A Heavy Heart

heavy-heartThis dream image is almost comedic in its visual effect: the effort of trying to weigh down things that are trying to float. Yet since the dreamer finds himself in a canoe on the water, this image is a clear indication that things are trying to come to the surface, or come into consciousness. Trying to negotiate with the unconscious and trying to suppress are tactics we all use with things that are hidden in us. Our dreams can be instrumental in gently making us aware of such awakenings and enable us to begin to sort them out in a more healing way. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: The teacher was describing today how it was that we are affected by forces that come from the other side, that are not part of who we are meant to be.

The idea set in motion how it is that I am affected by this condition, a condition that I hadn’t been consciously paying any attention to, just kind of allowing it to be, as if I don’t know any better – and therefore not paying attention to how this energetic tears down my heartfulness, focus, and attention.

I mean kind of, but not really, paying attention. It’s one thing to kind of maybe intellectually recognize that this stuff happens to you, it’s another thing to take it to heart. Thus the overall purpose of this sort of thing is to go beyond its effect upon me so that I can come into a natural overall knowingness as I am meant to live. More a quality of living. The sensation is more a quality of living now.

And so then I go back into the dream in which I had made the decision to remove objects that had weighed me down. And it’s like I’m in a boat, and this boat is shaped a little bit like a canoe, and there was a time where I was seeking to go through the water freely, which means take all the weight out of the boat.

But in the dream, I determine that the boat is still manageable if I leave 43% of the weight in the boat. In other words, this is where I’m negotiating now. In doing so, I compromise my heart, because you’re thinking and you’re pondering how to do this, and the sensation is one of a strain then that you’re putting on yourself.

By retaining 43%, I see myself trying to still navigate even though I know I cannot be as freely dexterous. So, because I’m going to do it this way, I look at things like: will the boat turn easier if the remaining weight, or the 43%, is positioned in the back instead of evenly distributed or being more towards the front?

In the dream this seems like a marginal distinction, other than that maybe the boat is able to be steered better. Where I even have the sense that maybe it’s up in the front, I contemplate leaving the weight that is more in the front and turning the boat, in other words, going the other direction instead of the way I was pointing, to turn the boat around and go back to forward.

I also ponder if the objects that are less buoyant… In other words, I see these various objects in the various sizes, and some of them could float, meaning that… there’s no water in the boat, but some of them could float. And so I’m rearranging the objects in which those that can more readily come to the surface, or float, I’m putting heavier objects on top of them to hold them down.

That seems like a peculiar determination because there is no water inside the boat. Of course, what you’re doing is you’re noticing, I’m noticing, the unconscious effect upon me. I’m noticing the stuff that can throw me around, and I’m trying to hide it from myself. I’m putting heavier objects on top of it so that it doesn’t so readily come to the conscious surface, right?

So the meaning of this dream is, in choosing to remain in the unconscious, I am doing that, I am choosing, to some degree, a degree in which I am going to remain in the unconscious. And I am retaining a weight upon my heart to keep me from having a direct connection with what needs to arise from within, which is the love. It needs to rise from within. When it’s repressed, you’re not yourself.

I wake up feeling a sadness that is like this weight upon my heart. To make matters worse, I’m even trying to negotiate with the unconscious. I’m looking at shifting the heavier objects that are less buoyant; I’m trying to place them on top of the lighter objects that are more inclined to come to the surface.

I am also trying to position the unconscious burden in various places in the unconscious to see if I am able to function better that way. I am being shown, based upon the heavy heartedness I wake up with in the morning, that compromising with the higher self is cutting me off from living directly with the love within in each breath. This is made known to me because I have lost the sweet connection I had when shown before. To keep this up will reestablish and/or support additional reflections of outer pain instead of the inner experiences of heartfelt joy.

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