Like a Circus

circucoThere are many phases in a life. We find something that interests us, we pursue it, giving it our time and attention. After a certain amount of time, something in us changes, it shifts, and whatever it was that fascinated us no longer applies. Suddenly what had captivated us becomes a noise to us, and we see it as too time-consuming, or too draining of our energy, and we move on. A spiritual path may say to us: everything, eventually, will feel like that, until we connect to our inner stillness. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: Well, in my dreams last night, I felt like I was always male, a young man. And, initially, it feels like I’m more on the outskirts of a village, going back and forth to the house of someone who lives in the village. It’s almost like I’m trying to gather up something so I can travel on. But I feel a little bit like an outsider, like I have to stay a little bit hidden so I can keep traveling on. 

And then it seems to shift slightly, whereas I’m part of a group. It feels almost like a circus group where you’re using trapezes and things, so you need somebody else to send something over to you that you catch, so that you can travel across the distance. But those of us who are younger in the troop aren’t quite as trusting maybe of some of the people that are older. 

The younger men are working together right now. You’re not sure about your resources, whether there’s enough. Because so much of this seems to take place at night, I don’t really get a really clear image of what’s happening, I get more of a sensation. And we seem to be moving towards something. 

Well, then, as we’re moving towards something, it’s more like we’re part of an army than a circus group. And then some of the old men, who were like leaders before, have joined in, and that was a bit of a problem, because I feel like they might be shorting us on some things, or they might have a little bit more of their own agenda that was older. 

And, usually, in order to travel across this space and catch something, or go fast enough, you have to have a certain amount of trust. And I’m not sure as much with the older men if there aren’t old agendas; I don’t have quite as much trust in that we can be part of this group and still travel safely back and forth the way we do. It’s like part of me wants to break away from it.

John: So the theme of the dreaming last night had to do with trying to bring into fruition, or consciousness, or a sense of awareness, another level of beingness to be in, as if the existing situation had gotten mundane, or was a bit like a circus, or lacked something more. In other words, one had caught up with what one needed to catch up with in order to realize that there was the need to reach something much, much more.

Now, the interesting thing that you’re pointing out is that as you come to realize that there is more to access, or to realize, you are finding that to overcome a quality of self-consciousness, of needing to be part of a circus, or a troupe, that such an identification, which is no longer acceptable to you, wherever you appear you see something, maybe it’s interesting as part of a larger something else, army or something, it still has some semblance of an influence. And that influence goes maybe back to more than what you know, maybe it’s something that stretches beyond, let’s say, your innocence, in comparison to something like this. 

And that when you have set aside a certain kind of appeasement that you had been seeking, and had reached, and was now ready for something more, and now you look at this other which maybe you never really looked at before, you realize that that is also in a kind of bifurcation, in terms of its beingness, it’s just got an older mannerism to it, in which how it’s seeking to be, or relate, or come across, it’s just in another kind of motif. And that motif is designed to influence you yet anew. 

So not only was this theme about trying to shake out, or get beyond, the current condition that had gotten a little stale, but it was also designed to access or reach something so much more inside of yourself. And, in the endeavor to access something more inside of yourself, you’re having trouble finding that there is anything that you can lay claim to as a goal, or opening-up agenda, because in setting aside something that had run its course, and you no longer needed that anymore to appease a kind of self-consciousness that had required that, you now are seeing this other and you’re actually seeing the limitations of it. 

You’re seeing that maybe where you might have put it into a type of pedestal in your seeking, because this whole thing is about trying to access something more, and as you approach or try to do that, you seem to find that however and wherever you look, and to whatever depth you go, you just find that maybe it’s more sophisticated, or older, or subtler, or whatever it is, but it’s still something that, in and of itself, which you may have put on a pedestal, which you may have thought was something before – even that, too, doesn’t do it for you.

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