The Excuse

From: Being John Malkovich

Many religious pathways and personal development journeys speak of shadow work, generally understood as the deep dive into the fears and motivations that have been automated in us from an early age – and the process of bringing them into a greater conscious awareness. Our dreams are excellent at showing these patterns to us, and today’s dream is a good example. The dreamer is taking a seemingly logical and sensible position regarding avoiding the chaos of a larger room by staying in a smaller room. Yet when we dig a little deeper, beyond the surface events, we might see that it is more about fear and an unwillingness to face a challenge than it is about the specific circumstances. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeanne: I just remember part of a dream. I know it was a longer dream, but in the part I remember I seem to be at some kind of a large conference, we’re meeting in a conference building and all on one level is where we meet, although I know there are offices or something on other levels. 

I remember being in a side room with three or four people. And I become aware like they’re serving the meal, but when I open the door to the room where the meal is being served, it feels like there’s so much noise and chaos in there, and they’ve already started eating, that I kind of have this sense that there won’t really be enough food there, even find my place or whatever. 

So I come back into the smaller room and I notice that one lady is just eating some jello salads off of a platter that has a whole series of them there. And I turn around to tell the person that I’m with that I think I’ll just have some of the small jello salad here. But they seem to have already gone. Because I just don’t want to deal with the chaos of the large room, or even the thought that probably everyone had started eating in there earlier or something, there wouldn’t be enough food anyway. 

But the person I was with had already left. The dream just seemed to have a lot of murky colors in it, and I didn’t pull that much of the dream out.

John: So are you mixing two things? Are you mixing the idea that it’s not worth the effort to go into this bigger room because it’s going to agitate you in some fashion? It’s easier to stay kind of eating innocuous, like jello, food in a small room? 

Are you mixing the two? Are you undermining yourself because you have an attitude about something that’s going to be more disturbing if you dive into it?

Jeanne: That’s quite possible. 

John: One has to wonder because one has to look at the theme of the dreaming last night. The theme of the dreaming last night was you have a sense of something. In other words, this is kind of like a one, two, to something else. 

In other words, first you have a sense of something. That sense of something that is constricted is generally associated with something in the past, like a type of defense mechanism. And if you were to try to pull it out, it’s as if it has some sort of recognition or cognition to the past. 

So use this as the template for trying to understand the dream. What more comes out of this dream is that somehow, in the past, you have developed some sort of way of looking at this that causes you to pull back. It causes you to understand it, in other words, in relationship to that past. And your understanding is that it’s too chaotic. 

There’s too much going on. It’s easier to stay in a small space, a simple space, an unsophisticated space, than it is to go into something that’s more chaotic. And, besides, what is served there isn’t going to hold out for everybody.

So you have that understanding, but that understanding limits something. What that understanding limits is it limits the fact that you’re using this as an excuse to break into a greater spaciousness of yourself, a greater dimension of yourself.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: The Excuse

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