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Posts Tagged ‘dreams and meditation’

butterfly_rockKnowledge and understanding of a spiritual path and process can be a fascinating endeavor, but it is not the point. A spiritual scholar may be further from the real connections than an illiterate farmer who has never read a book, but who is pure in his intentions. Yet, because we are a brain-centric culture, we can think that the more knowledge we amass the better it will be for our journey. Such knowledge can also be an escape away from the true work of a spiritual quest, which is the letting go of attachments to what we think we know, and connecting to, and being with, what is. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So, in my meditation dream, I see this image again that I had in another dream. It’s kind of like a repeat, and I didn’t know what to make of it I guess, in the other dream, other than seeing it and still remembering it. But the repeating component is, I came to see that what is in life, in terms of its essence, when the image existence explodes.

In other words, it just blows up. In other words, it doesn’t maintain its continuity. It just goes kapoof. It loses its structure. Now it can be a vibrational reflection, but then again even that can blow up.

So what I saw did not have to have a physical beingness. I wasn’t on that level, with a vibrational reflection and light level. In other words, what was happening was in seeing this I’m on a different level, that’s not necessarily in a level of manifestation, because in manifestation you see everything as having a form, you know, you see the myriad of things wherever your eyes look.

In this place it was like a vibration comes up, it has a reflection, the reflection goes poof. In other words, it’s no longer something you’d dwell up on, and that split-second thing leaves you with something. You denote from this the essence or something. It’s like putting your finger upon a beingness that is all effusive when it explodes like this. Or, in other words, the way I am trying to describe this is, in this split second where something does that, if you were in this loci in a physical way, that would be what is called an inflection, or a sudden knowingness, about something, or a light bulb moment. But in a loci where that sort of thing is outside of a plane of density, it’s a density there as the pulsation itself.

In other words, on this level, to have the light bulb moment or the inflection is considered wonderful, but on that aspect of one’s self to have something brought through like that, and then you see it and then it explodes, you’re limited. You are limited because the degree to which you saw that and everything, and what happened there, and what you made out of all of that limits you.

So what I saw on this level, to dwell upon that, would be to be dense. In other words, now I’m reconciling the two levels, that there is a way of looking at things, and understanding everything, because this is what happens when light can go kapoosh like this. In other words, you have to be a light that is similar to what you were trying to do in your drawing. You have to be a light that comes in, in an expansive way, and can fill a container, and can fill it to such a degree that it exudes in terms of its auricness to the light of the world – and then can be breathed right back up.

But if you don’t, then you have a kind of knowingness that can get in your way because it doesn’t matter if you know. You can know everything and yet still not know what is real – which is this light and only this light. Even in this situation there has to be a letting go into the stillness instead of not just catching the light bulb moment, you know seeing it on this level where this light bulb moment is, where you can actually shake things through and understand something, there’s a limitation there.

And I was holding on – the opposite of letting go – to a stillness, so it was a density in terms of that loci way of being. The density in that loci has an unacceptable naff that, on this level, would be called a physical existence trance, exemplified in the outer collective of manifestation. It’s kind of hard to say, but what is seen in terms of being able to flash and inflect in the light a knowingness, because everything that’s there to be understood and known is in the light. And so to flash upon that, and to know that, is on this level inside of one’s self, outside of the physical density of things, is a limitation.

You can get caught in that. It’s a light. It seems like you can do this, but, on that level, when you take the physical out, it still is a beingness, and that beingness and the inflection to that, in terms of what is important on that loci, that would be no different than being caught up in the myriad of things in the outer in manifestation. You have to drop that, too.

So the reason for the dream is something bothered me about the inflections I saw yesterday. Now this happens a lot whenever I’m around something that’s elevated in its energy, or has the resonance in the atmosphere that’s elevated. I get into this state when there is a certain quality of a light that’s around in the atmosphere, and then what comes out of my stillness, in terms of reading the light, can have a certain knowingness.

And that’s inflective in that aspect of light, but there’s so much more. You don’t have to do that. Doing that actually takes you away from your heart, little by little. Although I like that sort of thing as kind of a cloak of knowing, it is, in terms of this loci that I visited, it is a barrier that is in the way of emptiness.

Or to put it bluntly, I exist on many levels. On this inner level I have a gross and dense holding on to flash images that leave me with an inflection from the essence. In this inner loci I have come to know that as draining my auric nature. I need to let go even further and release such a holding on to this sort of seeingness and knowingness. Such a seeingness gets in the way of the emptiness.

The heart rejoices when the split-second inflection is not a quality of a beingness that I have to embrace, because I know it, too, and from seeing how it is in this loci, I know that this, too, the split-second inflection is a holding on, instead of a letting go to an even deeper stillness.

And I recall even hearing a teacher describe this as being like an appearance of knowingness that is actually a stupidity and ignorance. The heart knows how to recognize this as being a denier of the stillness. It is an attachment to a need to know, and such a knowing gets in the way of the heart. This is a knowingness that is still denser than the heart and is, therefore, considered a mind that isn’t yet one.

And so I kept thinking, what do I describe this, what do you call this? Do you know what it’s called? It’s called the Solomon Complex. This was Solomon’s problem. He wrote all of the Psalms and all of the stuff in the Bible, and he was wise beyond wise, but did he actually experience that which he exuded out of the light? Did he actually fully revolve in that light?

To some degree, yes, but deep, deep scholars that really understand what this is supposed to be all about, in terms of the heart, do ponder to what degree. He came so close, yet so far. And you can have people being around a teacher, and the teacher has this right breath, and this right space, and they can be attentive like in service like you wouldn’t believe, but can they and are they breathing in, really appreciating that breath that is right there in front of them? Of course, it’s always there in front of you because that’s really the only thing that’s going on – or you wouldn’t have manifestation.

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heart-esHumans are diverse beings and it’s good to acknowledge and celebrate that. And there are many paths and religious teachings for people to follow, not because there are many gods and many possibilities, but because it is useful to have many paths to the same destination – precisely because we are all so different. Each of us can find a path that works with our sensibilities, and can give us our best opportunity for success. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: The difference between your dream and my dream is, I’m trying to figure out the correlation between the out-breath and the in-breath – as if there has to be one – because you don’t just have that shift to somewhere else completely. You don’t just have that. That isn’t the end all, be all.

There is something more than just that, or so it seems, or otherwise this is a bad joke. It does seem that the flip side, or the mirror image, just like there’s light and there’s sound, there does seem to be something correlated to sound to the light, just quite how that works is this huge mystery, how the wavelengths come together.

I suppose, most people start off on a spiritual path complaining, and what they complain about when they reach a certain sense of awareness is that there is something more, and that they’re caught in not being able to access that because they’re mired in manifestation. And so you have all these religions of the world that all take and go on their leap-of-faith approach to something on the other side, and sit and try to hold the line, or find an acuity or something, with some inner depth of themselves, as they fumble and struggle through life.

And so it really threw me into a mystery. The mystery it threw me into is trying to determine the correspondence between the out-breath and the in-breath, as if there has to be a correspondence in terms of a cycle of creation. You can’t realize something in just a totally transcendent approach, and you can’t realize something in terms of a total noodling down here just in the physical. It’s as if they work in a Yin Yang way. At least that’s kind of the sense that the dream started to throw at me because it pointed out that there were these two ways, and I started to look at these two ways that exist.

So, in the meditation dream, I am shown that when you persevere like in a particular way, like through the meditation and whatnot, and you’re actually letting go and you’re going somewhere, finding some sort of otherness of yourself as a depth within, that current way of going will take you deeper and deeper. It’s the way that you kind of transcend, energetically, with karmic barriers and veils that hold a person back. And it’s the way one’s identifications, which veil, fall away. And it’s the way you become empty.

Like in my meditation dream I was suddenly coming back from a place that was so far inside that everything around me was lifted, in other words, it was like a total in-breath or something. But then when you come back down with the out-breath, it’s like there’s another way, because you’re coming back into life. And so I took it as them describing that, as if that is another way. Or maybe it’s just part of describing the out-breath effect, because it doesn’t follow this kind of thread. It tends to defy this deeper and deeper within design, and this path is a defiant path that challenges everything constantly, and one is honed in this approach by the way you let go in the School of Hard Knocks.

By School of Hard Knocks means this approach isn’t necessarily pleasant. You’re radicalized from a lower-self, going through like a type of purging process, that tears at the fabric of the heart. So whatever you’re holding onto, until it blows up, or goes to pieces, or shifts, is an intensity that seems contrary to the other aspect of the depth that you went into, that went deeper and deeper in which that was just somehow or another you let go of that.

Yet both ways awaken, or appear to awaken. Maybe one is illusive in that it awakens you to a heart that’s trying to vie and feel everything. Even in the out-breath way of awakening it becomes a heart that is carrying a pain of a perception, and a reflection. Which means this is like they’re mutually exclusive, because when you’re really, really somewhere else you can’t find the heart necessarily. Your heart’s everywhere. You’re at a depth instead, and when you’re caught in the condensed state all you can experience is the calamity of the heart.

So the first path is the inner path in which the physical reflections, which afflict the heart, fall away, and you find yourself more and more in a deeper and deeper depth within. And in terms of trying to understand this, this is often referred to as kind of the Bhakti subjective approach, but that is overly simplistic, and if you just look at it that way you can just be something high in the light or something and not have any grounding. So it’s almost as if the other system has to have some degree of involvement in the process, in which, by calling it the other system, which is the out-breath, you’re putting everything including the reflective conditions into the heart trying to purge that in some sort of annihilatory way.

In other words, if you purge it completely enough then you can’t find the heart and the great expanse again. This is the approach that burns off the karma in a living it out kind of hard, heartfelt way. And being able to go along and live in the outer and, somehow or another, be okay in that is kind of the Raj yoga way – but it’s a painful journey.

In the dream I like the way that I was able to see myself suddenly lost, very very deep, and was coming out of that deep capacity. Under this scenario, or quality inside, or however, or even system, I seem to be at an inner depth as if I woke up there all of a sudden, or was shifted there, in one fell swoop.

The second scenario was pointed out to me as something with an entirely different sensation motif. It is also part of the out-breath and therefore has an intensity to it because you’re coming down into the multiplicity. Whenever there are identifications, of which there are going to be, by the heart to the reflective physical images, there is a lot of pain and collateral effect, which means that there’s the offsetting reactivity or reactiveness. And a reactiveness is nothing more than the heart have or the mind and the senses trying to figure out what’s going on, trying to create an understanding of the reflection.

The reason why I had this experience is to point out that it is so much smoother to let go and be taken. The other approach fights and struggles every step of the way. However, this predilection, being how I am in terms of contending with the outer, is a system whereby I suffer a lot in the outer – and hopefully do not blow myself to physical pieces prematurely.

A person who is too afflicted by the outer can have physical ailments, you can have a condition shut down that can cause personal injury. All kinds of strange things can happen. So if I’m able to handle this, I set the table for being naturally shifted in a letting go way, that’s if you’re able to handle it. If you’re not, then you just go around and around and around with it. The two seem to work side by side, or hand in hand.

The second approach, in other words, you know I can’t deny that there’s the out-breath right, so they have to be working hand in hand is another way of saying it, but I didn’t look at it quite like that. I just noticed that in the depth inside it was like when I saw the other, I realized that they’re both there, and they both have the same intent to try to get you somewhere, or try to awaken something up. It’s just that the second approach dials things up in one sense, in an outer context, so it’s doing it more quickly, or so it seems. And if I’m able to let go of the reflections that tear at the heart, and tear one up on a physical level, I can suddenly catch up with the inner depth, which maybe lucky, maybe not everybody can. Maybe some people just never can get out of it and the trauma just builds and builds until it drives them insane, or burns them up.

So I guess what I’m saying is that there are two versions to the process, much like flip sides of a coin. There is what I would call the Bhakti in-breath, and there is that which goes into life as an exhaled out-breath, which one could call maybe the Raj part, which has to contend with everything in the physical plane of reflection vying for recognition. Because such vying is reflective there is the appearance of multiplicity. The more I contend with that as being so, the more I afflict the heart with reflections that incite the senses and ego mind to intervene.

The definition of ego mind is a mind driven by sense perception, contracted from its true inner home in the overall essence of everything, everywhere. The true inner home is a piece in which time and space are incorporated within, and the without is located within at a quiet inner depth.

The subtle inner note is more alive, or so it seems, when the letting go Bhakti side prevails. When the Raj side is present there is the impression impressed upon the soul that there is work to be done here, in other words, caught in the illusion. You’re putting this stuff in the heart. The illusion veils until we reach beyond with the in-breath. We’re veiled by the limitations of a bifurcated, reflective physical plane.

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imag022esAs a rule, we rarely give ourselves time and space to adjust to events in our life. There always seems to be a pressure for things to return to “normal,” whether pressed for by others, or desired by us. Yet we are very sensitive life forms, and every life form needs to find its point of balance and equilibrium – especially after dramatic shifts or changes. And this is as true for inner events as it is for outer events. It would be great for our health to become more aware that we are always in process with many, many things – some to rid ourselves of, some to assimilate, and some still we are yet to reach. It’s a process, not instantaneous. And it can’t be any other way.  (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: So I had two other dreams. In one dream, I seem to be helping take care of some people that need to live in group housing. And, the way it’s structured, there’s one kind of building in the back, and then maybe some lawn or something, and then there’s another similar building where people stay. So it’s almost as though these are people that are either elderly, or handicapped, and need a certain amount of assistance – so I’m one of the assistants.

And there’s a woman that I’ve been working with to help her adjust to living in the group housing, and it feels like just as things are starting to go better she moves back into the building in the back where she had been before.

But when she goes back there, there’s some younger people, or different configuration of people, that have moved in and she’s having a lot of trouble getting along with them because they’re maybe a little louder, or just different. And a woman who’s overseeing all of this is talking to me, and explaining to me, that there’s not a lot I can do about that. The problems that she’s having with adjusting, it’s like I had done my best to get her to adjust to the house, you know, where we were, but it’s like she’s chosen to go back, and that where she’s gone back to has changed.

And, of course, you know, she doesn’t like the changes, but there’s nothing much I can do about that. It was kind of like her choice.

John: So what you’re dreaming about actually has to do with your attention being upon something. And so when one takes and looks at what your attention is upon, the thing that comes up is: you can be appreciative of an effect that takes and causes you to open up or move inside. However, unless you hit a total emptiness, it is still process-oriented. As a consequence, there will be things that will drift into the situation and cause it to suffer.

Now, you’re looking at the situation as a suffering that occurs as a kind of blowback effect, and it’s a strange way that you portray it because the image that I saw was that in which like maybe the way of saying it is let’s say Ryn has a certain effect upon you. You learn something, you grasp something, it awakens something, it’s refreshing, it’s exciting, or whatever. However, when it comes to Ryn, she blows back and gets caught in the blizzard of things. She still has to fight her way in terms of the blizzard of things.

So she gets a momentary reprieve from it, in which there is able to help create an inflection that still has its effect as a kind of reflection inside of you, because you’re looking around and understanding it, and coping. It’s like moving things around a little bit. And the blowback effect of that, because the object is to have the pure touch, to have the pure emptiness, the pure awakening that puts you into a zone in which you really totally let go – like the image of the first dream.

When you don’t have that there is a collateral effect. And the collateral effect depends upon where you’re at in the physical conditioning of life. And it’s like the collateral effect on some teachers and people who have reached a particular point and that’s it, and they experience the collateral effect, they lack something in their nature to be able to assimilate it, to take it in and let it go. And it tears at them.

I saw in a flash a lot of different teachers getting affected at the very end of something, where they lacked a certain key because of the physical breaking down of something. Now, what causes this? What causes this is that it is extremely difficult. This is a step that has to be taken. It’s extremely difficult to be able to be in an emptiness in relationship to everything around you, to be in an emptiness, an emptiness in such a way so that it doesn’t set in motion something else.

So here’s the problem that comes up. Let’s say you’re relating to somebody that is fairly linear and fairly dense, and you choose to relate to a person that’s like that. That has a tendency for more crackups because the person is not able to let go enough inside of their nature to be able to maybe take on a particular light without a defense mechanism. And when that defense mechanism hits, the reaction that they have is like a type of poison, it’s like a spell.

And none of this is intended, it just is how it is. And so if your physical condition, the nature of what your heart can take in, is worn down, then the blowback effect, instead of being something that you can absorb, or just take in, and let go of into the empty space, if you can’t let go of it, if you lack the fluidity that you normally had, it gets caught in the bile or bladder of your nature yet. That’s how I saw it in the flash image, and so it malingers upon you. It tears you down, it causes you to suffer.

That’s the deeper quality of this, and you were kind of dealing with the deeper quality because the dream you told created the image of a blowback.

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