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Posts Tagged ‘burdens of the soul’

In John’s meditation and dreams, the role of the soul is explored, as it tries to manage the inner life in relation to the physical experience.

(At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: What I noticed from my dream, is that the soul does not know how to relate to the outer conditions of things. The soul sits in a state where everything is okay, and so if there’s something haywire in the outer, and that’s what’s being impressed in the direction of the soul, the soul has to figure out how to accommodate that.

And that is kind of a strange thing for the soul to do, because the soul doesn’t relate to that. The soul relates more to the whole, and yet it finds itself having to accommodate something that doesn’t quite twang right. And the thing that’s missing, is the soul is being required to make work something that’s outside of the equation of where it is at.

In other words, the reflections happen around the flow from the soul, but the soul is separate from those matters that can be described or imaged. The soul is free from all of that, and yet, if something that because the soul seems to be compelled to have to hold its relationship to the physical, in other words, you’re in the physical there’s an element of an aliveness in the physical to which the soul is the vital essence, if what is going on in the physical has to be dealt with by the soul, the soul doesn’t know how to really relate to that other than by trying to take and be in some sort of coping way.

And there’s a sadness in this coping way because it’s displaced from the greater orientation that it can have. Now, where this makes things especially difficult is if you have caught up with this greater awareness of how things are, in terms of the way that unfolds, if you’ve connected with that, and then you find yourself slipping back into trying to establish the chemistry around you of something like that, that is when you will find that if you are true to yourself, you can’t make those elements, those images, you can’t make them real in a touching way.

I guess that’s why it’s said that when you go to a certain point inside yourself to let go of that and try to go back out into the outer, it just doesn’t work anymore. The images and the mannerisms that have fed you before in the outer, just don’t do their thing anymore, because you know better.

In my dreams last night I had to experience the ordeal of this sort of thing, and so I did it straight away as an aspect of meditation. As I’m sitting in the meditation, in kind of an absent state, where something just kind of comes in where there’s generally a meaningful inner effect, in other words, that evolves, I am confronted with the physical result that I have to adjust to in order to not feel afflicted, because it is afflicting me.

It’s kind of like when you sit to meditate and you’re fidgeting and you can’t stop fidgeting or you can’t stop the thinking then you are afflicted by that which is happening around you, and that kind of keeps you in that state of a trance, or way of being off. And so that is the veil, and you’re held by that veil – in that degree you feel off.

I remember dreams when I would have stomach acid and I’d incorporate that stomach acid into a quality that told me something in terms of the dream. In this particular case, in terms of how I was sitting or something, I developed a huge pain and I incorporated that pain into it, in order to try to make it work, but I couldn’t make it work because that pain was in the way.

And that’s how I came to realize what the soul has to put up with when it has these kinds of peculiar impositions that are placed upon it that the soul generally just doesn’t know how to relate to because it takes into account the big picture. It takes into account the wholeness.

Essentially the scenario is, as I mentioned, I went somewhere and wherever it was that I went I had to try to contend with, on this side of things, a physical pain, and this was very confusing because the soul doesn’t design, in its infiniteness, some sort of pain. And to the denser, lower self, whatever you’re going through has a fatalistic, shallow, and just basically it can lead to a sadness, can lead to all kinds of things coming through the senses, because you don’t have the linkage you need.

And the soul, because it’s always situated in an overallness, the soul consciousness has to accept and absorb these outward deviations. So to accept those circumstances, whatever they might be in the outer, the blend between the two, the struggle between the two, can have you courageously making a stand as if this is how you’re meant to be. But what’s needed is just this noble focus that adheres to what is deemed true to the big picture wholeness it is in. That’s what you need to have, not the preoccupations on the little things.

The deeper meaning is, because the meditation took me outside of my physical senses to a place where lower self emotional activity is gone, and if it were to remain it would be confusing, because to remain in kind of a lower self, lower level, physical level way of orientation, it’s always some sort of strife, whether you identify it or not, whether you look at it or not, you still feel it.

So the inner response is to simply accept what is meted out, as if it is an intended aspect of the wholeness, and the wholeness as designed.

By taking and knowing how the soul is constantly trying to find the orientation of, as above so below, that’s where I know that the soul is not able to reconcile consciously a physical limitation. It has to factor that into the greater beingness, as if it’s part of what is designed to be. Because the soul doesn’t have this lower-self whimpering, or futility, and nature of the humanistic aspect to have to deal with some imbedded reaction, or defense mechanism, that one has. It doesn’t do that. In fact, it isn’t even possible for the soul to do that. The soul is not a defense mechanism in which limitations such as this even exist.

A soul is part of a wholeness that doesn’t become shallow just to convenience the personal level. The soul has to sit in this overall infiniteness, and it is us that tries to make that come across like that and be different. The soul never lives itself, or sees itself, or experiences anything, on the basis of reflections because they aren’t real, only the lower self does that.

That is the meditation dream. I had a lot of pain. What was interesting is I came right out of it, it was all psychosomatic to create the scenarios so that I could see those.

When I went to bed I continued dreaming about being out of place with where I am meant to be. Every image was either embarrassing, disgusting, sad, or demoralized.

For example, in one scenario I’m kind of in this large reception area room that’s like full of high school students that I don’t know anybody and it’s like maybe a type of graduation party and they are jockeying and carrying on and there’s all this commotion.

But I don’t relate to anyone and not only that I am the only one there who isn’t dressed, wandering around naked, and it’s an embarrassing and disgusting situation, but nobody seems to pay any attention to it except the emcee that are looking out for the fact that this party exists and so maybe they’re the grownups in the group. And they’re a little embarrassed by it.

And then this progresses to the point where when it’s time to sit down or something I can’t even find a seat, which doesn’t belong to someone else, without me, in other words, pushing myself into where I don’t belong. And wherever I look I see people I do not know and cannot relate to.

And from there I proceed out onto a boat as if this is kind of a recreation for the whole gathering, and I am just as out of place there. I don’t know what it is I’m trying to accomplish there, and even at one point I turn to a person who is sitting next to me and I ask him if what I’m doing is taking away from the experience, or lowering the energetic for him.

And he just looks at me, and as he pauses to glance within I can see that he knows what I mean. To me it is so obvious I would have expected a person to be able to get it straightaway, but people just don’t realize that everything that they find themselves trying to do for the sake of thinking that this is what it’s about in terms of trying to enjoy, and this is a reception, a party, and all of that in relationship to some event of some sort, and yet everything that is done to orchestrate all of that in the outer is completely flat. It has to have that inner aliveness to give it a quality.

There comes a time when I realize that I must go back to get my clothes. In other words, I had gone out on this boat excursion and still seem to apparently have my jacket or clothes or something that were left behind maybe on a boat near the docks or something. And so I actually jump in the water and try to swim back there but everything is discombobulated. I don’t recognize a single thing.

It’s as if the high school graduation party and reception and all of that and whatever the extracurricular have been, which was the boat scene, has all ended and things have shifted back into a whole different look. Without that projection, there’s a whole different look.

So there isn’t a person around that I can even relate to as even that innocent or bizarre kind of high school vibration even. So I haven’t the foggiest idea where the place is even where I put my clothes, and so in one of the busier kind of houseboats or something that’s floating out there, which has a whole different scene that’s emerged there, I seem to ask out of complete confusion because I have nowhere to know how to recreate what that’s supposed to be like because all of the outer images are different, I ask this person and sure enough they, in changing the scene, moved a whole bunch of clothes aside rather than throw them out. And you would have thought maybe they could have just as easily thrown them out because they were reshaping it for whatever it is that is their outer scene. And it’s at that time that I realize that I’m not the only one trying to experience that which no longer exists or makes any sense.

What is going on is that I looked up the place where my friend was moving, and I was stunned. Remember I communicated how that left me just really strange? Energetically it hit me as off. I didn’t like the neighborhood. I felt like a person who could no longer relate anymore to that which is needed, and so in the dream… the meaning of the dream is my new dream has me delving into an energetic, sinking feeling that came over me yesterday.

What I learn from the meditation dream is that without the inner awareness I wallow in the outer. When I wallow in the outer, the soul gets confused because it doesn’t relate that way. The soul isn’t necessarily confused, the soul is maintaining how it is that it sees things in the overall.

And then this other is thrown at the soul and that leads to a huge gap, which results in confusion. There’s a reason why one experiences it like this and why one has these experiences is when you notice that the outer is like this, it’s to help you come to grips with the fact that your attention needs to be even clearer in terms of sustaining and maintaining the soulfulness, because that’s what when you have the correspondence and can find the correspondence of the inner into the outer, that’s what is alive. Until this dream I hadn’t realized just how discombobulating it is to be disconnected from the inner.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: The Soul Element

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John: This is a dream that I had to catch up with in bits, as opposed to seeing it in its sequence. Fortunately, the last bit helped it all make sense.

In the dream, I am carrying a burden, which to begin with feels like a monetary burden. It feels like I am in debt and everything I am doing has to function within that limitation. I just can’t shake it. It’s probably a condition we all feel when we are constrained by some circumstance in our outer life.

But then I realized that the dream is actually about something else. From a higher perspective, it is about the heaviness – or limitations – that is associated with the outer world in general. There is a weight upon society today as a result of the economic problems in the outer. And because I am a part of the overall, I am feeling the weight of that upon me.

This feeling of weight shrinks my openness to the insight from within – just as has been occurring in your recent dreams. In other words, it’s possible to have a natural insight into situations when we can maintain ourselves at a more elevated view, or distance ourselves from it. But it can also get to a point where we become part of the situation itself, feeling the pain of something in the overall.

We all have to deal with that. What is important is, “How far astray do we go with it?” If I feel I need to respond, I carry the weight of an unresolved energetic. Typically, when we take on these external burdens, the energetic of it becomes a burden to our soul, which causes us to immediately want to do something to fix the situation – to react in some way.

When something bothers us, whether it an issue with health, or a decision that needs to be faced, the noise of our trying to sort it out can become so loud in us that we can’t hear something internally that could lighten the weight of it. To be able to hear that “something” inside – as opposed to the racket we make in our ego-mind – that is the trick.

So in the dream I seem to have two physical shells – one that feels the issue at the lower-self level and wants to “take on” the problem in a reactive way, and the other, a kind of body double, seeks to counterbalance the denseness of the outer problem with the clarity of the higher-self view.

Of course, if I take it on from my lower self, it will lead to dumbness, reactivity, and negative vibrations.  The other aspect, or body double, seeks to counterbalance the density and raise it to a higher-self clarity.

The more I get caught up in the lower-self view, the further I get from my light body. So in the dream I see myself as having to let my neighbors know who I am. As an image, that is me going toward the density – I am relating to things in the outer world.

If, instead, I were to stay with my light body, my higher self, I would have pulled back and stayed more hidden. Thus the conundrum: the higher-self part of me seeks freedom and true wisdom and wants to find an inner space, and the lower-self part of me is tethered to the outer world and wants to take action in it.

So I am not able to be as fully on the healing, helping side as I would like, because when I entertain the physical burden, the human condition takes center stage. But what is most interesting is the degree to which I am able to embody both, or to be in both places, or to switch back and forth, keeping each side uncontaminated by the other.

To be able to exist, nearly swallowed up by the rootedness in the physical plane, yet somehow able to be enriched from deep within is the challenge. Too much innerness and I do not retain my ability to relate to outer life; too much outerness and I’m not able to touch creation with the awareness. A dialogue needs to exist between the two for the light embedded in matter to rise up and touch the light from above.

There is no going anywhere. We remain where we are. It’s a spiritual illusion to imagine ourselves as actually having to go somewhere. If the ego remains, we are in the outer. If the ego is tamed by a tempering from the higher self, we can be receptive to the guidance. Then the mind is still, so that there is receptivity from both sides existing as one: inner is in the outer, and the outer is attentive to the inner.

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