Posts Tagged ‘confronting dark energy within’

Air mandalaIn this conversation between John and Ann, John describes the effect of personalizing our experience of the outer world, which ultimately disconnects us from everything that truly matters – in terms of living a connected life. As he says, we create our own atmosphere around us, and come to recognize it and defend it, separating us from the Whole. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: It’s been odd, in terms of the dreams that I’ve been having, and it’s almost as if what this is doing is it’s just tripping a whole way of something that’s evolving or opening differently in me.

Now what tends to happen once in a while was I got this huge influx of how everything is intertwined. And then wherever I look, all I could see is how it wasn’t. And it made me mad, because it needs to be intertwined. It needs to be interconnected.

And I went and I looked and I looked and I looked, and then I realized, to a lesser degree, one probably puts themselves under a kind of friction and attention all the time, because you have the sense of how something should be, an echo somehow, and it’s almost like you know it, you believe it, but it’s not that way in the outer.

And so that feedback that comes back makes you irritable, makes you moody, or angry. And you can be uptight about things and not even know why you’re uptight about things. But if you look at what it is that’s throwing you around, or causing you to feel odd, or peculiar, or strange, it probably can many times have to do with a conviction of a knowingness inside of yourself that is trying to come out but still kind of unconscious.

And I think that’s just another way of watching yourself, is to watch to see if you carry some part that has this triculating along inside of you that, by triculating along, has an irritability or a moodiness, or an attitude, or a mannerism, a defiance that’s triculating along inside of you. If you could take and sense why you carry that, you may have, mostly unconscious, a proper understanding of why it shouldn’t be that way.

And so when we fight things, the teacher’s way of saying it is, that we’re not correlated to the dark energy of things, in other words, we look to the light.

Well, the dark energy of things is this odd imbalance that we feel in terms of mood, reactivity, or attitude, and we act as if we can change that by fighting with it, but instead, why do you even give it the time of day?

Because we are not in a relationship with that. We’re in a relationship with this other that we haven’t figured out how to get to pop open. In many cases it’s just sitting there percolating behind the scenes, yet having this kind of bleed-through effect that’s kind of unconscious even. Often times you don’t know why you feel the mood that you feel, or why you carry an attitude that you carry.

In other words, you can see where something in some scenario sets you off in some capacity, enrages you in some particular way and, from a logical rational way you just shake your head at yourself and say, this is ridiculous, why did I get all… where did this head of steam and linearity come from?

And often times behind that watching, you might get a glimpse of a conviction that has it right, but you may not have yet caught up with the facts, and the situation, and the circumstances of it.

Other people, because they’re only into the me, myself, and I, will go along with that and as soon as they go along with that they’re doomed. They’re doomed because they have violated the intertwining. They are trying to do something separate for themselves. The only chance they had was to have acted as a group to the betterment of the whole.

And you see this happening over and over again: it’s called intertwining. A couple of nights ago I had this dream about it that put me into it to such a degree that when I came out of it I could hardly relate to anything and everything around me, because it wasn’t intertwined like that. Everything had its own little nuance, and as I approached to try to look at it, to try to discuss it, to try to relate to it, as I twirled it around inside of me, I just got angrier and angrier because that’s not how it’s supposed to be.

And from that process of making myself like that, I guess I came to realize that it all occurred because of two big of a dose of this other. It was more than I could handle. In other words, I suffered collateral damage by too big of a shift, and yet I welcome that kind of thing because that’s how I learn. How else would I have realized that there is yet this even bigger and deeper way of getting outside of yourself and totally letting go.

And totally letting go to the world’s soul basically is what you’re letting go to. I mean, to start off with it may just be a conviction that you carry inside of yourself just so that you can look at yourself in the mirror and know that everything was treated properly.

But ultimately that evolves into something bigger where you realize that’s how the Whole is, that’s how it all is. And that’s why you have things like coincidences and synchronicities and things like that, as regular routine occurrences.

It’s just all twined together like that, but we’re not able to find the twining when we go off on any kind of tangent. And to the degree to which you get irritated and moody and upset you close down, and you have even less comprehension, less clarity than before.

And you’re totally dismissed at that point in time by everyone because you’ve lost your presence, you’ve lost a point that, when you’re able to speak from, everyone can hear it in a way that they know that it’s right, even if they don’t understand it they will know that it’s right.

But when you’ve gone a little bit on tilt or something like that, that’s what they hear. They hear the agitation, they hear the friction, and so they dismiss it because they don’t need that. It doesn’t do anything for them.

Which, if you look at that process you would say, “Why should I fight things,” because this is where it takes you, this is what you get. You make yourself a little bizarre, and you take yourself out of a clarity, a quality of the heart. You become more rigid. You’re more crackable and reactive. Anything that can go wrong, vibrationally, around you, will go wrong.

You will be treated rudely by not only others, but by the way things work out. You’re a danger to yourself when you’re like that. You could go outside and trip and stumble and break an arm or something, when normally you would have better balance when you’re in a more natural part of yourself.

Even though we get this as a reflection that this isn’t how to be, and that there’s this other that we need to catch up with, we still do this other don’t we? We still find ourselves continually having a pout hissy fit over the fact that something has gone haywire.

And whenever anything goes off in it, the means by which we correct is all personal because we’ve lost the linkage to the other. So we’re always correcting in a personal way. In other words, if we’re off and someone says, how come you’re so pissy today or something, and you would be rationalizing why you can be pissy today.

When you are off, you rationalize why you’re off in a personal way. You don’t stop and say well, it’s because the universe did this, that, or the other and that’s the new note and I’m just… No, no, no. You rationalize how it is that you’ve been insulted. 

And when you’re feeling good, if someone were to ask you why you’re feeling good, or where that’s coming from, if you were able to answer it’s because something is resonating inside that’s just wonderful, whatever that might be, kind of thing. You can’t necessarily put your finger on it. It was just like everything is in flow.

And yet it’s so obvious, this dynamic is so obvious that it’s like this, in terms of what is haywire, it’s almost like a type of Pavlovian treatment. And we don’t respond very well to Pavlovian treatment. We get burned and we still stick our finger on the thing in order to somehow, righteously, it’s not supposed to burn us just because we say so. Part of us always knows better, but we keep trying to get our way.

Ann: It’s almost like you’re fighting yourself, and you’re like why am I fighting myself? What am I doing?

John: The mood and the tone in which people are fighting themselves, creates an atmosphere, and that atmosphere becomes a way in which you then place yourself. In other words, once you get addicted or attached to a particular kind of quality atmosphere, you actually rearrange your world around that atmosphere.

So the degree to which you’re defending and reacting and whatnot, all make sense again on this level of control. And that’s why when you are trying to change something, let’s say you’re working with a particular Indian tribe, and you go in there and you can immediately detect that they are carrying a mannerism about themselves that has got a little bit of a woe begotten vibe to it, and it seems to be pervasive. They like that. You don’t like that. You find that unnatural.

That doesn’t satisfy you, and you would like to maybe be able to show an alternative to that, but you have got to be awful careful because they actually believe that this kind of way of drinking up life is valuable, is important.

They may even be able to talk to you about how absurd it is that they are like this, but they still turn to this kind of mannerism over and over and over again. And so everything in the outer world, or mannerism in which they project, carries this tint to it. 

It carries this quality that is off, or this quality or aspect of a dark energy, and everything that they do is biased according to that. They can even understand that it’s like that, but changing it is a whole other thing. Even though they can, on a particular mental level, even understand why it’s like that as they carry that – they’re a victim of it. As they live it like that, that mood, they’re victim to it.

That’s why this whole process is harder to live. You can get to a pretty good insight about this stuff, but that doesn’t mean that you can maintain it, or live it.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Violating the Intertwining

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John: I had two short dreams.

In this first dream, I drive up to a large pull-up door. It’s a door that you could actually drive through when it’s open, but I stop in front of it. There’s something on the other side that’s colorful, that’s fascinating, that’s wonderful but, as far as I know, the door is closed to me.

Suddenly the attendant says, “Oh, what the heck.” I’m not supposed to be able to go inside, but he’s going to open the door so I can at least take a peek and see it for myself.

I’m standing just outside the door, but now that it’s open, all I see is a grayish mud. I’m told the colors on the roof are incredible, so I absentmindedly step inside to see them and I nearly fall down because the mud is too soft. My hand goes down and gets full of goo. It’s like a shock to my system.

The shock-like effect is because I’m not quite “getting” it. I never do get a glimpse of the beauty that’s being talked about. All I can do is hear about it. I can’t go through the door yet; the floor hasn’t firmed up enough.

This image is similar to the idea of being clear enough in terms of my own issues that I can look at others and see them for who they are, without any personal projection. This image I showing me that I’m still not there yet. What’s beautiful and colorful is still a bit out of reach.

In the next image, I’m lying in a bed against a window. It’s 10am and daylight outside, beyond the curtain. I peek out and see a person standing there, six inches from the window. I see a man’s back.

I don’t make out his entire outline because I’m groggy, I haven’t gotten up yet (it’s like I don’t want to create the contrast).

Then, all of a sudden, I feel like someone’s stepping through the window, like a person’s leg is coming in. My thought is to grab the leg and hold it so that it can’t be pulled back out.

But then I feel frozen, unable to move. I can’t lay there and grab the leg at the same time.

This scenario is creating the relationship between what’s on the outside and what’s on the inside. So again it’s like a shock and surprise. I can’t quite accomplish what I want to accomplish or see what I’m trying to see.

I’m not able to actually be in a neutral enough space within. I’m projecting biases around me and I’m finding myself comfortable being that way. As a consequence, that interferes with my letting go and being in the overallness, and I’m seeing that something isn’t quite possible.

So I can’t actually see the light (colors) but I can hear about it. It’s not quite soaking in, it isn’t quite firmed up yet, it’s still in process; I can’t step through the door.

I also can’t quite integrate what’s in the outer (of the window of illusion) and me in the bed. I can’t quite deal with that because they’re still two separate things to me, and to the degree to which I toy with that I’m apt to shock myself.

Of course what kind of a waking life scenario is behind these images? Well you could say a big scenario is the idea of the future, and in order to have a better future, we have to figure out how to hold this inner space inside, no matter what’s occurring in the outer world.

If we aren’t able to be empty in ourselves, then how can we expect others to find the compassion, and the recognition, and the coming together, and the intertwining, and the wholeness for themselves?

That’s the huge picture and it has to do with the whole. But of course I’m being shown that I even have difficulty from a personal standpoint in that I’m not even handling the little stuff.

This whole spiritual process begins with having to deal with the dark side of ourselves. Even in that we can get caught in the reflections of going back and forth and back and forth. At some point we have to take a leap forward into something that’s an overallness, or a wholeness. As one attempts to do that, the realization comes that the light is not necessarily what we perceived it to be, and we have to make another shift to realize that all the light is inside us.

The light we connect to isn’t some light that we find as a support in a collective way, as if there is greater clarity outside ourselves. We’re all created out of everything and we have everything in us. But, are we finding it? Are we working from the principle of the whole, rather than from the principle of figuring out how to pull all the component parts together? Are we acknowledging the fact that everything is already intertwined?

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Jeane: In the next dream, it feels like I’m in a large house with a lot of people of all different ages. I seem to know many of them from the days when I did seminars in New York City. There are only a few things I really remember from the dream because of all the people coming and going.

One is that I have a son who’s very young. It feels like I have to carry him around part of the time, but sometimes he seems able to walk. One of the peculiarities is that, now and then, he would find some hand grenades and he would pull the pin out of one of them. I would just be waiting for it to blow up, but it didn’t blow up.

Then my son would place the grenade in different places, perhaps tucked in some blankets, where someone else might come and find it. I never knew what was going to happen. I never saw the grenade blow up, but I didn’t know what to do except pick my son up and hold him, or get the other kids out of the room.  

I kept thinking maybe I could pick up the grenade and throw it, but what if it happened to go off at that moment? I never knew what to do about the grenade.  

The other thing I really remember about the dream is that, at one point, I went into a backyard and there was a stream that ran through the area. It was actually almost like a canal of green water.

At first I thought the water was dark green from algae, when there isn’t enough oxygen and it’s sort of scummy. Another time I went back and I thought I saw a dead water bug there except that it was much larger – it looked almost like a huge dead spider – but it actually started swimming underwater, so it was okay.

There were two of them. Someone picked up a frog and I thought it looked dead too, but then it started swimming away. At that point I noticed that the water had become all cleaned up and it was a really gorgeous green color. I could even see a little sand at the bottom and everything. It was all okay now.  

Those are the only things I really pulled out of that dream.

John: Again you’re playing with the polarity of something that’s ordinary in the outer, in terms of how it effects things, and then what’s divine in it, or the greater meaningfulness of it, can come through and bring about an inner alignment.

So here you start similarly to the way you did in the last dream (see Coal into Diamonds) where you’re removing the coal from the basement. This time you’re again dealing with the darker aspects of your inner depths and, as you do, you’re stirring up issues or aspects that can upset you in some fashion. Yet you’re still proceeding because you know that that’s what you need to do.

You (the feminine) don’t think twice about it. The masculine might think about it, but you don’t. In pushing further, you’re going to run into situations that are potentially explosive, where you can reveal or unearth aspects that are deeply buried, which can disturb you to a degree where you can become reactive.

In other words, these specific elements, that sit at some depth inside you, are like bombs (grenades). When you touch them (awaken them), it can set in motion some very explosive events. In other words, when you dig deeply and touch these issues, it’s like you’re pulling the pin out of a grenade.

Ordinarily (whether a grenade or a suppressed aspect), it’s an energy that’s kept in a state of balance because of its suppression (the pin is still intact). Because you’re not facing it, it stay’s dormant. But when you do face it, it’s like it becomes alive. It becomes more potent.

Rather than let this affect you or hurt you in some way, you have enough sense to know how to handle this energy in an almost prankster way, by putting it under blankets, or hidden in a bed or something. In other words, you’re buying some time to make the process of taking it in – re-absorbing it and updating it – easier.

Initially, when you start this waking up process… Well, it’s like when you first begin meditating, you can stir things up inside that can actually make your life seem more miserable than before because what you may have suppressed inside rises to the surface. When it does, it’s no longer in balance (through suppression), but active and at play in your current day, outer consciousness. It can then sometimes cause knee-jerk reactions as you try to regain, or attain, a new state of balance.

So, what your dream is saying is, okay, you’re in a process where you’re digging up the coal aspects in your nature, some of which are pretty explosive and potent. And, as you proceed, you’re going to have to deal with them. You’re going to have to address these issues, even if that means “putting them under the covers,” i.e., sitting with them a while to ease the transition, so that ultimately they can change.

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