A Vortex of Things

097geIn meditation, as we cross the threshold from consciousness to states of semi- and unconsciousness, we are surrendering ourselves to deeper levels of interaction. One reason dream work provides such profound insights into our own workings and psychologies is that it speaks to us directly, without all the veils and filters that we have established to manage our waking life. The entire process of dream work shows how we are constantly surveillant upon our own lives, and how that allows for unbiased views on how best to proceed. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: In my meditation, I was unable to quiet the body sensations down. I just couldn’t sit. So I wasn’t able to catch up with the state that I could experience something from within.

And I kept thinking that maybe it’s because I knew how this kind of worked because this quality of sitting and whatnot, and going into an absentness, is a trait of Zen Buddhism. And I hadn’t realized that. This is the big thing of Zen Buddhists make note of what they experience there, in doing that. And that is what they find is amazing about this practice or process.

And the difference with the Naqshbands is the Naqshbands put their attention upon a certain heart/love quality vibration behind the breath and focus upon immersing in themselves in that. But the Zen Buddhists don’t try anything. They just sit there. That’s kind of the trait and characteristic that works for me. I can lose myself into that sound, which sounds are big for Zen Buddhists, too. I could lose myself in that sound and just go somewhere.

So I hadn’t realized that this was an aspect of Zen Buddhism, but I kept thinking the fact that I know that and that I’m actually doing Zen Buddhist practice—the main practice of Zen Buddhism—I suppose that kind of alarmed me, because it seemed to set me thinking and whatnot, plus the fact that my synapses wouldn’t slow down, and they even talk about how hard it is to do the practice. Like the teacher in Zen Buddhism indicated that when they were aware that something like that opened up inside, they would try to make the effort of just stopping for a couple of minutes. Not the idea that you could do it for any long period of time, but can you totally let go for a couple of moments at a time? And how hard that is because the nature of the body is always inclined to have to move, or itch, or do something.

And just by describing the primer behind this, I realized, my gosh, this is a key component to this process. The meditation that meditates and brings in the vibration of love that’s the quality that you feel as a heartfulness or tenderness in the heart and you lose yourself in, as a building block component, is this ability to sit, which is in Zen Buddhism.

Now I know what it means when the teacher indicates that this has some linkage to Zen Buddhism. And so it’s like I am seeing the foundation of that rise to the surface in my nature.

Well, I also have some other connection and I don’t know what that connection is where, if I can’t just sit there, I can sometimes lay back and let go in another way. This may be actually a Zen Buddhist trait, too, because you’re supposed to get to the point where you walk around in this state and you have the experiences of this, that you can hit in the emptiness. You have the experiences by knowing and learning qualities and characteristics and walking around, so that that quality of mannerism or aliveness or attentiveness is there as you walk about in life.

Well, maybe to a certain degree I have that. When I can’t sit there, I can lay back or something, or stretch out and sometimes disappear into that altered space. Not usually. Usually, I have to sit. Usually when I do anything like lay back or something like that, I compromise it. But I have this propensity, you know, how to fall back into something inside of myself that sometimes laying back actually works. Although on a rational level, I often consider that a type of laziness, where it technically shouldn’t work. Because the sitting and being in the space that goes into the absenteeism is still part of attempting to meditate, when the other is more inclined to be falling into a stupor-like sleep.

Well, that’s kind of what I did, and when I did that, when I laid back, I had the following dream.

In this dream, I was seen as being all alone and expendable. The one thing about my life that I seem to enjoy is the freedom of something that looks like a motorcycle that you drive like in the countryside. It doesn’t have any limitations about it. It’s kind of out in the open, carefree. An aloneness there is something I kind of like.

Other than that, the way I see myself has questionable value. And on two separate occasions, it’s like an energy that is a little bit like something that prunes or polishes or tightens things up, or whatever, visited, and asked how I wanted it. The first time I was able to put it off or establish some additional time. The second time, I have to respond.

And this time, I learn what the three options are. And this particular dark quality part of me person that’s there, that has access that can zip right into where I’m at, that has found me, points out that one way is this death by arrow, where it has a sharp protruding object that can just fire right out and that would be it.

I can’t remember what the second is, but it also might involve some sort of suffering. The other is quick and expedient. The second involves a type of suffering. And the third is like you go about your business and you drop dead, because it’s death by bite, which means that you ingest something. So I select that and eat something. This thing goes away. So I have the freedom now to move about again. So I get on my motor scooter, feeling okay. This isn’t going to hit immediately. I probably have enough time to go to an area where, when I keel over, they can take care of the body or something.

But what I end up seeing is I don’t quite get there. I end up visiting a place, in which the father is out to work. The family is playing. The kids are playing. The mother might be off to one side or isn’t visible, but the kids are playing, and I’m sitting in a far corner. This quality hasn’t hit me yet, but I’m staying quiet because it can come up at any time. And I could lay down and I could actually fall asleep there. But if I do, that will be the last of me, because I won’t be waking up if I fall asleep.

And about that time, the father comes and I could see him through under the stairwell or something like that because I’m in the far corner. I could see him as he comes in and he sits down. Again, no one’s acknowledged his presence, he’s come back and he’s sitting down yet. And the kids are still playing. He obviously must sense or see me because I can see him. He’s all bearded and everything. He’s got to be wondering what’s going on with me like this. There’s nothing communicated. It’s just kind of a vortex of things. So I wake up.

And so, what is going on?

On a sensation level, I am not able to turn off the synapses. In other words, a certain restlessness or something that couldn’t just sit, although there’s no reason for that. And when I had the dream and woke up and wrote the dream up, I was experiencing that. So, because I couldn’t let go of it, I laid back.

Because I was unable to reach the state within that takes me out of my present physical condition, when I lay back, instead I am shown this image, that based upon a decision I have made, from which there is no turning back, that my demise is being duly noted. I chose to go out in a way in which I have a final fling in life. I think it is one way. I am shown it is a flare that benefits a family bloodline, in which the younger energies there have no idea of what’s going on. In other words, they don’t pay any attention to me being there. They don’t recognize the effects of whatever it is that’s taken place, as they’re just—as kids do—enjoying themselves in a playful way. The father could possibly guess but, by and large, it is only me that knows the meaning of what it is that I’m doing that is kind of a sacrifice or commitment.

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