Taking the Lead


Louise Taylor

When we come to understand the real work involved in making a spiritual journey, we may ask the universe: why? And the answer lies in the fact that we have been given a special gift that no other form of life enjoys: freedom of choice. With such a freedom is great possibility, and great danger (as we see every day). From the universal perspective, we need to prove that we can be trusted to choose on behalf of higher purposes, rather than on behalf of lower desires. Our journey is a process of being surer and surer of the choices we make, and why.  (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So, in the dreaming, it takes a lot of attention to be able to go to a deeper and deeper level inside myself. In other words, this is deep in the dream, and what’s going on is I have the whole sensation of a traveling in which there is two things. There is something that is there and then I have to catch it, and then there’s something that is there and I have to catch it, and I have to catch it, I have to catch it. And when I get up near the top it actually seems to level off a little bit, but still there is the attempt to catch it.

And, like I say, the sensation is like going up, and the direction is like that, within, in terms of the within, in terms of dream imagery. The sense is that of being drawn further and further and, as I said, there is even a leveling out in which it can seem slow at times because I can see myself waver at times. I could see myself look back. I could see myself see my physical condition when I waver; but even though I waver, I still keep going deeper and deeper.

And then eventually I reach a status quo, which is like the top of the in-breath, and what may have been difficult, such as my physical well being as I went deeper and deeper because when I glance back my physical well being may not be very good, I’ve reached a point where everything has stabilized and sound. So I’ve reached the top of an innerness. So there are no conditions, or order, or parts of self to glance back at anymore.

But then, all of a sudden, having gotten there, it switches. Now you start the out-breath, and so now it’s time to come back down into life from this inner depth. And the sensation is quite difficult because you’re doing it differently. Before you had the sensation of being pulled, or guided, or however you’d say, ascending. Now the sensation is different in that I seem to be a beingness that takes the lead, like the ego coming down. And, when I take the lead, it’s like I have to be careful, which means it’s like holding the hand of something on the deeper innerness.

I don’t just come completely down in some sort of helter skelter. So I’m coming back. Like I say, it’s different, it’s like having a hand to hold onto as I descend. And it is like something else is taking the lead – meaning my ego is taking the lead. Something else that was different in the ascent was more like the higher self, and now it’s like something is coming back into life which is more like a quality of ego now.

So when before it’s like being guided and pulled deeper and deeper as an upward sensation, and in coming down it’s different because you could come down in a way that isn’t paying proper attention. So in the coming down you have to be careful that you don’t, as a force of nature, disturb. Or, as I saw in the dream, I could come down and, if I’m not watching my step closely, I can set off a landslide right in front of me. But I am careful, and so if I do set off a landslide I don’t get caught in it. But I look and it could be a close call, but I’m holding the hand of something – so I’m careful.

So by holding onto the hand, of the inner, I see the devastation that my presence in a vibrational energetic is able to set off, in other words, my force of nature development, that is a force of nature because of the innerness that I am able to hold the hand of. But I do not get caught in it because I stay attentive.

In other words, you want to be invisible when you come into the outer. You don’t want to be out there loud and carrying on, and goofy again, because you’re going to get lost again. So the attempt is to proceed with as much care as possible so as to not cause too much, like I say, of the force of nature, and respect my whereabouts, and hereabouts, and thereabouts in terms of this motion back into life.

So I’m having to say that I was there. In other words, you could say that I can look now and can tell that I’m there when breakdowns occur, but I don’t get caught in it, and I was unaffected because I remained attentive to the unfoldment process from within – instead of its affect upon the outer.

The meaning is that I am shown the dynamic of going deeper and deeper with an inner awakening travel sensation, which is a letting go process in which I am taken. The difficulty in that is in the looking back when I should be letting go, there’s like step backs in my physical condition, and those step backs can be seen as in a state of duress because it isn’t accustomed to such a letting go and being taken somewhere deep within, that being what it’s about.

So when I come back into life after having done that, with the out-breath, it’s more consciously because I am coming from such an inner depth. I’m leaving the power and force of this inner depth, so I don’t just blank it out completely, so I watch my step. I’m careful. I have an honoring of that.

So the coming back is something that, when I’m attentive, I know about the inner consciousness, instead of just the outer, and so I know when things are fraught with danger, in terms of the outer, because everything’s changeable, can be affected.

So it is in coming back, if I am not in the proper frame of reference, in terms of the inner beingness from above, that is in the coming back kind of a type of guidance, or a type of knowingness, I will be a force in nature, a force in nature that can be harmful to myself. I may be a force of nature, anyway, whether I like it or not. I may set off landslides as it is.

So the ego can act as if this is okay, if it’s just irresponsible. And the ego, as far as the ego side of things goes, can just flick off such an effect, and the ego aspect of one’s self that one doesn’t buy into, and isn’t lost in, can let go, can step back at the right moment in time and save itself from over indulgence thanks to the hand of an inner guidance that it is able to adhere to.

So why did I have this dream? I had this dream to reach a recognition of inner into outer responsibility. It appears in this dream I am able to see and respect what there is in the outer and, therefore, have a handle on what could be, as long as I realize where I am, how I am, who is guiding me, and I follow what is necessary to tell that story, energetically, if nothing else.

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A Deeper Story

behind-veilOften in dreams we look at the action taking place in the sequence of images and assume that they are telling us specifically about the subjects they describe, whether it involves some people we know, or it is happening in places we go. But that’s not necessarily the point of the dream. And we can apply this same criteria to our daily life: is what is unfolding about the specific things we see happening before our eyes? Or is what is happening pointing us to a much greater, and deeper, meaning? The answer to these questions will make all the difference. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: In this dream there are two things that happen that are somewhat overlapping. And, initially, it’s like I’m contacted by someone I had dated in the past, that had left, and he was from another country. It was like people had tried to keep us apart on some level, too, but then he disappeared.

Well he comes back into my life; then I think he disappears again. And someone else that I had gone out with, from another country, shows up and wants to get serious. And he’s left for awhile, and then I see a woman that I used to work with that led seminars and things, and she’s in town leading a seminar. I just see her. We kind of make eye contact, and then she’s gone.

And I’ve gone into a room, and as I go into the room and I look at the far end of the room where there’s windows, I notice some people who have kind of almost hung upside down so I’ll see them looking through the window. They must be up on the roof, but can turn around and look. I go over to see what it is that they’re looking at me for, and one of them must stand up, or they break away, and they come around and they come into the room where I am and they hand me a flyer that the lady I had seen go by, she’s coming back into town to do a one-day seminar, and she wants make contact with me.

And then another woman that was involved with leading seminars comes, and she has me come over to her house, and I see she and her husband have just come into town like they have their luggage. And she wants me to meet with her and she tells me she’s designing a seminar, all about cocaine, actually, maybe how to help people not use cocaine or whatever. She already has 300 and some points written down, but she wants my feedback on some thoughts about what to put in the seminar.

And then she suddenly changes the subject and wants to know what I’m doing about these relationships. And I explain to her that one of them is someone I had gone out with a long time ago, but then they just disappeared in the dream world, but the other one has come back but I’m not sure anybody wants me to be involved with him because my family probably wouldn’t like me leaving, you know, not stay in the country.

John: The dream is easy to understand, but you have to let go of all of that back and forth-ism, and all of the dynamics of that back and forth-ism, in a literal sense, because that is very dumbed down and external, and not what is going on in terms of the vibration within that is trying to wake up with inside of you.

First of all, you have a sense of something, but a sense of something that’s like being pulled forward, something that you awaken up to, something that is more like an in-breath, and so there’s vague memory and such of that.

But at some particular point in time, that journey switches, and then there’s the out-breath where there’s the coming down into life, and how that needs to awaken. You do this over and over again, trying to catch up with something that you can’t remember except in an inner way. And then in an attempt to bring it through or bring it back into something that you can put your fingers on, or sink your teeth into. And you repeat this three or four times in your dream, this kind of reverb. It’s a vibrational thing, and it has this imagery that’s like dream things that are going on – but it’s the imagery that you could dwell on that can keep you from catching up with the energetic that is behind it.

Now why is this energetic, that is behind it, important? Well, it has to do with how things awaken. The energetic is used differently, or functions in a slightly different way, up and down functions slightly differently. An up sensation of vibration is where something is pulling you to a deeper depth within, and in that being pulled to a deeper depth within, you have to contend with amnesia, and something of the past, and how do you remember it and what does that mean.

And then when you bring the energy back into life, instead of something pulling you up, you now are holding the hand of that and coming down into life. And as you’re coming down into life you’re creating noticeability. And so, how do you do that?

Whenever you come down into life, which is now like the out-breath of something, from the past, of an energetic that you rose up into in terms of a kind of inner consciousness. Now when you bring that back down into life you, now have to contend with what that is about, and great care has to be taken to do that process because you’re now coming down. Instead, you were going up, and therefore being guided up, and going into another zone in terms of the going up – to which that’s got a sensation of being a forgotten memory, or in the past or something. But then when you’re coming down into life, it’s like you’re now facing it again, maybe not that issue per se, because again that’s what creates the confusion in terms of the dream.

Those issues are not the issues. It’s the vibrational movement of energy that is what is being described here. So when you’re coming down into life again, it’s almost as if you, in terms of a structure of being of self, is coming with a kind of ego quality or something that is held maybe by the innerness, but is still taking the steps.

So you have to kind of look at it a little bit like this: When you’re going in a consciousness you have a guidance that’s like pulling you along. And so you’re going into a depth that lacks a memory. That’s the in-breath. When you’re coming down into the consciousness, back into the consciousness, returning back into the world, having to contend with things that have to be sorted out and dealt with, and that it is your nature to have to sort this out and to deal with it, it’s like you have to hold the hand of the innerness, but you are now leading the way with a quality of ego or nature that is coming down. And so you do this over and over and over again, three or four times in your dream. That’s the flow of energy.

It’s really easy to get caught in the storyline, and think that you need to make something out of the storyline. But, no, the storyline is just there to cause you to kind of come to grips with what lies behind the storyline, which is a dynamic, and to understand and zoom in on this dynamic, in other words, how it is that you’re to experience the innerness, and how that innerness affects you. And then how it is that you’re to experience the coming down into the outer, which has kind of an ego quality, or an effect upon things that are in the outer, and how it is that you have to hold the hand of something to keep the collateral damage, or to keep what is taking place in some sort of semblance. So when you’re coming into an outer there’s a semblance. When you’re going into the inner, there’s a letting go.

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The Refresh

956572A wise person once described the spiritual journey as being something like a rocket trip to the moon: it’s basically off-course every second, but with minute and incremental adjustments every step of the way, it reaches its destination in the end. This is how we develop and proceed, by refining how we are in our spiritual journey, by becoming better and better at it. In the process, who we were when we began slowly fades away, and where it is possible for us to go has expanded and changed completely. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: Now my meditation dream is a bit different. In the meditation dream, I can see a place where I’m going in my inner mind’s eye. In other words, as I’m sleeping, this is all happening in terms of kind of a lucid way of dreaming within, so as I’m dreaming within I can look and I can see something that is an outline of where something can be and how it can be.

It’s almost like on a distant landscape, and you could see this on this distant landscape way, way, way far away, as if you’re able to introspect, freeze-frame introspect, into a depth of yourself. So you can see that, but even in my sleep now the dilemma is to reach this place. So the fact that I see it there is something that compels me to try to reach this place, like an inner process is invoked by the fact that I know that there is such a place. And that such a place is something that I need to come closer, or to reach, or want to come closer to and reach.

But I have my mannerisms, and my bifurcations, or something, that affect that clearness. In other words, it’s clear to me what I see, but the vibration coming back is not as succinct. In other words, maybe there is a bit that shoots back and through, but it’s very subtle. It’s not as distinct as the seeing of what it is that I am seeing.

So the vibration that comes back is such that it’s so dumbed down, or subtle, that I’m still able to try to direct things this way or that way, in terms of how it is that I am. And in that directing of it this way and that way, I never do seem to catch up with this place. I always seem to be going around and around about things, always caught into some multiplicity of things.

However, the fact that I saw something, even if it’s a grayish image, you know, that is a freeze-frame of something, the fact that I saw that as a once upon a time maybe even, the fact that I saw that means that there is still something that must triculate a little bit to me, because I find myself in a modality that it continues to try to get there – even though the way that I am trying to get there will never get there. It’s still trying to do it with some sense of ideation, as opposed to letting go.

And so suddenly there’s like a shift. I can’t explain what caused all of that. It’s like a total letting go and just like the spinning or something, where something just drops away, and it’s more than just the distance between this and that. And so suddenly, in my awareness, this whole thing takes on a light and a coloration, which is like a light, and a newness compared to what was a dullness.

And that’s when I realize that what it was that I was proceeding towards, or looking at, or had an inflection of, as a consequence of the way that I have become wayward, my sense of that is more in keeping with a type of spiritual illusion. So, it’s as if that spiritual illusion had some sway nevertheless, because I adhered and held to that spiritual illusion as a form of controlled steerage as I proceeded with my own wayward mannerisms simultaneously to this subtle inflection that was one of internalized belief.

And so not being able to close the difference between this shadow image that I see, that is important somewhere out beyond where I am at, and how it is that I am going this way and that way is a frustration in the present. I can’t seem to tune out that frustration in the present because it has a loudness that holds my attention, where I nuance this way and that way, in terms of it, as opposed to just adhere to, or hold, something that is really kind of clear. But the clarity is compromised by my manneristic nature.

So there I sit, trying to sort things out, and as long as I am trying to sort things out a waywardness exists. Somehow something happens, and what I see in my mind’s eye changes. It becomes modernized. It just takes on a whole different, exciting appearance. It like gets really freshened up, as if some sort of energetic bifurcation got dropped so that the image comes across more deeply, and more succinctly.

And that’s how I come to know that the degree of a closeness to something is based upon having to get aligned in a way so that the loudness of my ideas and approach has to end. You’ve just got to suddenly let go of it. You’ve just got to drop it.

So that’s what that is here, suddenly a shift within, where I seem to make a big letting go step, and am suddenly able to recognize this place as being a wholeness that is refreshed and anew. It is similar to what I held in my mind’s eye as the place I needed to reach, but it had gotten discolored. It had gotten set in a particular defined way, because this letting go shift brightens and electrifies what is imaged, so that it’s not the same anymore.

So then I wake up, and the meaning is, there is a way of vying for the heart that comes from within as a subtleness that remains. Even if the best you can do with that faint, faint memory is not really true. Even it is an illusory way of looking at things.

So the connection is so quiet, meaning that the vibratoriness doesn’t come through; so it’s so quiet that the loudness of what you do in the outer causes you to mess with it by way of a blurriness that leads to an outer place defined with conceptualizations of the ideal.

So when I stop a waywardness that I deem important, I refresh to a connection that doesn’t have skewered, misappropriated images in a set time and space that I imagine. The distinction is like taking an inner faded black-and-white imagery, that is a freeze-frame inflection, adding color and light to it, thus renovating to modern times. Such a change is a night and day transformation of a preset imagination.

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