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Posts Tagged ‘inner forgiveness’

John: Your dream yesterday was not surprising to me at all because my dream also dealt with the issue of abuse by those in authority. From a masculine perspective, though, in my dream I’m the abusive authority (for Jeane’s dream, see Updating the Past).

Your dream also had me wondering about the ancient history inside us. I’m from one Scottish clan and you’re from another, a clan that actually feuded with mine. We’re almost at opposite polarities.

This caused me to ponder the idea that, somehow or other, opposite polarities actually do work together more than we realize: they’re attracted in order to resolve something, or in order to pull something together. It’s like Yin and Yang or, should I say, like an electron and a proton in the atomic structure?

On a vibrational level, what does the other half, or perspective, tend to look like? We are in a position that needs to accommodate both halves, showing compassion toward the other, and knowing how to work with it, even though there has been abuse – whether by gender, by history, or by people in this specific life. How can we facilitate the resolving, or healing, of whatever it is that’s reactive to the abuse, and/or is in a position to abuse?

What I see in your imagery is that you’re drawing closer to this resolution, in terms of a historical depth within you – to the vibrational level where it sits. In my dream, the way this opens up for me is that I have to start out, symbolically, in a state or a space that then travels backward in time to where the vibration, which is unfamiliar to me, is located. That location is at some point in my history.

In the dream I’m asked to participate directly in the operation of a casino. I have some sort of bond with this place and I’m naturally invited into its power structure.  

To begin with, what I experience comes naturally. I keep gravitating more and more to the core of the operation, getting involved in the functioning of what really makes the casino tick.  

Each phase of my progress triggers memories of having been there, and having done this work, before. Eventually, though, I reach a point where I’m seen as the problem – by the average person who comes to the casino to enjoy it – and a deep anger is vented toward me.

It’s as if I’m a ruler who hasn’t done right by his people: they’ve had it and it’s time for a change. Those who operate the casino bring me right into the epicenter of the hostility. They’re very calm about it; it all comes down on me.  

I’m in a quandary because I don’t know what I did to cause such an upheaval and negative reaction. All I was doing was aspiring to a greater depth of familiarity with the casino until, in the final image, the average person sees me as the person who’s abused his authority to such a degree that I have to be replaced.  

What I find interesting is that this was an inner adventure where I kept going further and further into the depth of me. At first, it was easy and exciting, and I was progressing very quickly. I felt as if I belonged there and was meant to reach this point within myself. But then I triggered this outer reaction.

All those involved in the management of the casino were eager for me to take the position of authority. They stepped aside and the problem was mine alone, even though this problem was hidden, or dormant, until I reached this deep inner place.

This reminds me of having done something very direct and controlling (a misuse of power), that I now find deep within me a place that’s desperately in need of redemption. It’s from this deep-seated inner background that I carry the memory of the way conditions unfolded. I’m picking up on this vibration from my past. If the dream is indicative of just this vibration, then I’m to contend with the rift that was created – or the rift will contend with me.

In the dream, I reach this inner place, as if I were transported very quickly back in time to a vibration that carries a conditioned heaviness. I don’t know why the reaction feels so catatonic, but it seems to have something to do with me.

This dream is drawing me closer to this vibration, a place where confusion, pandemonium, the epitome of a breakdown in reaction dominates. In doing so I’m confronted with having to sort this out.

Just the feeling of the reactive vibration, even though I don’t have any facts about how this came to be, is a start. It would seem that the inner powers-that-be have come together, through me, to reach this point. They are entrusting me with the responsibility to sort this out or face the consequences.

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John: Right at awakening I had one of those dreams that was similar to your dream (see Subtle Effects), in which there’s a small internal hiccup that I know I have – and I feel okay with it – almost as if I think I have to leave it hanging out there just to see what happens. It does cause some stress to have this little aspect, but I must carry some type of righteousness in my nature that makes me feel I need to keep this little part intact.

It was a lucid dream. I was convinced that it was actually happening, and when I did wake up it left me feeling estranged energetically – I was lost and discombobulated. The imagery was pointing out how (as in your dream), this little energetic that until now I’ve been okay with and just let be, now I need to hone in on that.

What’s interesting about this little energetic is that first of all I have to be careful because I always go to extremes when I see something come slipping in. It’s meant to get my attention, whereas before it was something that was just “in the wind,” so to speak. I never really gave it a second thought.

Often times with little energetics like this it’s just something that one needs to take into account and then the change happens because of that inner acknowledgement. This becomes a type of forgiveness that a person can do for themselves, and which goes back and eliminates the hiccup. This touch of forgiveness relieves something in relationship to the inner impediment that caused the energetic to exist, possibly formed as far back as the way one was brought up, or the way a person reacts to the circumstances of their life. It appears as a type of herky-jerky defense mechanism.

This is a softer way of looking at it as opposed to taking it so literally that you mess your self up further. The reason I say that is because it’s the little nuances we’re looking at, and when we take them out of the equation, we’re exposing ourselves to more light. And, therefore, potentially subjecting ourselves to more collateral damage because the more light we take on, the more responsibility we take on. If we’re not able to take on the light with the responsibility, it can create even more issues for us to deal with.

Some part of us knows that it works this way and, as a consequence, when we’re hit with something that we suddenly don’t like, or feel bad about, we suddenly get it and it’s like, “Oh my gosh! Why didn’t we see this before?”

Well, we did see it, but we didn’t quite take it fully into account or take it into our awareness, which leaves us with a woeful feeling. If we then take that woe to an extreme, we can end up being burned in the light instead of listening and holding onto the greater enfoldment awakening inside.

In other words, we don’t let that little hiccup cause us to go off the deep end in terms of the bigger picture. We need to recognize it as a correction. The nature of light is that it can clean off the coarser aspects of reality in the outer, yet it can also cause us to burn if it’s too much too soon.

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