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Posts Tagged ‘caught up in doing rather than being’

Today’s dreams are a continuation from the same night of images explored yesterday (see Clearing Things Up). Here, we see the dilemma deepen, as the masculine and feminine energies seek to come together, but are faced with certain limitations. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: In this image I get on an elevator with a man who’s, I guess, in charge of something, and I complain to him about the people in my last dream, that the problem was, although they were seminar leaders, she had a drinking problem she was denying, and he tended to abuse his power by sleeping around. And I object to that.

Then he seems to disappear from the elevator, and the elevator stops. And I know I’m just on a brief break – I have to go back in just a few minutes. I take a step out and, lo and behold, there’s a bush with a bird in it.

I step out of the elevator, outside, and there’s this bush in front of me, and there’s a bird on it. It’s kind of an interesting bird, like a small falcon or something – brownish red feathers and everything – but it’s doing something where it looks bigger than it is, and then it flies towards me.

It kind of seems to land on the wall. It still looks to me like it’s more spread out on the wall than you’d think it would be, and then, when it drops down to the ground, I see it’s actually two birds.

I don’t know if one bird was fighting with the other, or if they were mating, or what they were doing. I can’t figure it out.

John: So how did it start?

Jeane: It started with me getting on the elevator with someone in charge, and complaining about the other two people in my last dream.

John: Oh. So what you’re doing is you’re sorting out what’s keeping something from coming together, and you’re sorting it out as vibratory changes of something different in the energetic. The drunkenness quality, she had a problem with drinking, which is a way of symbolically meaning that she’s indulging or preening in life, and getting a little too carried away about things – and therefore not catching up with something, not seeing what she needs to see.

And he has a habit of taking things for granted, like sleeping around, which means a little too cavalier in the freedom sense of things – not necessarily responsible. The drinking problem is like a doingness, and the sleeping around is like an aloofness, and these are actually qualities of limitation of masculine and feminine.

The feminine can have a doingness that can be interesting and enamoring. You know, loves the sunsets, loves all this sort of thing, and that’s a type of delirium, or type of drunkenness, in its own way. There’s something very fascinating about it, but also it can be a type of drunkenness that has a closeness to it.

And the sleeping around has a distance, has an aloofness, has a lightness, and is more irresponsible, which tends to be a quality of the masculine. That’s what’s the problem in terms this coming together, something coming together to be able to fly, because it evolves into the image of what, two birds?

Jeane: Uh huh.

John: And they’re dying?

Jeane: No, they’re on a bush and I can’t tell. At first I think it’s one bird. I can’t tell what he’s doing. I just think he’s flying towards me but he seems bigger than he is, but then when he’s on the wall fluttering around and falls to the floor I realize there are two birds. But I don’t know if they were mating or fighting, or if one bird was kind of trying to protect the other. I mean, I can’t tell what they were doing.

John: Are you sure there were two birds even?

Jeane: Yeah. I couldn’t tell it until they fell to the floor, because one bird was covering the other.

John: But other than that they were one bird, and so when they come crashing down they’re two birds. But they can be one bird and you saw them as two birds. When they come crashing down there was something the matter then.

Jeane: No, I saw them as one bird, but then they got closer and then I saw them as two.

John: When they got closer you saw them as two. It’s a perception thing. I think it has to come together. They fall to the floor as two, but they look alright as one, right?

Jeane: Well, I couldn’t tell for sure.

John: When you got closer when you tried to examine it they’re two. So the drinking problem and the sleeping around, they’ve got to come together somehow or otherwise they fall to the floor.

You’re asking two things like that to happen, and they don’t make sense how that happens. That’s what’s wrong in the other aspect of your dream. You’re trying to whirl and do this, that, or the other, and you have these two energetics that are off.

One is sleeping around, and the other is a drunkenness, and the drunkenness is the delirium in creation, and the sleeping around is the aloofness. The drunkenness can be a kind of intimacy and beauty, and the sleeping around is an awe, it’s an aloofness, and yet they come together. That’s what’s wrong.

Well, I saw it differently than that. Not differently, but in a different symbolic way of seeing it.

And then all of a sudden I see this star, this flash blue light, and suddenly there’s communicated through this flash of blue light like a voice, and it’s like a voice of a higher self.

And it again says something that almost sounds like an opposite; portraying it opposite to how I would be inclined to look at it. The voice says, “You have a fear of losing.” I have a fear of gaining. That’s all there was and so you sit and you ponder that.

You have a drunkenness and sleeping around quality dilemma. It’s interesting. That’s the dilemma by which you pull the masculine into yourself. That’s why you have all these dreams and images: You go through kind of a sleeping around energetic weirdness, in the masculine, that’s an aloofness that you see in that way as if that has a freedom. It doesn’t of course.

A drunkenness is a closeness that’s like trying to find a freedom, but it sits in an amnesia. A fear of losing is trying to keep something going, keep pulling something through. In fear of gaining, his barrier is to keep something from happening. Very strange thing.

Both of those are telling about something that is a dilemma, in terms of trying to sort out this. That has to make sense somehow for it to happen, because it doesn’t quite make sense, it sits as a dilemma.

How do you reconcile a fear of losing and a fear of gaining and have something okay? How do you reconcile a drunkenness with the sleeping around? Wow. The masculine element sleeping around is too aloof, and it has a certain waywardness about it, and the feminine quality has a certain amnesia, and therefore it can’t pull something, it can’t see the signs, because it’s in creation, because it’s amnesic, and it’s drunken.

And like that the bird crashes down – it’s two birds – crashes down, when it objectively looked like it was one bird, but it’s really two birds crashing down because of that condition.

And I have two principles warring against each other to a quality of losing and a quality of gaining, going back and forth, keeping a delusion up. And then they’re broken apart. How they come together is a whole other question. They come out of the blue light like that.

So we’ve got a new adventure we’re figuring out. I didn’t get much rest on the last one. How this other suddenly started to make sense, and now we’re kind of in a new predicament.

 
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In this conversation between John and Ann, an archetypal dream scenario unfolds. (This recording does have some difficult passages, in terms of audio quality, but the text is provided to clarify any uncertain wording. It’s a journey worth pursuing! At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)


John: It was another active night of dreaming. Did you dream actively too?

Ann: Well, I wrote it up here this morning because I finally was able to put my finger on it. The dream theme has been organizing. It’s like there are three parts to the organization and every night it’s been different dreams, very in depth, but organizing, and it has to do with three.

Like one night I was dreaming and organizing people into these three groups…

John: When you’re working with three you’re shifting something in. One step links to the next step links to the next step and what’s really, really unusual, that even a lot of teachers don’t notice, is that there actually is a fourth step. But mostly it’s three steps over and over again.

The first step is good for your foundation, the second step puts you into an aspect of how you correlate a motion with it, but aren’t necessarily conscious, but are unfolding nevertheless in that regard, and the third step is generally a breakthrough.

So let’s see how you did it.

Ann: Okay. In one of the first dreams I just remember that there were groups of people and I didn’t necessarily know the people, but I had to organize the people into these three groups. And so at one point I remember shifting some of the people around and moving them and thinking well no, that’s not quite right, and then finally, towards the end of that particular dream, I’d stand back and think okay, now that’s the way it should be.

John: It is said that on this path we are the designers, and what you’re doing is you’re shaping something. You’re attempting to tune in to a center of listening that knows how something is meant to be.

In other words, how it’s to be contained, or how it’s to be in the overall. That’s the general motif that you, so to speak, feel in your bones, or in other words, whenever I say that one’s feeling this so to speak in their bones, and so you go around and around to try to get it to come out or to flow or to come together, it’s like something that’s felt in the bones is like an inner vibration that is trying to live through you.

In other words, the way you live in the outer is one thing, identifying with your senses and how you perceive off of that and such. This other is like a whole other dimension that has you taking on, if one was describing it in a shamanistic way, your spot, your point in the whole. In other words, how it is that everything cycles. It’s like you being the essence and everything’s cycled around that, is perhaps another way of saying it.

That’s not quite right because everything is the wholeness. Nothing is distinguishable, but it’s how it kind of can be inclined to feel when you are trying to pull it all together.

So how does it work in the second dream?

Ann: The second dream earlier this week, I had lists of things and I had files and lists and I was trying to organize these things into these three lists. I just remember three kept coming up.

John: That trait that you’re describing is what the teacher says is the greatest problem for the feminine. The masculine is another word for it, that its greatest problem, and there are actually two things that are considered the big problem for the feminine, and you’re doing the second here. You’re not able to stop your doingness.

In other words, the feminine is a container energy, but then it can get lost in the minutia of its doingness, where it’s got this and this and this and that and that and that. So you have this central thing that is pushing you, the essence of something trying to come through that’s pushing you, and the way you’re working with it is you’re making your lists to try to pull it together, thinking that the list will pull it together.

Actually what happens is you kill the energy that way, but you make it so mundane, you make it so tight, you make it so dense that you put yourself in a mud puddle of suffering. You know, in trying to make the list work because the list format won’t work, because the list format is based upon how all of this needs to portray itself in the outer.

See, the vibration is an innerness coming in, and the list is an attempt to orchestrate that in the outer. I mean, this is the best you can do to catch up with it. I mean, you’ve done your best to try to contain the whole essence of what it is that’s in your bones so to speak, and because you’re in the outer your faculties come to bear then, and try to make lists to help it, but everything is being done in relationship to the outer, which is the reflective deadness of things.

And once in a while you get a break and something actually kind of works, and that spoils you. Because it’s kind of like maybe more by accident, because the inner is what is alive and the outer is the reflective or the dormant, and most of the time it’s on a slightly different tango. So, that’s how you are trying to work with it. Now let’s see if the third aspect shows you making the breakthrough.

Ann: Yeah, this is the last dream I had last night and so I’m kind of like sitting, I’m sitting at like a table or something, and I’m looking up at this great big screen and it’s like you know how you have documents on your computer and you have them in icons?

I had these icons and I kept moving them around and moving them around and thinking okay, I can’t quite get this but I was moving them around knowing that they were supposed to sort of be in a sequence or something, and all of a sudden it was like I moved them and I just sat there and I said, “Oh, I got it, I got it,” and then I woke up.

John: Huh. Now that would be different for the masculine than for the feminine. No wonder I created such a reaction when I was playing with this idea of the mystic versus the alchemist.

It’s the masculine needs to figure out how to be the alchemist. The feminine is naturally the alchemist. It’s the feminine that needs to figure out how to be the mystic, how to see.

That’s what you’re doing is you get to the point where aha, you see, and… I don’t know, this is so simple. I am surprised I didn’t make this correlation before, because a lot of times when I’m talking to the feminine, suddenly there’s the aha moment, the light bulb moment.

It is really pronounced with this little old lady that I talk to that’s like 70 some years old, and she’ll quibble and struggle with how it is that she perceives because she’s had a lifetime of experiences. And often times I’m just trying to get this to come through, trying to get this to come through, and all of a sudden maybe I trip through whatever the barrier is.

Usually it doesn’t work that way to try to press something through, but she’s got such a good heart that it can happen that way too. And so when it does, it’s like you just hear this huge in-breath, ahh, it’s an aha moment. She got it, and it doesn’t mean she can hold onto it. It was a very fast flash. It’s a sight. It’s a seeing.

And then the tendency is her basic nature is so slower and so she could fall back and it can veil right up again, and so I’m learning to try to figure out how to do this more smoothly because I have to jam it through. It runs counter to a person’s assimilation process.

So what was happening in your particular case was you were going at this at a pace, where first of all you are confronted with what it is that is your greater responsibility in terms of who and what you really are. That’s your first dream, where you are feeling it in the bones.

But because you’re in the outer, and not on the inner, because you’re in the physical body, you’re trying to sort this out by working with the outer characteristics, and so you are trying to rearrange that. You’re making your list. You’re thinking that this way you’ll catch up with it.

But that approach is disrespectful to the inner, because it’s the inner where the attention needs to be placed, and not in the outer. The outer is reflective of the inner. Yes, on some level you can say that the inner and the outer come together, but that’s just like light and sound are, you know, a way of looking at it they’re just at different speeds.

And in the last, you pull together the inner and the outer with your aha moment, with that flash that you got. That works that way over and over and over and over and over again. You need that inflection. You need that sight.

This is something that I pondered, and how funny I never made the association with the masculine and feminine like this before, I’ve made the association in terms of thinking, feeling, intuition, and sensation.

And I identify in myself the sensation being the imbalance, and when it’s in balance I have more of an alchemical side working. I’ve often noticed that when a woman is very subjected and holds something inside of herself as a great knowingness, that needs to be jostled through, that it’s almost like her thinking function is jumping around and when it suddenly hits and then out through the intuitional flash comes the knowing, that’s like a sight.

And that works for her. The trigger being the thinking, and in this case, the intuition being the knowingness that just comes through. And then can you hold that pace, that speed? Because the tendency is, because we live in the 99.9% world of senses, is the tendency then to go back to that world of sound, so to speak, instead of the world of light, the world where you mystically see it and get it. You mystically seeing something and getting it, causes it to come through.

The masculine being able to take what it sees and somehow or another function with it, in terms of the outer, that’s the alchemical linkage. Strictly speaking the alchemical is the feminine, but she doesn’t have the masculine. Strictly speaking the masculine is the mystical, the mystic, that doesn’t have the alchemical.

It is very interesting. What happens is you tend to have to, if you’re a woman, you have to find the masculine side of yourself, which is that light, that spark.

In other words, it is like it comes down. It’s like a seed thought or something. It comes down and it finds its correspondence on the plains of wholeness. Now, if you don’t have a greater relationship or connection with that, then you fiddle around and with your moods and mannerisms you make your checklist, and you’re caught up in your doingness.

And it ain’t gonna go very far. Well, you know… It nauseates you. I mean, you know, usually you find yourself all worn out. It should have worked. I mean, you know, you took great care in making these lists, and these lists made sense because you did hear something in the bones so to speak from which to generate the list.

Now, where one gets into trouble is it’s a little bit like the gambler, like the gambler that goes down let’s say and he gets on the slot machine and he hits the jackpot. He shouldn’t of course, statistically he’s going to lose, but once he hit this jackpot he gets to imagine he’s infallible and so he thinks he can repeat this over and over and over again, and now he’s hooked and now he’s lost.

Well, the same thing can happen when you feel something in your bones and you start to make your checklist. Sometimes something is still kind of alive yet, in the outer reflection, that does correspond a wee bit to this inner thing, and when that hits then you get to thinking that it works that way.

It was only by accident that it worked that way, that that something at the slower vibration hadn’t been left behind or something, that things had moved on or whatever, in terms of the speed of things, and so you then are inclined to indulge even more. And you’re inclined to put up barriers, hissy fit barriers to fight to make that work.

I mean, you’re right – these lists have gotta make it work. You’ve done your thing. These lists is where it’s at, and it’s only when you settle back that you can come to recognize that it’s this light bulb flash.

There are other ways of describing it too. Take for example dream interpretation. It’s almost somewhat of a list orientation, if you take a dream and try to understand it in terms of its symbolism.

However, the light of it, or the flash of it, comes from a knowingness that is on a mystical level. You just know it, and if you take and apply the symbolism, sometimes you’re right and sometimes you’re wrong.

And so what happens is most places where you have dream interpretation you have what this means and what that means kind of thing, and you have that kind of twisted perception.

It never jumps to the inner. It jumps to the outer correlation, which sometimes is okay and sometimes is not, but if you really feel it, it’s always missing something. It’s missing the overdrive. It’s missing the greater meaning. It might have a bit of a lesser meaning, and sometimes it misses that completely too, because things have passed it by. It’s dead energy, because it’s reflective.

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Here we explore the nature of what it means to allow what wants to awaken in us, which requires quieting the noise and distractions of the outer world, in us. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: When I went to bed last night I’d brought my iPad in and my plan was to put on the ear buds and listen to some guided visualizations, but I turned out the light earlier than that because I realized I was too tired and I’d just go to sleep.

So it felt like the first part of the evening my dreaming felt like there was some kind of energetic push/pull going on with the iPad, there was some kind of energetic connection from there to me, and I was just kind of reading the energy. That is the best way I can describe the early dreaming.

It was just watching this energy flow that was pulling me to something that was on the table next to the bed, and I’m assuming it was the iPad.

John: You must be building into something new, because that’s a flashback to an old habituation or pattern that causes one to get caught up in the indulgence, instead of an inner flow, which is uncharacteristic of where your normal dream process takes you.

That’s why I’m suspecting that it’s a precursor to another shift or something, because that’s a backward image. This is what happens to most people, most of the time, who are not connecting to an inner flow.

They find themselves driven by their preoccupations, which act as if they have a will of their own, that drive them to have to support, or to sort, something out. And so this malingering kind of preoccupation, and in some instance a type of checklist of doingness, seems to control the perception, and thus keeps them veiled from accessing something deeper.

Jeane: In the other dream I had it’s like I’ve gone maybe with some cousins to visit my mother’s mother at her home, so it’s my grandmother’s home, and apparently my grandmother had been gone for a period of time and she’s returned, so we’ve all gone over to visit her.

And there’s kind of a certain free flow with visiting her. There’s even a dog around, but at one point she leaves the room, and I look at my cousins and I tell them that my grandmother’s going to take off again.

She’s actually out of the room checking into a cruise or a tour, or she’s going to do something, and I realize they’re a little shocked by this, but to me it’s just that for some reason my grandmother doesn’t like to stay at home. She wants to go travel. She doesn’t want to just do it the traditional way where she’s there and you go visit her.

John: This is an image of something opening up, in other words, a greater dimension reaching out, in that everything is there. Meaning you’ve got your cousins and you’re all going to visit this quality of something that’s your grandmother, and it’s not a stale environment. It’s an environment that’s shifting and moving about, and keeping things fresh and alive, which is not how it has seemed with regards to accessing the deeper parts of yourself in the past.

Usually when you access the deeper parts of yourself, you’ve had a kind of stigma in terms of those parts being somehow, in their ancientness, set or preordained in some fashion, as they open up and awaken. And in this image you’re finding that the grandmother part, or the ancient part inside of you, is on the move.

It’s going to be interesting to see how it is that your dreams integrate with mine. I haven’t figured that one out yet. We tend to dream in some sort of to-and-fro, that has a pattern to it, so I guess we’ll just have to see what evolves.

I guess the theme of the dreaming must have something to do with an aspect of our self shifting or waking up, because the first sentence that I wrote is: I’ve experienced subtle awareness that is on the verge of slowly waking up. I can see this in a dream in which a part of myself that is still conscious is yet getting in the way, so that at the very last second it keeps me from reflecting upon a consciousness that is quite tangible. I mean, it’s that close.

In other words, it lies just beneath the surface of an awareness that seems even like it’s in the outer too, or in the environment of the outer. I am shown that what is happening right at this point in time is that when the energetic of what is going on is on the verge of a breakthrough of awareness, it seems like something unfortunate comes over me.

So when I settle back I see myself by doing this, allowing something within to get my attention and in doing so it makes a breakthrough. What happens is I reach an unshakable awareness that is so strong that it seems as if it was always within my grasp consciously.

In other words, prior to that of course it was just out of reach, and now all of a sudden it’s like always been like this. When I am like this, it is easy to assume that I have an unbreakable connection, and always had such a connection, even though others around me find this, and in my perception when I look around me as well, it is illusive to others.

Fortunately, I do not go off the deep end that is also there, because to do so would destroy or destabilize a good thing. I am able to tell I still carry within the shadow dynamic of being of an awareness, that has an imbalance in it, because I can sense the flip out.

I am so thankful that I am able to hearken to the deeper roots within. In other words, I seem to somehow be lucky enough to do that, because this other is not that far away and could easily just happen as well.

And even though there are times when it is easy to lose the fluid and flexible and easygoing way, and to do so would be like getting in the head, in some capacity, and tearing something tenuous and precious asunder.

You might say this is a dream that starts off with a sense of, like yours, of something slowly waking up, only in your particular position you actually are in it, as it’s waking up with the grandmother no longer where she should be in a quiet easy way. I mean, she is on the move and as part of that waking up, you find yourself in this new way of waking up, you find yourself kind of going back to a beginning kind of quality, where you’re taking into your frame of reference a kind of indulgence, an indulgence that has a mundane aspect to it, like a starting over aspect, in this new way.

Because what you described at the beginning is very typical of how most people tend to perceive life, only it’s in a shallower motif.

The purpose of the dream or the theme from last night, is to instill an appreciation that is not going to go away when times are difficult. In other words, it is to make it so that you do not flip out or go backwards, or crack up, or turn your back upon something vitally important. In other words because this helps you gain a better sense of what’s vitally important, and what’s subtler in terms of what is going on.

Because to lose that would be like becoming a disingenuous person, who can’t help themselves. And to flip out would create the appearance of you being a kind of monster, in other words, really bizarre, especially in the face of another kind of knowingness that something is important.

The inner dreams and awareness flicker within, in order to keep me from becoming a beast that I cannot like, because if I become such a beast I lose all sense of common decency. Fortunately I have a living example that has just occurred in the environment in my life, which, in its way, reflects the graciousness as a thankfulness. It was being with Mike these last few days at the trade show seeing how he is able to be thankful and able to take in a wonderful flow around him and never let any of this go to his head.

My tendency is when I take and I have a whole sense of where I really get something black-and-white, so succinctly, that it can lead to a type of arrogance, and Mike doesn’t have any of that. In fact, he even slights himself a bit in his graciousness when he needs to actually, and has a sense of how better to probe out to learn things, but because he has got such a huge entourage around he’s trying to make sure everybody’s content and yet he’s the one that has got to know how to steer the ship and make the big decisions. And they’re looking at component parts and he needs to look at the big picture.

And so in his graciousness you almost wonder is he going to be allowing himself enough time for that to happen and it seems to work out for him.

The deeper awareness of this dreaming is that it is possible to see the importance of something very subtle coming into being when I am able to be in a world where I’ve surrounded myself or opened myself up to being able to set aside my denser preoccupations, so that this side of itself can come across in a more gracious or respectful or nurturing manner.

Then I have an image that tries to create a corresponding symbolism with that deeper awareness statement that I just cited above. In the image I am before a structure that goes straight up high into the air. What it looks like is it’s a little bit like a base and it looks like there are a few steps at the bottom that you can see from a short distance, and then it stops, like it goes straight up again and then maybe there’s a little cut.

But it is gaining height going more and more straight up all the time, so in order to handle something like this that goes up in the air, if you just looked at it it would seem impossible to scale.

At the beginning however there are steps that are barely perceptible from a distance that one can climb. Only after you climb these steps do you notice that there are still other steps that may take you in a way that’s even steeper, that you wouldn’t see from the ground, that you only reach when you get past say an initial level.

And so it goes. It seems to be like this, on and on, as you keep going steadily and steeper up something that is hard to believe can be scaled. If you were to stop you would be hit with the idea of wondering that it won’t take much to slip and fall or something, and then all would be for naught.

With that doubt in mind, a shift in the image occurs and this is what now unfolds. I find myself standing in the only car parking spot in the area in which the surface is covered and designed by sawdust.

In other words, there might be all gravel parking spots but this one is a square in which the sawdust has been laid out in it, and around the corner to my surprise comes a woman who sees me. It seems like a fluke because a moment before she was blocked off from seeing me by an object in the way.

The significance is the sense I get is that it works like this over and over again. In other words, it’s like the scaling of this thing that goes straight up in the air. Just when it seems impossible something is there at your disposal, or awakens synchronistically, or however, so that you are able to keep going on and on and on and on.

Or, in other words, just when I am on the verge of blowing it, or think I am out there floundering, I am able to suddenly find, within myself, the right spot at just the right time in which something is able to be there as needed.

In this last dream, this last dream really puts it to the test to understand what this means. In the dream I am told that a woman bought The Flamingo [hotel]. Isn’t that interesting? A woman bought The Flamingo.

This makes me more interested in figuring out the change that is occurring. To begin with, I do not seem to know where I am at. It is like being in a trance. As I start to come out of this, I notice that I am walking off the sidewalk on a lawn, going towards a building entrance.

It is dark out, so I do not notice the wet spots that I suddenly walk in and get my feet wet. I do notice however that the lawn must have been recently flashed, you know how they tear everything up around here to make it grow better, because it is very thin and mostly dirt.

The meaning of the dream is I am still assimilating that which is different about the environment I am in. I haven’t yet awoken to how it is that I am meant to be. I’m looking for the entrance that will take me inside. I have wandered off the beaten track looking for the entrance.

I know that things have been stirred up, and that this is supposed to make things better in the long run. I am not yet seeing what lies before me, but have a good sense of where I am heading.

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