We can ask: what’s the difference between outer into inner, and inner into outer? When life comes at us outer to inner, it implies that we are allowing external events to have control over our inner processes – which is risky because then we have zero control over what we have invested our energy and emotion into. When we put our inner life, our intentions, our connections, and what we uphold in ourselves, into the outer world, we firstly can have control over that and, secondly, we are not giving ourselves away to fleeting things. We are, instead, aligned with the universal. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
Jeane: So I had two dreams, neither one of which I liked. In the first dream, it’s like I’m living life on what feels like a large jungle gym area, like you played in when you were kids. It’s almost like the world is a huge, extensive jungle gym.
And there’s a man that I know that’s an assassin and, as he goes through life on the jungle gym, that’s what he does, he’s an assassin. And there’s some kind of overseer gangster boss somewhere in the distance, too.
But we’re getting older now, in the jungle gym, and the assassin has slowed down a little, and what I’m trying to do in the jungle gym is stay out of sight of the assassin. I seem to know him; I know what he does, but it seems to me like it’s reached that point in life where it’s expedient to stay out of sight of him. He’s not the most safe person.
But it’s a jungle gym so it’s like, you know, people can see through the bars all the time, or you can go around the corner and get away. You can feel for a minute like you’re okay, but basically you’re in this area that people can look through the bars and come around the corner, and there’s no real place to go, you know, like there would be in a real nature.
And so I’m always having to kind of keep on the move, and don’t know if I can really do it. I don’t know how you really stay out of sight of the assassin. That’s that dream.
John: So it’s the sensation that, no matter what kind of overallness that you take in as an inner container presence, that there is always something that is undermining that, or tearing it away, that you have to be cognizant of.
And so you can’t quite get totally comfortable in this setting that you find yourself in in life, because you just naturally know that there’s always something that can go wrong. That’s an interesting way to notice inside of yourself that there is something there that keeps picking and picking away, that you haven’t quite found an answer, from the standpoint of absorbing the dilemma of something that is creating like an energetic twitch to your overall well being.
Now the thing about it is, the thing that I wonder about it is, to what degree is that self imposed? In other words, to what degree is that something that you’re doing to yourself? In other words, is it really like that? Aren’t you just fine and okay in terms of who you really are? Isn’t that just fine? And that this other is something that, in terms of it haunting you, is something that is taking away from that space of something being just fine.
And so if you were to look at this idea from the standpoint that something is just fine, that everything is just fine, if you to feel just that, you would be holding a space inside that you’d be maintaining a quality in the way you would be experiencing yourself that would radiate to everything that exists around you. And that radiation, the way you would radiate, that would be your innerness going into the outer, that way of radiating. To the degree to which you are still affected by things, that’s where the outer is affecting the inner; that’s where you are losing, or letting go, of the prime focus.
So what your dream did is it drilled down on the idea that a neurosis exists. When you notice the neurosis inside of yourself, it’s because you’re trying to see yourself in relationship to things in the outer – which means that you’re trying to bring the outer into the equation of yourself. You’re trying to bring that into the heart and, when you do that, you’re going to have the sense that there is always something that can go haywire.
And so you’re always on your tippy toes because that approach puts you into having to contend with the weather events of life. However, you notice that that part exists, but you’re also noticing that, if you keep your eyes centered, in other words, be aware that there’s certain things that you think you have to put into your heart, and so you don’t have to do that, if you hold a center in which some part of you exudes and extends out into everything that exists around you.
You’re doing this deep seated understanding as a seed thought, you’re spinning around the idea: is it really an inner into outer? Are you really taking your overall nature and reducing it to the point where it has a presence and awe that exists around? You’re just there, and you’re there because you’re not holding out in a particular manner.
Because if you put anything into your heart, if any of that stuff catches up with you, then you have a separation, then you have a distinction, then you take on a tone, then you have a storyline that has to be told, and all of that, then, is an abstraction from the whole.
So this dream is trying to get you to experience the difference between the two directions. In other words, to shift from the degree to which you take something personal or take it in, if something catches you, if something touches the heart, comes in like that, to switch that to where instead it is a radiance that goes out, and that you become so inconsequential that you’re able to then have an effect into the overall through your wholeness of nature.
And so you’re studying that, and the way you’re studying that is that you’re doing an about face to see what it is that you’re still clamoring to hold onto – and put into the heart. So the theme of the dream was, it’s the opposite. In other words, in the human condition of things we tend to try to put things into our heart, and then we’re affected by the karma of that, the way that is, and the better way of saying it is that you actually absorb everything when you have let go to such a degree that you don’t have any outer barriers. You just naturally, by however it is that you are, mirror something straightaway or, in other words, you’re kind of taken in.
So you’re playing with the uses of energy, whether the energy is going outward, or whether it’s going inward. And the outward is in a way in which you’ve pulled the plug on something so that something more comes across, then, as opposed to you sitting there trying to understand whatever the variable is that could disrupt your equanimity – meaning guarding the heart from that as if it could come in. Well, it can’t come in if you let go, if you’re able to let go.
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