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Posts Tagged ‘change or stagnate’

John: So, what I was describing yesterday (see Jailed Cells) was how I limit myself in becoming conscious.

In the dream I’m explaining how I worked in the old days. I’m giving a history lesson to people who see me as an old timer, like I went through the horse and buggy stage of courthouse development.

So I’m standing there describing how things used to be and how I was there when the computer technology was gradually ushered in. I’m telling this story like it’s a glamorous history. But what I’m not able to communicate is how I had to live with this in my chakras.

In other words, I’m telling this glamorous story of what happened in the outer life, but I’m not conveying how it evolved in my inner life – in the chakras – where I cringed at every change. I was fearful that each change would cause me further embarrassment, or that I wouldn’t be able to figure it out, or that I would in some unknown way be harmed.

That was the irrationality that I had to contend with as life jerked me forward against my will, so to speak, but for my overall benefit and for the overall benefit of the whole. This is what we all do in our daily lives when we resist change, or when we try to control the outcome of events when really we should go with events and navigate the flow like a kayaker in a river.

Of course this process is seen in me through the lens of the masculine. The masculine is introduced to change as if it’s a matter of having to contend with more variables – that’s how we look at it. And having to contend with more variables, we don’t sort it out very well because we want to tackle them individually when we should be bringing in the spaciousness and encompassing qualities of the feminine. We need to unite the many into one (feminine); that’s how the masculine aligns.

The feminine can pull a new energetic down into her overallness and create the feel of how the new can be integrated into it and be okay within the (expanded) whole – in spite of fear or anger or reactivity patterns. That’s the process the feminine needs. She can then incorporate the masculine aspect that will bring out a greater breadth and depth to the naturalness that she holds.

When I’m confronted with having to work with an intertwined oneness, when I realize how I’m a part of everything, it triggers a dueling nature in me that I’ve become accustomed to and am familiar with. This familiarity is, as I mentioned before, in my tissues and I have the realization that this seeks to protect me from change – as if I need protection from change.

It seems to be a kind of survival mechanism that’s part of my synapses and my familiarity with this has become a dependency. To relate to everything as light and know that change is possible based upon how I take that light and run it through me is a scary prospect.

Thus, I hold onto the density, which appears as familiarity or patterns in the outer, and accept that because, even though I know on one level that it inhibits energetic change, on another level I experience it as something dangerous. Ultimately, I have to adjust to be able to grow and accept change.

Isn’t that interesting? And do you see how much differently your experience with this process was, and yet it was the same thing (see Finding What’s Natural)? In other words, you adapted a more subjective naturalness to the imminent change, while I had to take a beating with my sweating at night and my stiff shoulder.

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John: Last time we ended with a voice in my dream saying,You have a call from all sources of what is going on, and a minute amount of awareness about it .” (For the background to this discussion, see A Touch of Mink, and Seeing the Light Beer.)

So I seem to have a minute understanding, based upon comparative experience, to know when something needs to be poured out (the beer), versus when it is to be ignored and remained bottled.

My first dream had to do with having to contend with mink energy, which is set in its nature but tends to be fairly refined compared to squirrel energy, which forages about in life and tries to make the best of a situation.

And squirrel energy is progressive. It might be a little frenetic as it accumulates things. It can even tend to hurt the subtle unfolding, but it definitely gets the attention of that which is old guard and trying to maintain the status quo.

That which is trying to maintain its status quo  – the mink energy – sits behind its established security (the gated area), but tends to lose, over time, its connection to its surroundings. In other words, what is peripheral starts to fall away, and the old guard energy becomes more and more isolated in how sustains and maintains itself.

That’s what old energy tends to do – it gets isolated and disconnected, whether we are speaking of old patterns, old leadership, or old civilizations. New energy coming in, which functions on a similar parallel but is still active and vibrant, tends to create a stir energetically, and instigate change while the status quo tries to maintain its perimeters and resist any change.

In life today, what is going on is that at the very top echelon of things we have an attempt to maintain a status quo, and to some degree that defense of the established system can be vicious. And the mink is one of the most ferocious of all the weasels, even though it’s not often thought of that when it’s admired for it’s beauty. It’s viewed as something to attain, to reach, and then to maintain and protect and ward off other aspects in life.

So the squirrel is viewed as something that creates a disturbance that disrupts the tranquility of things, yet at the same time it can bring about greater awareness – if it’s doing it consciously instead of chaotically. It can cause a greater awareness of the aspects of life that have been neglected for so long, but need to be awakened to and appreciated, i.e., the spiritual aspects.

So that was the first dream and then it progresses to the second dream in which there are two qualities, or states, of life – the spiritual and the cultural, or the inner and the outer – that have been separated, and if no action is taken they will stay separated. But if we learn how to press on something, to instigate an awakening, we can cause a change in the flow.

Then something new and different can occur. How do we know when it’s time to do that or not? Well, the imagery of the third dream, with the beers, offers us a clue: a Budweiser is considered a beer of the present, of the common man, and the Miller beer is a beer that used to be seen as common and then became somewhat more sophisticated before it fell out of sight.

No one thinks much of a Miller beer anymore. Anyone who used to order a Miller beer, now orders a Bud. A Bud under most conditions is fine but if you’re dealing with something that’s a little more gentrified, a Miller is actually a better tasting beer. Nobody thinks of that. Most don’t make that subtle distinction.

This is some sort of pun in my dream, where I’m drinking that which is common in life and then I realize that that which is uncommon in life remains bottled, unopened. Then I progress to where I pour the beer into a glass (to bring it back into an aliveness instead of it letting it remain shut off), and it seems to create a possibility where it can be appreciated more.

When it becomes something that’s more appreciated, and I’m able to know the difference between the two, that’s when it’s assumed that I’m developing a sense of what is going on in terms of various energetic levels, because there are different stages of things awakening.

When we develop an understanding of what is going on then the next thing that needs to happen is for us to pull out some “minute amount of awareness about it.” In other words, it’s going on for a reason in terms of that which is designed, and we need to be conscious of that process.

I guess that’s the sense that I have inside, that somehow we need to find a way to be able to keep shifting, and accommodating, that which is important to a situation, and to an occasion in life. No matter where we go or what we do, we need to keep that awareness and stay with the flow. We need to balance the guidance of the inner to what is happening in our outer lives.

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John: In my dream, I notice that when I introduce something into the scene that I can’t alter, or can’t flow with, I literally start to sweat in my sleep. In fact, there was a whole part of this dream that I can’t remember the details of, but I can feel that I was actually flowing somewhere. When I woke up, however, the part that stood out was the fact that I was sweating from it.

What I conclude from this is that as long as I’m with the flow, or maintain the flow, I’m okay. But as soon as something obstructs it, or if I continue on as if nothing has changed, denying it, that’s when I break out into a sweat. I’m having a physical reaction to the dream.

There were times during the dream that I could see that I had a lot before me – as if I was in a huge space full of things. Yet it seemed that I was able to handle it all in a natural way. I wasn’t necessarily identifying what I was coming in contact with, I was just there with it.

What I noticed then, was that the degree to which I isolated out something from the flow, that would become the problem. It’s not unlike what we saw in your dream, where you were in a huge warehouse and basically were stopped by the first item you focused on – it prevented you from getting any further.

So it’s similar for me here – I’m able to handle everything until I begin to isolate, or separate, pieces out from the whole. As soon as I do, whatever it is becomes fixed in its nature. That fixing causes me to be unable to flow with it, and feeling the stress of that blockage causes me to physically sweat.

So I find myself catapulted from a crowded, flowing space, into a vast emptiness with one particular, immovable, thing. It’s like a contamination, or something that still needs to be worked out. It causes a disturbance in me, and because I’m unable to get it to shift, or move, it causes stress.

In other words, I’m left to cope with the fact that I have no answer in terms of how to deal with this particular problem. At times I try to shift it. Other times I treat it as irrelevant in terms of the overall, expecting it to simply go away on its own. But nothing works.

My inability to resolve this causes a breakdown within; the outer manifestation of that is me sweating, as if I were running a fever.

What does all this mean? In this dream imagery I’m not actually seeing specific items, it’s more about certain energies that I’m dealing with. And what I think this process is showing me is that I’m unaccepting of certain things in me, or in life, and that creates a blockage and a great stress.

It’s interesting, because out of the huge diversity of life, whether outside of me or internally, getting hung up on certain small details that, in the scheme of things are totally irrelevant, can still bring the whole process to a halt. It’s amazing, but we’re all are doing it all the time.

What I’m being stopped by is shown to be immovable. How does one deal with immovable things? They accept them, as part of the landscape, so to speak. But for these particular aspects of life, or me, I’m not quite able to take that step – yet.

Consequentially, I react as if I have a right to dictate that something should be this way or that, instead of flowing comfortably along with what I cannot change. But the time has come for me to be okay with this trait, or condition in life, and to stop trying to think that it’s “in the way,” or needs fixing. I can’t keep generating this same reaction (sweating, in the case of the dream) over and over again.

What I’m understanding too is that this particular stumbling block has a pattern to it. It keeps coming back as some little thing. This pattern could be nothing more than being bumped into by a stranger and getting irritated. The pattern is the automatic irritation that always follows once you’ve been bumped.

How do you get to a point where someone can bump into you and you’re indifferent, or you don’t get irritated? Until you find that point, it will keep coming back over and over again. And you might even be thinking that getting irritated makes sense when someone bumps you – you might defend it. But that irritation is actually evidence that you are holding onto something, and it’s holding you back.

So this is the type of irritation I’m suffering from in my sleep. I can pretend it’s insignificant, or that it will go away, or that it can be shifted, but that isn’t facing the issue gracefully. I need to be embracing it as part of life.

I keep saying no to it, and as long as I refuse to budge, and I maintain this unshakable attitude, I’m resigned to my suffering (and sweating).

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