How would we describe the house of us, of our interior life? Is it a glorious manor with elegant ballrooms, or is it a cramped warren of small rooms and creaking stairways? Of course, the truth is that we all have all of these interior spaces, depending on the subject and the psychology. Yet just as we want to clean out the attic, or basement, or garage in the outer world, we want to do the same for our inner life, so that we know where everything is kept and can access what we have when needed. This is part of our development journey. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
Jeane: So, in the next dream, I seem to be a young man. And I’ve gone to visit this young woman who’s having a party, and her apartment is right below her parents who are overly controlling and always monitoring, or admonishing, her for anything she does.
And in this apartment that’s below her parent’s house, it feels like I’m on a sofa bed in the front part of the apartment. And it’s a very kind of Danish- or Swedish-looking apartment in terms of the furniture, it’s very kind of light, clean-cut furniture that serves dual purposes or something, very neat and compact. But I’m trying to make love with her – because I’m a man in this one, or a young man – on the front sofa kind of covered up by a duvet of some kind.
She keeps wanting to pull back at some point, and I keep kind of pushing it. But I recognize that part of the pulling back is that her parents are always monitoring what she does in terms of coming in, and even looking at her linens and everything else, really snoopy, and always making comments.
It feels like I kind of push her to complete making love, but then the scene fast-forwards in time and I’m out of my body observing what’s going on. And I go out of the basement apartment and I look at the house above where her parents live. And I see that it’s kind of tricolored, it’s turquoise and white, but it’s shuttered in the sense that you can’t see in the windows and it looks very dead in a way.
And then I look at her unit and I see how compact it is, it’s like there’s kind of a back bedroom where she is right now. And she has her brother and sister up playing on the bed, I even have a sense that there’s a dog around, too. And then, on the side, a friend of hers sleeping in something that made up into a bed. And I’m actually sleeping on that front bed where I’ve been with her before, which is just a kind of narrow little bed that also serves as a seating area. And then, of course, there’s me who’s out of the body observing all this.
And there’s something that’s so attractive about all these compact uses of how she decorates her place, I’m wondering if there’s even an identical place nearby that I might be interested in. But I notice the problem with how her parents come and even go through her trash to monitor what she’s doing that makes it difficult for her to have any kind of what you’d call a free-flow in life.
John: So what’s unusual about this dream is that when you bring in and merge back in the greater spaciality, that left you sensationally off, that there was a quality within that, as clumsy and as awkward as it was, to where you could almost sense that there was nothing that you could pull together, it was like maybe being just blasted to pieces, somehow, that there was a roundabout sensibility echo, anyway, whether it was sensible or not, worked as a needling, so to speak.
In other words, you can’t totally move away from that spaciousness, or the remembrance of that, that greater composite that isn’t able to hold something together. So you never lose that. And so in the dream, then, that’s like the overview that makes no sense. And so to make something make sense, you go back into things where you have the way delving in to the depths of things.
And, in the depths of things, you confront the mannerisms of yourself that have a certain kind of need to try to do this, or to do that. And, ordinarily, if you didn’t have the effect of the bleed-through of the spaciality of the first dream, you wouldn’t have the sense of a kind of guidance.
And that sense of guidance, even though you take it as a type of policing or needling of your nature is reflected in this dream, is brought forth in this dream, as having shifted and evolved now to a way of grasping something that is able to know something more, or just sense something more, that is upholding something more. So that how you are finding yourself in your restrictive nature that has its mannerisms and nuances, you’re finding that you can’t necessarily make anything overly magnified out of that because there is this sense of something else.
And, of course, your sense of this something else is not necessarily a positive one, because the way that you have come down into the outer, you’d like to try to see if you couldn’t blow that more widely open. In other words, taking the sensation on the inner, that you couldn’t make really as wide open as you needed to – and it left you in a delirium.
Now that you have found something that compacts, that you can sink your teeth in so to speak, you would like to try to take that spaciousness, that direction, that focus into something condensed – you would like to try to take that into a greater freedom.
It doesn’t work that way. That’s a reflection, yet, of something that has to run its course, to be lived, to be experienced, that you have to go through. You can’t take and get stuporish, as stuporish as maybe you could have before you had the experience of a greater overallness, you can’t take and get as stuporish about it because you’ve had the sense of the spaciousness.
But the way you’re able to work with the spaciousness is not necessarily hearing it as good guidance yet, instead it is kind of something that has you in a certain kind of controlled, or contained, environment. And the concept, or ideal, it’s like a concept and it’s like an ideal, especially when it’s just stated, that you can kind of be in a whole other place, and yet, at the same time, be a soldier in this world – doesn’t quite necessarily make sense yet.
Instead, what you’re doing is you’re seeing the component, you’re looking at the misalignment, so to speak, component parts that haven’t yet quite come together as a wholeness, whereby it might be possible. I mean, you don’t know if it’s possible. There’s nothing there that evidences that this is possible. So it’s a “might” yet, but it’s kind of like your psyche’s way of responding to the two sides, the two halves.
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