An Unsettled State

crowded-marketIt’s probably easier for most of us to recall those rare moments when we feel settled, and at one with ourselves, and in the flow of life. Mostly the world knocks us this way and that, and we are constantly struggling to regain our equilibrium. And this is why it is so difficult to live a life without a greater purpose: if we have no greater purpose, one entertainment is as good as the next, and there’s no reason to choose differently. But our purpose, our human purpose, allows us to see clearly what is useless in terms of that journey, and we can choose accordingly. There will always be detours – that’s how we grow – but we need to keep them to a minimum. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: All I really remember of my dreams last night, is it felt like I kept having the same dream in that it was outdoors in kind of hilly country. It was usually sunny. And it was like I and some other people were pursuing someone. We were trying to catch them and bring them back for something they had done. But it felt like it just kept repeating, but I never could quite get a hold of it.

John: Well, there’s a whole sensation of trying to catch up with something, from a depth within, that is kind of the running schematic. And it’s kind of a prime directive, too, in that deep down we’re kind of compelled to having to realize a greater part of ourselves.

And that realizing a greater part of ourselves, a part that takes us outside of our time and space limitations that is kept in place by the trance of senses and mind, to catch up with that greater part of ourselves is to go to the all-pervasive soul in our nature.

Well, it’s pretty hard to do because everything around us is causing our attention to go this way and that way, and yet there is that echo. And so what you’re doing is you’re reverbing, and reverbing, and reverbing as if trying to come to the grips of this echo that you feel affecting you. That’s very similar to my second dream, which also has a quality of floundering about.

In this dream, I’m inside. I’ve traveled to and am inside a multistory building that’s huge, and there’s several floor levels. I don’t know how many, but each floor I know is huge, and that it’s a maze just to go in any given floor. And it’s kind of a glorified hospital, although there seems to be other things going on like businesses, and merchants, in this place, too.

But each floor has a central nursing station, that’s how one knows it’s kind of a glorified hospital. And there’s just people everywhere that can grab your attention, and cause you to be distracted, or to get confused and get lost.

So I have come into this building, I’m up on the second floor, I seem to know that there’s a person I need to find that’s on the second floor. And I’ve come with a friend, but we get separated on the second floor. And in my moving about on the second floor, trying to find the person who I come here to visit, I also set down a bag that I was carrying.

Fortunately, I can recollect where I set that bag down because I left it at the nursing station on the second floor. And even though somehow deep, deep down I have a sense that the person I’m looking for is on the second floor, and that my friend is somewhere wandering around on the second floor, too, I end up going to the third floor.

And when I go to the third floor it’s like I’m even more spaced out, and I get really enamored at looking at all of the myriad of things going on on the third floor. And at some point I even leave my notebook behind, my dream notebook, which is important to me, that I apparently was carrying, too. And it’s almost like I’m so amnesic that I have no idea where I might have left it, except it was somewhere on this floor.

And it all kind of starts to gel, my predicament, when in my wandering about I come to the nursing station on the third floor. It’s then that I realize, oh my goodness, I need to get out of this enamored condition that I’m in, and I also need to find my notebook, and I need to get back to where I need to be looking, retrieve my bag and such, which I can leave this bag behind, but who am I to know what there is to let go of?

It would be nice to have this bag, just like my notebook, caused some other kind of unfoldment depth to my nature. So, I know I should take steps that go between nursing stations, but instead I wander off as if something will pop in, or something will help me, or I’ll accidentally get an inkling as to where I set my notebook down. When, all of a sudden, actually by complete, total surprise fate would have it that I see the notebook – and it’s laying on the floor.

So I go over to pick up the notebook and, as I pick it up, this guy grabs at it and he says, “This is mine.” And he claims he knows it’s his because it’s got the three-ring spiral binding or whatever it was that he portrayed. I look at the notebook, and the notebook has all that scratching out and scribbling that I do and, on this particular page where it’s open, there’s more scribbling and complete blanking out than there is anything written.

And so I look down and I can read my writing, so I know it’s my notebook. So to free myself again of how I need to proceed, he’s got the notebook, I’ve got the notebook, and so I need to go. I can’t be just sitting there tugging away, so I bend over and I bite him on the wrist to get him to let go.

So now with my notebook in hand I now know that I go back to the nursing station on the second floor, probably ask at the nursing station rather than just continuing to keep wandering around, probably will find the person I’m looking for there on the second floor, probably somewhere in that vicinity or area on the second floor I’ll also probably run into my friend. And there at the nursing station, where I conveniently laid my bag down, I can retrieve that, too. That’s when I wake up.

So this is the same dream that you had, so to speak, in that there was this reverbing around to try to zoom in on something or another that is meant to be, that is trying to come out, that’s trying to make itself known. You don’t even have a very good guess of what that is, but you’re haunted by it nevertheless. That’s kind of how your dream is.

And in my dream, my inclination is to keep going up where it gets foggier, and less clear, and less clear, and I keep losing more and more of myself. But what I’m losing is important, too, and what I need is more grounded – on the second floor. There’s no first floor in this building. It’s like a second floor only, which is another image in which something isn’t quite grounded as it needs to be.

But, in terms of the meaning of this dream, I wrote: I’m feeling a chaos inside over a waywardness that I feel in the outer. And to know what I need to know, in terms of my whereabouts, parts of self, what I am to do, what I need to see, who I need to be, etc., I need to set aside, let go of a waywardness vibration that is unsettling to a heart that is able to put things out. In other words, to extricate itself from its delirium; when basically I stop.

And it’s not a matter of being encumbered or unencumbered, although that’s one way of trying to look at it. I just need to settle back because something is coming into vision. There is a knowing, but I’m not going to catch up with it if I’m in an unsettled state.

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