What Could Have Been

ima0Here is a dream that, in the listening to it, or the reading of it, it feels very familiar. And, perhaps, that’s because this experience happens to us in subtle ways all the time. What the imagery is pointing to are the lost opportunities, or doorways that once were open now being closed to us. And, yes, as the image shows, we can rationalize the moment away, but we may never know what that path may have made possible. These lost moments usually happen when we override the natural instincts of our flow with fears or defense mechanisms. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John:  This reminds me of my second dream, in that your dream looks at things from an overall standpoint, in terms of how something is able and meant to be in relationship to you reaching a point where, not only are you everything, but you’re everything in a nothingness way. In other words, you’re not carrying any nuance or anything and, as a consequence, there is something more.

Well, in my dream, because I have this quality or mannerism inside of myself that needs to think that I have to figure something out, or that masculine quality instead of just that feminine greater super overallness you could call that, because now you’re able to bring in other squares to the whole that weren’t there before.

In my dream I have this sense, it’s a knowingness deep within, that I have a place where I can sit in a program that is located somewhere up more towards the front. Well, I’ve been a little bit cavalier about it, taking it for granted, and not being attentive to this place apparently, because I see myself having come to the program and, for the moment, temporarily in my opinion, I have taken a seat near the back.

Now, I feel I could go up to the front because the program hasn’t started yet, and could sit in that seat or be in that place, but everyone else is sitting now and that could be a distraction – so I feel that it’s okay to bide my time.

Well, you’re handed then a questionnaire that you fill out, that has to do with where you’re at, and so I answer the questions on the questionnaire, but there are certain questions that I have to skip and I would know those answers, and they would be automatic and easy for me, if I were in this other seat. And so I feel that because I sat in the back, I don’t need to address those other questions. I’m not going to be judged, or graded, or dealt with in relationship to that, anyway.

And so what happens is, I become acclimated to that seat in the back, and those questions, those other questions that were there are important, but I can never answer them again. They never come up again. In fact, they fall away from my ability to even remember what those answers are for those questions, because all of it falls away and disappears as if it never was.

I even find myself then, when that happens, rationalizing, based upon appearance, how it is that things are. And so at one point I had maybe a different sense of what this program was about. Now, in the back, I have the sense that I’m not missing anything, that it’s something defective, or it’s a subject matter that’s not that big a deal, or something. I have a way of dismissing it away.

And so then the question comes up: will I ever be able to get that back? Do I realize what has fallen away? And the reason all of this came up, and the reason it was like this, is because I had adopted an attitude. I was carrying a mannerism. It was that mannerism that kept me from being attentive to where I could have been, and was naturally designed to be, up in the front.

And so now that other falls away, and whatever was part of that other, which had a whole other magic to it, and it had a quality to it of a sense and a knowingness of things, more acutely defined.

In my case the deeper knowingness and the clarity of something just dropped away, without me even noticing, or realizing, that I had lost it. And I was sitting and so it was almost like I was seeing the memo and feeling a little bit of the anguish and pain of having taken on a mannerism, or a mood, or a tone, and the result of that left me in this condition. It was almost like I had done something that had set up a reverb reaction that resulted in this being the effect.

And, of course, what I wrote for a meaning is, this is what happens when a person takes a demeanor that extricates themselves from an intended result. A flatness sets in first. With that comes a veil. Before the changes are over, everything seems to accommodate where it is that you find yourself now at. It is as if the other was never intended, because the result that now is before you has become acclimated on many levels. For example, in this dream scenario, I reach the point that what was there up front for me isn’t deemed important anymore. It’s like I’ve talked myself into believing this because, without looking at the other aspects of the questionnaire in the way that one could come to know and deal with them, you naturally fill in that absenteeism space of yourself in a rationalized way.

The aspects in the questionnaire that have to do with the place that I had a sense of within, are gone, so there is no way for me to know, now, how I am or where I am in this other place. In other words, in a way for me to know what things truly are all about, because I’m off to one side. The life force energetic has rearranged itself to accommodate where it is that I now am. It’s always been there, and you can actually go beyond that life force energy apparently, and for the masculine you have a wisdom or an insight to things, and for the feminine you have this little magic thing bringing in other aspects to the good.

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