Into a Shell

We all have old wounds that still play out in our lives, some from very specific, unforgettable scenarios in our past, and some from forgotten episodes that have receded into the fog of memory. When current events trigger these old wounds, our automatic response can go in one of two main directions: it can be to do exactly the opposite as a way of negating the original wound, or we can manifest our own version of what caused the wound, thereby carrying on the legacy. By making ourselves more conscious of how these deep emotional traits work through us, we can lessen the effect that they have upon us and others. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So the sleep dream is quite wild, too. In this dream, a teacher of a painting class – this being a teacher that lacks a certain sensitivity in terms of how they conduct themselves – is pounding her ideas on how to paint, or how to appreciate, to the point that I go the other direction. I’m overpowered by it because it’s too loud. 

So I shut down, and, when I shut down, then I don’t really learn anything. Then I become amnesic and a dullard, which when you close off like that means that her beating-up antics come across as even more adamant. And instead of this working it just pushes me into a stupidity shell. And I stay that way, in this dream, for a long, long time.

Eventually, when I come out of the shell, I have accessed an inner clarity that has woken up, that was sitting there, that I had been protecting apparently when I went into the shell, even. In other words, I couldn’t have this kind of clarity there and this bullying, or this demeanor, this note that was coming across there at the same time. 

So when I come out of the shell I have accessed this inner clarity pent up inside. Plus, when I come out, or wake up, I go around and have the common sense, the inclusiveness, to ask others for their opinion in order to augment a sense that I can tell is of something more yet, that is still missing.

I reach inside for an adaptability that had been pent up and repressed and, in finding it, I am not going to let go of this sight by shrinking away again. So I come out with what I know with a loudness that has the same demeanor of intensity as the teacher had with me when she attempted to pound in her approach and smothered me instead. Only when I come into my own I am able to stretch more than she could ever do, and, as a result of such stretching, experience an inner access is not just incredible but passes her right by. 

I am not only adaptable to the situation, but I also fill in an insight that had been missing. The problem is, now that the personality-approach is on the other foot, the intensity or the intolerance, a kind of intolerance that was part of the package, now that things are on the other foot this comes across as me bullying her. And the thing that is most sad about this is that because of a dexterous and greater overall nature that I can access within, I can pour the bullying on in a way that is even more accentuated than she could have ever imagined. 

So the meaning is, this too is a repeat dream. In other words I’ve had this before, which indicates that based upon an abusive process in my past, which was a bullying intolerance, that when I awaken from my beat down, out-of-touch amnesia, the insight and depth within comes out of me with the same general quality that had deeply wounded me long ago. 

Point being: based upon a shadow level of previous intolerance imposed upon me, when I wake up consciously from an amnesia inner stupor, my sight carries with it, instead of just the natural intertwined graciousness, a lording-over arrogant-looking note in the mannerism that harkens back to the bullying I endured long ago that got pent up within, inadvertently, and is an unresolved wound.

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