An Uneasy Heart

heart_glowIt’s almost impossible to imagine how any of would really be if we were truly able to be ourselves, without fears, inhibitions, or behaviors imposed by the world around us. Yet most of us can imagine a “true” version of ourselves locked inside somewhere, longing to be liberated through the unfolding of our lives. Such letting go is really only possible through a spiritual journey because, without it, the inner life will always feel unsettled. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: Well I didn’t dream very much, or very clearly last night. I had one dream where initially I seemed to be in a village out in the countryside, and then I went to what must have been like a school counseling place. It’s like where I had an office and I’d counsel adolescents.

And there was an adolescent girl that came to see me, and she really wanted to counsel with me, not with anyone else, but she was reluctant to share. And when she leaves you almost feel like she won’t come back, but she’d still like to see me. And I suss out that the problem is that she’s pregnant, and she’s pregnant by this male guidance counselor that I’ve met in the village.

The guidance counselor I’d seen in the village, I feel like he’s not really the best kind of counselor. He’s not the swiftest guy on the block, and he’s being brought in to work in the same office where I am now. And I’m trying to get the girl to come back to see me, and it feels like I write something on a piece of paper and give it to her when I see her, but I don’t know, you know, ethically, would you have to reveal she’s having a baby by the guy, or not? It’s a dilemma.

I don’t want to expose her or him in a way, he’s coming to work now, because they’re having a baby together. It’s not like I feel like he runs around or takes advantage of people. It seems to be a relationship these two have. On the other hand, I don’t really think he’s the best counselor in the world, either, and so I’ve gone in to his office that’s being set up and I’ve taken some things off his desk, and taken them back to my desk to look at.

So he comes in and I give them back to him, after I’ve looked at them. And that seems to be the whole dream.

John: Well the scenario for a dream like this was the sense of what one does to themselves in terms of a weight, or a quality attitude, mood, tone, however you’d say it, that one embodies or carries, that inhibits the freedom of a space.

And when the space is inhibited, what is inhibited is the heart. And the heart is inhibited when it has an uneasiness over something. The heart has an uneasiness over something when it is indulging in some attitude, or mannerism, in terms of how it is able to flow, or naturally be.

In other words, each person has a natural way of being in which everything that transpires around them expands and opens and has a wonderful feeling to it, and when it doesn’t, that is when a person is taking and allowing something to affect them in a way that shuts down their openheartedness.

And so this dream is showing you that you have shut down your openheartedness in relationship to an aspect of yourself, based upon something that has happened that you’re not accepting; a weight upon the heart in terms of how it can be expressive and open.

You’re expressing something in terms of your equivalency or mannerism. In other words, it has something to do with the way you want to be able to express yourself, or be close to something, but aren’t quite able to be, but it’s as if what you see or know is disturbing that from a certain release, or penetration, of a condition, a kind of atmosphere that you continue to hold out with, in terms of yourself, that keeps you from fully embracing what is.

And so what this does is, the dream is not as important as the fact that what it leaves you with as a sensation in terms of the way you lose a certain joyfulness. You’re shut off from a certain joyfulness, that you carry a certain distance then, in terms of an access to your own heart. It’s not what you want, but it is what you experience. And, as you notice that, the noticing of that, the experiencing of that, triggers the dream to portray an inner to outer reflection.

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A Merged Essence

merge-laWe all know the experience in some degree, and perhaps musicians, artists, and athletes have it in their work experience: that moment when the process falls away and there’s only you and the moment in harmony, at oneness. Perhaps it’s the difference between trying to be something and just being it; a certain sense that any distance between you and it has disappeared and the two has become one. That is the merging we seek with the universe, not for a short moment, but for all time. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: The meditation dream got really out there. I hope I can read it. It seemed awful profound at the time I was writing it up, and was like something you would read and then wonder what it actually means.

In the meditation dream the inner realization and connection involves being able to link and intertwine and bring a connection together. This was the sudden awareness. Process per se fell away.

To understand how something is is not what consciousness is about. To recognize what is whole takes away all illusive barriers we impose. Everything melts away. The way everything flows together is what awakening is all about.

I remember in the dream the connection suddenly was so mutual that there was no situational sight. Everything was suddenly taken into account. The environment was a oneness whole. To make a big deal about the awareness and not see inner flow is to remain disconnected.

The idea of speeding up and/or getting it is merely the image of a natural intertwined cohesion. To better exemplify the image, consciousness is the catching up with the wholeness of a completeness in which everything comes together. The coming together is a naturalness shaping. There is no distance. The permissible in-between barriers are automatically relinquished. It is all one soul. When like this, dreaming is the oneness as a vision. Isn’t that quite a thing? It’s almost Nietzsche or something; but then I start breaking it down.

In the next image a delivery truck provides what is needed to a store. The customer doesn’t go to the delivery truck. The customer doesn’t even notice the delivery truck. The customer merely walks into the store and takes off the shelf what is needed. A moment before that which was needed wasn’t there. It is as if the delivery truck was summoned as needed, and the store became the means of delivery.

Meaning: the outer is the means to delivery of an innerness as a oneness unto life.

And then this gets a little Nietzsche, too, but it is a dream. In this dream I know that if I can reach the basics upon which something exists, I am able to probe and reveal. I carry that as inner underlayment confidence at a depth within my heart. In this dream, I am challenged by a person who seeks to establish the basis which defy such a foundation.

I am not accustomed to such direct energetic scrutiny, at least not in this instance, so I see myself as out of balance. In other words, I was in a space and now I’m out of the space. The person who is challenging me has adopted an over-the-top demeanor. In order to reach where it is that he is coming from I cannot dismiss any part of his peculiarization. To do so would not help in the alignment needed.

I am nearly out of time. My challenger is pressing me. I admire his tenacity and must comply and honor his request. I am still trying to get at the root of the underlying energetic. In the dream I am trying to suss out if it has its basics as a noun, verb, adjective, etc. and have not had any success – in other words, in figuring it out. Because I am under such pressure to perform, I am not catching up with my heart, and yet in my catching up with my heart, because there is a natural coming through which exists from the overallness if I carry the space, even if it is peculiar.

I have been thrown off on a tangent in order to release the energetic mannerism from my nature and the reactional effect upon an overall natural condition. This overall natural condition is in touch with all there is within that needs to come through. In other words, can I trust it? Can I just shift? Can I just be there? In other words, do I sit and have to swing at everything that comes down at me? Can I hold a space so it just naturally comes through, naturally is? The pressure is on. He’s waiting. I fumble inside out of balance. I am in a trance and spell. The challenge I face is, can I reach within, set aside my dilemma pulling me away to let go of the nuances and mannerisms veiling the natural overallness that I carry within?

Well, I have no choice. I must abide in this inner knowingness. I cannot make any headway contending with the way the outer is, or by thinking I am able to dissect the issue. I have taken in the reflection. I let the indulgence act as a spell upon my energetic state. I have carried this to the point of bewilderment. The depths I have gone to to try and reach the essence of an outer reflection is complete. The inner design can take over.

In other words, I’ve taken in all that there is, just like you could study a situation until you know all that there is and then you know how to act. Only this is a way of doing it in an inner overallness. The projections basis that affects what is real in the environment has run its course. I have experienced the fullness of the effect. In doing so my heart is able to access the greater overallness. That is how I process and shift to an awareness connectivity. This is how I penetrate veils from within. This is how I come down into the root cause of an energetic that has become lost, torn, and twisted.

I’m not able to be of guidance if I come from a position of separation. I must come from the place where the dilemma resides as an inertia, take it upon myself to experience its nuances, confident this can be sorted out and aligned in accordance with the heart center behind all of life. This is being done as a mirror to me. In other words, this is what’s happening to me in terms of the teacher, and accordingly this correspondingly is how I am to be. This is the way a merged essence touches all that there is.

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A Sweetness

the1798A dream of lovers, spanning the centuries, meeting on horseback. It’s the stuff of romance novels. And what it points out is that the coming together of our inner aspects, masculine and feminine elements, helps us to connect to and open up greater inner powers. This can be seen as the wooing of our inner lives, because both the masculine and feminine in us have been hurt by earlier encounters, so the trust doesn’t come easily. But once overcome, what becomes possible is much more than either aspect can accomplish alone. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: So in this other dream, I’m living in an apartment with an ex that I used to be with, and it’s even someone I knew in life I’ve broken up with, but we’ve gotten together again. And as I’m doing some things at the apartment, I even tell him that because we’re at that point in our life of a certain age now, that now that we’ve gotten back together again it’s almost like whether it’s ideal or not we need to stay together. That’s just how it is.

And in the back of my mind, too, for some reason, is a cousin of mine who died in real life. It feels like he’s bouncing around in the periphery somewhere, but I don’t know how he was in the dream, more like a memory.

So meanwhile, I’m with this man. He’s gone out for awhile. I sometimes wonder how we’ve even gotten together, and then the dream just very quickly shifts and I’m in France during the time of the aristocracy, and I’m a woman.

I’m riding like side saddle and I’m dressed in one of those kind of gowns and everything they wore in those days, and my horse has stopped near a guardsman, someone who’s wearing a uniform and he has a horse, also. It’s like I’m approaching him and he’s telling me that we’re not supposed to get together. I should ride on, or I should leave.

But at that moment, his horse, which is this really pretty dapple grey, I’m riding a roan, leans over and slowly kisses my horse, just kind of kisses it several times. And it feels like that just means everything is sunk right now, or any chance we had of separating, or not being together, that was sunk the moment the horses kissed because it was such a sweet energy the way the horses were kissing.

John: So, the first image that you have is an image that you have over and over and over again. It’s a repeat pattern, only this time you added to it. You progressed it in big steps.

And the image that repeats over and over and over again is kind of like carrying a quality of an impending gloom, or of being abandoned, or rejected or something, or of something happening that leaves one in a state of remorse, or sorrow. And what progresses here is that you suddenly realize that riding like that, or being like that, only keeps you in a trance. In other words, it’s a type of mood that stabs yourself, and that this pattern, then, has set off ripples and the ripples go on.

In other words, there’s the louder ripple and the less loud ripple. Now as you take away this quality of a strange foreboding that you can’t shake, I mean you have it in all kinds of ways. You have it in terms of what could happen to your dad and all of this kind of stuff. As you take all of this away, as this gets dropped from your nature, you access, you start to come into connection with inner power, and that inner power is where the coming together is meant to be.

In other words, before something wasn’t able to be itself, and was too accommodating, or surrendered, or not able to hold a space properly, and then took it as if they had done something wrong and went in and created a type of forlornness that couldn’t be shaken. And this dream progresses and points out that you brush and tarnish things with this even as you advance, but this time you realize that you go through that quality because instead of being overindulged, you’re side saddle. Instead of being overindulged, you’re now at home in another greater spatial sense of spatiality.

In other words, something has opened up and, even though there is the inflection of this sort of thing yet, the power behind some part of yourself you’ve caught up with that – and so it obliterates that characteristic or mannerism that constantly holds you back.

The other thing that’s nice about it is that this dream also points out that you have an agreement world that works that way in terms of how the outer is. It’s constantly telling things like this and it’s doing it in this way, too. And you can see that. I don’t necessarily see that, but you can see that because that is the way that you’re able to see the innerness at work in manifestation. That’s the other, you might say, byproduct of this going through something is you then see how the innerness changes and is at play. That is interesting.

So what you’re doing is you’re also, in this other way of being, you’re given information on how the innerness opens up – and it doesn’t open up in terms of dwelling on the outer phenomenon that keeps you in some sort of remorse; that has a habituation, or a frozenness to it, a forboding as opposed to a naturalness and an openness. And in the forboding you choke out, you choke off or stay veiled from the power of your own innerness, a power that’s not really a misuse of power, though. It’s a sweetness.

You holding a settling back holds the space and therein is the inner power.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: A Sweetness