Hiding the Inner

piercing-the-veilWhat are these psychologies we create? In many instances, they are mechanisms we adopt to help us cope with the struggles in our personal relationship with the world. And, because they are mechanisms, once created they become more and more automatic in us, to the point where we don’t even notice when they are being activated. But what may have, at one time, protected us, can now become our greatest barrier to letting go to the naturalness we have inside. This, in turn, prevents us from realizing our possibility.  (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: The next dream takes… you know, that’s kind of a big gulp, so the next dream takes and puts it into a process orientation – in terms of what’s going on. And this dream is very similar to your second dream involving the babies that need to be cleaned up, and, instead, your attention is going to dishes or something that are dirty; the outer.

So, in this dream, with the failure to bring the inner into the outer still fresh as a memory, I try something else. I act as if I can balance the inner in a kind of center area within. In other words, rather than bringing it through – because it failed every time I tried, it doesn’t come through – so I’m going to counterbalance it now, which is similar to like pretending that it’s held in the heart off to one side or something, as kind of a symbolic-ness, of the inner, and what it’s about, having to do with something there that is in a different octave. And with this attentiveness, pretend that I can work in a one-to-one correspondence, instead of bringing it through, thinking that what I do then, in terms of an outer motif of myself, will work now.

And so in looking at what I am doing I find it strange that I still think that I can apply subrogation to make something happen the way I want. Subrogation is when you repress a part of yourself, where I’m repressing something in terms of keeping something in a tentative balance within, instead of letting it come to bear. And, when you suppress something like this, you’re actually hiding the inner quality, or the inner reality. You’re hiding it from being up front and straightforward. And, when you do that, you think you can change.

This becomes man’s way of controlling things, or having a personal identity, to change the outer to some degree. With subrogation the seeming change does not last as, eventually, what is pent up leaks out and disturbs, and changes the psyche of the overall. I mean, it doesn’t change the psyche of the overall, it brings the overall back into a cadence that is meant to be. Until that occurs, however, the energy it takes to set up this make-believe scenario actually drains a human being of their natural free flow clarity, and that draining, that subrogation, that’s what a veil is. That’s the dumbing down, that’s the veil.

So as the dream continues hoping that an inner tentative balance will hold, because I’m actually balancing with something in here. It’s actually a sensation of balancing it as I stretch into the outer, as if that’s going to balance. I mean it’s more hope, and belief, and imagination than anything at all – because why should it stay balanced?

I proceed to do the same thing as in the meditation dream, which is bring the inner into the outer except, this time, I have shut off, with the subrogation, the neurotic cellular memory centers, because everything about you is alive and connected to a wholeness, that know how to differentiate, and define, an echo to the heart – a self-evidence that is needed.

What I am doing is, in effect, deceiving and lying to myself – but not completely, because deep down within there is a truth, that is pent up, that tends to cause a type of self-consciousness echo, but, in the outer, you don’t hear it very clearly. And it comes across in subtle ways and, eventually, it will break through. It’s too hard to hold this subrogated energy back.

Eventually you let your guard down, or you get speeded up in some way in which the energy is, and to keep the lie and the repression in place, you lose the handle of that and it leaks out. And that epiphany can be pretty shocking if you’ve been on this abstraction hard enough.

So when the repressed energy rises to the surface there is collateral damage, and the degree of that is based upon how far you’ve gone in this bifurcated way, in terms of self-deception. And it also is depended upon the degree to which you’re able to catch up with the subtleness. You know, to some degree you tend to keep certain veils in place so that you can absorb the impact; still a collateral damage, nevertheless, but maybe it’s measured out.

So there is a collateral damage, and this is a collateral damage that’s both on the inner and the outer level. When it happens on the outer level, it’s also reverbing to the inner, and so when it comes across what had been repressed comes into the outer and, if this happens too suddenly, instead of as a slowly awakening alignment and inner consciousness process, the effect can be quite traumatic. That’s what’s going on.

And so then as kind of a discussion, or meaning of it, in the meditation dream I am in a raw energy state when I try to bring inner into outer. I’m not able to do so, which is self-explanatory in the meditation dream. In the sleep dream, I go about my business in a personal way, rather than as a oneness in which all is taken into account, both above and below, simultaneously. I veil the problem thinking I can deceive the oneness.

Such subrogation creates the illusion that an energetic change has been created, but as Einstein said, energy is neither created, nor destroyed, it just changes its form. The form I have created is a deadening of consciousness in order to veil myself from the overall intertwined knowingness.

Deep down the heart knows better, but until I reach, and acknowledge, the heart, instead of the mind outer sense orientation, as a reality, the veil and its corresponding ignorance predominates. So, to put this bluntly, I have just described the veiling process that a human being does in order to set up a personal coping mechanism, separate from the whole.

And then this next dream has to do with how it gets fixed.

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