Balance and Timing

i2tav
Willie Holdman

This dream begins with the image of an idyllic setting, in a meadow by a stream, but the dreamer cannot fully be in the beauty and naturalness of the moment. Yet we could also apply this to our view of the everyday: we find ourselves on a planet where everything we need is provided, and each day, each moment, is energetically different from the last, but still beautiful, and fascinating, in the experience of it. So what is all this “stuff” we have put in the way of our engagement with the natural perfection around us, personally or as a species? (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So in my first dream, my meditation dream, I am unable to enjoy the outer flow, like everyone else, because I’m holding onto issues and this is keeping me pent up. I don’t even know what the issues are that I’m holding onto.

And so the image is: I’m kind of in a nice meadow setting, out in nature, and there is a stream, and a river, and the sun is just perfect and really nice out. And ordinarily you would look at the water and you’d say, well, it’s too cold to get in the water, but not only is everyone around me getting in the water, in other words, even though it’s a country setting and kind of quiet and peaceful, there are people and they have come to this area and they’re getting in the water.

And those that have dogs are taking the dogs in the water, and the dogs really are loving the water, too. And it’s like not only are they having a good time, but the dogs are having a good time in the water; it’s just like this whole thing has a whole redeeming process.

In this dream, those who are going in the water, and taking their dogs and everything in the water, were just letting go into a free flow. And even though I was pulled to wanting to test water myself, to see if it was too cold and whatnot, I had some sort of pent-up nature that I just couldn’t shake.

It’s not that I knew what the pent-up nature was. I couldn’t put my finger on the pent-up nature even, but it was something that had me in some sort of tiff, or a mood, or something, and holding back as if by holding back I’d eventually figure it out – but there was nothing on the horizon showing that I was figuring it out. And what was obvious is what I was missing.

And, at one particular point, I kind of let go or something a tiny bit and I threw myself in the water, clothes, shoes, and everything on, and realized, yeah, the water’s wonderful. It’s not as cold. But nope, I still had my nuances, I still had my pent-upism, and I had to come out of the water.

And so what I’m portraying is a quality of bewilderment, and you have this in the out-breath when you’re at a point where you can’t quite sort things out. You are overwhelmed by something that you aren’t able to put your finger on yet.

I’m inclined to be affected by something that is vague to me, that I’m not able to quite catch up with and properly recognize, so I’m inclined to be carrying some sort of nuance trying to find some sort of focus and attention, which, when I find it, supposedly that leads to a balance, so that I can then just appreciate things as they are. And so I’m not quite able to free flow, or let go.

The meaning I write up is that my resolve is being tested. You know, that’s kind of what the outer is all about, to see if you can get closer to something. The question is: can I let go of nuances that, like an inner resolve that I cannot reach, are keeping me from enjoying life in a free flow way? I need to break free of some sort of trance that I am in. The pent-up demeanor is blocking a connection, and I need to let go of that to free flow.

This sort of letting go, or whatever the kind of letting go is that I have to do, that would lead to a natural free flow, will not only relieve me of what I am holding onto, but it supports the free flow and naturalness that is predominating in the surrounding environment. But the natural condition, the primordial naturalness, is askew.

The reason why I’m putting this pressure upon myself, and the reason why I’m acting like this, is it’s like one is directed into the physical to sort and get closer to something. There’s a responsibility to catch up with something. And you carry around a kind of awkward bewilderment  because you’re trying to get into the outer and you can’t. In other words, you can’t quite catch up with whatever this responsibility is.

In other words, therein lies the confusion, and my condition defies the natural letting-go process to a free flow because I am not breaking free of a stigma trance I am in. Until I either let go of this pent-up condition, or catch up with it and own it, I am unable to be naturally free to enjoy the flow and wonderful setting, or conditions, that are permeating the atmosphere for all to see but me.

It’s an awkward, bewildering, condition to have to be in, where I could jump in the water and feel wonderful, but I can’t quite let myself do it because I’m still carrying some sort of nuance or mannerism. That’s painful, that’s really bizarre to have to carry that. There’s a sadness in that.

And this continues into the next dream, it’s repeated again, in that in the next dream there was a time when I was able to see what time it was on a watch. In other words, it’s like somehow or another I’ve gone distant so that, as I glance, I can’t necessarily see the watch anymore. And I can maybe make it out a little bit, but I could get it wrong. Instead of it being, say, 2 o’clock, I might read it as 3 o’clock or something. In other words, there’s a gap, or a distance, that has developed.

In other words, something has changed, like I’m further away. And so I say, in the dream, “I’ve got to be able to read the dials on a watch. So much depends upon getting that right. I can’t be guessing.” So, in the dream, others actually expect me to be able to tell the time. In fact, I’m being relied upon for that.

And so the meaning is, in the dream, over the passage of time, I have gotten ungrounded. In other words, just like I couldn’t go into the water because I couldn’t let go of something, in that sense I’m ungrounded. I’m in a bewildered state. I haven’t sorted out the thought-upon-thoughts that are compelling, that haven’t made themselves known to where they could be let go of into an empty space. That empty space can be in the out-breath to in-breath, too, and so I’m meant to know the balance and timing.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Balance and Timing

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