself behind to enable the freedom to leave. She drives through a hotel, upstairs and downstairs, and then exits, ending up in a completely different place. But she is not completely free because what she left behind is catching up, and what is ahead may require more than she currently has with her. Isn’t that exactly how we move through our lives, trying to let go and add what is needed when it’s needed? (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: Well my dreams last night were affected by the fact that I had a headache, I get sinus headache sometimes with air conditioning. It feels like they were nearly all chase dreams.

And in the main chase dream it’s like I’m with three other people, maybe a couple of women and a couple of men that are friends of mine, but it’s like we realize the people we’re with are bad guys so I get at least three of them away with me. I think there’s maybe someone that stays behind, or the bad guy just because he’s confused or doesn’t move fast enough, or maybe he has some affiliation with him.

I also get away because it feels like no one seems to know how to operate a gun except me, so I’m able to take one or two of the guns and bring them with me. I know that some of the bad guys could operate them efficiently but they’re not there right then.

So when we drive away it feels like I get people in my car and go across the street and into a hotel driving, kind of go drive up the steps of a hotel and into a hotel where there’s a large conference center going on. So I’m able to sneak in and then we have to go through some of the upper floors of the hotel and then find a way to get down and out, and I finally am able to get them down to like a basement loading zone and get the little truck run down the steps there and out in the street.

And then it feels like we’re in California, which seems somewhat familiar to all of us. Then I notice that for some reason it feels like the bad guy is going to be very close to us, and there are army trucks somewhere up ahead, and I don’t know which side they’re on in a way, so I’m trying to check the weapons. And I can see how inept the people I’m with the weapons are, so I have to almost take the weapon to use myself, but I also have to try to steer the truck.

So it just feels like I’m always trying to get us to go fast and stay ahead, but you feel like the other people are going to be right on your tail all the time, and then the people coming towards you up ahead you’re not sure which side they’re on. I know I had other chase dreams during the night but I really couldn’t hold onto them. I just know they were chase dreams all the time.

John: You’re describing a process. A car is a means of motion and transportation. It’s also your self, and all of those parts of yourself are in the car.

The hotel represents kind of a general where-you-are-at kind of thing, that you have to go through. Because when you go through the hotel you suddenly find you’re in California. You started out across the street from the hotel. You go into the hotel. So you extricated whatever it was that had you bogged down and weighed down.

You are in, most of you that is, and you you’re in a flow or a car that has to go through a process, which is through a hotel, but something didn’t get rescued and that something is important in terms of an aspect in which you perceive yourself. It’s not in the occasion of the process. In other words, you’ve taken it out of the process. It’s gotten left behind, and is in the hands of something that’s trying to catch up with you or have its effect upon you.

You’ve already thrown off the effect knowing that it held you back in order to get into a motion that had a process that caused you to go through, and in going through you ended up in a whole new place, but in the whole new place you have the apprehension of also something coming towards you as you’re driving – as well as that which you are leaving behind coming at you.

As you’re driving in a singular focus then the other parts of yourself is going to have to make a way so that you can get through. Well that is the dilemma isn’t it? You can get to a process to where something is awakened, but then if something happens that changes the conditions so that you have to take into account both coming and going… Things may have been strained when you were in the process proceeding along because there was always something you couldn’t get totally away from, that was still able to haunt you and act as a kind of catalyst so that as the process unfolded you were always aware of that affecting your environment. But to then have to take into account that what lies ahead, that you’re proceeding towards as you try to pick up even more speed or something, the idea being initially to try since you have shifted and the other parts are still there behind you, that you can go now faster, that you can create a breakaway, but then you get shocked by the fact that up in front is something else that you are going to have to contend with.

And do you have what it takes inside to just penetrate through that, or are you going to hit some sort of, or be stopped by something up ahead? You’ve gotten away with it so long, and you’ve even shifted and gotten into California and all. You’ve invoked the process. I can see where you might think, okay, yeah, I’ve gotten this far, it should be possible that I can keep on keeping on. But it sounds like you’re not so sure. You’re not so sure that pedal-to-the-metal kind of thing but you’re not so sure that that’s going to get through there for you.

Well, that’s reporting on what’s happened. That’s I guess the beginning. What does it mean? I guess it means that there’s more to the process than meets the eye, for one thing. And that there’s something insurmountable ahead that you can’t take for granted – even though you would like to. You feel you’ve come this far, things have worked out, surely there’s going to continue to be relief. But you hadn’t anticipated that, as you shifted and even found a way of picking up speed, that here is this whole otherness that wasn’t supposed to be there, that you didn’t take into account as being there, anyway, is suddenly in your way.

The thing about this dream is you’re still something like a substance. You still have some sort of physicality to have to contend with. When you see something up ahead it seems like you almost had the audacity to think that somehow or another you just flash through it, but that knowing from within is a little presumptuous. You’re not quite there to just be able to have that quality that can do that, so you have to try to figure out how to contend with it and yet still try to maintain the pace, the speed.

And the consequences of that aren’t very reassuring, in your opinion, but what else can you do? It’s not a good prediction is it? It suggests a process. It suggests that in the process there is a degree of separation that’s in the way. There always is going to be this degree of separation in terms of the inner being everything, and us in an outer being somehow or another of a definitional way of being.

I think your dream is pointing to a greater fluidity because how you had been able to get by up to this point… In other words, you could continue doing this chase dream forever, but you’re not able to do the chase dream forever. You’re actually able to shift your awareness to some degree as part of the process and that can make it seem where you’re picking up speed, but you haven’t absolved yourself of some part of yourself that isn’t all there.

And so there comes a point in time when that part which hasn’t been absolved gets the best of you. In other words, you need all of that to go forward. That part of yourself is what would enable you to just know that in going forward that it will all be able to be okay as you continue to go at a faster pace. So the question is what is this pace that you’re going at, and it can go through all obstacles and barriers. I think it’s a type of light, and it has something that still has a type of physical nature to it. It has a physical nature because it hasn’t gotten all parts of itself assimilated into a wholeness.

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