For many reasons, the natural freedom that we have as children gets blocked up. But it is still there within us, and can come out at interesting moments in our life. In childhood, such freedom has a purity to it, a purity that is lost as we make our long journey. And there is a poignant moment in this dream that shows how we can turn to that freedom as a form of escapism, rather that as a return to our natural state. And understanding that difference is important to our development, in the sense that we want that part of our nature to have its expression, yet it should come from the purity of our higher intentions, not the indulgence of a defense mechanism – which requires us to be conscious about it. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
Jeane: As my dream continued, it was like what I picked up at the jailhouse actually was a young girl that had climbed down the ladder and she kind of invisibly follows me around now. I don’t know if she’s a family member, or just somebody that was part of the group.
And she and I go back to the train station area with that man that kind of fascinated me, because of how he kind of free flows and everything. And he also has a stuffed animal that I’m kind of fascinated with, that’s like a little stuffed ostrich or Dodo bird or something. You know, one of those things that girls like because they’re kind of goofy, and they’re a bird, you know.
And when we get to this train station it’s like I want to run away to New York with him, even though somewhere in the back of mind I know that my mother or other people that are at the house would really want us to be returning there, but I’m kind of still fascinated by his free-flow and I see him go in, you know, rather than just get on the train for New York, he kind of diverts for a second to go into a shop to see if they have any last minute work for him where he could set up some stuff for display and earn a few extra dollars.
And they didn’t, but he continues to free flow and we go to a counter. It feels like we’re buying tickets for New York, and I don’t know if we actually go to New York, or if we just go to another area of the train station, but since I’ve kind of decided that I’m going to go with him, and this young girl seems to be with us, too, it’s like he suddenly bought me a new bird. It actually comes in a package the way it looked like in the beginning, this stuffed animal.
But what that does is, when I take the stuffed animal out of the package and see what it looked like in the beginning, and then glance at it in terms of what it looks like when he’s been carrying it around, I realize it’s like I see through him suddenly to what he’s really like, and he’s not really one to take on responsibility for me, or anybody else. It’s just not how he is because the bird that he’s carried around quite awhile is in pretty bad shape when I compare it to the original. And because I was pretty young, initially, I was impressed with his free flow, but now I kind of see it, it actually, you know, has a certain lack of responsibility in the world.
And the young girl I have with me now, it’s really not going to work out, because I can still feel that there’s concern somewhere for my mother that we should be back at the house completing whatever holiday it was that we had started out with there.
And I kind of look at him and he knows, yes, I need to go back now, because I see him now. I enjoy his free flow, but I see him now, but he can’t really have other people along with him in that free flow. He can’t really be responsible for some people our age, especially now I’ve got this fresh bird out of the package and everything, too. It’s like I’m just seeing life a little differently.
John: The thing is, is you’re not grounded with the free-flow of your nature. And the reason why you’re not grounded with the free-flow of your nature is because the trauma, or the conditioning, of what happened before, where some parts of yourself are repressed, and threatened to be blown up, and all of that, and the whole reactionariness that came out of that, even if it was relieved, it left a trauma in your nature.
And so, as a consequence, you approach things in a way that, when you get to a particular point in your life, you get to the issue that you have to get through. And that’s the Prostitute energy. In other words, you can sense that a part of the way that you are in the outer is affected by something that has happened long, long ago. And, of course, one of your images is like being buried alive and creating a trauma in that effect, and this image is a parallel of that, in which there are images of yourself that are trapped, and booby-trapped, so they sit in a dire condition.
And it’s the free-flow part of yourself that gives you some sort of escapism relief from that sensation. And then it’s as if, okay, that part can be freed, but the trauma of that is still sitting in your nature. So then when you turn back to look at the free flow you realize that your approach to the free flow is to try to be more like that, only to find out that it’s a type of free flow that isn’t grounded, it isn’t stable, it isn’t going anywhere, it doesn’t follow through with its focus and attention.
And so as a consequence now, I dreamt the answer to that. The answer is you have to keep your energetic level up, or otherwise this sort of thing pulls you down. We do share something in common, because I took and went back, too, and looked at how that worked, only the parts of myself go ahead and let themselves get killed. They get killed.
As a consequence of that, there isn’t the trauma. The fact that you ended up having to try to sustain, or to maintain, in kind of a bizarre way, led to kind of a sense of a relief through a prostituting of the energy.
In my case I gambled, gambled and lost, and that has its trauma. And that’s why I’ve described myself as the Gambler, and why? I mean you gathered information about this from a type of past life memory or something, or something akin to a past life memory, or at least going into the vibration, closer into the vibration of that which goes back. I just can’t stand the giving up energy, that when you get tired you get that way. In my particular case, I’ll go until I create an accident.
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