The Renewal

6a93b0In our dreams we run from aliens, we have conversations with people from our past, we ride horses, and we get bitten by snakes. These are images that represent an energetic conversation happening within us. In this dream, a teacher dies, after helping the dreamer. The teacher can be understood as a higher part of ourself, showing the way forward: opening up the heart, letting go, and abiding in a stillness that encompasses everything. Sometimes we need drama to get the point. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So then going back into the sleep dream, I start off with not being able to take in what I need to perceive in order to be in cadence with my environment. In other words, I find myself in kind of a general overall bewilderment. I’m trying to settle into that somehow or another, but it’s still too much for me. 

And because it’s too much for me, I’ve learned to settle back and try to be more observing, because, in the observing, rather than getting contended with bewilderment, I can feel the imbalance more subtly and denote that this is no way to go through life.

When I stop like this a little bit, everything that is around me more than I am able to handle. And what this does is it causes me to crack up. My head just cracks open; I mean I can’t handle it, it’s just way too much. 

So a healer, which is like a teacher or a close friend, or whatever, someone that’s willing to come to my rescue sees this. And this is a person who, deep down, I am very close to in some capacity or way or whatever that arrives on the scene, and he’s one of the few people that I am willing to trust. 

And what he does is, he first of all puts a sealant on my head, like a glue or something around my head, because it’s exploding. And then he places a visor cap on my head to hold the glue and all of that in place. And then he instructs me to lean forward and take the visor cap and touch a table or something, with the visor cap, and be perfectly still while this glue sets.

From this position I do not see anything distinctive that might cause my attention to meander and my head to start exploding again. After a while the cap falls away, and then I’m able to look around. But I’m still in a tenuous state, so I have to remain very still. I have to be very attentive that my head is really calm, because I’m not ready to cope with taking into account anything in the environment yet.

And it’s about this time that an announcement goes out. I hear an announcement that an emergency exists, that there is a person in dire distress. And suddenly, I notice that this healer friend teacher is in convulsions. I still can’t move and must remain perfectly still. I can’t do a thing. Medics rush to the rescue. Meanwhile, I’m just holding the space real quietly, real still, because I’m not healed yet. 

And so this is all happening right in front of me. And, as it’s happening, I know he is going to die. His heart has run its course. And it’s an expansive heart. It’s a big heart. It’s one I’m really fully seeing it probably almost for the first time as what is going on is happening in front. And that this is going to happen, and it’s going to happen before I’m able to even come out of the stillness – to be effective in life to any degree. 

And so, sitting in the stillness, being very still, I ask him: how much longer? In a strong voice that I know will be his last words he musters all of his attention and says: five more minutes. I’m left with the sense that my renewal is his demise.

And the meaning is, I start out in a helpless and delusional environment, unable to cope as I am meant to be. My yearning to cope results in letting go of involvements, or participating, in the outer, because that is more than I can handle. Or at least I try to do that. But in trying, I don’t do a good enough job and I crack up; my head splits open. 

So what is my redemption to this? You can’t be all cracked up. So I come to know that you have to quit looking around, and you have to be still. To be healed is to be healed by the innateness of your own inner stillness. That’s what you access to the wholeness. 

So, in the dream, I quit looking around, I stay still. And even at some point where I’m able to start observing a little bit, I’m still not able to take on the fragile heart of the world. And eventually when I reach a point where I am able to take on the outer and it’s bifurcations, which is in the outer and wherever I look, in order to remain true to the stillness’s essence, as reflected by an opening up of the heart’s wholeness, to abide therein I let go of the projected influences of the outer.

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