Last time we spoke about how our systems are always trying to clean, balance, and keep us on track, which is true of both our waking and our dreaming states (see Loss of Continuity). And here we have another example where we can see that aspect reflected in the timings of a dream. A bus arrives, but the main character is off to one side, or isn’t “ready” to board. Things could turn for the worse, but they don’t: there’s still enough inner connection to get on before the bus is full. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
John: Well, I had a similar dream. First of all it occurred in the meditation, and because it was of a shorting-out nature and a blocking kind of nature, in terms of a connectivity, I wasn’t able to pull out my meditation dream. It’s the first time, I haven’t been able to pull out the meditation dream. I mean, I could recall it as I came out of it, but I couldn’t open my eyes and hold onto it because I had lost the connectivity that I had been enjoying to a deeper vibrancy from within, that had its effect in terms of my unfoldment. I lost that and so I’m not able to see my way about.
So then when I came to bed and went to sleep, it was as if I was going to have the same effect all over again, except I was compelled to have to try to regain my sanity because I was having a headache and everything else, so I had no choice but to get up for a couple of hours, because there was no way that I was going to sleep, and that something was haywire in terms of how it was that I was able to hold myself together.
And so then after I came back to bed, I was able to have a dream. And the dream is similar to your dreams in that it depicts, and it’s funny how you’d pick up something like that, it depicts the shorting out, or the quality to which I damaged myself in some manner.
The way I damage myself is different than you. You portray your damage by having kind of an amnesic-like unfoldment, where something is skipped or it doesn’t come quite together and so there’s an aspect that doesn’t make sense, in that the unfoldment or the process is—it’s as if some part of the unfoldment got erased, and so there’s no memory or cognition in terms of how to pull the flow together, like you got shocked.
This sort of thing happens whenever there’s too great a reaction. Whenever you have a huge, huge reaction you do this to yourself, it’s a type of self-poisoning. It can be at such a degree that it can numb you. And when that happens, you lose the ability to go and see from one side to the other, to be in the inner, you lose the continuity of the inner into the outer connection.
In the dream, there is an energetic action in which I lose a part of my sense of self. I remember that this occurred when a thing happened that was unusual for the situation. I remember saying, “The man who loves,” and then I couldn’t finish the sentence, and I completed the sentence by denoting something bizarre. The two things did not correlate. It’s as if something had gone completely askew.
And then the dream shifts so that I see what the stunting energy is like, because I tend to hold myself back, or be out of touch a bit. And I was able to see that it only temporarily paralyzes me synaptically in terms of a functioning.
And this is shown by where a bus comes and I’m to get on the bus, and I’m with another person and the person that I’m with is there and gets right on and is the first one to get on, and then I come from off to one side kind of in the bushes, or something. And only two other people are behind the person that gets on in front, then I get on, and then behind them is a whole crowd, or others, that may or may not be able to get on the bus. The thing doesn’t complete itself. I just know that the bus really had more people on it than I would have guessed already, or I would have been perhaps a little more diligent in trying to be there to get on the bus.
But as it was, it worked out. Because ordinarily speaking, by being off to one side and not being right there at the bus stop when the bus came up, and having to come from off to one side, I would have normally been so far back, that the chances are I wouldn’t have made it on the bus.
The meaning is that although affected by a peculiar energy, I am able to overcome it and stay on the journey.
So we had this strange kind of dream like this in which I guess it was important for us to see what it’s like to be shocked. Now, we’ve been shocked by things before, and it actually has enhanced our sight. In other words, you can be thrown off and maybe thrown off by a couple of days and such, and when you come back, you overcome it. It’s as if something gets put together and you see something that you need to see.
Well, this was an effect that wasn’t like that. This was an effect that actually caused something to get torn. You know, caused something to get contaminated. Not contaminated with an ignorance, but it’s almost as if it ripped. It created a rift in the energy. A rift in such a way so that something was so torn that it’s really, really hard to reestablish it again. And until it’s reestablished, nothing has a balance.
You know, where you tend to see this is where people flip out, maybe because they OD’d on drugs or something, and they can’t quite get their sensibilities back. And then when they try to get that together they can’t, because they have somehow or another damaged their ability to maintain a relatability.
And in this case, of course, the relatability that we’re talking about is a relatability that has to do with functioning with an inner depth that strikes an awareness, or a guidance, or a knowingness and a naturalness. And when you lose that, you find yourself floundering.
Now the thing of it is, I guess a dream like this is important to have because it keeps you from taking things for granted. In other words, you could be going along and you could realize that things are coming together quite nicely in terms of how you see things unfolding in your life, and you kind of take that for granted and act like, you know, there are some parameters, you know, that you’re kind of bounded in, that unfold. And that the quality of something there, or the danger of that, isn’t visible to you.
But then you can have something that happens, that takes and tears at your beingness and your togetherness. It causes you to be askew, not able to bring the focus of a sight knowingness back into place. Not able to reconcile the difference between inner and outer, to having something off in terms of your outer functionality because you’ve lost something as an inner quality or characteristic.
When you get something like that, then the only way you know about it is on a level of the way you feel your heart, your heart is blunted. On a level in which you function quickly in terms of your thinking and whatnot, you realize you’re strained. You know, you’re kind of like out of sync, shorting out. And, consequently, that effect in terms of your connection to the inner, is the same. You’re not as subtly twined into it as you had been, so you more easily forget things.
Well this is true of the average person. The average person always goes through things where they have these extreme things that hit them, that cause them to be bizarred out and unable to get together again in terms of their functionality.
When something like that hits me, because I relate to things on an inner level, I then lose the ability to pull those two worlds together—the dreamworld and what it means when I open my eyes and I’m in the outer. I can no longer hold the context of the dream thing together. And I am like most people who go along and as soon as they open their eyes, they can’t remember their dream. And they may realize that something’s going on. And maybe in some cases, they can be so blurred that they don’t even know that something has been going on as far as a dream, let alone being able to remember it, or especially not even know it, or being able to note it when they open their eyes.
And so you dreamt something in which you experienced this quality of being blunted, or shorted out, by the fact that you had dreams that incorporated an overall dynamic, in which there was something about that that was introduced. Like maybe at the beginning of a dream that skewered something, that maybe caused you to react, and therefore you lost your sense of self.
Like for example, someone was possibly contaminated with what disease?
John: Hepatitis. That created some reaction in you and, therefore, you weren’t yourself. You became dysfunctional, and so then what happened wasn’t quite right. But your dream incorporated the part where the bus showed up, too, because it showed that you still were able to come and meet your parents again, right?
Jeane: They just showed up. They were wearing blue; they were like dressed alike.
John: Yeah, they were able to reestablish the clarity that got messed up and went astray. Blue is something that strikes as a color to clarity. They were able to get you back on track. In other words, you weren’t permanently schizoided out, but you had had the temporary lapse.
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