In Suspense

Fly-in-amber-012614In real life, we can often get away with things, or cut a corner here and there and still reach our destination. In spiritual development it doesn’t work like that. It works much more logically: if this happens, then that can happen. So as we shed our old habits, and thought patterns, more becomes available to us, but our next elevation will always be dependent on some new criteria that must be met. We will keep getting opportunities to overcome that barrier – until our time runs out. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So, like I said, I dream about the Gambler archetype. So in my meditation dream I go back into a frustrating vibrational condition, which repeats and repeats, meaning that I’ve dreamt it before.

In dreaming it before, I kind of let go of it at some point because I’m not ready to, or able to, resolve it, and last night in repeating it again the pattern this time comes up in a way that I’m able to lay out that is more pronounced; otherwise it just kind of leaves one in an awkward energetic condition that’s just kind of a maze, or a delirium.

Well, in the meditation dream, I seem to be on the verge of resolving a dilemma. It feels like I’m about to break through, and I seem close, but I’m having to go up against the forces of time. In other words, I’m running out of time to do this. I must reach a breakthrough that seems possible before the opportunity goes away.

Well, in the meditation dream, I went through a number of instances where the suspense was intensified and I was right on top of the margin of it all, only to fall away at the last minute because I ran out of time. In each instance, it seemed, and I had the belief, it might have been an illusionary belief, but I had the belief that just with a little bit more time the scenario I am in would have broken through and everything would have been okay.

The fact that I ran out of time, without being able to experience the breakthrough, leaves me with kind of a suspenseful energetic, and a suspenseful energetic, you can carry that as a latency and it can be overwhelming, too. And if it doesn’t run, through then it remains kind of in a pent up condition that has to be dealt with again, in the future, as manifestation orients and shapes something, so that I’m able to go at it again to see if I can break the trance – or whether the trance will still have a grip on me.

And so there’s an example of this in particular. I’m a football team, the whole team now, that is finding itself right at the end of the game. In other words, the clock is against me, my team is behind, but my concentration to the issue at hand connects to an energetic that can make the difference. And I need to take this energetic and focus it in a certain way in order to make the comeback, or to overcome.

To overcome is to win the game, and move to the next step in whatever this process might be. In other words, usually each game leads to the next sort of thing as you go towards the Super Bowl or something. To not get over this is to fall back and have to wait outer conditions to cause another scenario like this to come up, so that one can test themselves again, as to how it’s possible to overcome the conditional forces that are before you.

As I indicated, the suspense challenge is like I am a football team that has been repressed by an opponent until all of a sudden something has changed in the fourth quarter and relief is close. In the meditation dream, I score a touchdown, the team does that is. It’s not me in particular. The team scores a touchdown, and I am the team, of course. So they’re not behind by that much anymore. It still is an almost insurmountable challenge, because there’s even less time available, but if the focus is right there can be a penetrative momentariness occur.

In other words, something can coincide, from inner into outer, that I am feeling within that can create the break so something like this happens, so the unexpected happens. I experience a kind of surrealness in which this is going to end with a last second hurrah, or there will be a collapse. I do not know which. I have been here before and, each time that I’ve been here before, I lose it, I run out of time, or I couldn’t take a step, or push through, the team in those closing minutes, the other team. I had a bad break, fumble the ball, or threw an interception or something would happen to break the momentum of something that was changing the outer effect – which means that the net effect resulted in which there was a buildup of hope that could cause a probing that can stretch out in terms of a momentous force would then come crashing down.

The remainder of this divisible shattering is a wound that then would get repressed inside to have to live out and rise up again at another time when the outer shapes an opportunity to contend with an inner condition, yet again, that hopefully is able to go beyond the illusory barriers that haunt.

So the significance is what I’m talking about is inner pressure that haunts my overall state of beingness from free flowing comfortably. I am confronted with a challenge to overcome the inner haunting, and I tell myself that when I do the energetic barrier will fall away and I will be back into a natural inner free flow – which I seek – in terms of a type of comfort zone in manifestation.

What is really going on is deep within there is an awareness and awakening that is astir. You experience this kind of pent up intensity inside, and I am situated energetically speaking as being on a journey and there is the suspense I feel in terms of what one is seeking to bring out, or to transcend, or to get beyond.

I know that when I do I can rest, or so it seems, that seems to be kind of like the latent purpose of it all and, therefore, be at peace in like a kind of new home. The illusion is I am always ever so close and I keep buying into the same energetic that prevails, because I’m not letting go. In other words, the energetic prevails in an outer density thought process that you have to let go of, or otherwise you just keep noodling around in the microcosm of things and fail to catch the big picture.

The energetic prevails because the way I’m feeling myself and conducting myself is penting this up so that it has a greater and greater crescendo effect. And, as this builds up, the story you tell yourself is that a breakthrough is eminent, and what I find from all of that is each time I take stock of what is happening on an energetic projection level, when I do take stock, I realize that I am contending with having broken an equanimity and gone off on an energetic lurch that limits my beingness from being able to be at peace.

And when I do this, over and over again, with each time being an opportunity in which I am telling myself there is a breakthrough, that the delusion of it is because I’m looking at this as a breakthrough in a personal way. It never occurs, even though it appears like it’s so close to happening. If by some peculiar state of events I get the break that I seek, the dilemma is now different in that I am now reinforcing an expectation of entitlement and am cursed by what I have come to describe as a gambler spell.

I have noticed this condition, and in noticing this energetic state, I have said to myself it is better to have lost than to now go off on an illusory trance way with unrealistic expectations. The pattern is the spell is such that either I overcome a barrier, or I get caught up in an unrealistic expectation that is ridiculous, or I fall back in the inner suspense and await manifestation to reshape the pattern for me to contend with again.

Lost in this pattern is a trait, and its character, in which a higher self of beingness is moving around. To bring it through is the bringing through of an innerness into the outer in order to reveal. For this to happen I must let go of my personal prerogatives and allow my heart to be moved by this inner will. Until I do, I go through the world facing the inner suspense over and over again until I’m able to handle this flow naturally. And I will never be able to handle the flow as long as I think on a personal level that I know what is going on and, therefore, I have a piece of the action in some energetic breakthrough regard or another.

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