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Posts Tagged ‘fear’

John: I start off in my dream thinking that I need to go at a slow and steady pace, a pace that is very safe. I have a sense that I am being pulled or directed in some fashion, but that is not the image. The image is that the route that I am walking on is fairly steady and stable and it is not too steep. There are slopes going up and down but they are not an issue. I have these lines, or reins, that I am holding, walking in front of a group of reindeer. The feeling that something is pulling me does not make sense because I am actually leading these reindeer. And I am leading them because I also know deep down that if they are out front, they might go faster than I can handle. I have a feeling of comfort inside, proceeding like this, because I know that eventually I am going to reach some destination. I have no idea what it is, or how long it is going to take. I can’t even fathom anything like that. I am just going along, trudging slowly.

Then it seems that the reindeer pull up next to me and then go by, and they start pulling me along. I get a little shiver of fear that I should keep things the way they were, with me leading, but for some reason I am able to dismiss that idea because the path ahead seems pretty straight. I am in some kind of quasi-sleigh or something too. So, I feel that if the path stays fairly straight, then going faster won’t be an issue. But then the reindeer do start going faster, and faster.

I start thinking, “well, I can handle it,” so I don’t panic. Plus the pathway seems to have trees on the side setting natural boundaries. As soon as I think that the reindeer dart off to the left and through some trees and then they really take off. All of a sudden the whole sensation changes; it is like I am no longer on the ground. I am flying, and I am holding onto these reins and the reindeer are stretched out in front where I don’t see them anymore, and all I can do is hold on.

I have no thoughts about a destination, the reindeer are just going up and down over hill and dale. Every time I think I am going to crash into a steep cliff ahead, right at the last second I glide over the top. Or just when I think the sleigh is going to bounce over some great big boulders, I seem to slide comfortably around them. I feel like I am off the ground, and even in my dream I am thinking that this is not the way to be.

What is interesting is that I no longer ponder the idea of a destination, but I do have the sense that all roads lead to the same place. I just need to hold on for dear life. Actually, that’s an interesting word play, “dear (deer) life.”

So that was what I found myself doing, and I was covering an unbelievable amount of ground. When I was leading, I was probably moving at 1/50th of the speed, and then I was literally flying. I had no time to think about anything, not even my own safety. Anyway, if I had let go, I would have had no idea where I was. Not that I did before, but at least then I felt a sense of comfort inside of me. Then I realized that I needed something like this to pull me along: I had covered so much distance that if I were to let go, I would have been even more lost. At least I had the forward motion that I could hold onto. That was the sensation that I had when I woke up. I didn’t feel completely discombobulated, but it wasn’t a feeling of comfort, either.

I was left wondering what could possibly happen next. The reindeer were the true power and guidance. They were initially dormant inside, or perhaps barely awake, because in the beginning I did feel that the reindeer energy (Kundalini energy) was pulling me along, even though they were behind me. Then I recognized that I needed this Kundalini energy to be awakened, because without that spiritual power my physical situation remained undefined. Then as I begin to feel steady with the reins, I took comfort in the idea that I was proceeding at a controllable pace towards some eventual destination. It was then that I was able to let go of my fear, and that’s when the reindeer took over. Yet somewhere deep down I knew that to let the Kundalini forces loose would be the ride of a lifetime.

And I think it’s a big hint that what is depicted here is an all or nothing-at-all scenario. Kundalini energy can be considered dangerous unless it is opened up in a proper way. It was like a part of me was recognizing its power, and making sure everything was controlled and kept at a certain pace. When I let go of my fears, the energy broke loose, but I stayed with it and trusted it to steer me the right way, and it did.

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