Something Has to Go

arnWhen no one is listening to us, what do we do? Often, we raise our voice to be heard. Or we make our text ALL CAPS. Well, our systems can feel the same way in their conversation with us, on the inside, through our dreams. That’s when we get jarring or unsettling images that can throw us off for the whole day when we wake up. In this example, there is a murderer, and then the killing of a murderer. But we are all the characters in our dreams, so the image is an expression of a deep fear or resistance to what needs to occur. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I didn’t seem to like my dream last night, I only remember one of them. In that dream, I’m living in a house, and there’s someone that’s going around town murdering people. And I’m trying to find, or capture, that person.

And I’ll go out, and I’ll be looking at people and following them, and then coming back. And people come to the house, and I’ll be looking at them. And, at one point, I have three people sitting in a room with me, I think it’s three men, one person I know from high school, I forget who the other two are. And I become convinced that’s it’s one of them.

And I know that the characteristic of this person who’s killing people is that he’s compulsive, because he’s killed successive people. And, anytime anybody comes through, it’s like I’m looking at them, I’m examining them. I’m trying to figure out where they were and what they’ve done. And everyone does kind of keep moving. So it’s hard for me to get a sense of them.

At one point, I have to leave these three people I have in the house where I’ve kind of narrowed it down, I think it’s one of them, and I ask some friends to watch them, and describe that I think that whoever it is will be compulsive.

Well, when I come back to the house, they’ve captured the person that was murdering everybody. I even thought it might be one of the ministers, but it ends up being a woman. So I have two of my women friends holding on to her until I can get back into the house. But as I come into the room, they take some kind of a cylinder and push it into her arm, cutting the arteries, so she’ll die. And I’m like shocked that they did that. And maybe they just thought that would stop her killing anyone else, but I’m shocked at it. So that was the dream.

John: The dream was triggered by the fact of an energetic inside, or a kind of awakening, or awareness quality, that you’re moving towards inside, in which the idea is one of letting go of everything.

So the idea of letting go of everything is scary because it triggers the impression of a kind of death. And so you’re trying to figure out how to observe all of this, how it is that you can take and observe, or notice, what is changing. Because this whole schematic of a type of death is a schematic in which a quality where you’re used to trying to make something meaningful – you can’t quite do anymore. And so it’s like the flip side of that, is that something is killing you.

It’s a peculiar sensation. The first time I had the sensation like that is I actually had something physically wrong with me. And, of course, I carried the sensation in terms of waking up and there being like an emptiness, where there was nothing alive, which meant that there was something dying.

That isn’t what you’re doing, what you’re doing is you’re carrying this sensation of something like this, because there’s a sense of a stillness, or a quietness where you let everything go. And that has an impression of death. So the oddity of this thing is, no matter how you look at this, it still looks like something has to go. And there’s always something that has to be let go of.

And so, in terms of your view of the overall world, that’s like something is dying, only you’re dying in terms of the way you’re caught, or held, or tied up in terms of the world. It’s a scattering sensation. You feel scattered, you feel discombobulated, when you have a dream like this. You feel like you can’t trust your sensibilities, even, when you have a dream like this. You feel like you’re overwhelmed, and it’s because you’re coming dangerously close to something in which there isn’t the aliveness that kind of keeps things going.

You carry something like this to the farthest degree, it’s almost as if the stillness goes back to the Demiurge, which is supposedly a vibration that came and ultimately out of that is the evolution of the species. And first there was just the Demiurge, and then came something as embodied as life; as human existence. It’s almost as if that’s where something like that is going; in other words, where it’s going, how it’s going, what you’re scoping to find, how it’s to be, is still like a mystery because it involves having to let go or sort something out.

And the attempt to do so causes these images that are kind of terrorizing, because it’s easier to keep something quickened in one’s nature, than to adopt a state that is more empty, because that is scary to the sense of oneself, that holds on to this quickening, that’s like an aliveness or vibration. It’s scary.

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