Following on her dreams from earlier in the night (see In the Bleachers), Jeane finds herself still struggling with being a part of what is going on, or better connected to the flow. In fact, between being caught in a swirl of people who nearly step on her, to missing her connections, things are actually going from bad to worse. Sometimes that’s the nature of our dreams: they are trying to give us guidance, but we’re not always in the right mindset to receive it, and/or benefit from it. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
Jeane: So the next dream is kind of a dream that was interfaced with the fact I was coughing a lot. There’s something about when the wind blows down here, with a lot of dust, it really activates my sinus. So anyway that was going on in the outer while I was trying to sleep, and then I have this dream.
In the dream it seems again like there’s a lot of movement with my going from one place to the other, and struggling with it, and trying to breathe right. But in this process I remember one of the places I go I sit down at a table with you and the teacher comes and sits down and I go to talk with him but he has this bad cold.
It’s like his nose is runny, so I feel like I have to excuse myself for a minute. And I go to a party where there’s a bunch of other Sufis and, one of them, it’s almost like when I sit down on the floor I have to avoid being stepped on because as people come in and fill the room that one group of Sufis actually they almost move on stilts, and they’re doing some kind of movement, or motion, or dance.
And so it’s like they’ll rise up and then they’ll come down a bit. It’s a huge guy that’s on stilts above me, but he never really steps on me, so I’m okay. And I seem to know other people in the room, or they know me, because some of them gather around me and they almost act like I pulled the group together when I felt like I was going to somebody else’s house in a way.
But after a certain portion of this kind of group movement together, then I go back to the table that you and the teacher have left, and I don’t know where you’ve gone, because now it feels like I feel better, so I’m not sure where to find you. That’s all I really remember. It was kind of broken up by the fact that I was coughing.
John: It’s an image that’s designed to cause you to recognize that you don’t need to lean on anything. You don’t have to have anything there to try to create a pseudo semblance.
What you’re doing is you’re creating images outside of the masculine framework, yet you’re trying to see yourself bounded by the masculine framework. But the images that you’re creating are free of the masculine framework.
In other words, it’s kind of like when you go about, and just are free-flowing, everything about you is taken into account – yet you don’t know why. You find yourself able to free yourself up of impediments because you’ve let go of them, and then when you go back to try to make sense out of the whole thing, it’s all gone.
So this is a type of natural unconsciousness and an emptiness. And yet how do you describe that? How do you make sense out of that? Do you have to bring in the masculine in order to tell stories about it? In other words, it’s a heightened kind of unconsciousness, but it’s also the dullest of all, too, simultaneously.
It has like a one, two, three to it in which one is the condition of just being in one side of an equation. In other words, you’re in a stadium with nothing going on. In other words, it would be like a person was totally unconscious in creation, that hasn’t the foggiest idea that there’s more to life than just what reflects in creation.
And then you come to recognize that there is something more, but you can’t make any sense out of it. That slight something more, because you can’t make any sense out of it, you just drop it.
In other words, the masculine would take and look at the sparks that are created where the inner touches the outer and whatnot, and have a story to tell in terms of a seeing, and hearing, and a flow and whatnot, but, in your particular case, that’s like a type of haunting of you. And so you then proceed to kind of pull the plug on all of that, and you tend to go into an emptiness.
And so you’re not telling a story, you’re just in kind of an overall condition – almost at the inception of something before something starts. In other words, if you were to describe the whole process of creation as being something like, well, we have to have the big bang, and then we have to have things break into sound, and then there’s light, and then there’s life, and then there’s all of that, and then there’s the expansion and the contraction.
You’ve kind of pulled it back into a dormancy that leaves… well, it has the sense of a flatness to it because we need to have something engage our synapses, but you don’t have anything engaging your synapses.
Doesn’t that leave you kind of miserable?
John: Because we have to have that identification, right?
John: It’s kind of like, for comfortability purposes, it’s nice to know that one’s intertwined and part of everything, but you don’t quite have that memo there.
Jeane: No, I don’t.
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