The Hoarder

hoardingIt can seem perfectly sensible to store things away in preparation for “needing them someday.” This urge can be driven by practicality, or a feeling of safety, or a fear of being without. And it is just these same type of urges that keep us holding on to our psychologies and defense mechanisms: fear we won’t recognize ourselves without them, the safety of not feeling vulnerable without them, or the practicality of being expedient in social dealings. Yet these issues are lower-self territories. Our higher self has more important things to do. It is often when we see the greater need, through our higher self, that we can overcome what is preventing us in the lower self. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So, in the meditation dream, the dream starts out in which I realize I’m overwhelmed because I do not know how to sort out what there is that is situated and lying before me. In other words, I’m in a malaise, and I have no plans for facing this, and am allowing the holding on to drain me with its contractual weightiness.

In other words, weightiness is caused by the mind that holds onto things, and you hold onto things thinking you’re going to need it later. Whether you do, or not, you still tell yourself that story. Suddenly I am able to see, it’s almost like I’ve had the good fortune of being able to drop this weightiness of the mind so that there is in a flash, like a flash of light or something, is a flash and how to let go of it. It is like a flash because I have reached a place inside where I let go of the mental weightiness as something that I’ve been holding onto in an attached way.

Until I hit this flash, I held onto what was there as something I wasn’t ready to let go of. I would justify holding onto this as being something that I would need, or needed, even though I may not necessarily know how I needed it. The idea in and of itself was sufficient to keep holding on.

However, when I speeded up to a space within, in which there was no time and space, that I felt compelled to sustain, then it was easy to realize at that time that this did nothing for me, that what this was doing actually was draining my energy. Now what it was doing for me was something still in the imaginative, unrealized, and therefore made up spiritual perhaps in that kind of way of looking at it.

To begin with, in the dream, before I reached a depth within in which there was an inflection to a vibrational emptiness in which my mental imagery attachments could go poof, I carried a weightiness that I couldn’t sort through. As I felt this weightiness I saw myself as looking around in what appeared, you know, in terms of inner visualization, a kind of warehouse cluttered with things that I felt I might someday need.

In other words, I could feel how this controlled me, these things that were just there, because I had to at least acknowledge their presence, and had no way of knowing how to open the place up. Then the letting-go inflective hit, in a flash, in which I felt how to go to the end all, be all before me, meaning I could let go to only that which touched me in the flash – and none of this touched me in that flash of light. This was like a denseness.

The result of this vibrational flash was I was able to glean, I was able to denote, to take in, the letting-go vibration, and the energy behind this letting go carried me into a spatial quality of emptiness from which I was able to realize, to recognize, to be in a stillness where I am simultaneously empty and free. Being able to be empty and free is what you always seek, but you’re caught in the weightiness.

So the significance of this is, this dream has caused me to bring through all kinds of thoughts that I was repressing as an aspect of the vibrational weightiness that I had. I don’t mean to walk around in this weightiness, but am. It’s a mental thing, not a heart thing, and it has to do with projecting, in a mental way, responsibilities and duties and such that are imagined in which I rationalize, and of course my way of rationalizing is saying that I need to hold onto it because there are situations and circumstances that are going to come up in which I’m going to need to have this.

But all projections like this come from the mind, not from the heart. When I let go of the mental gymnastics the heart can, in a flash, know what to do, or what not to do. The heart in a flash is free of such contanglements. It’s like, you know, shifting automatically one place to the next. There’s nothing gradual about that.

The meaning is, what I am dreaming about is the distinction between heart and mind. The mind is heavier and geared to reaching reflective conclusions. When the reflective magnetism is dropped, a person is able to experience the heart. The heart is a vibrational letting go to an inner emptiness in which that which dreams this inner place denies the essence of that light.

If the image doesn’t conform to the heartfelt insight of letting go of the mind-conditioned weight that is there, because I do not know how to let go, or be able to release, my beingness into a stillness – I sit in kind of an inner prison. I sit in the mind. I sit in the reflective barrier.

Prior to this dream, there were thoughts and vibrational images I took to be important because I identified with such outer perceptions as physical responsibility. The difference is I came to realize a higher-self responsibility in which I was able to let go of outer physical limitations. The higher-self beingness required an inner freedom to be there as a letting go emptiness in the overall spatiality.

So the importance is I can yield to the importance of not having to constantly carry a mental weight and expectation, preconditioned mannerism, that I’ve imposed upon myself and, therefore, am not letting go of it, and not getting into the overall stillness because I’m making that louder. The question is: can I let go? And if I do let go, am I going to pick it back up again in some other capacity of reflective mental gymnastic and gyration? So that’s the meditation dream.

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