Behind the Denseness

feminine-natureJeane finds herself, in this dream, restless at waiting for a signal to proceed from the male figures. As John points out, this aspect of the feminine, having a desire to continually do, can often cut the feminine off from the message that is meant to come through. There is a waiting process required to get the signal, which comes from somewhere else, and causes a quickening that the feminine can then bring through.  (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I had about three dreams that run together, and the first two I’m not sure exactly which one comes first but it feels like I live somewhere like India or the Orient.

In the household the women go down into a certain room and they maybe prepare something. It comes in a square and it has to do with the color of blue eye makeup, or a type of eye makeup, and maybe it has some cloth in it, too.

It’s just a square or something they set on the floor, but the way it correlates is it feels like at some point, if the men select this, or indicate that you can put your eye makeup on or whatever, then it’s like you’re selected by the male of the household – like maybe that’s what makes a mating, or when you’re married, or allowed to have children or whatever. 

It’s some sort of selection that occurs at that point, but you have to wait until the men make that selection. And it feels like the men are kind of holding back from that. And so the women feel a certain restlessness, or they decide they’ll go out to the nightclub with each other, or sometimes they want to try to put on the makeup without waiting for the men to indicate they can do that – to see if they can force the energy to happen.

So there’s this kind of frustrated feeling with things. And I know I’m going out to the nightclubs with my friends, and when we go into one nightclub I make friends with a couple of Americans who have come to visit – maybe they’re related to some Asian dancers, a troupe of them that they work with in the States.

And so I talk with them. I’m trying to see what they’re looking for by visiting our country, or that nightclub, trying to give them some tips on something. And then another time I’m starting to go out to the nightclub and there’s a young man that comes looking for me, and I keep turned so that he can’t see it’s me. 

He’ll just keep looking in the building and I will have left. And meanwhile I’m going with my girlfriend to her house. She’s married and she has actually quite a large estate and she’s kind of asking me why I brushed off this nice student? 

And I say, “Well, because he was just like a summer student. You know, he’s over there, he is a very nice guy, he’s looking for fun, but you know that’s not what I’m looking for.” 

Meanwhile I’m trying to climb up over a roof, and over a gate, to get into her estate to sit on the roof of a building that looks out over this property that she lives on and owns. And we meet other people that will sit on the roof with us. And I’m feeling her sadness because she doesn’t have any children. 

Maybe that’s something I’m trying to console her about, or help her with. And that’s either the first or the second dream.

John: What you’re describing is the recognition of how something… in other words, there’s a big confusion that can tend to exist in which there’s the restlessness of the overallness of the presence of the feminine, in terms of creation.

The dream starts off where you realize, and know, and understand that a doingness by the feminine has to stop, because the unfoldment may come through the feminine, but the direction comes to the feminine from another means.

And if it resorts to its doingness, it ends up reaching an empty condition, or a condition that is childless, that doesn’t actually go anywhere. And so the feminine has to wait. This use of energy in the overall, has to wait, and catch up with the memo of what it is that needs to come through, that it needs to guide, or formulate, or process into life.

The peculiarity is that the feminine has to let go and become totally receptive, totally subjective, thus a kind of empty sheet of paper.  In other words, her nature is her nature, but the doingness of what needs to happen can’t happen without the memo.

She can’t go trying to put on the eye makeup, so to speak, herself. She has to wait until something comes through that causes a quickening. Now, the dilemma the feminine is going to have, and this is reaching out a little bit in terms of my dream, the problem that the feminine is going to have is that in her pristine quality of stepping back and just recognizing the greater quality of the emptiness, in other words the stopping of the doing, she does reach a state of an emptiness.

It’s hard for her to hold that state because the nature is to always be active, always be trying to purport some sort of mannerism or expression. And if you do, you’re putting on the eye makeup according to your own design without the understanding, in terms of how it’s to be, having come through from another place.

Now in my dream, that understanding of what is able and meant to be able to unfold, again has a whole way of perception, transformative perception, that needs to exist. In other words, just like the feminine has to make herself an empty vessel from the standpoint of dropping her predilections, and notions, and mannerisms, and ideas of how to look and be, in order to be able to properly hear.

The expression that comes through the masculine when first seen in its literal context, has a shadow orientation to it because it’s overt, it’s very dense, and it’s very much in the world. So the masculine expression needs, just like the feminine needs to stop her doingness, the masculine expression needs to peel itself all the way back to the essence upon where that projection of memo and mannerism comes from.

And it is that quality speaking to, and working in conjunction with, the overall letting go and emptiness of the feminine, that is what is really going on. And the level of an expression that comes across that is easy to poke at and say, okay, that’s an absurdity, that’s ridiculous, that, lived through, carried through, is functioning with the lowest level of creation.

But it doesn’t mean that that’s who you are. Behind what unfolds out is the container vessel that takes the memo of that, which it doesn’t contrive, it just allows it to be. It takes that and presents that out, and it comes from a masculine use of energy and, viewed in and of itself, is a shadow or a density.

But behind that is the vibration of what is really going on. And so if you see what is really going on, what you end up with is a feminine nature taking upon itself a mannerism that it has to portray, and live through, and it needs to not take on the doingness nature of itself in some preening way, or mannerism, in terms of how it adorns itself.

It needs to hear the memo even if the memo, on a dense outer level, is seen to be peculiar, awkward, out of place. If it has something behind it, in terms of the masculine’s feeling-in-the-bones quality or whatever you want to call it, which drives something like this, then you have the combination of something that goes from inner into outer.

Judged or viewed, however, just from the aspect of what is projected out, or done, in the outer, and not seen in terms of the subtle nuances from the inner linkage and connection that exists, both as the feminine being able to let go and being empty, in order to then have a sense of the Whole, or of the masculine having to yield inside at some deep depth to a power that be, which is coming from the bones, so to speak, even though in the outer, if seen just as an outer expression, is considered fairly trite, or foolish, or out of place.

Only when you’re able to really look behind that and see what’s really going on, meaning that’s behind that, if there is something behind that – and there generally is – it’s just a question of what the veils are.

That’s when you’re coming to grips with the potentiality. And so your dream, first of all, is almost like a corrective dream, in that it is saying that things work out when you adopt or put yourself into an empty space where you’re not directing a doingness on your part, but are able to facilitate the unfoldment that is brought before you.

When you take that, as an otherness, on, and don’t judge it or reject it because your essence of the empty space can feel behind that dense outer expression, a something more, so you then are able to facilitate the denseness of something, able to facilitate it through, yet yielding and able to somehow correlate from your emptiness to the vibration behind the denseness. That is when inner comes into outer.

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The Inward Spiral

In a spiritual development process, as energies are awakened from within, what is awakened in a person needs to be accepted and incorporated into the self, and a new, elevated state of balance attained. Jeane’s dreams delve into this inner struggle, where young (emerging) masculine energies arise and encounter some internal resistance. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: My first dream, the impression I have in it is, it feels like there’s all male energy into it, mostly adolescent male energy, and they all feel a little impoverished.

And it feels like the energy is always flowing downhill with them, kind of going through them, like I’m seeking something and going down through these boys, kind of down from like the hillside to an alley, that sort of thing.

I don’t remember very many specifics in that dream other than that was just how the energy flowed.

John: Yes, that would be a problem in terms of the feminine looking at things from a particular position that she would hold in terms of how she would see things in an overallness in life.

And so she would have this general sense, and whenever she looked at the ideas or something that would be coming through that would stir things up, she would look at that as a type of energy that is flowing down, that is coming down, which corresponds with how it actually is in terms of the breath: it comes down as an out-breath.

So she would be looking at that as a masculine energy that’s coming through the boys, and of course the boy in this case has an added meaning because she’s seeing these boys as though that is a developing quality of her inner self.

Where this is significant is a guy, a man, is seen as something that’s a fairly mature aspect of herself that comes with all kinds of qualities that are fairly set and established, black-and-white, in terms of maybe direct expression.

But boys are a part of one’s self in which energy comes through in kind of a casual, almost non-serious – kind of just through them kind of way, without any recourse or something at a depth that is apparent behind it; it just flows through.

So that tends to not necessarily set off reactions when it’s that innocent in the way that it comes across, and so you’re able to more readily accept and recognize this kind of flow that you’re able to appreciate and accept it rather than fight it and then see it as a type of an energy line.

I say line only because you know the direction it’s coming, you know, that it comes down and the common image that one creates of that as it comes from the crown, down into creation, and then of course the feminine’s energy goes from creation back to the crown because it’s complete in creation; it just needs to be awoken and then it flows back to the crown.

And then when you break things in the masculine and feminine then you see it coming through the boys, coming downward, and then ultimately whatever that effect is, to the degree that it’s a pure effect touching you – because there’s no spin put on it or anything that you react about – if it feels okay to you, then it awakens something as a correspondence that then goes from the depths of creation, it flows back as the in-breath.

So, yeah, that’s correctly seeing it and what’s interesting is you dream it like that, and I dream the opposite of that, because I struggle to try to get the awareness in the outer to go back to what I would consider the within.

And the within is like a place that is at the fount of it all, which I suppose in the analogy I used would be the crown or something. So as you take and struggle with it, not necessarily struggle, but recognize that the flow comes downward to the boys, I look at it as having to find, to create the loop. In order for the loop to be created, the full breath to be created, has something to do with the feminine.

In my dream I see myself seeking to denote everything that I see that affects me, which means in the outer, which is in a feminine creation, as having an inner into outer underlying flow. As I review what is going on around me, in other words I’m looking at the masculine element knowing that everything that affects me, that can grab me with its outer appearance, but I still recognize that behind that there is an inner into outer flow.

But that doesn’t keep me, when I’m in the outer where I’m caught up in the waking state of my senses, from feeling a pain as a result of my sensitivity, knowing that there is an interconnectivity and even sensing the interconnectivity, but not able to put that into flow because of the identification with the senses.

And so I suffer or struggle or however you would put it, and I feel the pain within and even though I try to reach towards an inner, I’m not yet able to make the sense in the general outer environment I live in daily, coincide.

In other words, my senses will still blink at things that are happening in the outer. Of course, this becomes evident when a woman says to me, “I can understand what I see you trying to do, but I cannot relate to what you say.”

Jeane: In my next dream I’ve gone with you and we’ve actually even I think did some cross country skiing over to a house where there’s a kind of a gathering going on with your ex-wife and her friends.

And I’m a little preoccupied in the back of my mind because I know the next morning I have to get up early to take you to the dentist, so at the party, as they’re doing various things, I kind of have in my mind what time we have to leave.

They’ve kind of dressed up a lot and I think I’ve dressed more simply, and I realize that I have this watch on with a red watchband and it’s kind of come loose and then you’re ex points out that that was actually a watch that I think she’d given me or loaned me to wear.

But the watchband is coming loose so they put this new watchband on it that’s really kind of odd. It has three different ways it plugs in and it looks odd.

Meanwhile, something else happened where it feels like I had some dentures or something in my mouth that were broken and I wanted to go into the bathroom and fix them so they fit right, and so everything looked right, so I’m kind of avoiding everybody so I can get some privacy to go do that.

And then when I come out, because I’d taken a while, you’d left to go get some sleep so that you would get some rest before you went to the dentist. Then the watchband she gave me has fallen off. I don’t know where the watch has gone. And now I’m preoccupied with getting back so I can get you to the dentist in time.

So I head back and then it feels like I get on one road and it feels like the wrong road, so I go up to the hillside, but the hillside doesn’t have the right kind of a path. There’s a guy that comes up on a motorcycle behind me but I kind of point out to him this path doesn’t look like the right path. I mean, it’s green and it goes up a hill and gets rocky and it’s not taking us anywhere, so I turn around to come back down.

I knock a rock loose, a big rock. It goes down into the road but it doesn’t hit anything and it rolls over to the other side so no car will hit it so I’m kind of relieved about that but then I start heading back towards the town and kind of go through some stores. It feels like I’m getting lost but I finally get to the dentist and then I have a dream about being at the dentist after this dream.

John: Well, this dream is full of what is considered a type of doingness. And you start off most removed from the doingness by an awareness of cross country skiing, which is like kind of more of an overall motif.

But just the term cross country skiing has a doingness to it but at least it has a… it’s more expansive or more spread out in terms of a wholeness within the environment, although it’s not the complete wholeness. It’s spreading your wings.

So within that you interject something that then has to be taken into account specifically, within what would normally be the ordinary motif of what it is that you’re able to extend your awareness over. As you do that then you continue to set off a kind of yo-yo effect, reverb effect, in terms of time.

In other words, now you have, instead of being something that is capable of just being in the overallness, outside of time and space, and take it all in as a wholeness, you find yourself having something specific as a doingness dragging your attention.

And thus comes the confusion of the watch, and then comes the confusion with the dentures. Because the watch then from a doingness then time comes in, instead of it being just in a general overallness of yourself. And then as that comes in you can’t help but then note other things, maybe you’re pain because of your dentures or whatever it is.

Pretty soon it goes on and on and on and on and on and so you get caught in this spiral, this spin, and I imagine what the second dream will do is you probably go deeper into the spin but maybe somehow then yo-yo back.

Jeane: I doubt it!

In the next dream, which goes downhill from here it looks like, it’s like I’ve taken you to the dentist, and while I’m there I’m supposed to get some impressions made too. So I leave you upstairs with the dentist and I go downstairs and he’s going to do something really fast where he does some kind of exam on me, but he takes out my dentures and he brings me back somebody else’s, which don’t fit.

So then the lab technician has to go start looking for those. I put my hand in my pocket and I find other teeth and they don’t fit either. Nothing fits. The technicians all want to go take a lunch break, so I start following them around.

I’m going to go find the lab so I can find what fits and fix it myself. They don’t particularly want me to do that so then they’re following me around the lab and I’m trying to figure out where they put things in the lab and get things sorted out because I feel like I only have a certain amount of time before I should be up with where you’re getting your work done.

John: Actually, the way that is spinning is it’s almost throwing you at your wits end.

Jeane: That’s exactly what last night felt like.

John: It’s actually coming very, very close to you actually getting it, because you’ve taken this doingness to a point of ludicrousness to where it doesn’t even make sense to you on another level.

And so it’s like, dentures, you know, really, you’ve got to be giving me a break and they’re somebody else’s dentures. What you’ve done is you’ve gone to a point where in the doingness, it’s supposed to make sense over something, in some fashion, in some way.

In other words, there’s a reason behind it, and now all of a sudden on some level inside of yourself, the rug is being jerked out from under you and you’re having a hard time coming up with why that makes sense.

Yet that doesn’t keep you from struggling to try to make it make sense in your doingness. You haven’t quite let go of it, but some other part inside of you is already making a mockery of that; can’t quite grasp and grab that reflection.

In other words, you spiraled into it to a point where now you can’t help but see it as kind of, something about yourself is making a mockery of yourself, because you really do understand it in kind of a different light.

And so you have that inflection almost into a nothingness, and then back into the doingness, and then back and forth, and you’re going to get this visualized one way or another. You can’t let this kind of go poof on you. This is getting very, very strange.

So, you’re spiraling. You’ve really created this spiral and that’s how the mind can get when it gets off on a full fledged tangent of trying to hold onto something, and yet at the same time on some level inside that’s no longer a possibility, of getting it to buy into it so that it totally makes sense.

Some level can’t quite do that anymore, and so you’ve created this dichotomy going back and forth. If I did it in my way, that would be a sadness. In your way it’s a tremendous agitation.

Jeane: Yeah, it was feeling like you were over there sleeping like a baby and I was just struggling with this all night.

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Loving Without Leaving Traces

Today we continue the discussion between John and Ann (see Saying Yes to the Process and The Greater Part of You). The journey has now entered the realms of effecting changes in life through inner vibration, rather than outward “doing.” (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: The kundalini energy is one third on this side and two thirds on the other side. It’s designed to open you up to the greater part of yourself. And when you open up to the greater part of yourself, then you come to find out that this path is about service. The reason why it’s put in those words is because you have a responsibility to the Whole.

And as you take on that responsibility of the Whole, you function differently. Now, how is it that you function? Any ideas of what this means are all wrong.

I wish I could remember Jeane’s dream where you use this energy to cause things to… designer energy. Instead of calling it divine energy, it’s like designer energy. And the way the designer energy worked was she naturally knew inside of herself how something needed to be, almost like a type of higher octave intuition – and she just felt that and that’s the way it was. It wasn’t a thought process.

To the masculine it’s a thought process and the thought process then leads to power and control and gets in the way.

And so she was working, not in terms of matter, but in terms of a sense of overall vibration. Now, it takes the thought matter, or the creative, the inflection of the masculine that has its intent, it takes that to hit the feminine and then when it hits the feminine what awakens is something that doesn’t go out and go through a one, two, three, and four checklist.

For the feminine to get it, it has to drop its doingness, however, it just naturally carries it. For the feminine to get it, it has to be free of any kind of masculine controlled rules. And it does not realize how enslaved it is. For example, if Jeane bitches at my driving, the bitching is coming from a masculine place.

It’s a damage that she’s suffered. If she can let go of that then something changes. In other words, the thing that’s the hardest for the feminine is letting something be; letting it die.

The key is how to do that and be aware of that too, and not have an insecurity, just know that that is wondrous.

How do you do that? Well, the feminine can’t readily do that, it’s the hardest thing. And so the feminine stays asleep, stays subjective with the energy instead of objective, instead of bringing it to a clarity.

If the feminine can make this subjective come out into kind of an intuition that works on a vibrational level that has nothing to do with anything in the outer, it now has the designer energy, it’s working with the designer energy.

Now, this designer energy has to work in a very, very different way now, because the light of the collective is gone, it’s out. Which means it used to be in the past but when you had… Let’s say you have a certain principle inside yourself that you know real well, that comes from a deeper depth of an essence inside of yourself, or we’ll call it a light inside of yourself, and now you are going out trying to touch that in the outer.

That’s a type of trying to bring an inner into an outer in which the collective doesn’t respond, doesn’t get the echo anymore, has lost the echo; in a sense that light has gone out. If you do battle with it, your light will go out.

Now what you’re doing is you are challenging it just like any other kind of conflict and it consumes you. You’re not the dark energy. You have to know… There is a time when you have to work with dark energy, but to begin with you take and you conflict and fight something, it will destroy you, it will cause you to lose the heartfulness of your own being, and the sight of your own being. It will cause you to go into kind of a mood and a confusion.

It will cause you to become dumb, to lose what we call a type of consciousness where you have a certain sight or something. So, what you have to do is you have to somehow or another hold onto this designer flow in the way that the feminine works. It’s called in the teacher’s book, knowing how to love without leaving traces.

Let’s make up an example. Let’s say that… and you see this all the time in the masculine, I mean Jeane sees this all the time in me. She sees this all the time in me and what she sees is that I have a kind of imbalance, so if I see that she sees that I’m in an imbalance that doesn’t help any…

Because if I see that she sees that I’m in an imbalance, then I see what she’s doing to try to work with that or cope with that and that doesn’t work, because that’s still on a masculine level. But if you can see an imbalance, keep it to yourself and work with the vibration from another flick of energy.

In other words, change it to another dimension. You can then change that and that person, and if you’re directing it at your husband, won’t even know that you did anything. He’ll just go from being angry or upset to feeling wonderful – and won’t even know why. He’ll just be lifted.

We try to do this accidentally all the time. In other words, let’s say you’re going along and you had a rough day, and you’re feeling miserable, and you say you know, I’m worthless. I think I’ll just go to a movie. Maybe if I come out of the movie my mood will be different because I’ll get caught up into the theme of the movie. Hopefully it’s a good movie. I can’t go to a horror movie, it might make me worse, but if I go to this movie over here it’s supposed to be kind of a tearjerker or something. Maybe that will help.

We try to do this externally all the time. But it’s meant to be done internally. You do it internally. And so that’s how you change things. You cannot shift anything in the collective anymore. Working with the collective, because the collective has no light, yet you’re intertwined with everything, in terms of your life.

In other words, the collective as it operates has lost the reverence or the linkage that’s subtle. In other words, it’s constantly reverting to its own devices. And yet you are intertwined with it, so you can take your light and you can change things. This is what it means when it is said that a Sufi can put the world in his heart. It’s not like it fills it up because… it’s not like you have only a certain appetite capacity. Everything can go inside.

Thus, off of that singular light, your light, you might as well call it a type of microcosm now, just like going to the atom and breaking it all the way down to where you’re at the essence of everything. You have put yourself into the ability to design energetically.

You did not do anything physically, however, because the physical is a reflection only. Somehow one has to go through that kind of a door to be able to do that, and you get closer to it through your dream.

When the dreams get to the point where they actually put a kind of a pressure on you, the pressure gets put on you more when you develop a closeness to the teacher.

In other words, you have to get to a point where you’re less than dust, or in other words, merged in the teacher. The teacher then is like the emissary. It’s an illusion again, but it’s a means by which you go to the Whole.

Otherwise, you take everything that you receive and you turn it around in terms of your heart, to it being about yourself. And it’s in some personal context, so you have to lose that sense of self in order to have a sense of this greater sight of the Wholeness.

And so it becomes important to develop this connection of depth to the teacher. And of course the teacher makes the joke that they have this practice where they look out for each student everyday. They kind of naturally, no effort.

However, if the student can do something that can go off on a tangent, your bad mannerism or whatever… and they no longer are holding a quality somewhere inside themselves, then they can’t get what they need.

Now, this is a strange kind of getting. I mean we’re so used to thinking of getting from the standpoint of putting dollars and cents in the bank or something. This is something in which something opens up to the intertwining of yourself that has been veiled from you. And only when you let go of trying to hold a full container cup about yourself, is that possible.

That’s why it’s also said that this is a practice that you take one step back from yourself to find yourself. Another expression is that the light is found in a crack in your nature. Because otherwise you’ve got everything all solidified and nailed down. Another expression is that you access through the rear door because the front door of yourself is so guarded with your defense mechanisms.

There was another one I was going to say too. I mean, you have all of these little statements and nobody really knows what they mean, and they all have to do with getting outside of the limitations that you carry yourself in.

Now of course you can see what it means when they say, die before you die. All you’re dying to is the identifications that are outside of who you really are.

So it causes one to ponder the statements like, God is light, in Him there is no darkness…

And yet of course that makes one think that statement sounds like a duality because it’s all actually light except where there is a type of dazzling darkness that is a greater accentuation of light, and then after that is supposedly the light of creation, or green, which is even greater than that, that most people fail to get because they keep thinking that there’s something somewhere else or something.

All of it is a probing into a state of nothingness. In other words, the various ways that you are able to perceive things takes you to various states inside of yourself, and the ultimate state or station is when there’s nothing that you’re not – you’re everything.
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