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Posts Tagged ‘awakening to yourself’

In spiritual development, going deeper inside is a way of describing what it feels like to move our center of gravity from the outer, physical world, to the world of energetic connections. And these connections are considered subtle, to begin with, because they are usually drowned out by the noise of external considerations and personal involvement. Yet, as we proceed, quietening the noise of ourselves, what is subtle will become much louder to us, and become the intelligence we turn to rather than using only our brain. This level is a connected, guided life. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: In my particular case I got a glimpse of it, and that’s what screwed me up in meditation, and then everything was just all haywire in terms of the dreams.

In the meditation dream I appear to be asking the question: is there another level of consciousness that I have no sense about? I sense that this must be so, as a furtherance of the reason for manifestation and the illusionary struggles, the reason why they’re there, because you can look at all the stuff in manifestation and then you could see that it’s about something.

So I experience a glimpse of the greater letting go stillness, that I am aware exists, at the interval of the breath. So this is typical stuff. This is my usual pattern. I’m back to looking at this because, is there something more? And this, for me, has been as good as it gets as far as I know, but still I’m wondering about this, about there being more, as I notice that in spite of that there is still the reaching further within, when the outer that is in a dire straight is exemplified. In other words, where you have to take responsibility for it. If you don’t take responsibility for it, you can kind of move that way.

For a split second I get a glimpse of something I had never taken into account before. In other words, it was like a level of being, a quality of being, that I couldn’t put any parameters, I couldn’t put my finger on, and, as a consequence, it really throws you haywire. And so I was baffled, and bewildered, and had no context. I’m talking about it in kind of a denial way, but what it does is it makes you almost crazy, immediately; you just can’t look at it. You have to drop it immediately. You have to dismiss it because it’s too hard on the circuits, or, as I put it, I had to let it go because it was too much.

The idea that there is yet another aspect of being, which is even subtler than what I currently sense in regards to the breath, was too much for me to accept. I mean I couldn’t get a handle on it at all. It just went kapoof. It blew all of that. It was like a shift from all that had been.

So I lack a context for this at this time. In order for this to exemplify an even deeper depth to the denseness, in other words, that’s what this is kind of like, in order to take something to a dire extreme, like the perspective of peace in the world or something like that, which, deep down, one knows is helpless, in order to be a hold to that you have to have this quality somewhere within, that is ordinarily, if you don’t do it, too sensitive, and subtle to catch up with, or to make itself known.

To make sense of things, in a non-crazed way, it would seem that within a greater indulgence into the reflective outer, which normally leads to a greater delirium, but when you can go into that and hold something deeper yet inside, the only way you can go more into the outer and indulge more in the outer is to have this other that better be there, the subtler quality of your beingness, because otherwise you just dismiss things that you see in the outer as reckless and foolhardy.

Thus, the deeper truth behind tipping at windmills, in terms of a being, is a deeper calling and aspect of our nature. If it’s not awakened, you don’t do it, because your common sense and your mental understanding of things keeps you from going into things that are futile. You have to sense, or know, that a greater moreness, or awareness, or quality of subtleness that’s latent within, you have to have a sense of that to do it, because, rationally speaking, based upon the way I am observing things at this time, and, of course, trying to do that in cohesion with the breath – it will make no sense.

So there is the something else isn’t there, and how is it taught? How do you teach that? So to repeat, all of this musing is because I glimpse something subtler that I had never seen, as an aspect within, and had to drop it as it was too much, too destabilizing, and invoked a going crazy insanity.

Scenario: I’m theming along the lines of putting into my heart a denser outer that I dismiss as hopeless. This is not consciously possible without this other subtler beingness embodied simultaneously. So that’s the meditation dream. Isn’t that odd?

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awq243If we understand that everything is, fundamentally, an energy, we can realize that every moment of our lives we are processing the energies of the things we come in contact with, the things we think about, or dwell upon, and the waves of energies coming from the world around us. And just like our body processes the food we eat into useful proteins and nutrients, and then discards the toxins, our entire system is doing this with the energies that we encounter. We have to have this processing out, or we would become poisonous to ourselves. It is useful to realize this when we have a flare-up of anger, or frustration, or any negative emotion, because when we are conscious of the process, we can flush these energies from our systems much more quickly. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: My dreaming last night just felt kind of mundane. It felt like I was searching for something, and it might just be something like I have a nephew’s wedding coming up, and I’m not sure where the wedding is, or where they’ve sent the invitation. And it feels like I’m talking with my dad, and I’m trying to figure out where we’re supposed to go.

But the sensation is more like there’s something that I’ve kind of lost, and I’m searching for where it is, and, at one point, I know that there’s cars that come down the road that are these old-fashioned cars that have like the great big bumpers, and one time they’re black, and another time they’re red. I think the red and black are on opposite sides of the road, or going opposite directions.

I just remember that it seemed like mundane details, like trying to figure out where somebody was, or what they were going to be doing, or where I was supposed to go. And I don’t remember a lot more besides that because it was just kind of more of a sensation thing last night, kind of something lost in trying to figure out how to figure it out.

John: Which is similar to your dream the night before. In other words, whatever that was about didn’t quite come all the way through, in terms of an understanding, or a clarity, for you. In that the quality of what you are holding onto, as a way of being, is like a swarm of embodiment in which you take account of, or hold, a responsibility towards the pulling through of something.

This is like an odd paradox. In other words, you pull something through in order to awaken something inside of yourself. It’s very similar to what Rene does. So Rene takes and she, through a quality of sensitivity, and subjectivity, of her nature that has to do with a kind of an awakened awareness, on a heightened, subjective level, she pulls through, she can sustain and pull through, and hold onto, imbalances that need to be softened and accommodated.

When she pulls this stuff through, what she’s doing is she’s actually pulling through rubbish mannerisms, like thought-upon-thought kind of thing. She’s pulling all of that through. And then she’s discarding it. She’s throwing it out. Now she has to pull it through, because this is the same nature that you’re trying to describe inside yourself: you have to pull this through in order to be able to catch up with a greater essence of yourself.

So what you’re describing is you’re describing kind of a condition of the way a certain quality of light has to open up, within matter. First of all, it has gotten into the matter as a result of it having been dumbed-down, or impacted, by intensity issues. And then, as it comes to recognize, realize, that it has this other quality with inside of itself, the light imbedded in the matter, the completeness, how does it then catch up with that without suddenly floating away, so to speak?

It’s better to be able to be in the heart, but to be in the heart is to be smashed and blasted, to a certain degree, by the way of things.

So what you were dreaming is you were influenced by what took place yesterday, and you were using all of that as the scenario, and you were finding yourself scoping around in relationship to that.

Now one of the things that you always say to me, even though you may not necessarily know that, is that you want me to not be so obtuse, or removed, or distant or something, or walk around in kind of a head space. If I do that, then that cuts something off from you. That cuts off something in terms of a connection that you have to have in order to find the right kind of rapport, in which what opens up inside of you is able to open up and have its inclusiveness with things.

You started on this yesterday, and you kind of needled the issue yesterday, and now you’re coming back to it, in terms of pulling it down with a heightened acuity.

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aws232It is nearly impossible to make a spiritual journey and never experience spiritual doubt. After all, we are asking our brain and all our systems to let go of the physical reality that sits before us, and to put our whole trust into unseen aspects of life. No matter how strong our belief is, we will be tested. Yet it is just these tests that can deepen our belief, if we don’t derail ourselves completely, by helping us to realize that, without our beliefs, what we are left with is an emptiness that is unquenchable. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: I also had something that kind of sat in a limbo, and so not really a meditation dream, per se. In other words, I was grappling with thought-upon-thought upon the plane of manifestation. It’s as if I had chosen to try to play act in this thought-upon-thought, as if there’s a way of finding relief that way, but I wasn’t able to do that because I know this to be futile.

And I tried and tried, as if, maybe, I had missed something, somehow, and that there really was a way to go somewhere this way. You could say this was like a due diligence dream, in other words, going back to see if you actually were too adamant or something, when I adopted the idea that manifestation, being a plane of sound, is just a thought-upon-thought reality. And, is there something more to it?

In other words, it’s an aspect, it’s a part, per se, in and of itself. It’s just thought-upon-thought, but I had to kind of go back and re-look at it. And so I was trying to prove, in a contrary way, a validness that, deep down, I knew didn’t exist.

And it’s kind of an approach. The reason why I was able to take this approach, and go back and do this, is because that’s my pattern. That’s the approach that I took a long time ago. I basically decided, like I say, by being familiar it’s the pattern in which you kind of, so to speak, go down the Jinn side of things into life, instead of stay in the angelic.

Or, you could say, it’s a type of declaring war on God, so to speak, by stepping on the momentum gas and project thought-upon-thought into the unknowingness plane of manifestation, pretending that I could sort out such a delirium – even though deep down to do so was to step upon a better judgment, in which I knew I was probably in trouble in having taken such a step, and, therefore, found myself in kind of a type of controlled waiting game.

In other words, there’s nothing I can do about it, that’s how I find myself. Once I did it, now I have to contend with it; to live it. So everyone was in their own way, when I look at others now and everything else around me, they’re all acting up as if there was something meritorious to be found in such an approach.

So instead of being odd man out or something, I threw away an inner sense of apprehension and went out into the outer flow, and, in doing so, I kept telling myself that the apprehensiveness within was getting in the way of the momentum in my thoughts. In other words, I really knew that all those who had gone before me in this way had failed, but perhaps this time I would make it work, being a God upon myself, and not let the projection of others about a higher-self phase me.

In other words, it’s like those kinds of mannerisms that people have, that they project, are kind of like an opium of the masses. That’s what religion is. That’s what I concluded, and so even on higher-self levels I concluded that it didn’t necessarily go anywhere. So this attitude, this demeanor, resulted in a battering and stabbing of the heart, knowing that something was going to have to rescue me from my plightful research project.

I knew I was lost and was messing about deliriously, so to speak, as a kind of price of readmission, in which I was going to keep on keeping on until it was proven to me the jig was up.

I’m basically describing how I came about making the Jinn side choice of the breath, and how I pushed the angelic side in the corner. The thought I held onto was that if there was something to the angelic side, it would have to prove itself to me – and I could wait. I would just wait to see.

If it didn’t, it didn’t. It’s not up to me, because I ended up coming out of the Jinn side, so you can’t go back the same way you came down. So I was going to deny the manifested environment. In other words, I find myself in kind of the plane of manifestation, in that environment, and so I wasn’t going to deny that. I was going to just go ahead and be purgatoried into it and give it the opportunity to prove itself.

So I plunged into thought-upon-thought, as if there was a missing piece, or way to find a stillness in the center of it all, when deep down knowing that such efforts would just be for naught, given the fact I was purposely here.

In other words, once I had done it I don’t go back with the same kind of Jinn approach. So it took me a long time to realize that I was always stabbing the heart when I dabbled with reflective thought, this being analogous to how smoke is a veil from the flame. To redeem and forgive, I found this to also be analogous to turning to the flame.

Or, said another way, I found that to truly be in the magnetism of an all-pervading breath I had to be with a heartfulness, free of thought, seeking to abide therein. Apparently I had to go on a sound-level journey into manifestation to consciously realize that the thought plane level is a bifurcation that veils the heart from truly seeing and hearing.

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