Lost in the Outer

When we say “yes” to something, everything changes. Yes, I’ll take care of it, yes, I can help, yes, I’ll marry you. The acceptance sends us a down a path that continues as long as the “yes” we offered still applies. Our relationship with the physical world is like that: whatever we allow in to capture our attention, sends us off on a different path. The idea of inner stillness is to be in the physical experience, but to not take the detour. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: In my meditation dream, I seem to be repeating what I did in another meditation dream, it’s like having to go and take another look at it, or something. And so, because I could sense that it’s like that, I’m going over it as if I can just go over it in my deep meditation, and not have to bring it out and come out with it because it’s just a repeat. 

Nevertheless, somehow or another, I’ve noted before that that’s a poor attitude to take. I have to compel myself reluctantly to come out of this inner world, and hold on to this when I open my eyes, and write it up.

Because even though I know that there is nothing that’s that noteworthy, other than it’s going to be a story of plight, I say this because, in this dream, the commotion I feel upon the heart is correlated to an identification upon the breath. That is intensified when there is an identification from these outer reflective conditions that have me spellbound, or my nature is spellbound. Or, you might say, stem from my being spellbound.

And these spells curse the heart. They hover over the heart, they’re like a pain upon the heart, which I guess you could just say is an identification from the breath. Which, when it hits the heart, limits the wholeness of the heart, the stillness of the heart – so it’s like a sensation of stabbing. 

I know this wouldn’t be so if I were in the all-abiding stillness, but instead, this is my purgatory; I have to contend with some flip-flopping around in the breath. Thus I am out of the stillness and into what is a type of futility, in other words, where things are reflective instead of brought back to a wholeness, or a completeness, or a oneness. And I’m struggling in this, that’s a reflection, as if it’s real. 

Only in a letting go to the stillness do I actually go anywhere. In other words, I just yo-yo in this sort of thing because this is not a depth of realness, of wholeness, completeness, of absoluteness, it’s a bifurcation that haunts me.

So I do my best, in the dream, to accept the fate I know that goes along with a breath projection,

understanding that anything that is caught on the breath is lost in an ever-changing outer, or the purgatory of what appears to be like an outer, which is manufactured based upon projection.

So, in my heart, I am realizing that there is a deeper echo of stillness, which is pleading to not be diluted by a breath because it knows that if I allow the struggle that is in the reflective outer to be there on the breath, vying for the heart, that I will be compromised and end up more or less under a heaviness outside of the stillness, or an exhaustion, even.

So, under the scenario – again, because you go back and forth until you’re worn out – so under the scenario that I am in my heart is heavy from an identification. And so I am in a bifurcation that is upon the breath. I am especially saddened because I know that there is no answer for such a state with its endless hallucinogenic yo-yo reflections.

Because I know better I have no right to pray. Because I know better, I don’t just do that and then go begging for mercy. How can I do that? So I must hope others that are a part of me, do so, as they yearn for the stillness. In other words, because I’m supposed to know better. Their crying out for a letting go is my hope to not be permanently lost within a delusional outer projective neverending spell.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Lost in the Outer

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