A Connective Space

oookIt’s easy to understand the difficulty of concentrating when we find ourselves in a noisy place with all kinds of distractions. The same applies on an inner level, where noise can be understood as the stream of consciousness we hear in our head, the things we worry about or that upset us, and the like. In other words, when we are too caught up with the minor details of life, we block ourselves from hearing the subtle cues, and from feeling the energetic nuances that are the bridge to our higher connections. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: Like I say, the theme of the dream is the formation of a connection and being in a connective space. In other words, to what degree can you properly merge so that there is a balance between the inner and the outer forces of things.

And the difference between your dream and mine is that I have a certain presumptive element, in that I have been able to invite myself to go on a retreat into the home of a Chisti teacher.

So on the first day, as I’m trying to get settled in, I’ve almost finished the last little tidbit I came into the place with, quieting that last little tidbit down. I’m almost done. There’s a little something I’m doing on the computer, and then I’m totally free to do whatever is necessary on the retreat, when he comes over, or comes into where I’m at, a big smile on his face as if ready to begin, and I find myself saying, “Just another minute, I’ll be done and totally free.” And he leaves, so I won’t see him again that day.

The next day I kind of apologize because what I was doing didn’t actually need to be finished. It was essentially finished. I just hadn’t let go of the tone or the mood, yet. And he says he was rather busy yesterday, as well. And then another time, he says something to me in a hallway. I don’t hear him. He says it again. Still I can’t hear, I struggle.

When I get up close to him, he is inviting me into an empty room, just him and me. He sits at a desk. I sit in a chair to meditate before him. I’m not able to remain consistent. I find myself wander off from the inner sound. I figure he is getting a baseline, the fact that I’m there, and he’s there, and I think this is incredible he’s just taking the time to be in the space where I’m meditating, where he’s having me meditate. I mean he’s even there, just the two of us. So I figure he’s getting kind of a baseline of where I’m at on my inner connection, and my impression is he’s a bit disappointed.

On another occasion he’s up front, like in a room where he’s going to talk, it’s kind of still like in his large home, and others have come into the place. And I didn’t know that this was also part of the area of his place, and he sees me and he motions that I can come in. As I come in I’m nosier than everybody else; they’re quieter. I even step on the space of another, and I can tell right away I’m not in the same quiet demeanor. I’m also unable to find a comfortable cushion. There’s nothing with a backrest, so I’m not able to be at ease. Plus there’s a person in front of me that blocks my direct view to the teacher.

In the next scene, I’m in a room with a lot of others. I’m here to meditate. In front of me is the teacher, and his wife is also there to help in holding the energy of the overall space we are in. Where I am sitting there is a mirror in front of me, and beyond that mirror, if you look around the mirror, is the teacher and his wife.

As I try to meditate I am distracted by sounds, noise, speaking from others who are here. This time we’re meditating, but it’s kind of also a little bit like other things can go on. So I’m not going anywhere in terms of the inner connection sweeping me in. I look at myself in the mirror. As I struggle, the mind is simultaneously active. Until everything gets quiet, I’m unable to get settled.

When I look in the mirror I see my face change and contort with the uneasiness I’m not able to let go of. I realize if I can see this in the mirror this is embarrassing, because the teacher can also see this and would have to wonder what he’s gotten himself involved with. I am rather shocked that, try as I might, I cannot stop the lips from moving. Apparently, when thoughts come into my head, they translate into uncontrollable facial expressions, contortions, and whatnot and my lips move. I hadn’t realized it was this bad. It is like I’m schizophrenic and hadn’t noticed this until now.

Meaning: This dream is pointing out that I’m not able to go inside as I had thought, in other words, it’s about this quality of merging into a space between two sides.

You had your two sides defined as Jewish and Arab, and you defined it that way to show the peculiarity of kind of an energetic distinction that you actually are making inside that is creating a nuance. Well, I’m not able to be in this place properly because I’m unable to shut off all my uneasiness. And I’m too loud for the quietness of the space I am in.

I’m a wreck. And this is the result. In other words, when I’m speeded up, and I’ve taken into a retreat where it’s more intense, it points out that you’ve got to be careful what you ask for because sometimes you can’t handle it. I’m being disturbed, and I disturb others, and let the teacher down. I see myself as a bigger problem than I could have ever imagined.

And to think I am here to tune up, to be in another place, with the teacher. Behind that was the idea that I know the teacher is about to do something, and I figured that if I could get tuned up I could accompany him. I can’t even be here, let alone where even more is required.

And the deeper truth is I am not letting go. Only when the body and mind are still am I able to hear and, at the same time, be taken into inner depths where my outer demeanor is not a problem.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: A Connective Space

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