Run Amok

add3In our waking life, as in our dreams, we can be going along smoothly, with the flow, or we can be careening through the world in an out of control way. In this image, the driver of a car is trying to get back to the main road, to get back on track. But the inner resistance is too great, so what should be an easy transition becomes a catastrophe. What is this saying? Sometimes, what we need to do to make a change requires a complete shedding, a total makeover, rather than just minor adjustments. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: In this next dream, in trying to apply what I own, because you own something inside if you can just catch up with it, I drive as best I can across an area towards a public access road.

In other words, where I’m situated is there’s like a road, and the road goes let’s say east/west, and I’m driving to the north. And, initially, the road’s kind of in the middle, and then there’s a vegetable field on the other side. Can I even see the road? No, I don’t see the road, I just know that I have to get across this long stretch that is kind of desolate and, supposedly, reach this road.

Do I know that I am going to the road? No, not even even necessarily know that. I just know that I have to move across this distance. So I drive as best I can across an area, and I’m trying to follow an inner consciousness that seems to know how it is that I am to be – but in the outer that’s largely all a blur.

So what that means is that I’ve got this makeshift approach of the imagination as I try to proceed through, and contend with, my predicament, not even knowing that I’m in a predicament necessarily, or how to contend with it. So I go across this area, and I don’t even recognize that I hit a road. I overshoot, in other words, the road of consciousness that lies between where I am and the inner, or where I am and the outer, I should say, and instead of finding, or reaching, and accessing the in-between, that is kind of a horizontal east/west aspect, I don’t even notice it; I just go into a vegetable field.

In other words, everything just suddenly changes and I’m in a vegetable field, and the car is totally out of control. I can’t slow it down. I’m just smashing vegetables left and right, driving through this vegetable field. In such a run amok condition, and willy-nillyness, almost as if I can’t stop the car even if I wanted to. I’m in kind of a panic, too, because I know that this is embarrassing.

So before I’m able to even begin to think that I can rectify the situation, I’ve gone into the yard of the owner of the vegetable farm. I try to drive through the yard, and kind of think I can flip around or something, but there’s a barricade; I’m trapped. And so as I turn around in his driveway, I have to go by his house again, my self-consciousness is on high alert and I’m trying to act dumb, look dumb, play dumb in a nonchalant way – as if this is going to help me get out of there.

It doesn’t work. The owner stops me. So, he directs me to get out. So what can you do? So I get out because the jig is up. As I look at myself, what you see is a person that’s embarrassed, and I hadn’t realized what a strange looking creature I am.

He starts to shear me. Takes out stuff and he just starts to shear me. So I’m of the opinion I’m being punished and this is a form of torture. Then, at some point, he hands me off to helpers after having done the initial workmanship, or whatever you want to call it. And, little by little, I’m changed into an appearance that is pleasant to look at, and so much different, that I don’t even recognize how I had been before because I’m a whole new being.

I’m stunned by the transformation. I look a bit younger, and my appearance is actually pleasant when before I was ghastly looking, as I was doing my best, in a subrogated way, to catch up with an inner consciousness. Because as I’m driving I’m reflecting back to an echo of something inside, and the echo inside is saying: just keep going, just play dumb, don’t look, all kinds of different things it’s doing, because I can’t face the cringing.

And that’s doing my best. That’s the best that it was. That’s how it was at that time, in that way. So I’m doing my best in a subrogated way to rehear an inner consciousness as I flounder about in what… I call it a semi-coherent fashion because there is something that’s saying, okay, okay, don’t look, play dumb, step on it, turn around, don’t look at the owner when you see him, try to drive by him, and none of that works.

So I wake up thinking, now that I’ve seen myself all changed, and different, and I look more like the helpers that have been helping me now, that I also look a little like Peter Pan, a mythical being who, as the story goes, awoke from a trance to find that in his new reality he had been transformed into an awakened beingness.

So that’s the fix right? That’s the fix from the veil. That’s how you get out of the veil. You don’t extricate yourself out of the veil; all you do is just make more mistakes. Hear the echo. Hopefully the echo is enough that it draws you to a point where something can actually be done about it all. Otherwise, you know, the dumbness prevails. You keep yourself deluded.

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A Degree of Separation


This is a beautiful example of how a chase dream works. Jeane is trying to get away from some bad guys, and in escaping must leave a part of herself behind to enable the freedom to leave. She drives through a hotel, upstairs and downstairs, and then exits, ending up in a completely different place. But she is not completely free because what she left behind is catching up, and what is ahead may require more than she currently has with her. Isn’t that exactly how we move through our lives, trying to let go and add what is needed when it’s needed? (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: Well my dreams last night were affected by the fact that I had a headache, I get sinus headache sometimes with air conditioning. It feels like they were nearly all chase dreams.

And in the main chase dream it’s like I’m with three other people, maybe a couple of women and a couple of men that are friends of mine, but it’s like we realize the people we’re with are bad guys so I get at least three of them away with me. I think there’s maybe someone that stays behind, or the bad guy just because he’s confused or doesn’t move fast enough, or maybe he has some affiliation with him.

I also get away because it feels like no one seems to know how to operate a gun except me, so I’m able to take one or two of the guns and bring them with me. I know that some of the bad guys could operate them efficiently but they’re not there right then.

So when we drive away it feels like I get people in my car and go across the street and into a hotel driving, kind of go drive up the steps of a hotel and into a hotel where there’s a large conference center going on. So I’m able to sneak in and then we have to go through some of the upper floors of the hotel and then find a way to get down and out, and I finally am able to get them down to like a basement loading zone and get the little truck run down the steps there and out in the street.

And then it feels like we’re in California, which seems somewhat familiar to all of us. Then I notice that for some reason it feels like the bad guy is going to be very close to us, and there are army trucks somewhere up ahead, and I don’t know which side they’re on in a way, so I’m trying to check the weapons. And I can see how inept the people I’m with the weapons are, so I have to almost take the weapon to use myself, but I also have to try to steer the truck.

So it just feels like I’m always trying to get us to go fast and stay ahead, but you feel like the other people are going to be right on your tail all the time, and then the people coming towards you up ahead you’re not sure which side they’re on. I know I had other chase dreams during the night but I really couldn’t hold onto them. I just know they were chase dreams all the time.

John: You’re describing a process. A car is a means of motion and transportation. It’s also your self, and all of those parts of yourself are in the car.

The hotel represents kind of a general where-you-are-at kind of thing, that you have to go through. Because when you go through the hotel you suddenly find you’re in California. You started out across the street from the hotel. You go into the hotel. So you extricated whatever it was that had you bogged down and weighed down.

You are in, most of you that is, and you you’re in a flow or a car that has to go through a process, which is through a hotel, but something didn’t get rescued and that something is important in terms of an aspect in which you perceive yourself. It’s not in the occasion of the process. In other words, you’ve taken it out of the process. It’s gotten left behind, and is in the hands of something that’s trying to catch up with you or have its effect upon you.

You’ve already thrown off the effect knowing that it held you back in order to get into a motion that had a process that caused you to go through, and in going through you ended up in a whole new place, but in the whole new place you have the apprehension of also something coming towards you as you’re driving – as well as that which you are leaving behind coming at you.

As you’re driving in a singular focus then the other parts of yourself is going to have to make a way so that you can get through. Well that is the dilemma isn’t it? You can get to a process to where something is awakened, but then if something happens that changes the conditions so that you have to take into account both coming and going… Things may have been strained when you were in the process proceeding along because there was always something you couldn’t get totally away from, that was still able to haunt you and act as a kind of catalyst so that as the process unfolded you were always aware of that affecting your environment. But to then have to take into account that what lies ahead, that you’re proceeding towards as you try to pick up even more speed or something, the idea being initially to try since you have shifted and the other parts are still there behind you, that you can go now faster, that you can create a breakaway, but then you get shocked by the fact that up in front is something else that you are going to have to contend with.

And do you have what it takes inside to just penetrate through that, or are you going to hit some sort of, or be stopped by something up ahead? You’ve gotten away with it so long, and you’ve even shifted and gotten into California and all. You’ve invoked the process. I can see where you might think, okay, yeah, I’ve gotten this far, it should be possible that I can keep on keeping on. But it sounds like you’re not so sure. You’re not so sure that pedal-to-the-metal kind of thing but you’re not so sure that that’s going to get through there for you.

Well, that’s reporting on what’s happened. That’s I guess the beginning. What does it mean? I guess it means that there’s more to the process than meets the eye, for one thing. And that there’s something insurmountable ahead that you can’t take for granted – even though you would like to. You feel you’ve come this far, things have worked out, surely there’s going to continue to be relief. But you hadn’t anticipated that, as you shifted and even found a way of picking up speed, that here is this whole otherness that wasn’t supposed to be there, that you didn’t take into account as being there, anyway, is suddenly in your way.

The thing about this dream is you’re still something like a substance. You still have some sort of physicality to have to contend with. When you see something up ahead it seems like you almost had the audacity to think that somehow or another you just flash through it, but that knowing from within is a little presumptuous. You’re not quite there to just be able to have that quality that can do that, so you have to try to figure out how to contend with it and yet still try to maintain the pace, the speed.

And the consequences of that aren’t very reassuring, in your opinion, but what else can you do? It’s not a good prediction is it? It suggests a process. It suggests that in the process there is a degree of separation that’s in the way. There always is going to be this degree of separation in terms of the inner being everything, and us in an outer being somehow or another of a definitional way of being.

I think your dream is pointing to a greater fluidity because how you had been able to get by up to this point… In other words, you could continue doing this chase dream forever, but you’re not able to do the chase dream forever. You’re actually able to shift your awareness to some degree as part of the process and that can make it seem where you’re picking up speed, but you haven’t absolved yourself of some part of yourself that isn’t all there.

And so there comes a point in time when that part which hasn’t been absolved gets the best of you. In other words, you need all of that to go forward. That part of yourself is what would enable you to just know that in going forward that it will all be able to be okay as you continue to go at a faster pace. So the question is what is this pace that you’re going at, and it can go through all obstacles and barriers. I think it’s a type of light, and it has something that still has a type of physical nature to it. It has a physical nature because it hasn’t gotten all parts of itself assimilated into a wholeness.

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Back On the Path

the path to spiritualityBeing on a spiritual journey is a human process. We are the only living thing that can undertake such a journey. We will make mistakes every day. We will lose our connections often. We have to become conscious about what we are doing as much as possible. That is the way of it: try, go astray, consciously choose again, go astray – until the time being off-track becomes less and less of our waking life. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I had a fever and a bad headache last night, and so it felt like that just got incorporated into this one large dream, where it felt like if I just stayed still and breathed into the pain in the forehead, that I could reach this point where I could finally help the tax case that you’re involved in go from the county to the state level.

Until I did that, I couldn’t get up and get an aspirin or anything. I think that happened about 1:30 in the morning. I felt like I finally got to that point with my focus and attention and then I could go get something to help.

John: I’m glad you pointed that out because that’s how things started last night. It started off with trying to hold some sort of balance in relationship to the outer world, to the collective whole, or whatever it is that’s going on. It started off with trying to hold on to the balance.

That would be step one, you might say, of the process. And I had completely forgotten about that. I don’t even know that I wrote that up. Yeah, I guess I did. What I was doing last night was trying to hold on to a stability. This occupied my attention to such a degree that there was no corresponding meditation dream.

In other words, I was holding on to this and holding on to this, just like you were holding on to that whole thing¸ as if you were trying to accommodate it, so that in its presence, it could have a meaningful effect. The way this stuff works is not the way we necessarily think that it works.

And so what I was feeling, when I looked at this, when I was doing this holding on, was it’s like to try to put value, judgment, or opinion about it, it was like being on the precipice. I measured this by the way I kept track of gold and silver in the marketplace. It was as if I had a barometer at this time to work with.

So, I come out of the meditation and I have this strange condition. That’s all that was going on in that inside of myself I kept trying to hold onto this cadence, some cadence that held the line about something. I got up. I went and looked on the computer and, to my surprise, it had completely broken down. I had failed in holding onto the cadence. It had broken down.

And so I went to bed; I finally had a number of dreams.

And the first one was I’d been driving. Where? That part’s not clear as to where I was driving and what I was doing. I was on a trip of some sort, though, or excursion, away from wherever I’m normally at ease and at peace with.

And I had arrived in this town and stopped and went into a place that was unfamiliar to me and, like I say, this is not a very specific adventure. It’s just kind of something that I did. In other words, not knowing where I was going, just maybe on a kind of an excursion that is meaningless and then I come back to maybe where I belong – as long as I don’t get lost on this excursion.

Well, I don’t feel comfortable at this place. I have kind of a qualm about something, so that I leave. And then, as I leave, it’s like I finally have to remember where I put the car and then I spot it. And just as I spot it, I notice that there’s a couple of guys way behind me that came out of the place as if to size up my reaction, or whatever it is.

In other words, still taking a gauge of me. And what I’m driving is this black sports car and when I finally see it and get in, this car is different inside. Well it’s different in that it’s now like a sports car, the top is down and the seat is tilted way back, which is wrong because I never take the top down and I would never tilt the seat way back.

So, I know I just need to leave. I mean, we’ve got these guys hanging out, they’re like off to one side. You know, I’ve just got to get out of sight and out of mind. This is no time to be trying to figure anything out.

So, I can hardly drive this car, laid back like this, and I have to use a lot of focus to keep myself oriented from running into things on the side, you know, because you don’t really see the road very well when you’re tilted way back like that. But I have to act like I’m comfortable in this awkward position, and act kind of naïve and dumb, for the benefit of whoever is watching me, as if, “hey this is just the way things always are,” as I drive off.

When I get out of town a distance, I’m going to pull over, now that I’m finally alone, and where it’s now going to be safe and convenient. And at that time, I will figure out how to get the vehicle back into a condition that I’m familiar with. And then I’ll contend with getting myself reoriented. Because when I drove out of town, I just took any old road out of town, having no idea where it really went. In other words, for now I’m just driving, not knowing where I’m at, needing to reorient and get back onto the path I’m meant to be on.

So, that’s like the second step of the phase. There’s still something missing here and that’s why there’s this amnesia. You had the first deal where you’re holding on to something and you don’t have any idea what it is that you’re holding on to, but you are somehow, at some depth inside of yourself, reaching out and holding on to something, just like I was trying to hold onto something.

But one’s acuity and ability to hold onto things is not just unconscious, it has to be also conscious. The idea of holding onto things, in terms of my demeanor, just by way of trying to see that I’m carrying some sort of attention inside, in putting a force or a focus upon keeping that attention inside, even though it’s kind of an unconscious, floaty, wavery thing.

Well, that’s what kind of you were doing, as if to help or to facilitate something. That’s what I was doing in order to try to keep something from breaking down in the outer. And then this dream kind of points out where I’m actually at. I’m not really property oriented. I’m out of place and what is going on around me – I just have to take it as natural, but it’s not necessarily going anywhere.

What this dream means is it’s indicating that I have vibrationally gone askew. I may have started out well, intentionally, but have become disoriented. I have been applying my attention in a way that I know from within to be out of sync. I mean I know this when I come out and the car is disoriented, everything is disoriented, and I go out on a road that I have no idea where it goes. It’s all out of sync.

How it is that I am meant to be, I have yet to find again, or find out whether it’s an “again” or not – even that is presumptuous.

I know that because for some time I had been feeling that something is off, but I have not been able to get out of my head that I had been rationalizing that, in the course of time, this would become clear. Well, it doesn’t work that way. It does kind of help, you know, in terms of the issue being brought forward, but that doesn’t mean that you penetrate it, it just brings you into the ability to stare at it and stare at it and stare at it.

But to actually go beyond it, there’s other steps. The first step, of course, is to have the sense that something isn’t right and that can work as an echo to get one back upon the path in a way that is designed.

And so, of course, I know that a deeper way of saying it is that I’m able to sort this out by paying closer attention to my heart and let that direct me to what is right in terms of how I am to be.

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