If we think of energy as food, then we can understand why letting go can be so difficult: it’s like we are suddenly fasting after eating three meals a day for our whole life. When we fast, our stomach and body will complain. When we let go of an energetic – a defense mechanism or an old psychology – we are basically starving that energy within us, and it will cry out more and more as the days go by hoping to get some food from us. Of course, if we feed it even a little bit, it will have new energy to demand even more food. Instead we should keep letting go, gently, as we proceed. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
John: So anyway I go back into the dream in which a pattern of hurting the heart is being repeated. The heart tends to become veiled and a helplessness gets in if a traumatic pain is being repeated in any way, shape, or form.
So, in other words, when you go through life and the very first step, going back to the meditation dream, the very first step equates you to a pain. Often a person can ignore that pain, subrogate that and try to go off to one side and try to play in a subtle way. But, if you hold to the pain, you can get a deeper truth out of that and then slingshot to the true letting go, which is necessary inside. It takes all of the energy; all of the Kundalini energy to do that.
What this dream is doing is it’s offering some additional information when it comes to violating the heart. What I’m learning is that once a person comes to identify with pain, which you do in the first phase of your life, and you don’t run, or hide, or suppress it, once a person identifies with a pain, that there is a pain, there’s a tendency to adopt an approach that seeks to mitigate the pain, and that such an approach is also afflictive to the heart and its psyche.
In other words, it’s trying to create a shadow dynamic or something. So when the heart acknowledges a pain, attempts to work around the pain in similarly reflective ways it’s still violating the heart. The heart is not a buying and selling organ, it goes back and forth. It’s either all in an overallness, or it’s bifurcated by some aspect that’s still a hold out in terms of like the quality of the breath or something.
And so I saw this pattern. And so, in my sleep now, I’m seeing this repeating. And the first pattern I saw it repeating was in a football game in which second opportunities and more favorable circumstances occurred as a kind of do-over. Even when successful there is still the remembrance of a prior trauma. And then there is a subtle subrogation as an attempt to wipe out this memory. And this memory is actually a type of archetypal force that is still established in the psyche as a reflective conditioning – even if one can paper it over, or shadow level veil it.
So what this means is, this is another way of saying that the lesser pains that one approaches, the lesser octaves, where you take and you go through practices and you go through all kinds of in-between things, that’s still messing around. It’s not as direct in terms of taking it full on. The key is when you take it full on you are inclined to pay attention to what the heart is trying to say, as opposed to trying to figure out how you can coordinate the heart in a way you want to coordinate it.
So the dream then repeated in terms of doing something else in life. In this dream, I had learned how to document a vibratory sound on a specific musical piano type instrument. And then suddenly, the environment that I’m in has changed. In other words, I don’t have this instrument that I’ve honed this on available to me. And it looks like I’m going to have to do this, recreating this vibratory quality that pings out there and things, on an ordinary piano.
My memories of having to painfully struggle from a past of doing this in kind of a more ordinary way where I didn’t know how to let go and just thought with some aspect of the breath, on the breath, churned up from my psyche to create a fear and undermine an inner confidence and resolve.
In this dream, as I’m reflectively denoting the self-limiting vibration, a person in this place says, no, no, not the piano. And they say this before I’ve even acted it out. I’ve identified with the vibration inside of a kind of flickering pain trauma, oh boy, kind of thing. And they say no, no, no. We have the machine you need in the back.
And so I go back there and am pleasantly surprised: there it is in the very back. And this is even a newer version than what I am familiar with. As soon as I sit down at this machine to recreate this vibration, I’m still vibrating with the psyche trauma – I nearly repeat it. And so it’s as if this is influencing my focus and attention because I put in the wrong note right off the bat to try to transmit.
And so I have to shut down the machine, get myself vibrationally re-attuned, and I settle back and do what I know how to do, and am meant to do, with a focus, attention and consciousness I have accessed from within.
What I’m really saying here is that if you go back to the very first part where everyone comes into life and gets hit with something, and then comes to recognize that there is a whole other way, if you start playing with this whole other way, without really hearing it in terms of how the heart is meant to be an intertwined overallness, you will flicker yourself back to the pain. And if you flicker yourself back to the pain, you either will let go of the pain completely and make a big step, or you will traumatize yourself.
And if you traumatize yourself, even if you’re doing it in a gentler way, you’re still not making any headway. And that when you truly recognize the stillness, you have to hold the stillness and, if it’s dead, you still carry some sort of painful trauma inside, the mere flickering and playing with that painful trauma in some bifurcated way is going to cause it to get loud again.
So what the dream is pointing out is that if there is a latent trauma embedded upon the breath that still haunts, even if repressed or harbored in a distant background, any familiarity to this will bring it back as an archetypal violation and vibration. The heart knows an overall intertwined oneness; at its essence it knows this. When you’re able to delve into it and fully experience the pain of things, you become keener and keener in recognizing the bifurcations.
So you don’t steer to try to do something spiritual with practices and such, you just learn to let go of it all. So until there is a true letting go and genuine self-forgiveness, the heart is not able to be itself, which is the essence of all there is.
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