Posts Tagged ‘emotional baggage’

Jeane: This dream takes place in Denver, but I’m moving to Boise. Whether this move will be permanent, or just for school, I don’t know.

I’m living in my parents’ house and my sister lives there as well. I have a bedroom on the 2nd floor with a balcony that goes outside. In the process of getting ready to move I’ve stopped working and closed down my therapy office.

There’s a person I used to work with who is feeling neglected because I haven’t been spending much time with her. I’ve gone to visit someone else briefly and while there I get a phone call from a person needing emotional support.

The woman who’s feeling neglected shows up and knocks on the door. I introduce her to the person I’m with, but now I have to leave as that is my schedule. This will make the woman feel rejected again but I can’t help that.

I was able to ask her a question about some information that the person on the phone needed, but other than that I feel that she’ll just have to settle with what was given – that’s it, I’m moving on. I’m feeling a tug of guilt and stress from it, though.

I go home to find that my sister has disappeared and my mother is worried about her. I seem to think it will be okay. People are looking for my sister, but she doesn’t want to be found.

Sure enough, in the morning, when I go into the bathroom my sister knocks on the window – she’s outside my bathroom and I let her in. She’s okay, although I feel badly that she spent the night outside.

My mom comes and is happy that my sister is back. We’re all talking about my move to Boise and I’m joking with my mom that my sister is back, but she needs to understand that I do have to leave. We are having that dialogue when I wake up.

John: That’s a fairly complicated dream. At the very beginning it’s indicating that a side of you has opened up, but you are shutting it off, shown by your plans to move on.

This is what happens with a certain kind of spiritual illusion. You gain access to something inside of you, but then you reduce it to an idea, or perception, which blocks off that flow and inner communication.

The result is shown by the sister, who represents another part of you, being locked out. It’s interesting, because somehow you understood that and let the sister back in. However, you’re still moving on, so you are still shifting in terms of what you’re doing.

What this dream portrays is an energetic that functions as a part of you, but that doesn’t require you to do anything. It’s a kundalini energy. This energetic is so potent that it can cause collateral damage.

It works like this: If you are around a person who is very dense (based in the ego and external satisfactions) and you do something that lightens things up, a lot of their emotional baggage can rise to the surface. You’ll see this in terms of old patterns and defense mechanisms being activated – they can actually be darker for a while.

The same thing can be true for a person who begins meditating. Their life can actually become more miserable, for a period of time, as they churn up repressed material. Sometimes people quit because they become convinced the meditation is making things worse instead of better.

This can also happen as you make a shift to the next level inside yourself. Something new might be opening up – a kind of energetic dialogue – but it can also stir up old patterns. In your dream we see this old pattern as you being ready to leave town.

If you go with the old patterns, there is a type of substitution that occurs, replacing new for old (a sign of this might be seen by you leaving town without finding your sister in the dream). What is happening is actually a misuse of the sexual aspect of the kundalini energy. That can be a common practice today as the feminine is suppressed to become a more “functional” businesswoman, or other things like that.

So you have this new access; it’s kicking around. But you are not connecting with it as much as you could. You locked part of yourself out, and then recognized that that shouldn’t have happened. You open yourself up to let it back in.

Again, it’s not something that you’re capable of fully recognizing for what it is. It’s still too much. As a consequence, you continue to have to leave or go somewhere else – to go away from that energetic that needs to be alive and sustain itself.

The images show that you are going back and forth, trying to catch up to this kundalini energy. You’re not getting hit with it too directly, because it’s a language (like a sound, or a visualization, or a dream flow) that has a meaningfulness on the other side; it’s an energetic communication that maintains its hiddenness.

This language cannot be caught up to if you’re functioning at a lower speed. The dialogue and the recognition occur energetically. To “move away” from it is to still need to find a cadence and a balance that will enable you to catch up with and hear the dialogue.

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John: I want to continue the thread from yesterday’s dream that pointed out the limitations we impose upon our selves, and our lives, when we cling to our personal identities. In doing so, we create the separation – the duality – that isolates and alienates us from our natural state of oneness.

The dream pointed out how we are constantly trying to normalize and balance ourselves. When we base our perspective in our ego life, thereby separating us from all that exists, we are in a state of imbalance. Our dreams, in fact all our natural human systems, then offer us an ongoing process to enable us to regain that lost balance.

When we perceive ourselves as separated from the whole of life, we become subject to the peaks and valleys of natural cycles – the ups and downs of living. Ideally, we should evolve through them in a state of vibrational balance where the ups and downs cause minimal disturbance.

Yet in our daily lives, and all our interactions with others, we can see and feel the effects of our imbalance as we watch people continually get thrown by their experiences. When we don’t go up and down with the energetic cycles, we actually minimize the disturbances, and instead experience an expansive insight, which is a much more natural state. We then are not subject to the confusion that prevents us from seeing objectively.

A spiritual journey requires us to resolve these imbalances, otherwise we get lost in them. When we look at the cycles of the planet or the universe, or even a local ecosystem, everything is constantly seeking a state of optimum balance – we humans are the same.

For us, the greater the disturbance and imbalance we experience, the more dense the fight (dense here to mean, ego-based and animal natured, rather than our much higher, light-filled human pedigree).

When we are calm, yet alert, energetically, our knowing is complete. It is our susceptibility to disturbances that lead to our emotional, mental, and spiritual confusion. In my dream I was shown that the greatest balance and clarity existed when an overall calm was carried within, in an attentive way (consciously). This touched life with joyousness.

As human beings we bring into life a differentiation that is misaligned from the wholeness. Therefore we seek the wholeness by means of counterbalancing ourselves vibrationally. For example, a person who is naturally speeded up and is an extrovert, seeks a relationship within the physical world of a softer and more introverted influence.

In other words, the objective is to recognize our energetic confusion, and to then integrate our selves into the harmony of the corresponding and counterbalancing opposites. This cannot be done effectively, however, until we allow ourselves to actually let go of our particular identity.

As long as we defend our separateness, we are influenced by our inner biases. These biases limit our experience, while at the same time cause an uneasiness in the heart (because they are not natural to us). Nevertheless, we seem to defend these limiting patterns in us out of fear of the annihilation that truly letting go would bring about. We may realize intellectually that it’s necessary to break free from the chains of our identity, but we’re afraid to let go of it because we think it keeps us alive – we think it is us. Thing clinging condemns us to a life of repetitive patterns and ongoing confusion felt in the heart.

In other words we feel the pain, the distance, the isolation – all as a reflection of the distance we are from our natural connections to creation. We think that we must belong to ourselves. So we hold onto our individualized separation and our (limited) idea of what is real.

Last night I was shown that our clarity increases as we let go of our separation identity and recognize that we are in a natural flow as life itself. We are not actually in competition or conflict with our environment, we are the environment. We are the essence of the outer physical world, which is realized initially as an inner reflection.

When the inner and outer truly merge, duality and conflict, which are ego-based, disintegrate, and with them, the illusion of our individuality. We then can experience the wholeness that is beyond the limitations of a physical duality.

It’s important to recognize that we must take the first step in the process of uniting inner and outer, by letting go of our need to energetically dramatize the disturbances. With a heartfelt appreciation, our horizon expands. When we are no longer upholding a belief system that fights against the wholeness of life, we can finally embrace life.

That’s the first step of our real journey back to god.

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