The Ego Need

resim34In society and culture we are expected to have opinions about everything, and to be the controller of our destiny. And if we do not, we can be seen as ineffective and lost. Yet, in terms of our spiritual journey, what we want to control are the things we will not do, the standards we will not go below. If we are in charge and control of that, we can allow everything else to unfold of its own accord. In this way, we prevent the erosion of standards, but we allow what wants to happen, energetically, to happen – unimpeded. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: Then my sleep dream seems to cover another component, in terms of pointing out a type of adab, in terms of how this is to be seen, or to work, in manifestation.

In this dream my challenge is to see if I can get real close, in an outer scenario, without setting off an awareness and recognition too quickly. In this dream, I have gotten real close to an outer happening, and its meaningfulness, and I’m being careful to be discreet so as to not give away my presence.

The challenge is to come as close as I can without my direct hereabouts being too obvious; hereabouts, whereabouts, whatever. So this is a difficult undertaking. There is a constant tug which I must be careful to not violate, and that tug is to be seen and known. In this dream I am noticing how painful it is to get ever so close as to be virtually present in the situation, while still avoiding detection. I seem to be able to pull this off, in the dream, but it leaves a certain qualm, you know, because the aspect that’s a quality of the ego would rather it not have to be like that.

Significance of the dream: To go too far, in other words, in terms of trying to shake, or awaken, or expose, or to bring about an understanding about something, or to touch something, to go too far is to subject myself, and those I’m connected with, with too much too quickly. I am being let in, in this dream, on the idea that so far everything is unfolding okay. The latent pain I feel is from the ego wanting recognition, or acknowledgement, in terms of its role in the process.

What is going on is never about the ego, not in the literal, graspable sense of things. The ego is kind of a quality of a type of magnetism, but in a grounding way. Because in the outer the ego’s need is to be seen and heard, and that that seeing and hearing creates this personal existence conundrum. To the degree that that sort of personal existence conundrum predominates there is, what I would call, a kind of confusing bewilderment pain, because now you’re adhering to that aspect as if it has an aliveness to it.

My ego just wants to break the bewilderment. In other words, it’s experiencing it and yet, at the same time, it acts like it can break it, it can go – pop – and it can break it, and thereby reveal the inner flow dynamic. I mean that’s the latent intentionality behind it all. And, in doing so, it would be exposing a predestined will, and its potentiality, striving as a dynamic to surface.

As I seek to find a means that is appropriate, that’s when I realize the limitation. In a consciousness where the inner and the outer are one, the beginning and end the same, above and below come together, there is this past journey that lies in-between. The timing to how directly the veils are to be penetrated resides outside of my personal prerogatives. I must be careful to touch without leaving traces, to be able to exist without leaving a shadow, because I have no right to act as if I know the timing, unequivocally.

Or, to put it another way, too blatant an awakening subjects manifestation in more than it is able to handle. A soul in a human body, although connected, intertwined, and inseparable from the world soul essence, must play a role as if separate, which is designed by the inner will behind everything that exists. This role requires the little self to keep stepping out of the way, so that the big self is there for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. What the little self would like to say is confusing because of an ego which gets in the way.

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