Posts Tagged ‘balancing inner and outer lives’

illusionOne of the ways we get sidetracked in a spiritual journey is when we adopt a facade of holiness – often because we think that’s what is required. But it is only our connections that determine our divinity, i.e., our connections to the inner, or higher aspects in life. So it’s not a matter of solemnity, or robes, or places of worship. The journey is to learn to become connected in everything we do: tending a garden, changing a diaper, or talking with a person we’ve just met. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: In the next dream, I’m shown why it is that I am vulnerable to spiritual illusions. You know, like staying in the inner and not going into the outer can lead to a spiritual illusion where you can be like something that is taking off in a rocket ship, so to speak, like your first dream, and then not coming back and not facing the reality of things in the outer, which is your greater teacher that shapes you.

In this dream, I am observing a woman. All she seems to think about is how she is photographed, and is constantly seeking the most pleasing and ideal conditions in which to have her photograph taken; in other words as she moves about in the outer.

She has to have the backdrop orchestrated just as she wants it. She also feels she needs to be smiling and always putting her best face forward. This woman asked me to take a picture of her. The last picture she had taken didn’t turn out that well. The lighting wasn’t right, so she is trying to have that set aside with a new picture.

I have the freedom—normally, I don’t have this freedom, normally she insists on doing it her way—but I have the freedom to work with the background, so I choose a spot that she would have never considered. This causes her to look a bit imbalanced as she tries to adjust. Because normally, if she’s doing the setup, she quickly is able to put on her best face and whatnot immediately and everything is kosher.

Well, because I’ve taken and set something up that’s caught her by surprise, as she is scrambling to get her act down, I snap the picture. This bothers her. But I explain to her that given time, she will come to appreciate this picture more and more because this picture is not staged and captures her in a more natural state.

So, then when you put the two dreams together, in the first dream it is easy to assume the situation to be other than it really is, when sheltered from the outer. Staying too long in the inner state causes one to get out of touch with themselves.

The way things are in the outer in their natural state is more important than I am realizing and accepting. I tend to be too removed. And when in the outer, I carry myself with a mannerism that is too cheesy. I’m constantly trying to shape appearances. As a result, the outer has more of a blindside effect upon me because I am not used to being as vulnerable.

As a result, things around me get more estranged as a result of my lack of an overall attentiveness. This results in a view, or way of seeing life, that is not as grounded as it needs to be, and a demeanor that comes across more distant and aloof. This all started with the idea that I needed to be more removed and sheltered, or at least control that way of being removed and sheltered, or as a type of defense mechanism approach.

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higherselfIn this dream imagery, Jeane feels a sense of despair. As John points out, this could be felt on two levels: in outer life, as a sense of needing to do or be something that provides a balance, and on the inner level where a need for a deeper connection is always triggering a feeling of longing. In both cases what is being pointed to is a way to hold an inner space that eases the emptiness. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I’m not certain of the sequence of these dreams. It seems like in the first one, I’m a young woman and I’ve gone into a city, and I’m at an apartment, and there’s three or four places where people are sleeping, like an old boyfriend is sleeping on the couch, and then there are different beds around, and I don’t really have a place to sleep. So I have to go over and kind of lay with my back to the old boyfriend and sleep there. 

And the next day, when I get up, I go to somewhere where there are also people that I used to know from the past, and I’m trying to hook up with someone I knew, but I can’t quite seem to make that connection. 

So I go back to the apartment and I’m changing clothes, and it feels like I’m almost feeling a certain level of despair from not being able to hook up, because I feel like I have to go back to where the gathering was.

And I’m dressing in such a way as to maybe attract a certain amount of attention. I feel like… it’s almost like I really want to make the connection that I wasn’t making earlier, but I feel like if I miss it that I’ll be at the kind of mercy of whatever connection I do make there – and that makes me feel a certain amount of despair.

John: It’s a dream about recognizing that you need to take in, or experience, a particular vibration in order to be in balance with yourself. There’s both a higher octave of it, and there’s a lower octave of it.

The higher octave of it is like if you’re in the presence of a teacher, or a particular person that holds an attunement, that that can be something you can experience, or take in, and absorb as part of the environment and mannerism that you’re in. And you recognize, of course, a dependency upon that.

The lower octave of that is the pattern you often see in relationships, where a person goes around and tries to fill holes and wounds inside of themselves, especially one that’s been in multiple relationships that have blown apart, or broken up, and then the dependency aspect gets strewn out.

And so the idea becomes somewhat vampirish even because they can’t seem to function without something like that – without those kinds of conditions, because they’ve gotten so adapted or accustomed to have them that they more or less cringe. Well, cringe isn’t the right word, but the whole pattern of reaching out, or probing out, for something like that, it has a whole appalling manner to it. That’s the lower octave.

The higher octave, of course, of a dream like that, one could be bringing it on because of the sense that there’s something that they need to experience that they’re not experiencing because of patterns that they have during the day. And so this could go on and on. You could be beating yourself up that you’re not doing something that you should do, that you know that you want to do.

And then, as a consequence, that will trigger a dream like this, too, because what you’re basically saying is that you’re not experiencing what you know that you need to experience, that takes and stabilizes or gives yourself a particular value.

In other words, that can even be like a type of middle octave, saying it that way. It’s like feeling, for example, that if he doesn’t take and go down to the health club everyday he’s going to get depressed, because he just realizes that he needs to fill his life with a certain degree of activity or otherwise his illness and such catches up with him.

So, you have a dream that’s covering this kind of… you’ve apparently indulged yourself in some fashion, the way you’re beating up on yourself for something, and/or are feeling remiss about something that is making you feel that you have something empty in your life.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: An Empty Feeling

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MazeIn this follow-up discussion to his dream yesterday (see The Lesser Octave), John ponders the absurdity of being caught in this in-between place, trying to navigate the realms of the outer world, while trying to listen to, and respond, to the inner levels and causes of life. On one level, we can’t truly know the truth of anything going on, yet we still need to respond and act out in the theater of life. It’s a fine line to have to walk as we develop our inner lives. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: The bewildered conundrum of all of this is that I’m left in a state in which it’s awkward. There’s an awkwardness to it, because every little change changes the octave of something in the outer, and that goes on and on and on and on.

And yet I somehow know that you don’t have to be caught in this maze, where the constructs of things, of manifestation, vary in accordance with the level or degree of the energetic spin. And that when you aren’t able to hold a continuity of yourself together, in which you can be in despair one minute, and excited and totally overjoyed the next, that when you yo-yo around like that, with no proper equanimity in terms of holding on to everything that is, all the levels and such, too, being able to open up and yet accessing then from high to low or low to high or however you would say that, so that what is going on then gets to a point of a letting go that’s more than just a letting go of lower-self natures that are in the way, but it’s a letting go of everything that’s holding the construct of something in a particular state only, because you’re not including or have access to the other levels of yourself.

The awkwardness and bewilderment is feeling this, and knowing that you can wake up, you could look at something, and whatever it is that you look at it can have this whole devastational effect upon you, because you’re not taking into account something because of this other level that exists. You’re not able to know how to factor that in.

What’s really interesting is everything changes in the inner capacity way, but it doesn’t necessarily change in the outer simultaneously. And something can malinger almost as a delayed effect in the outer, or so it seems, as you develop an awareness of something on the inner where it has changed and taken on a greater speed, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that translates across through the levels.

And usually doesn’t because there always has to be this dense, dense, very raw energy, but maybe stupidity elements that run with that kind of energy, so that you don’t really catch up with the essence behind the raw energy.

It’s like there’s always going to be something like this going on, so on one level, you’re caught in a doingness – trying to change or alter or whatever, make a difference or however it is, then you become part of the problem. In other words, then you’re contending with the shifting states and mannerisms, you’re contending with that as if you have a right to interfere or meddle or try to bicycle around or figure out how it is that you situate in relationship to that.

So the dilemma that I’m experiencing is I pull out dreams now, but at the same time what I don’t pull out and don’t write up is this whole sense of how all of this is in a state of flux. And that my nature can’t help but come up with a certain conclusion or opinion about what is going on. But deep down I don’t even believe it, because deep down I know that that isn’t taking into account other things that I can sense and feel, that I’m not able to live, or have a process through, or reached manifestation yet, or however you would say that. 

In other words, the change is that it may be done, or something may be dead in terms of how it is able to continue to unfold. It’s dead even though it’s continuing to unfold in a way that isn’t supported by an inner essence that’s becoming louder and louder.

To be caught in this is like being in a whiplash, caught in a strange whiplash, that if you act upon anything as it appears to be in a schematic of the outer, you’re apt to get whiplashed because it’s not necessarily the case. It only appears to be the case, because certain things haven’t caught up yet in terms of the transitioning vibration.

And so it’s a state of bewilderment and bizarreness, because you can sense this, you can know that this is breaking down in terms of a new way or something. The old is going out, and yet you, in kind of a quality of human nature, trying to need to know can’t know what that’s going to turn into and be, and that can be so frustrating because you can’t protect yourself. You can’t streamline yourself to be in place for what is to unfold. You can’t do any of that.

You can have a sense of it, but then what can be happening in the outer isn’t according to that sense necessarily. And so it’s like a type of schizophrenia where you’re out of joint and out of sequence to the cadence, that is one way on an inner level, and yet still somehow maybe even reflecting slightly differently yet because that inner hasn’t fully caught up with this vibratory impact and effect. 

It’s kind of a horrible condition to be in and to sit in – and you don’t want to just sit in it. You want to move around, you want to do this, you want to do that, and anything that you do in manifestation, when you know that something else is unfolding, and you can sense it and feel it,m even though you do not have a full grasp of what that is going to look like.

It’s a world of such absurdity then. You stab yourself every time you take and make a motion because you’re not necessarily adhering to what is unfolding. Maybe that’s how one learns to adhere to what is unfolding on the inner, is by way of taking and going with the appearances that aren’t real, and thus you feel the despair in the heart, and the stabbing, and the condition of out of balance. And maybe that’s how you come to know what is meant to be in sequence, and what isn’t. But it’s so bizarre to have to go through that.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: In the Maze

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