The Heart’s Need

grkriImagine, for a moment, the feeling of losing one’s balance, and then the back-and-forth gyrations we make to save ourselves from falling over. In our journey, to bring higher energies into the grounding of our everyday life is a similar, though not so automatic, process. And to ground something means to make it a part of how we think about, and how we react to, the world around us. Or, said another way, we need to override our old patterns and put new patterns in their place – so that they do, in time, become automatic to us. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So, in the meditation dream, I’m experiencing the inner. The sense that I got of all of my dreams last night was that I just have to be more patient, but it’s not that far away. Something has shifted, and something has changed.

I’m not quite right, in terms of accessing it, but it’s something that I am able to zero in on, or have a sense of, at least a sense of what is still kind of missing or something, in terms of an equanimity or of balance, of nature, so that one flows naturally.

In other words, there’s something still askew, or overly dynamic or something, because one side is denser and the other side is more expansive, and so somehow you’ve got to create a cohesion there. There has to be a natural cohesion where they come together without being too impatient, or over-the-top, in terms of the other.

And so my sense of the dream last night, was I was seeing that it wasn’t that far apart, or that far away, that something was able to reach in a more noticed way.

And so, it starts off with the meditation dream, where I’m experiencing the inner, and it has a sense to me that it’s ungrounded, which means that it’s so much over-the-top, an expansive or something in its mannerism that I can’t quite hone it down, or, as I say what I mean by that, is this isn’t experientially in a grounded way in the outer, which means that the way I’m going to be experiencing the unfoldment is with an over-the-top overwhelming, unassimilated capacity to it.

The reason it feels unassimilatable is because I am not in sync with the inner coming into the outer. In other words, it still isn’t in sync. One seems smaller, and the other seems too ebullient or something, and as a consequence the process throws me around a bit. And when the sensation is like that, this indicates that I have not yet found a way of being natural, in the outer, with what is unfolding in the inner, which means I suffer for not being able to let go and ground the inner-into-outer flow.

I notice this as a reoccurring vibration. In other words, when I see this I realize that I’ve been dreaming this condition. Even though I might not be writing it up or something, or forgetting it, it has this whole sense it’s continually reoccurring, that I’m not quite able to put the two together in the same cadence. In other words, constantly seeing that I’m looking at all of this as if it’s too much to take in, and, as a consequence, there is a bit of a demoralizing, or almost a sense of failure, or giving up almost.

Although the initial effect is as a discombobulation for me, because I am not able to stabilize the effect, meaning I am struggling to contend with the unfoldment into the outer with an accepting and non-distressable demeanor, as this is repeated, and repeated, and repeated, suddenly there is a change, almost an excitement or something, or a shift to a sense of amazement and wonder, in other words almost as if you’re gleaning. You suddenly are on the threshold, or something.

The shift hadn’t occurred before. I had been always in an overwhelm, unable to accept and ground the process in a copacetic capacity. To not be able to catch up, and to be always in a struggling after-the-fact capacity, is a heavy strain on the heart, the heart’s need for there to be a natural flow. The shift to re-recognize that the ultimate effect is a result I can handle is something new for me. I’m not used to being in a state that is constant. Instead I’m used to being in a state in which there is the overwhelm with no end in sight.

So the meaning is, the inner coming into the outer is an energetic process I am unable yet to assimilate. By that I mean I am constantly feeling this to be a process that I can’t handle, and that the sensation effect tears away at my seeking to be in a comfortable and accepting balance.

The discombobulation has been like this as a repeat sensation for a long, long time, but a shift has occurred, and I’m able to take in a sort of acceptance, or a light of acceptance, or a quality that’s able to have a type of relief to an acceptance and flow that is like a rising up from what had been a never ending, pressurized, over-the-top overwhelm.

So what am I recognizing? I am recognizing a seed, so to speak, in which when the inner energetic is transmitted into the outer there is an effect that seeks stability. When the inner into outer is sustainable, that is when a shift anew is there. The shift anew shapes the outer. Even though it can shape something, doesn’t mean it shapes it forever, because eventually it too is subject to change and falls away.

In other words, some things can be shaped where the effect can be for a day or two, which seems to be kind of where one’s at. You have a moment of relief, and then everything goes to hell again.

Some other things can be shaped where it can be a year or two, or five years, or ten years, from the idea of the inner into the outer, and the design effect of ordering principle in life, is to be able to do something that can for a long, long, long time before it can decay, maybe hundreds of years, or a thousand years, or something.

In other words, what I’m talking about is the process of shaping the future. I’m coming into a cohesion with the inner unfoldment, and the outer ungroundedness, and I say the outer ungrounded in the sense that the outer is something that is condensed and whatnot, and yet is a physical aspect, instead of a light aspect, so it is subject to the atmosphere of things, so it means it always is in kind of a condition of exposure to a decay. And I am finding a temporal, acceptable, meeting ground, meaning some degree of relief.

But, of course, then the attention shifts to making it more long-lasting, and more long-lasting, and more long-lasting. Or, another way of saying it, is from what is copable for now will come an insightful outer unfoldment with greater and greater viable longevity.

In my meditation dream, where I am at now, is the place of being able to let go for a moment or so. I seem to be always in an overwhelm and discombobulation. What I experience is that the outer keeps tossing me curve balls, so to speak, so I have a never-ending pressure of not letting go to an inner okayness.

As I grow into a more and more aware nature, the dilemma of shaping seems to be more and more of a challenge. Again, that happens, too, because the nuances of outer discombobulation become more and more apparent, which means those parts have to be lived out. So it’s like you have to have that inner and the outer coming together as much as possible, or otherwise there is going to be disorder right around the corner all the time. So the relief I seek is of a vibrational nature in which I am suddenly able to be at ease in the intended flow, with the knowingness, vibratorally, that all is well.

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