Posts Tagged ‘being conscious of defense mechanisms’

Culvert Science AQ2We know from the analogy of flowing water that, when we have a blockage upstream, the water will begin to take a new course through the landscape, and the more water runs through it, the wider the course gets. It is like that within us as we form defense mechanisms, for protection, as a response to the contradictions and stresses we find in the world when we are young. Many times, this process creates blockages that prevent us from flowing in certain ways, sending us off in odd directions, i.e., into anger or emotion, that is no longer a protection but a limitation to what we are trying to do. Our dreams can help us unravel these mechanisms, enabling us to lessen the effects of the blockages. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: The way I dreamt it is, in the meditation dream, to get the flow right I have to go back in time to determine the reason why things are the way they are today. I do this over and over in my dream; I keep going back to something and back to something. I’m reverbing back to something, reverbing back to something, as if I’m trying to get it so that it makes sense to me because it doesn’t logically pattern to do this.

I keep doing it, though, to try to prove or establish with myself that this is a viable approach, because rationally thinking, in terms of how my five senses and mind works, I can’t get there that way – because what you can think about is very limited.

So I guess another way of saying it is, you can say that this is an approach that is kind of irrational to the outer mind, yet I have found inside of myself, in terms of noting that there’s something that percolates back there, that this better explains what I need to know about my conditioning, in other words, how I am, why I am the way I am.

Until I learned to do this, I was limited to looking at everything rationally, meaning outwardly rational, and I was therefore unable to break out of a confusion that I carried. Of course, I didn’t know I carried a confusion. The confusion, of course, is the separation.

So the meaning is, is that to go deep within, to another inner time frame, which is how you tend to feel it because you’re going back to address what you’ve suppressed, or hidden, or veiled. In fact you’ve hidden it so well that you can hardly find it anymore. You just react outwardly, for reasons that make no sense. You just keep doing the same thing over and over again, habitually, as a conditioning that’s based upon something that got frozen into a defense mechanism.

So when I go deep within, as if to another inner time frame, what I am doing is I’m explaining to myself why I react the way I do today. So this is what I dream about; I dream about going there in order to find something more, because how something is in the present is unacceptable. It’s a delirium.

So you could say that the purpose of the dream is to point out that the linear perspective, which is your outer five senses and such, that that is a perspective that is not able to access the understanding for why things are the way they are, and why I am the way I am, so I have to have this awakening that goes back and touches the root. This, you might say, kind of inner approach, or basically probing the depths of the wholeness again to untangle what one has nailed down thinking that they’ve nailed something down that’s viable, gives me the sight that I need to access the vibrational impression pent up within. In other words, it’s like an impression, or a defense mechanism, and then you continue to keep playing that out and playing it out and you don’t even know why you play it out, and that influences my psyche’s reactions over and over and over again as a pattern.

So why is this important? There are reactions I have today that are tense and awkward, which I seem to do over and over, that make no sense to my linear mind. For example, if I am bumped by someone, even if it is an accident, my first sensation is to be reactive. You should just be able to drop it, but I have a defense mechanism inside that won’t do that. Even if I know that I should be able to do it, I can’t do it because it’s entrenched. It has to do with a repression that I have established that has taken me outside of the whole, so that I do this kind of control thing. So when I go back to the root cause, when this defense mechanism first started, I am able to identify experientially the reason today for the habituality.

To see the pattern energetically from long ago explains where this habitual pattern is coming from as a bifurcation. And, of course, it’s a bifurcation of the way of what is real. So often it is from a wound or trauma that I repressed within. The contraction, as a result of the defense mechanism, causes me to shut down instead of being in a greater overall connective flow. As a result then, of the shutting down, the habitual pattern will then blind me from the inclusive perspective of the whole – to which I am just a part of all of that.

The limitations, having shut down, then created these defense mechanisms and annihilated things in terms of creating ways that I try to kind of control my well being, the limitations I have placed upon myself are just illusions I think I need in order to sustain a separation from effects – that I suddenly developed the peculiar notion were out of my control. In other words, I want to control, instead of just be. Such definitions blind myself as a result of these reactions, and such reactions then veil my beingness from the wholeness that is permeating all of life.

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veilslogoOften the hardest aspect of spiritual development is the ongoing need to face one’s own inner psychologies and defense mechanisms that have built up over a lifetime. We do this not to rid ourselves of them, or to cure ourselves of them – they served a purpose at some point, but no longer do. We do this to recognize the effect they have on everything we do and process, and that effect acts as a veil when we remain blind to it. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: The immediate effect and importance of my meditation experience is to put me in touch with the power of thought and how that affects my ability to let go of reflective outer conditions. Power of thought.

In the dream, I am observing the nature of three parts of myself. Two are calm, the third is expressively vibrant. This expressively loud condition, although it’s less significant in importance than the other two parts of myself, dictates the flow. In other words, because the other two parts are quiet, and whenever in life you have something that’s louder, it predominates. In other words, things rise to that denominator, subtler steps aside and works more as a mirror, if you can see it, or catch it, as a hint.

Because this part is dictating the flow, the ability to surrender to an essence or something, or be in a place where the perception to the innerness is appreciated, is blocked out or smothered out. You’d call it a block. What I am seeing is just how helpless I am when the energetic is speeded up and is firing off into the outer, especially in relationship to where you have to also hold a quietness that can inflect. You can be speeded up, but as long as you can pull the string on that and still inflect back from the speeded up instead of just being caught in the momentum of the speeding up. If you can’t then the other two parts of yourself, or the other aspects of yourself that are quieter, get thrown asunder because this speeded up way causes you to become too expansive and it takes over in terms of the effect of your clarity.

Because I am both speaking and am synaptically imposing myself upon the outer, in other words, when you’re speeded up and reacting it’s like a type of speaking something into life, and then when that is flowing out of you, and there’s a momentum of that energetic, you’re making an impression upon the outer. And people who tend to do that are often caught in thinking that that’s the way they have to be, and the more you think you have to be that way, or see yourself that way, the harder it is to take that into an emptiness or a quietness, because that’s a block. It has its impressions in you. You filter with that, as if that’s a necessary tool. I suppose in a strange way you could say it’s a defense mechanism, but a defense mechanism is usually used to hide, and this is something that you’ve taken on thinking that you need.

So, I am setting in motion an energetic and thoughts, which are going to make life difficult as I seek to connect to the emptiness of matter to awaken the essence. So, when you’re speeded up that’s pretty hard to do; it can be hard to do, but you can do it. I’m instead awakening things, you know momentum does that, too, with my energetic state, but I do it with a certain kind of influence. The influence is a bias of my personal way of being that is okay providing I know how to let go of this exuding synaptic effect so the subtler, deeper essence can come through, too, so basically behind all of it, it is able to predominate.

This is an example of how consciousness is dictated by the lowest common denominator of our being, and if we are relying upon something, or holding onto something, that is the lowest common denominator in our being, and that’s how we filter out, and maintain, or sustain something in terms of what we consider our well being. A lot of good spiritual practice to quiet the other two parts of my being gets blown apart by the loudness of a single area that I’m still enamored with.

So there was a subtle innerness that wants to be perceivable, but there is still something that’s more speeded up, a third area, and, as a result, going into somewhere deep with the two areas that were quiet wasn’t possible because I was under the dictums of this speeded up, non-letting go characteristic. In the outer environment I’m, in I notice the loudness.

Everything in the world is colored by this. It is a state that gets in the way of the silence and emptiness that is at the epicenter of all life. Mankind is by and large affected by such characteristics, and it is rare for a person to be able to set this aside so the quiet, subtler essence of their being can come out. It is even rarer for a person to be able to take the quiet subtler essence of their being and cause a reflection to a deeper essence to mirror across. This is hard and a rare condition because such consciousness is easily drowned out by the loudness of the energetic firing off that seeks to pull the consciousness to this denominator. If I am not empty and able to step aside from the spell-like projection, I will be affected and this leaves one in a state in which the lower common denominator presides.

The dream in my meditation state was important because rarely does one slow down enough to see the synaptic biases that they have put on as an energetic cloak. See, the theme of the dreaming is things that are blockages, and I’m looking at where I’m most susceptible in terms of being able to sort out the different effects, and in doing so I was able to get to a sight made possible only when this loudness is quieted, and isn’t creating problems reflectively.

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chasedOver the course of these three dreams, Jeane is confronted by her resistance to letting go of a certain inner wariness of the masculine energies inside her. The more she resists, the more she cuts herself off from an energetic balance that is needed to connect her to a natural state of inner knowing. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: My earliest dream, it feels like I’m kind of in a desert community. It seems like everything is either sand colored, or maybe even I’m wearing something kind of an off-color white with a little red in it. And I seem to be trying to trade an automatic gun for a gun that doesn’t fire so many bullets. So it’s like I go and I sit somewhere, and I’m trying to get someone to give me a gun that makes more sense to me. I don’t like the automatic gun.

John: The energetic of the dreams last night had to do with being able to take in a more fluid flow, and in doing so be able to denote more in terms of what is going on in terms of the world around one. The tendency was to try and shrink or accommodate a lesser space.

Generally what causes that is characteristics and traits like moods, anger, or frustration, judgment, prejudice, whatever it is that one carries that takes one and defines one away from the outer flow. We have areas in which we try to make everything comfortable, and it’s our attempt to accommodate something, to control our environment around us in a particular way, that we conceptualize.

That is when we shut ourselves off from something. We shut ourselves off from a process by which there is a connection and a linkage in terms of us being able to appreciate something else. In my dream it’s something that’s able to be appreciated in a sense of knowingness that is natural through a connection that opens that up. And that connection involves having a certain integration of masculine and feminine energy.

In your dream you’re just working on one component of that, and that component is the flow, the machine gun action, which can seem a bit overwhelming. But it’s of an expansive nature that will cause you to scope much, much more, and you have to be able to get comfortable with that rather than something that is simple and ordinary, but in the simple and ordinariness you hold yourself back.

Jeane: In the second dream, it feels like I’m being pursued by some men, so I’ve gone into a cave, and so it’s dark in there, and there’s water in there that’s like either a canal or a hot springs canal, or something like that. So I think the best way to get away from the men is to go into the water and swim underwater, but I can only do it so much and then I come up, and if they see me then maybe they’ll get me.

Just about the time I think that they’re going to get me, a seal comes along. Well, a seal is about the same size as a human. I even feel its whiskers. I realize that if the seal is kind of going in the direction that they are, and I’m swimming away from where that is, I think there is a way you can swim out from the cave at the end, I’m going towards it, that they’ll see the seal and think it’s me and that way is how I think I will get away.

John: This dream is showing that you are differentiating yourself in terms of trying to hold a feminine space. You’re differentiating yourself from an effect of the masculine. The masculine is like the pursuer. It’s like an energy that’s coming down, that causes you to have to adjust and accommodate and take all of that in.

You are seeing that, and this is not unnatural. This is how the feminine energy in creation tends to be. It tends to see the masculine energy as out of cadence with things, and so it ignores it. It runs away from that, and in running away from that, something then is not able to properly unfold.

The seal is a letting go process of gracefulness, that has a higher, deeper intelligence imbedded in it that, if you didn’t hide, the seal would be kind of an understanding, or it’s kind of like in your escape and you’re pulling back away from it. You go into another depth of yourself where the quality isn’t conscious, because you go below the water, but there’s something about the unconsciousness in which you have a knowing, somehow, of what is meant to be in terms of letting go, and accepting the circumstances and conditions of a masculine flow energy. And that part is a gracefulness of your nature, which is represented by the seal, which realizes that it can do it – it can let go.

And you’re still acting as if inside yourself you still have this belief that you have to take on certain screening mechanisms, or safeguards, in relationship to the masculine. And from my dreams, I can tell you what you’re losing by doing that.

Jeane: In my next dream, first I’m at a friend’s house where I’m going to spend the night. It’s someone I knew from when I was a kid. Her room is kind of very full of stuff, so I just think I have some blankets or something I put on the floor because that’s what will be my bed when I come back.

And then we go back out, and I’m sitting for a minute in another room with a bunch of other kids, and this guy from high school, who was actually quite bright, is teasing me. He doesn’t think I can give him the square root of, let’s say a number above ten, without using a pen and paper, and I’m kind of insulted by that.

I get up and I walk out of the room. He would have given me something if I could, and I’m thinking I should have kind of cheated and just given him the square root of 20. But then I realize that does feel like cheating, so I was a little miffed by him.

I go out of the room and then I hook up with you, and we’re all going to be taking part in some kind of a parade, and whatever event follows the parade, like a circus. I guess we have to sign up for it in some way, and you get into this line to go into this strange building that has kind of all these concrete steps that go up either inside or outside.

I go into another room on the ground floor and there’s some women that have these sheets of paper with things that are drawn on them, almost like stamps, and I guess I can pay a dime and get one of those, and it does something towards the registration, but it’s like I give the lady my dime, the other lady drops it, and then the other lady can’t seem to find her sheet, so I finally just pick one up – but I figure out I picked up about three.

I go out to find you. I start to go up all these steps I see that are very complicated, but then I overhear somebody and the people going up the steps are actually going to buy a circus animal or something. That doesn’t make sense to me.

I come back down and find you. We’re going to be doing something with horses in a parade, so I ask if we can go ride the horses in the entry parade for what we’re going to be doing later, but you don’t want to do that.

Then I’m looking and I don’t quite have the right shoes on either, so I go back into my friend’s house, the girl that I’d met in the beginning, and it feels like that part of the dream is a little more vague to me. I know I accidentally let a cat into a room, and I’m trying to find some things, but at that point the dream kind of faded on me.

John: What you’re trying to do is you’re trying to find something, you’re trying to open up to something that is there for you to know, and it’s represented by three things, three sheets. One of them is the beginning of a process. Three of them take you up to where you have access to knowing what is going on, from time to time, but it’s not complete yet. Four would make it complete.

So you’re starting the process of catching up with what is to take place, that you can know, before it happens. And you know it in a quiet space, but in order for you to catch up with this you actually have to integrate and accept something with the masculine.

That then causes what is there, which is already imprinted in your being, to emerge. So you have an indulgence that keeps that from occurring, that you can access maybe one of the three but not all three of them, and if you accessed all three of them you would have a sense of what is meant to be, and it would come out of the unconscious a lot like the seal.

The seal is the implication of something coming out of the unconscious, which has a center of wisdom or something about it in terms of a knowingness that it has reached. But it’s not completely out in the open and it’s still hiding from the rest of the download of the acceptance of the masculine input that needs to come through.

You can go up some steps as if you can find it or retrieve it there, but you always keep coming back to hunkering down around a certain way that you see and feel yourself, thus you’re shutting yourself off from the actual theme of the dreaming, which is the ability to develop a means upon which you have a sense of what is unfolding – before it unfolds.

This is something that the mystic develops, and it is not something that can be explained to others, or can be understood by you as to where and how this comes from, but in order for it to be accessed you have to accept the mannerism of a masculine.

This is something that you find really, really hard if you look at the group, because the group has a certain attitude towards the masculine and believes that somehow or another it is put on a pedestal of carrying some sort of dispensation that is important in terms of ushering something forth in terms of life.

It can never happen without the integration and linkage of what the masculine has to offer in terms of its input. That input awakens the natural flow and fluidity that the feminine already carries, but lacks the spark to get it to come out. When that spark is able to come out, then those three sheets of paper or whatever they are make sense in terms of what it is that they reveal.

It took you three dreams to kind of catch up with the schematic of what is a potentiality intending to emerge inside of you as a type of knowingness, of what is to happen. You tend to refute that, or deny that you have this ability to know this, by saying you never know what these dreams mean, and you never do this, and you never do that, and you tend to kind of try to hold the space that you can tell whether something is right in terms of the way that it comes across or is interpreted or something.

And in that regard you’re deferring the fact of catching up with the quality of the masculine inside you, from which this emanates. Now, it might be that you’re not meant to catch up with that. It’s hard to know, but the dream indicates that you have that ability inside you that if you quit indulging, or being preoccupied in some sense as the way something needs to be, in your opinion, in terms of your perception of how it interlinks, and you find that process inside you, that you then will naturally, because you already carry it, you will naturally come across with what is necessary to understand what is unfolding, before it unfolds.

That is a process in life that is designed to come across. You can catch up with a bit of it, but there are actually three sheets, and in order to be proficient even in the three sheets you need a fourth for the completeness, and then you can look at that at any time. But even at three sheets it’s something that comes and goes, which is where my dream got to with three, but yours was working with one and it is trying to give you plenty of information as to what it is that you’re doing that is not taking something on in terms of yourself as a quality of masculine energy.

In other words, when you’re running from an alien force you’re really running away from the masculine, when you’re coming down steps that you could have gone up because you’re looking for something to lean on instead of being in attention within, you are running away from that input.

And you’re presented straightaway with the potentiality of three, in which three turns into four as a completeness, as a done deal. But you choose to try to have to accommodate that in some fashion according to whatever perceptions it is that you feel that you have, that has to be maintained and brought into the equation at the same time.

This is a quality of what is known as the feminine doingness. It is also in the masculine – it’s that quality where it’s reactive to things where it tends to have its ideas and project its ideas and those ideas can be treated as intense, or very linear, in the face of the feminine. And so if the feminine then screens it out – actually the feminine puts up mixers. The mixers actually obliterate the ability to hear.

And some people carry a certain degree of those mixers constantly. What’s interesting, for example, a person who does that is Mary, but when she goes to a program and she gets blown out she drops the mixers, but it’s the first thing that she brings back. It’s the first thing she relies upon straightaway as she falls back more to her energetic condition.

But at a program she lets go of it and comes to realize something much more, but she forgets that she realizes that much more. In other words, she gets what is needed that is given to her, so that she doesn’t keep twisting and turning and stabbing herself – and therefore failing to catch up with what it is that she is meant to be able to naturally know. So, there’s an example using Mary and Mary is hurting herself more angrily.

In your particular case, you’re not hurting yourself with anger, you’re hurting yourself with a type of indulgence. If you can be careful of the indulgence, thinking that you’re not necessarily worthy or entitled, and have to indulge as if it comes from somewhere else, something about that means of accepting something in a safety-valve way, you take yourself out of an acuity.

If you were to look back on yourself, there is something to be said, in terms of a certain sense of what was right and what was wrong, that you went through when you felt that you suffered more by yourself. But you also had a certain kind of access at a shamanistic level that kind of was a substitute that kept you oriented in a way that you were okay.

It was a little distorted, but it did give you some sense of being able to recognize at least in one step what was going on. That one step is the step that could happen to the archetypal world.

The other two steps go beyond that, that lead to three. And there is absolutely, literally, no way you can explain this to anyone. And it is something that to try to do that only hurts you, and beats you up, and tends, if you’re working with the feminine energy that you have integrated, it tends to cause the feminine energy to get burned by too much of a directness, and it reacts and then the mixers go on and then a confusion sets in.


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