Yearning to Be Free

free_from_prisonThe idea of “dying before you die” in spirituality refers to the complete surrender of the personal identity we all create for ourselves during a life. That is the part of us that thinks it can control the outcomes of the world, or the flow of life, and that takes everything that happens to us personally (i.e., why does it always rain on my birthday?). Letting go of all of that is the only way to connect to the universal flow of things. And, of course, it doesn’t mean we no longer play a role in how our life proceeds, it means that our decisions are guided by our higher connections – which are concerned with higher purposes. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So, in my dream, it starts off with me picking up a person who has served his time, in other words, he’s been incarcerated in some fashion, as if in prison, but I mean you don’t see the prison you just feel that he has had to contend with things. And now he has served his time contending with things, and so now he again is dropped into life.

In other words, he goes through a door, so to speak, that was a realm in which he had to contend with how it was that he was, and he has served his time, so now he’s released into this other area. I’m there, picking him up as he’s released into this other area, and to be released in this other area the main apparent seeming path that’s laid out, that you’re inclined to think you have to follow, goes straight ahead.

And in going straight ahead there are certain things that are required. Because there is still supposedly a stigma that remains, even though he served his time, if he were to pay attention to the stigma that yet remains the requirement is for him to give up everything he is entitled to – which is kind of like a social security, or per diem, that he gets in life. And so he would have to give that up in addition to paying some sort of restitution.

So as I walk with him as he comes through the incarceration gate, instead of walking straightforward into life, he drops it all, he turns to the right and goes down a trail that goes through a garden planted area, or field, and on the other side is a gate that takes him completely out of existence.

It is all I can do to keep up with him because what he’s doing is a kind of disappearing of himself. In other words, he’s not going to pay any attention to the per diem, nor is he going to pay any attention to the restitution. It’s too much weight, too much barrier, it’s too much to have to bear. In fact, he has served his time, so he doesn’t have to bear anything. By having served his time, he knows that the process is one of letting go of everything. Why should there be the per diem, or the restitution, or whatever else that still malingers upon the heart?

So, the way he’s walking is he’s walking off the face of life as it is known. As I try to catch up with him as he’s proceeding along, and I’m asking 10 and 20 questions, he says, “I’ve already done that.” That’s his answer basically to all my questions.

So I follow him as we walk through what is like a kind of a big field or garden or something, struggling to keep up, and in the struggling there is this scramble to catch up with a true comprehension, instead of having to take it in in relationship to how it is in this other zone, or realm, or even aspect of a level.

So, as he nears this gate on the other side of this large field, which is planted in kind of a crop, that is kind of a manmade crop, that’s kind of pale green, as he walks past that – I get it. I know as soon as he passes through the gate on the other side of the garden zone I will never see, hear, or know anything about him again. In terms of the system, he will not exist. There will be no news from him ever again, which means that for all intents and purposes it will be as if he never existed and there will be nothing in life that is able to have an effect upon him whatsoever, in any way.

I realize that not only is he not paying one iota of attention to anything that limits the heart, he is also likewise obliterating, by a type of letting go, so that it is as if it never really existed such self-imposed system obligations there that have nothing to do with a true inner will. With the slate wiped clean, and all energetics for him to relate to, in the outer, gone he is no longer bound by anything.

The meaning is that I yearn to be free of all that I carry in an imprisonmented heart. The problem I have is I just do not know how to truly let go. I’m talking about a letting go that is so mind-blowing I am not quite able to grasp it.

And what is it that I am to grasp? Something like being absolutely free. It has to do with as if I have served my time, that I can let go of the outer heat and burdens completely, because I am free of the self-imposed, manmade weights and measures that are placed upon the heart when I think I have to be this, or that. I do not have to account for myself in any regard whatsoever anymore. It’s as if I can write myself out of the face of existence and be nonexistent.

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