Back and Forth

im000gesIn development, we make progress in two ways: incrementally and then completely. At first we get a glimpse, or a sense, of a greater space opening up, and then as we continue to make our forays into the new space, our personal gravity shifts and we find ourselves fully in the new area. And so it goes. It is a process that helps us to know a place before we arrive, so we are better prepared to handle it.(At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: In the meditation dream, what I was observing was a flow that was so comfortable that to wake up from this didn’t make sense. I knew as I was coming back, or coming to the surface, from within, I knew that I was coming out of this condition that it would be painful to wake up. In other words, to open one’s eyes because then you’re in the physical, and then something is going to hit you in terms of having sat there so long and certain aches and pains.

In other words, all of that stuff was gone in the state that I was in. I was floating somewhere. So, from the inner state I was in, all I cared about was abiding in this comfortable condition, not to do anything, mostly observing.

And one image I saw as I was coming out and back from this inner phenomenon of peacefulness that stuck out, because it baffled me, that suddenly there was this image there, I saw a spot that sloped from every direction into a middle area in which things from all of these different directions drained.

And deeper in the depth of my meditation, it wasn’t there. It existed as I was waking up. It was an image in which as I was coming back from the inner it was as if I was passing through a barrier or some various states, or whatever, and in this case from the soothingness with something that was a little bit like a wasteland was this drainage thing in there in which things naturally drained.

I took the image as positive in that although I was in an area of myself where nothing yet was affecting me one way or the other, it was about to. So in order to flow more naturally I would need to let everything that comes up fall away, to go down the drain.

As I settle back I started to shift back to this inner space. As I jerk myself back into the outer orientation, I heard the statement that I went into this inner peacefulness and dropped my outer demeanor. I went back and forth, in other words, to this energetic inner soothingness three times.

So what is going on is I’m not able to do justice with describing what I could feel inside as a soothingness because it didn’t comport yet to the outer. In other words, they were so far inside I hadn’t pulled the two together.

If I hadn’t been told that I had changed, and had gone back and forth three times, I wouldn’t have known this. In other words, I don’t have that sensibility that pulls together as a barrier that hides this.

The reason I am not able to reconcile the difference is because the gap between the inner depth and the variables of the outer is separated in a way that I’m not able to know yet. I can tell that I am breaking back and forth, in other words, I’m going back and forth. I could tell I’m doing this as a sensation, but I cannot describe what it’s like in terms of this gap between the two worlds.

In other words, it’s still a bit of a veil there or something. What I do know is that the more at home I am able to be in terms of the inner and the outer, the barrier between the two domains doesn’t affect me as much because I become more balanced. It’s as if the outer, with regard to the natural inner flow, is echoing more and more, which suggests that the barrier is getting thinner and thinner. It will be a wonderful sensation someday to be able to make the switch back and forth without the defense mechanism barrier in between holding out its veil. Isn’t that interesting?

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