Posts Tagged ‘finding inner balance’

detail-van-vleugelsIn today’s dream, John finds himself as the odd man out, being in a group with three other women. The women see, and represent, the Wholeness of the situation. The masculine sees, and represents, the particulars, or the details of things. A balance of both views is required to maintain the safety of the overall. Finding this balance is a huge struggle within each developing person. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: Well, my dream works with the particularity of something. In other words, you have the general motif, and I have the set responsibility.

And so the way it shows itself up is, I’m one of the four people who have the responsibility to ensure that the guidelines governing the workings of a body, which I am part of, have no conflicts of interest.

This body is composed, these inner workings, the inner responsibility is made up of three women and me. In other words, we’re like the higher order that makes sure that the will of the overall body is free and clear from any conflict in terms in terms of how it’s put together.

Because we have to be clear about this, and it’s very subtle at times, we tend to remain kind of in an inner sanctum within ourselves, so it’s considered an honor and a noble thing when we go out into the courtyard or something amongst the people. And the people are always excited to see us and will stand around waiting if we’re supposed to come out at some appointed time.

Our duty as the inner sanctum, the four of us, is to make sure that the fabric of the society is not only not affected by anyone with a presence that is not right, but also with an interest like in the Whole, an ownership interest or a place in the Whole that contaminates the overall freedom and flow and functionality.

The image is, I see us filing out to their welcome, and we’re going like in a lineup, and it’s kind of two women go first, and then there’s me, and then there is another woman. I’m the only guy, and I would have been perfectly happy, and would have preferred if it were possible to have stayed back and let the women come out, but that is not how it works. We are the leadership team.

So, we file out amongst the people and the crowd is ecstatic to see us, but I see myself cringing with embarrassment. I can hardly look anybody in the eye. I’m very, very self-conscious. These three women do not seem to be aware consciously of anything being askew, but I’m aware of it, and I do not feel worthy to be there and would prefer to hide.

I cannot look these people in the eye because, from my inner positioning of being able to see something from within, I see a problem in the way that the order of the body is put together, and it has to do with a type of ownership interest that conflicts with what we all deem responsible. In other words where there isn’t a contaminate that sits there at a deep inner level that prevents something from being as dynamic as it’s meant to be – and I’m aware of it.

But all the women don’t seem to be aware of it, because they don’t look at things that way. They’re looking at the overall energetic of how something needs to be in the Whole, but I’m aware of this undermining little component. And I see it as my responsibility, and my duty, to make sure that that’s not there – and it’s there. So I’m feeling so bad about this, it is all I can do to show my face.

I could see in the eyes of the people that they trust us explicitly, and are standing out there to greet us and honor us, which is how it’s meant to be. In other words, that’s how it’s set up to be. It works like that.

It’s an odd position to be in, because I know that the women are in the right space to be swept up in this coming together or communion with the people, but I’m not. I’m having an extremely hard time justifying just being there because of this guilt, or self-conscious, that I carry because what I know is sitting there.

It may not be a problem yet, but it has to be fixed or it will be, and it’s my role to have seen this, and I missed it, and there it is, affecting the overall system. So for as long as this remains an imbalance, I can’t do anything but see myself as holding back in this self-conscious embarrassment, restraint, and shame.

To come out before the people while this still exists to me is out of place, as if I’ve let everyone down, even though they don’t know it, don’t see it yet. That doesn’t matter; I see it and that is where it matters, in terms of my heart.

In writing what this is like, I write: the vibration is that I’m aware of an inner energetic imbalance that has to do with a detail regarding the order of things that has its aliveness, this detail, and that detail is such that it could destabilize the Whole.

But what’s awkward is, at this point in time, I seem to be alone in this. The three women comrades are amnesic to this. I mean, they don’t look at the detail and specifics of things. They look at how the overallness is and they tend to feel that they’re handling that.

I mean, this detail really, really bugs me. They’re okay, and the people are euphoric, and they have a right to be euphoric, and they’re carrying themselves as they need to carry themselves as they go out amongst the people. It’s just me that’s tenuous.

In other words, what I see is I can’t really look at them in the eyes, because I see the impending problem. In other words, I see that in between, and as long as it remains, I’m not able to be in a place that is able to merge, or to come through, in a way that connects like it’s meant to be.

In other words, if I’m able to put together a system and a process that flows, and this is very, very difficult and this is a problem that always exists when you have to function like this, is that you’re always rolling things around to see if you have it right.

And the problem with rolling things around to see if you have it right is, you can easily get caught up in the detail and screw up, because it’s important to also feel the overallness of what is right in the Whole, which is that feminine quality.

The masculine is that intangible fourth element that makes how something is to be felt and carried in the Whole. It’s what makes it complete. It’s what makes it secure. It’s what makes it safe. It’s what makes it balanced.

The feminine carries the overall vibration that everybody can abide in and be in, but the masculine is what safeguards it and makes it okay, makes it so that it’s sustainable. And what I’m seeing is not sustainable, and it may be okay now, but I know that it won’t be in the future.

I know that this is a latent problem, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I haven’t solved it, and of course I also know that the problem with solving it has to do with somehow or another being able to step back from it, too.

In other words, this is tricky because you have to make huge shifts too, so you can’t get too caught up in the way something is, as a sense of overall feel to it. You can’t get too caught up in that, because you have to be cognizant of how this little thing can distort, or disrupt, or change the overallness – even though it hasn’t done that yet.

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chasedOver the course of these three dreams, Jeane is confronted by her resistance to letting go of a certain inner wariness of the masculine energies inside her. The more she resists, the more she cuts herself off from an energetic balance that is needed to connect her to a natural state of inner knowing. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: My earliest dream, it feels like I’m kind of in a desert community. It seems like everything is either sand colored, or maybe even I’m wearing something kind of an off-color white with a little red in it. And I seem to be trying to trade an automatic gun for a gun that doesn’t fire so many bullets. So it’s like I go and I sit somewhere, and I’m trying to get someone to give me a gun that makes more sense to me. I don’t like the automatic gun.

John: The energetic of the dreams last night had to do with being able to take in a more fluid flow, and in doing so be able to denote more in terms of what is going on in terms of the world around one. The tendency was to try and shrink or accommodate a lesser space.

Generally what causes that is characteristics and traits like moods, anger, or frustration, judgment, prejudice, whatever it is that one carries that takes one and defines one away from the outer flow. We have areas in which we try to make everything comfortable, and it’s our attempt to accommodate something, to control our environment around us in a particular way, that we conceptualize.

That is when we shut ourselves off from something. We shut ourselves off from a process by which there is a connection and a linkage in terms of us being able to appreciate something else. In my dream it’s something that’s able to be appreciated in a sense of knowingness that is natural through a connection that opens that up. And that connection involves having a certain integration of masculine and feminine energy.

In your dream you’re just working on one component of that, and that component is the flow, the machine gun action, which can seem a bit overwhelming. But it’s of an expansive nature that will cause you to scope much, much more, and you have to be able to get comfortable with that rather than something that is simple and ordinary, but in the simple and ordinariness you hold yourself back.

Jeane: In the second dream, it feels like I’m being pursued by some men, so I’ve gone into a cave, and so it’s dark in there, and there’s water in there that’s like either a canal or a hot springs canal, or something like that. So I think the best way to get away from the men is to go into the water and swim underwater, but I can only do it so much and then I come up, and if they see me then maybe they’ll get me.

Just about the time I think that they’re going to get me, a seal comes along. Well, a seal is about the same size as a human. I even feel its whiskers. I realize that if the seal is kind of going in the direction that they are, and I’m swimming away from where that is, I think there is a way you can swim out from the cave at the end, I’m going towards it, that they’ll see the seal and think it’s me and that way is how I think I will get away.

John: This dream is showing that you are differentiating yourself in terms of trying to hold a feminine space. You’re differentiating yourself from an effect of the masculine. The masculine is like the pursuer. It’s like an energy that’s coming down, that causes you to have to adjust and accommodate and take all of that in.

You are seeing that, and this is not unnatural. This is how the feminine energy in creation tends to be. It tends to see the masculine energy as out of cadence with things, and so it ignores it. It runs away from that, and in running away from that, something then is not able to properly unfold.

The seal is a letting go process of gracefulness, that has a higher, deeper intelligence imbedded in it that, if you didn’t hide, the seal would be kind of an understanding, or it’s kind of like in your escape and you’re pulling back away from it. You go into another depth of yourself where the quality isn’t conscious, because you go below the water, but there’s something about the unconsciousness in which you have a knowing, somehow, of what is meant to be in terms of letting go, and accepting the circumstances and conditions of a masculine flow energy. And that part is a gracefulness of your nature, which is represented by the seal, which realizes that it can do it – it can let go.

And you’re still acting as if inside yourself you still have this belief that you have to take on certain screening mechanisms, or safeguards, in relationship to the masculine. And from my dreams, I can tell you what you’re losing by doing that.

Jeane: In my next dream, first I’m at a friend’s house where I’m going to spend the night. It’s someone I knew from when I was a kid. Her room is kind of very full of stuff, so I just think I have some blankets or something I put on the floor because that’s what will be my bed when I come back.

And then we go back out, and I’m sitting for a minute in another room with a bunch of other kids, and this guy from high school, who was actually quite bright, is teasing me. He doesn’t think I can give him the square root of, let’s say a number above ten, without using a pen and paper, and I’m kind of insulted by that.

I get up and I walk out of the room. He would have given me something if I could, and I’m thinking I should have kind of cheated and just given him the square root of 20. But then I realize that does feel like cheating, so I was a little miffed by him.

I go out of the room and then I hook up with you, and we’re all going to be taking part in some kind of a parade, and whatever event follows the parade, like a circus. I guess we have to sign up for it in some way, and you get into this line to go into this strange building that has kind of all these concrete steps that go up either inside or outside.

I go into another room on the ground floor and there’s some women that have these sheets of paper with things that are drawn on them, almost like stamps, and I guess I can pay a dime and get one of those, and it does something towards the registration, but it’s like I give the lady my dime, the other lady drops it, and then the other lady can’t seem to find her sheet, so I finally just pick one up – but I figure out I picked up about three.

I go out to find you. I start to go up all these steps I see that are very complicated, but then I overhear somebody and the people going up the steps are actually going to buy a circus animal or something. That doesn’t make sense to me.

I come back down and find you. We’re going to be doing something with horses in a parade, so I ask if we can go ride the horses in the entry parade for what we’re going to be doing later, but you don’t want to do that.

Then I’m looking and I don’t quite have the right shoes on either, so I go back into my friend’s house, the girl that I’d met in the beginning, and it feels like that part of the dream is a little more vague to me. I know I accidentally let a cat into a room, and I’m trying to find some things, but at that point the dream kind of faded on me.

John: What you’re trying to do is you’re trying to find something, you’re trying to open up to something that is there for you to know, and it’s represented by three things, three sheets. One of them is the beginning of a process. Three of them take you up to where you have access to knowing what is going on, from time to time, but it’s not complete yet. Four would make it complete.

So you’re starting the process of catching up with what is to take place, that you can know, before it happens. And you know it in a quiet space, but in order for you to catch up with this you actually have to integrate and accept something with the masculine.

That then causes what is there, which is already imprinted in your being, to emerge. So you have an indulgence that keeps that from occurring, that you can access maybe one of the three but not all three of them, and if you accessed all three of them you would have a sense of what is meant to be, and it would come out of the unconscious a lot like the seal.

The seal is the implication of something coming out of the unconscious, which has a center of wisdom or something about it in terms of a knowingness that it has reached. But it’s not completely out in the open and it’s still hiding from the rest of the download of the acceptance of the masculine input that needs to come through.

You can go up some steps as if you can find it or retrieve it there, but you always keep coming back to hunkering down around a certain way that you see and feel yourself, thus you’re shutting yourself off from the actual theme of the dreaming, which is the ability to develop a means upon which you have a sense of what is unfolding – before it unfolds.

This is something that the mystic develops, and it is not something that can be explained to others, or can be understood by you as to where and how this comes from, but in order for it to be accessed you have to accept the mannerism of a masculine.

This is something that you find really, really hard if you look at the group, because the group has a certain attitude towards the masculine and believes that somehow or another it is put on a pedestal of carrying some sort of dispensation that is important in terms of ushering something forth in terms of life.

It can never happen without the integration and linkage of what the masculine has to offer in terms of its input. That input awakens the natural flow and fluidity that the feminine already carries, but lacks the spark to get it to come out. When that spark is able to come out, then those three sheets of paper or whatever they are make sense in terms of what it is that they reveal.

It took you three dreams to kind of catch up with the schematic of what is a potentiality intending to emerge inside of you as a type of knowingness, of what is to happen. You tend to refute that, or deny that you have this ability to know this, by saying you never know what these dreams mean, and you never do this, and you never do that, and you tend to kind of try to hold the space that you can tell whether something is right in terms of the way that it comes across or is interpreted or something.

And in that regard you’re deferring the fact of catching up with the quality of the masculine inside you, from which this emanates. Now, it might be that you’re not meant to catch up with that. It’s hard to know, but the dream indicates that you have that ability inside you that if you quit indulging, or being preoccupied in some sense as the way something needs to be, in your opinion, in terms of your perception of how it interlinks, and you find that process inside you, that you then will naturally, because you already carry it, you will naturally come across with what is necessary to understand what is unfolding, before it unfolds.

That is a process in life that is designed to come across. You can catch up with a bit of it, but there are actually three sheets, and in order to be proficient even in the three sheets you need a fourth for the completeness, and then you can look at that at any time. But even at three sheets it’s something that comes and goes, which is where my dream got to with three, but yours was working with one and it is trying to give you plenty of information as to what it is that you’re doing that is not taking something on in terms of yourself as a quality of masculine energy.

In other words, when you’re running from an alien force you’re really running away from the masculine, when you’re coming down steps that you could have gone up because you’re looking for something to lean on instead of being in attention within, you are running away from that input.

And you’re presented straightaway with the potentiality of three, in which three turns into four as a completeness, as a done deal. But you choose to try to have to accommodate that in some fashion according to whatever perceptions it is that you feel that you have, that has to be maintained and brought into the equation at the same time.

This is a quality of what is known as the feminine doingness. It is also in the masculine – it’s that quality where it’s reactive to things where it tends to have its ideas and project its ideas and those ideas can be treated as intense, or very linear, in the face of the feminine. And so if the feminine then screens it out – actually the feminine puts up mixers. The mixers actually obliterate the ability to hear.

And some people carry a certain degree of those mixers constantly. What’s interesting, for example, a person who does that is Mary, but when she goes to a program and she gets blown out she drops the mixers, but it’s the first thing that she brings back. It’s the first thing she relies upon straightaway as she falls back more to her energetic condition.

But at a program she lets go of it and comes to realize something much more, but she forgets that she realizes that much more. In other words, she gets what is needed that is given to her, so that she doesn’t keep twisting and turning and stabbing herself – and therefore failing to catch up with what it is that she is meant to be able to naturally know. So, there’s an example using Mary and Mary is hurting herself more angrily.

In your particular case, you’re not hurting yourself with anger, you’re hurting yourself with a type of indulgence. If you can be careful of the indulgence, thinking that you’re not necessarily worthy or entitled, and have to indulge as if it comes from somewhere else, something about that means of accepting something in a safety-valve way, you take yourself out of an acuity.

If you were to look back on yourself, there is something to be said, in terms of a certain sense of what was right and what was wrong, that you went through when you felt that you suffered more by yourself. But you also had a certain kind of access at a shamanistic level that kind of was a substitute that kept you oriented in a way that you were okay.

It was a little distorted, but it did give you some sense of being able to recognize at least in one step what was going on. That one step is the step that could happen to the archetypal world.

The other two steps go beyond that, that lead to three. And there is absolutely, literally, no way you can explain this to anyone. And it is something that to try to do that only hurts you, and beats you up, and tends, if you’re working with the feminine energy that you have integrated, it tends to cause the feminine energy to get burned by too much of a directness, and it reacts and then the mixers go on and then a confusion sets in.


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Jeane: Next I have a dream that has to do with moving from one place to another, and the only part I remember is that I wanted to meet you somewhere. I’m going through some hallways that almost look like they’re in a castle, and there are some people coming out.

Maybe some of them are going where we’re going. It seems like you’ve already gone ahead. One English man comes out and asks me about getting some aid to get where he’s going; some money so he can stay in the country longer.

I look at him and make the comment that he should talk to you, not me. But I realize that people are coming to me because word has gotten out that you sometimes help people. I’m wondering how to handle that.

He’s about college age or a little older. I’m pondering it because it might be good to have him along, but I also feel that he’s someone who gets by on his charm rather than working hard. I’m not sure that you’d want to help him unless he put in more effort.

John: This a dream in which you’re looking at the masculine and feminine aspects of understanding. As the feminine perspective, you’re able to have a certain sense of understanding and clarity about how something needs to be, or should be, i.e., is it appropriate to give support to the masculine in this scenario?

So you have a feeling sense of the situation, but that doesn’t mean that the idea is grounded, i.e., does the masculine deserve your support in what it’s trying to do? So you’re weighing whether this specific aspect is something that’s meant to be incorporated in the whole.

The idea presented by the masculine can sound good, it can make a lot of sense, but it still may be on a level that’s not grounded – it doesn’t quite integrate into the schematic of the whole. The feminine may not be making her assessment by knowing the details of the situation – she may not know the As, Bs, and Cs of it – but the feminine does know, and can tell, whether something has the right sense or feel about it in terms of how it’s unfolding.

So that feminine aspect, if acknowledged and made conscious, can often reveal whether it considers what’s transpiring to be right or not. You can often see this in a husband and wife relationship. A husband can seem to make a lot of sense, but then if you look at the wife you can notice how she holds it together.

If she doesn’t have a wellness, and isn’t holding it together very well, everything gets kind of peculiarized in her nature, and she’ll be off in some way. Then you realize that the whole situation between them is off on a tangent, it’s out of balance. The husband may sound realistic and have a whole quality and nature of confidence about him – and you often see this in people who develop a certain natural rapport with things – but that doesn’t mean that what he’s doing is right, or fits.

Many couples have found a niche for themselves that kind of works, in an agreement way. But then you look at the wife and the wife may seem all worn out. That’s because in her role of having to clarify all of this, and to make it all make sense, she’s taking on something that deep down she knows has something amiss about it. And she may never be able to get over the degree to which she’s slightly unsettled. As a consequence, she can break down: reactively, emotionally, physically, all kinds of ways that a person can break down.

So this dream is actually a furtherance of the first dream (see Crossing Over), where the masculine provided a “bridge” that was inadequate for the space that needed to be crossed. This inadequate bridge indicates that you have a certain degree of personal identification, in terms of something about the outer, physical condition of things, and it’s interfering with your ability to take on the overallness (cross the bridge), of which you know you can be a part.

There’s the sense that because you’ve gone off onto it, i.e., you’ve taken on this role, it means you’re supposed to be able to take the whole thing on, contain it, and make everything fit together.

And you have made the journey to do just that; this dream indicates that this is the role you’ve taken on or carry. But you don’t necessarily carry the detail of things (masculine), so if someone looks to you to know if what’s presented is right or not (is the bridge sufficient, or should I help this student?), your assessment can only determine whether or not this “something” is working in a complete way or not.

One can ask the masculine, in which it would become a process of reviewing the details. Your dreams portray a general sense, and that general sense is the answer without the detail. The masculine side of things can have the detail, and the detail can all sound right, but it doesn’t have the view of whether it fits within the overall schematic.

The question is, is a thing to be blessed, or ushered in, or accepted by you in terms of the overall? So you’re learning to recognize what fits and what doesn’t.

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