An Uneasy Heart

heart_glowIt’s almost impossible to imagine how any of would really be if we were truly able to be ourselves, without fears, inhibitions, or behaviors imposed by the world around us. Yet most of us can imagine a “true” version of ourselves locked inside somewhere, longing to be liberated through the unfolding of our lives. Such letting go is really only possible through a spiritual journey because, without it, the inner life will always feel unsettled. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: Well I didn’t dream very much, or very clearly last night. I had one dream where initially I seemed to be in a village out in the countryside, and then I went to what must have been like a school counseling place. It’s like where I had an office and I’d counsel adolescents.

And there was an adolescent girl that came to see me, and she really wanted to counsel with me, not with anyone else, but she was reluctant to share. And when she leaves you almost feel like she won’t come back, but she’d still like to see me. And I suss out that the problem is that she’s pregnant, and she’s pregnant by this male guidance counselor that I’ve met in the village.

The guidance counselor I’d seen in the village, I feel like he’s not really the best kind of counselor. He’s not the swiftest guy on the block, and he’s being brought in to work in the same office where I am now. And I’m trying to get the girl to come back to see me, and it feels like I write something on a piece of paper and give it to her when I see her, but I don’t know, you know, ethically, would you have to reveal she’s having a baby by the guy, or not? It’s a dilemma.

I don’t want to expose her or him in a way, he’s coming to work now, because they’re having a baby together. It’s not like I feel like he runs around or takes advantage of people. It seems to be a relationship these two have. On the other hand, I don’t really think he’s the best counselor in the world, either, and so I’ve gone in to his office that’s being set up and I’ve taken some things off his desk, and taken them back to my desk to look at.

So he comes in and I give them back to him, after I’ve looked at them. And that seems to be the whole dream.

John: Well the scenario for a dream like this was the sense of what one does to themselves in terms of a weight, or a quality attitude, mood, tone, however you’d say it, that one embodies or carries, that inhibits the freedom of a space.

And when the space is inhibited, what is inhibited is the heart. And the heart is inhibited when it has an uneasiness over something. The heart has an uneasiness over something when it is indulging in some attitude, or mannerism, in terms of how it is able to flow, or naturally be.

In other words, each person has a natural way of being in which everything that transpires around them expands and opens and has a wonderful feeling to it, and when it doesn’t, that is when a person is taking and allowing something to affect them in a way that shuts down their openheartedness.

And so this dream is showing you that you have shut down your openheartedness in relationship to an aspect of yourself, based upon something that has happened that you’re not accepting; a weight upon the heart in terms of how it can be expressive and open.

You’re expressing something in terms of your equivalency or mannerism. In other words, it has something to do with the way you want to be able to express yourself, or be close to something, but aren’t quite able to be, but it’s as if what you see or know is disturbing that from a certain release, or penetration, of a condition, a kind of atmosphere that you continue to hold out with, in terms of yourself, that keeps you from fully embracing what is.

And so what this does is, the dream is not as important as the fact that what it leaves you with as a sensation in terms of the way you lose a certain joyfulness. You’re shut off from a certain joyfulness, that you carry a certain distance then, in terms of an access to your own heart. It’s not what you want, but it is what you experience. And, as you notice that, the noticing of that, the experiencing of that, triggers the dream to portray an inner to outer reflection.

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