Posts Tagged ‘caught between the inner and the outer life’


Winslow Homer

What is the difference between a casual artist and a great artist? In the simplest terms, it has to do with what the person is connected to when they do their work. Whether they are conscious of it or not, the great artist is bringing the unseen worlds into what is physically produced, imbuing it energetically. And it is that energetic that moves people when the work is viewed – and it can last for many centuries and still move people, because it is universal, not temporal. We can view our own life in the same way: do we live casually in the physical realms, or are we connecting the unseen worlds into our life, raising it to the level of art? (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: Well, I just had one dream, and I didn’t particularly like it. In this dream, I seem to work for some kind of a bureaucratic agency, that’s maybe like the Parks Department. And we’re in charge of a beach area that feels like kind of a rugged coastal area, that has big waves, and rocks, and sand, and some areas where people can come and swim and things, and the buildings all associated with that. 

And one of the bureaucrats above me has commissioned us an initial sketch for a painting they want to put on one of the walls of one of the beach areas, and he wants to show the sandy beach with big stormy waves, and some kind of bronzed, bare-chested mermaid figure, kind of like the ones that they put on the prow of a ship, and a little row boat half-buried in the sand. And that’s kind of the overall theme of the painting. 

And then he also has taken everybody involved in the painting, or maybe that works in the area, and taken us all down to the beach for a photo op, complete with a bronze statue of a mermaid. And then after he goes back to the office, I start thinking about all this, and the first thing is that it just feels off to me. Because, even for the sketch, he employed an artist that is a poor artist. So it’s just like he muddled around in the paints, in terms of their colors, and what’s actually shown on the painting. I just don’t think it’s a very good painting. 

He’s also someone that none of us relate to that well. And I think in order to see what should really be done that we need to get a better artist, even, to do the sketch. It seems like I know somebody that is a better artist. So I get together everybody again, and go down to the beach for another photo op without him, and even though I can see how that goes well, at this point, I think I’m waking up and I’m beginning to realize that there’s something flawed about the whole thing. Like he’s kind of trying to do a painting of a scene that doesn’t really exist. And it’s not even really a family friendly scene, in a way, with the mermaid and all that. 

And when I think about how the beach really should be used by families, and how it really looks, and what this painting looks like, it seems to me like, you know, we need to toss out the whole idea and start over again. So it’s kind of like this dissatisfied feeling with it all, where I was trying to fix it at first, and then I didn’t even see that it was that fixable.

John: That’s a tremendous dream. First of all, the theme of the dreaming last night had to do with the significance of the inner, and how does that correlate to the outer? My meditation dream went into the depths of the inner, as if that’s the end all, be all of something, in terms of how the vibrations that rise out of a stillness and have images that one can dream can become so vivid that one can put them into an alignment and remember the vibration and all of that, as if that’s a whole realness on the inner. 

And so that would imply and suggest that the reflective outer is really an extreme bifurcation that gets in the way from something that can unfold in that kind of dynamic that doesn’t have the denseness of the outer getting in the way. Then, when I went to sleep, I was shown that there has to be this other half because it’s important for reasons too, and I’m not necessarily shown the reasons, I’m just shown images of what it looks like when you don’t have that other component, or that other half. 

I’m just shown that there is that other half, then, in other words, and in your dream, you start off and you just take and you refer to the innerness as bureaucratic. And you refer to that which can be painted, and drawn, or made into like a ship, or a mast, or whatever, as a reflective re-creation of a vibratoriness that doesn’t really exist. 

And so you have an uneasiness in both sides; you’re uneasy in regard to the bureaucrat, and you’re uneasy with regard to the ploys in the outer. And so you find yourself at the shoreline, or between the two worlds. And, the dilemma is, can the painter, or the designer, work with the two aspects? In other words, can the painter and the designer hone a painting that is a better reflection of how things are in the unreal? In other words, as a kind of reflective imaginative, can the painter portray that?

And, of course, to portray that the painter’s going to have to contend with the lunacy of the orders and the directives, and the whole aspect that’s imposed by the bureaucrat, or the inner. In other words, the inner is coming through, much like a type of bureaucrat, if you were to try to look at things from the standpoint of having to be part of an in-manifestation, at the point between the two worlds, the shoreline, the beach. And, of course, you can’t really buy into the whole outer expanse of things that are like something that rises up and has a vibratoriness that can be imaged in the outer, because that’s all reflective and isn’t real, either. 

However, your dream is indicating, that what is important in your dream is the work of the painter, the one who has to take the two aspects, the inner and the outer, and come up with a result that pulls all of that together, somehow.

In other words, the transcendent isn’t where it’s at. And the reflective isn’t where it’s at, yet somehow or another, at that point between the two seas, the inner and the outer, is something that can be done, or something that can be brought through, like you say, a painting that can be embraceable by everybody, both sides, both the inner and outer, right? Brings the two together. It’s nice that you had that dream because it kind of helps put things into perspective because I went to both extremes.

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Shifting our way of being from responding and reacting to the outer world, to responding to a guidance from within, is truly fundamental in the journey away from the apparent separateness of ego identity, toward becoming a part of the connected Wholeness. Today’s dreams delve into this struggle. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: The dream I had, what I remember of it, it was like there was an energy that would come down. It came down straight like a line, but at an angle, and then it would refract off. It would hit below and refract off.

The energy was alien but it would set something off, and so then we would be trying to figure that out, I think. I just can’t remember that much of it, but it was followed by a little image and in that image it’s like maybe you had visited your family. And you had a shirt, and in the pocket of the shirt you found a folded piece of paper, and I saw it was a message from your father but maybe it’s kind of a hidden message because people just think it’s a piece of paper that you had.

But I can see on the back of it there’s some writing, even though it looks like an address and a number, but I know it’s a message from your dad.

John: We’re both playing with the same thing, and that is: how the energetic needs to be. What is off, what is not working, in your first dream, is the dependency of an energy coming down that takes and awakens and keeps something viable and alive, and a person has gotten dependent upon it being like that, only the energy is refracting off. It’s not coming through.

What the dream is indicating is that the normal flow that one has to work with, or depend upon, is not properly reaching the source, in terms of the ability to flow creatively. And when situations get like that they spin more and more reflectively out of control, and less and less connectively within.

It’s really, really important that one connects within and goes to an inner depth, because you can’t subsist any longer trying to take and be balanced from the situations that exist out there because there isn’t the customary usual feeding type flow that comes in.

That is what your first image is doing, and the second image is indicating, and was your way of pointing out, that there is a guidance or a knowing that one has, as a light that comes through from some place at a deep inner depth inside them, and that unless you are connected to that, unless you find that, unless you hold that, unless you honor that you have something like in the first image. You will end up with a situation in which you’re guessing, in which you’re acting but don’t have the ability to make a proper access, and therefore you become depleted. You get depleted and your energetic is drawn out and worn out by the reflective conditions around you.

The oddity of something like this is that the only thing that measures this is the heart, and the heart has to have a longing or a yearning that pulls for something to be a particular way because the mind and the senses, this never makes any sense to the mind or the senses. The mind or the senses bifurcate off of the energetic in terms of how they go into the outer and deal with the reflections, but the heart doesn’t.

The heart starts with an overall and finds that the mind and the sense is limited to a narrowing, and if you’re trying to function by way of connecting to a transmission that is bifurcated and not there, to where you’re only thinking that you’re getting the memo. In other words, the feminine nature is such that it sits in a world in which it has gotten accustomed to having the energetic come down and awaken things.

But that awakening that is happening around in terms of appearances is bifurcated, it’s off, but there is an inner light that one can have – when you look at the second dream – that one needs to be careful to stay attentive to. And if you stay attentive to that then something will be okay.

What you’re doing is the scenario that’s triggering these kinds of dreams is you realize that I’m kind of going away, and what I’m going away into is something that has its own different separate kind of reflective energy. And you kind of know that that is bifurcated in some fashion, but I’ll be okay if I hold to the heartful inner energy, which is like my father’s energy.

But this is your dream so you’re using me as an example of what you have to do to hold onto something inside you, that you have to find that inner linkage that feeds you and exist there because the energy coming down and through, that you may have been able to get along with in the past is bifurcated, it is distorted, and therefore not giving you what you need.

Now, my dream describes more in detail as to why that is.

I’ve been seeing this and not understanding what it meant before when I would see myself like on a job and kind of lost in the job and not remembering what it is I was supposed to do and where’s the foreman and where’s all of that. This time when it repeats I actually get it because now I see why it’s like that. There’s something that’s been dissipated or lost.

So this starts off where I’m in a warehouse where the shelves of product are getting empty and I’m losing my memory all the time, or as the time keeps progressing, in terms of what should be on each of the shelves in terms of the large pallets of wood that stock the shelves.

In other words, what we have is we have these huge shelves or bins that hold pallets of various sized wood and ordinarily if you’re really, really connected to this place you’re connected to something in which those shelves are full and also you know a means that if they need to be filled, what goes where.

In this dream, because somehow or another I am not making the proper connection to that linkage, that part that I use as a resource base, I find that what I am doing is I’m taking certain sized wood and loading it off to one side. And those piles that I make, as time keeps progressing, they keep getting smaller and smaller and less and less stable because I’m starting off with one set of confidence, but I’m not able to sustain it because somehow or another I’m going back and forth getting disoriented as to where I’m finding what I need.

As a consequence, I’m getting less and less done, and more and more black workers are being hired and they walk around with their shirts off and I’m told that they are the real deal, meaning that they would be good hard workers that seem to be able to stick to the basics and know what it is that needs to be done, and I seem to be pretty drifty. They can work harder. They are more consistent than I am. I don’t have any direction anymore. I know that this can’t continue. There’s no supervisor around. Eventually I will become helpless at this rate.

The meaning is I’m becoming less and less capable of self motivation, and am relying more and more upon subjectively feeling my way around. That’s why I’m dreaming this dream. This too only goes so far. You can’t just subjectively feel your way around.

In your dream, of course, the energy coming down is bifurcated, and so in your dream if you’re going somewhere to do something you have to have an inner linkage or you’re in real trouble now, because why is that? That’s the means to hear and to remember. The energetic for that is not found in an outer way.

The dream is showing me that I am losing the inner connection from which this is all made known. I lack the inner guidance that is there and then I’m losing the connection to what it is, and what it is that I should be doing, and when I should be doing it, and how I should be doing it, and where I am to find things because I can’t find them reflectively and I got to know that they’ve got to be built there as a resource that just sits there inside me in an unlimited capacity.

So I become more and more dissipated in terms of the inner condition, is what I’m seeing, because the thing’s on the shelves. I shouldn’t have to load those things on the shelf. I just need to support their existence there because they are naturally somehow there.

It’s the part of me that I don’t know that is the real deal, that takes and has the handle on the shelves, and product that fills the place up, from which I can then take and do my thing. But only if I have full access to shelves that are full of product in this warehouse, as opposed to the shelves getting empty.

What the dream is saying is that there is a means or a mechanism or connection inside that is dissipating and this is a dream that is after the program, which means that the program builds you up to a degree and then you kind of slide from that, and as you slide from that the shelves go empty and then pretty soon you’re caught in not knowing how to flounder your way around.

In other words, a heartfulness is needed to link me to the inner space or inner source. Without this I slowly fall back more and more onto a delirium of not really having a good way of knowing what I’m doing. The best I can do is reflections with a memory shot, and no guidance, and no listening center.

The scenario of that of course is the dissipation that happens when you just sit back and you don’t have that real deep connection that you had at the program, where you suddenly got full and then as you’re sitting back you’ve been adjusted and pointed in terms of the means upon which you need to be at this point in time, attuned to that, and that’s at that space where the inner turns into the outer. And so instead if you’re sitting there thinking that you could somehow mutate from that, and that other is just going to be there amnesically, you find out that something goes whacky in terms of how you feel your own heart and it is the heart that you have to hearken to.

It’s the heart that you have to pay attention to. You can’t have your attention focused into the outer and how the outer looks and responds and is because that will just take you into a type of delirium because, as much as it wants to know, and thinks that it knows – it doesn’t know.

We exist at a point in time where everything has to come from this empty space. And, also, as a scenario for the future is I’m going into a situation in which those I will be with, like Rick, who is going to give me a ride to the airport and my mother that will be there, they’re all going to be acting out upon outer reflections and my challenge will be to reside in the inner in order to be able to sort out what needs to be done and what can be done.

Look to the inner, feel the inner, hear from the inner, as the place for heartfelt inflection, and not get caught up in any of the outer nuances.

In other words, function from within, the aspect of my own light, in terms of how I hear it. Otherwise I’ll be pulling from the outer reflections and I can never do that anymore. I can’t be doing that because that just depletes the shelves to the point where you’re in a total delirium – and what a strange feeling you get when you don’t have that connection to reside in.


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Today’s dreams explore the realms of feeling, from outer to inner, and inner into outer, and explore what’s involved with balancing ourselves in relation to what we are processing. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I had a strange dream last night. In this dream I’m in a building. I’m in a room with a group of women and there’s a group of men nearby. And it feels like people are going to teach us how to make love for the first time.

On the other hand, they’ve matched me up with this Japanese woman and that doesn’t make sense to me, so I have my eye on this guy in the other room. Through signaling him or something I know that when the time comes, I will hook up with him instead, because that makes a lot more sense.

But then it feels like we go from the room before we’re all going to our hotel rooms or wherever we go, and we go to a banquet. The first thing I notice is that they’ve overcooked the chicken, like you cannot eat the tip of the chicken wing because it’s just all overcooked crust, and maybe if you go down to the next layer you can get a little bit of meat. That’s all I seem to notice there.

John: As a consequence of you showing a preferential to the masculine side, what seems to unfold is now when you go to the meal the chicken is hard to eat?

Okay, so this indicates there is the wrong order of things here going on in the outer. I mean, it’s the feminine that knows how to make all of that, pull all of that together, not the masculine. In other words, this is the byproduct of you hooking up in an imbalanced way.

So what happens?

Jeane: Then we go to a room that has hotels in one area and a big swimming pool right in front and then an area in the middle that I’m not sure what those rooms are.

Well, it feels like at first we go through a party and I overhear a man saying that the man that I’m with is not really who he says he is, but he’s actually someone who’s pretty wealthy, a prep-school type that is kind of disguising himself and pretending to be let’s say more of an average person. I overhear that and note that.

I’m also looking around and it feels like I’d like to find a space to go be alone with him, but all these prearranged hotel rooms seem kind of bizarre, plus there’s a party going on. So we go out to the swimming pool, which it’s almost like a very black water, but when we get in there I see some people standing in the alcoves kind of spying on one, so that feels uncomfortable.

Then I look at these series of rooms in the middle of the building that I didn’t know what they were before, so I suggest we go there. It feels like we’re separated for a minute and I talk to a man who seems a little bit like a mentor or something, and I explain to him that I found out that this guy actually is someone from probably a pretty wealthy or sophisticated family who’s there, not even giving his own name, but that doesn’t seem to bother me, because I look around and I said, “You know, if you look around the city right now, most of the people have been leaving the city for the suburbs, and here someone at least has left the suburbs to come back to the city,” so that’s why it doesn’t bother me in a way.

Then I hook up with the guy again and we go in to try to find a room. Well, once we go in it’s almost like this is a series of circular rooms that are not private like I thought they were. There are people of all ages going around in there and I think they’re walking counterclockwise, and we’re going in and looking around clockwise, because it’s kind of a circular space and one room seems more like an arboretum, and we’re looking for a bed or a place we could be private. But then you have these people touring the area and also there’s an arboretum. There’s an area that I find where staff sleep, and if there were stairs upstairs to actually private rooms that’s blocked off.

There are glass windows that go out to an area that looks really dark. We kind of complete the circle and we come back and we’re looking at the swimming pool of having to get in a swimming pool again as an option, and I think that’s when I wake up.

John: The hint as to what this means was right at the very beginning, in that there’s something in terms of what is accessible that isn’t coming through, or isn’t opening up. It’s there but it hasn’t opened up.

It’s amazing how this kind of coincides with what we’re talking about. And so you’re drawn to this particular scenario, but by being drawn to it what you see in the scenario is all cluttered or fumbled. You can’t find a room, or the chicken initially is the byproduct, is cooked wrong.

It’s kind of a dream that is scoping in almost a type of sensation-way, to catch up with something that… In other words, I was evaluating this in my dream. How is it that you come to know something that you need to come to know? And when it is inside and it’s locked and it’s hidden, the thing that is most out of balance in your nature is your sensation function.

And it’s almost like it throws new light on the meaning of what is the sensation function, and I’ve always noticed that the sensation function in my nature is the most imbalanced part of myself, but now that throws the question, is it really? Because a teacher did indicate to me, he wasn’t so sure that that’s really the most imbalanced. And even felt that the dream world would indicate otherwise, but on the outer it comes across as the klutzy or the most imbalanced.

And your dream seems to have this sensation dilemma going on of trying to get something into a cadence, and you’re doing this and you’re doing that and you’re doing this and you’re doing that and somehow you’re scoping all around to catch up with the energetic in which it all tends to then flow with a uniformity and a synchronicity.

But as long as it’s not, then you are not finding this or the chicken is… It’s like you went into this long sequence of a dream which I even tended to mostly forget because you indicated and told the schematic of the energy by the fact of this chicken being off. The rest of the dream had you feeling the whole sensation quandary, right?

In other words, you got it in a blunt, direct, to the point way, and then you had the whole meander for the rest of it.

That was the strange theme I guess of last night, and on a sensation level I got thrown off straightaway because of this call that came in when I should be sitting down meditating so I didn’t get started until an hour later, and I felt what a catastrophe, but I also felt that there was a part of me that had been affected in some way that I couldn’t explain where I would be able to just immediately let go.

Often times I sit down and it’s the time to be sitting down and all of that, but I also know that I don’t quite feel like I can just let go. This time I felt like I could just let go even though it didn’t make sense that I could just let go.

And so the first thing that happened within about five minutes was I noticed this incredible feeling. It was like something had fingers and the fingers had a certain softness to it so that they wouldn’t scratch, and the fingers could reach and take something right off the cheek and it was such a sensation to just pluck something up like that.

And what was the relief, what was so amazing, was the relief had this whole energetic of something being lifted, something being… well, it was a relief, but the image of this happening was one thing, but the sensation of the energetic relief was another.

It was just like a bizarre snippet sort of thing and so after five minutes of sitting down I’m going to start writing something like this up. I mean, this isn’t how my meditation works. I come across something after an hour or two or three or something, so I ignored it. And then I came out of my meditation thing, hours later, and I remembered something that was all had to do with a type of soothing that was going on on a sensation level.

In other words, there was something a little imbalanced, a little off, and then something that was like a type of rejoicing inside that made the sensation feel wonderful, but as I’m about to write this up which I know is going to be a long dream, I reflect upon this snippet that I hadn’t forgotten.

As soon as I reflect upon it the dream goes completely away and I remember the snippet. I write the snippet up and I go, wow. So then after writing the snippet up I then come back to what occurred in the main dream as kind of a whiff or sense and all I can say is that there was this whole soothing or letting go as if something had lifted, and I could tell this on a sensation level.

So it had me pondering the significance of the sensation level, that when I’m most bewildered, confused, and wandering around and dense. That’s when something that could be flowing isn’t flowing, and when I’m in this whole sensation exhilaration or something, that’s when something is flowing, and so then it got me to pondering.

That which can be sensationally flowing inside of myself, can be something happening on an inner level. I could still have chaos or mayhem happening in the outer, but I don’t identify with it. So far what happens is because I identify with the outer, and recognize this on the inner, my sensation function sits in kind of some sort of wibble-wobble, where it doesn’t quite gel unless there’s a cadence in the outer, as well as in the inner.

Because I can have this quality that’s amazing on a sensation open up on the inner, and then all it takes is some catastrophe or peculiarity that completely surprises or shocks me that occurs in the outer, and it can knock me off. Or if I don’t know that that’s going on, I can still stay on this inner and that other won’t matter. Well, this is bizarre to me. This is my sensation imbalance.

Anyway, this is the nature of how the dreams were last night is they tended to zoom around the theme of how it is that you measure, or detect, or gain a schematic of reference, and it has to do with the sensation function.

Now, if you’re going around, and another way of saying the sensation function is to say okay, you have an auric sense of well being, and if this auric sense of well being that you carry comes into a schematic, and you start feeling self-conscious, or peculiar, or acting up, because that auric sense that you carry does not comport with the density or the limitations or the streamlining of, lets say, the schematic that you’re in.

That schematic can start triggering an imbalance in the way you carry yourself, or a self-consciousness, or something, you can really get beat up, you can really get strange, you can really get weird, you can really get peculiar. And what happens is, on a sensation level of the inner effect of your being, in relationship to the outer schematic that’s going on, and you’re out of touch with that outer schematic, what readily shows the break in the intertwined linkage, is your sensation function.

I had never stopped and looked at why the sensation function is such an important quality, of four qualities, thinking, feeling, intuition, and sensation; I hadn’t stopped and realized how the sensation function is such an interesting tuning fork.

Isn’t that interesting? It was a type of schooling, so to speak, that occurred last night that was triggered by things. As far as the dream element, I mean you may have had a dream, but you were being pressured to catch the memo. That’s what was going on. We call that dreaming.

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