From the Inside Out

John: This dream starts off with me seated at a table, casually working on something. Someone comes up and questions what I’m doing. Their questioning attitude trips a vibration in which I suddenly realize that it’s five after eight in the morning and I’ve agreed to meet a woman (someone I know in real life) at a restaurant at 8:05am.

I think to cancel because it was her idea to get together, and I can feel the heaviness of how the meeting will be. But out of respect for her I agreed to do it.

So I race over and get to the restaurant and get there at about 8:15. I’m in line, thinking she’s inside the restaurant somewhere, but all of a sudden I hear her voice speaking into a phone somewhere behind me.

She’s being loud and disruptive, and I can hear that she’s putting the blame for something on someone else. It sounded like she was trying to find out where I was, or at least that’s how I took it vibrationally. My sense is that she thinks I had set her up and then was not going to show.

So I go into the foyer where I hear her voice, and say to her, “Come on, we’re going to lose our place in line.” I can tell that she’s relieved that I’m there. She seems to have been all pent up expecting the worst.

To my surprise, she has a small boy and girl with her. Apparently she’s in a new relationship and these two kids are part of that. I sense that it’s important, in terms of how she feels about herself, for me to see her with these kids. It relieves some guilt and frees her up.

I’m surprised because I know that the responsibility of two kids will require her to place her attention in a softer way, in order to be there for them.

So this dream is showing me the effects of repressed energy and how it creates a distraction in one’s life. It’s interesting because I wasn’t really looking at this issue, in myself, any longer – I felt I had moved on. So this imagery shows that there are still issues that remain.

The question is: Did I actually move on, or did I just make a switch to relieve myself of physical anguish? Perhaps I’m still holding onto some underlying psychology that, under the right conditions, still manifests itself?

So, in the dream, this woman represents an aspect of my inner feminine that is feeling wounded from some guilt, and she can’t help herself from projecting it outwardly. It’s like a father complex: deep down this feminine aspect feels that it doesn’t have my approval about how she is, and so she can’t keep herself, or help herself, from dwelling upon it as a rejection.

Consequently, this feminine quality is creating confusion in my environment. It’s unable to keep from projecting a sense of anguish, or a self-image problem, wherever she goes. So in the imagery the woman is too loud and out of balance; she’s making a scene. She’s not facing herself.

This aspect is acting as if something in the past has left her stranded and rejected, and she can’t shake that feeling. The vibration is grief stricken; like a person who can’t keep it together. As a result, this inner feminine aspect is creating havoc – her inner essence is not at peace.

The lesson to be taken from this dream is that I’m having too great an impact on people around me. In doing so, I’m smothering their souls. I need to let people be how they are. They have to find themselves within the nature of Oneness. People need to have a freedom of choice in order to naturally mature. If something in me resonates in them as a negative reflection, there’s a risk that they can lose themselves.

Of course, this phenomenon works both ways. The solution isn’t to try to change anything per se, but to acknowledge and recognize the Divine. Ultimately, when two people interact, that is what they experience.

Everything always works from the inner into the outer. If it’s in me, it radiates to those around me. It can be positive or negative, but when it’s negative, it gets picked up on and played out as a distortion. And that distortion is what ends up in the world.

So, as with yesterday’s dream, the theme here is about contamination. Whether I’m contaminating others through what is in me, or whether others are contaminating me by what is in them. The problem is, we always interpret our issues as coming from outside of ourselves, so we put our attention outside of ourselves, and that’s what ends up creating all the problems.

The Envelopes, Please

John: I’m in a mail room and I’m opening an 8 x 10 inch manila envelope. As I tear it open, someone else is starting to open another manila envelope, and then a third person says, “Do you know if the manila envelope that the other person is opening is wider and also taller than the one you have?”

I say, “Well, we don’t know. It hasn’t been torn open yet. When it’s torn open, it might shrink. Then when we put them side by side, we will know.”

Somehow or other this exchange sets off the imagination where I, in the mail room, just start picking up other envelopes and tearing them open. These envelopes aren’t addressed to me, yet that doesn’t stop me. I take the contents out, which means that having opened them, I now have to deal with what’s inside.

Without even looking, though, I know what’s inside each envelope. I feel lucky that each item only requires some sort of confirmation. In other words, there’s not a lot of complexity involved, so I think I’m okay with handling all these envelopes and their contents.

Then I realize that there are others sitting around that could have seen me doing this and figured out that I was messing with other people’s mail. I suddenly feel the need to get out of there, and away from the area, because any one of them could follow me and turn me in.

So I’m carrying the contents of the envelopes in my hand, but I soon realize that no one is following me. Or if they were, I’ve shaken them all, because everyone around me now is different. Now I can deal with whatever it is that I’m holding in my hand.

I couldn’t quite ever figure out if the envelope I had was as big as the other ones because it seemed that as I tore open the wider envelopes, rationally it seemed they would also be taller, but I couldn’t ever confirm that because I kept pulling the contents out and then they all seemed the same size.

Even though the contents of these envelopes belonged to other people, they just required their signature as a confirmation. I guess I was going to act like I could do that for them. Well, you don’t want anyone to see you if you do something strange like that. It’s kind of absurd, and it’s really intrusive.

The way the dream was going, it was depicting the particulars of something, yet looking at it from the perspective of the overall consequence. I suddenly feel a great relief when I look around and feel that no one is going to hold me accountable.

But as soon as I experience that feeling of relief, I walk through the doors to a library and someone there stops me.

It’s a unique, inner library. It’s a library that has to make sure that you don’t have, and you’re not carrying in, anything that doesn’t belong to you. They are reaching out and, before I can even blink, I hand them what I have in my hand.

What was I going to do, run or something? No, I just hand everything to them. As I do that I shudder inside thinking about the consequences. Now everything has been exposed – it’s all out in the open.

Everything is always seen. You don’t get away with anything.

I wake up. I force myself to wake up because I don’t know what’s going to happen to me as a consequence of all this.

I mean, how can I possibly explain? I can’t. I’ve obviously done something very wrong, if looked at in a simplistic way. What I’ve done is really bad.

What will be the ramifications of these actions? Tomorrow we will find out!