On the Grid

John: In my dream there is a grid of energetic squares that extend outward, into life. I can’t move in any direction without landing on some aspect of life that unfolds in terms of its visual outplay.

Each of these grids carries an aliveness, or pattern, or reflection that exists in outer life. That aliveness is awakened when that part of the grid is touched. I’m moving in various patterns around the grid and part of me believes that I’m eventually going to find the center, or something that feels vibrationally like the center.

Various scenarios play out based upon how I carry myself inside. It’s not the part of the grid I land on that matters, but what I feel about it. So I see myself moving at random, because this is how human beings are – we are moved, as a flow, in accordance with how we carry ourselves as an energetic being.

Therefore life treats us according to our energetic signature, and that is based on what we think about, what we do, and why we do what we do. As I move from grid to grid, I’m suddenly aware that I’m unable to be at ease in a way that seems to be important. 

Again, I see myself go from one format to another and each time my attention is on how I feel about what takes place; the outer circumstances are unimportant in this dream. At least for me; for everybody else, the specific circumstances are important. 

To me, the outer circumstances could be anything, but if I don’t carry the heartfulness, I don’t actually care what is happening. The only aspect that matters is, “Where is the note that I’m meant to be able to experience?”

This is what I wrote up in the morning: “This dream is sharing the idea that we create the world we are in to be in accordance with the note we feel inside. If we are unable to shake a particular mood, attitude, or vibration, it doesn’t matter how the outer conditions unfold. The vibrational mannerism will still predominate.”

So my attention is on my inability to break through the prevailing vibration that I feel inside. I draw in my higher self, which in my consciousness relates to a particular vibration. That’s where my attention is, no matter where I land on the grid of life. I know the outer variables will change if I’m able to change my inner awareness – if I can find that note and hold it.

The karma of the outer life will unfold in accordance with an inner note. That’s why some people seem to carry a quality that keeps them from having to experience life lessons that others are destined to go through. Such individuals have a soul that has already made that journey.

However they made it, they no longer dwell in it, or shape that reality upon themselves as an outer condition. They may find themselves in such a scenario, wherein others need to experience something over and over again, but they don’t have to be affected by it or pay that price of admission themselves anymore.

Such souls can carry a note that vibrates above whatever is unfolding in the octaves of all the variables of life that others bounce around in.

What would trigger a dream like this? Yesterday, for me, events pulled me into a particular energetic and I couldn’t get myself out of it. Therefore it pulled everything else down in terms of what could happen because there was, as I would call it, a type of neurosis or something that kept cycling around and I could not stop it.

At the same time, as you noted yesterday (see Protective Bubble), Las Vegas itself carries some particular energy that we have to keep our eyes on because it predominates out here. That doesn’t mean it has to control or affect us, but if we don’t hold the proper note inside, then we could suffer unnecessarily and, in that suffering, miss out on the bigger picture that is accessible for us to experience as a greater consciousness.

Holding the Note

John: And so, as we discussed yesterday, you are trying to break through this amnesia state because you know that this is what makes everything come alive again. So you see yourself as this model, or this particular type, and you have to take it to the next step wherein everything that you flow into, and everything that you touch in life, is all part of you being a model – this quality is recognized energetically, rather than outwardly. In other words, you relate to the realms within you no matter what banality is occurring in the outer.

Now, for some peculiar reason there is a bit of an embarrassment in you about this (you don’t want to be recognized). This sense of embarrassment has to do with a leftover understanding of what the environment you are in (the parlor full of ladies) is looking for. In other words, that collective consciousness carries a projected world-view. So you, in being the model, feel that you have to accommodate that since that is what is expected of you.

The question then becomes, what if you actually saw everything happening around you as an aspect of the vibration that you are carrying inside, and that there really isn’t any difference? There is only difference when you buy into what someone, or something, else is trying to say or to project.

Do you quibble with that? No. The group is putting something out there as a new linkage, as part of the vibration you have inside. And, can you pull that out and experience that for yourself?

This scenario doesn’t mean to show that you can necessarily do that for them. It would be nice if you could, but this isn’t an us-or-them situation. It’s an image where everything that is taking place is describing a back-and-forth (inner and outer) of the heartfullness you are feeling. It is this heartfullness that elevates you from having your energy slowly drained away from you by the day-to-day events that just accumulate and come at you from every direction.

When you can actually turn your attention and see yourself as being the model in everything that happens, and no longer have to accommodate and orchestrate your life to keep with the thought patterns and cultural mannerisms that are projected, that’s when you are able to maintain your energy and not be drained by the world around you.

In other words, now your experience has a one-to-one correspondence with things that are happening around you; without that correspondence, you cannot go through. This inner change is what shifts you through the “middle” area that absorbs the light. And so you are being shown in your dream how hard it is to be the model. In other words, you have to be able to be the model in spite of how others see you, and how that causes you to see yourself.

And, of course, the way you (personally) are inclined to see yourself means you have to go into a kind of hiddeness. Now if you are able to hold the inner note of the model, and have such a focus that it becomes how everyone else sees you, you will have sustained it, you will have brought it through as a vibration. That is how an energetic (the light) inside of us gets effused into life; otherwise it gets dissipated, or drained away.

If, little by little, you accommodate every situation and circumstance by moving from where you are to what they are energetically projecting, your light is diminished. The others in the dream are not fully recognizing that they have to carry this vibration as a constant inside of themselves.

That is why there are these lessons. That is why, in Sufi practices, there is the zikir (the repeated prayer), because through constant repetition you become able to maintain this note in you. The goal is to hold the note in you while you are in life and relating to everything else. When it embeds itself in you, everything you do in life is touched by it.

The lesson behind this is how you lift yourself from the dark hole and into the fifth level of the heart. The dark hole feels to you as a sadness that you carry. Where does this sadness come from? It is coming from the dark hole of disconnection. So what you dreamt was almost a relief from that, showing you, and asking you, “Can you be the model? Can you hold the note that is the model?”

As an example, if you imagine that your balance comes from things (people) outside yourself, doing this or saying that, you will never find a balanced point (note). You will find yourself instead getting dryer and dryer, duller and duller, more and more frustrated, emptier and emptier, and even crackable (fragile) as a consequence. You will be drained by the bit that is always missing, as opposed to you sustaining that bit yourself.

This is said to be an easier part of the process for the feminine to actually get because the feminine has this way of knowing that its ticket is to love everything in spite of the way it is. This is the nature of the mother who still cannot disown her little Johnny even when he has completely messed up. The feminine knows that this is how it is to be done.

Listening to the Note

Yesterday we opened up a dream that showed how we often have an inclination to create separations, between other people and ourselves, and ourselves and the world. This tendency can also separate us from ourselves.

John: What happens is that part of our nature feels the need to create a separation, or establish a pattern that feels familiar or somehow more manageable. It’s a quality of the masculine energy that believes this action is making something better, but it often cuts off a certain spontaneity and vitality. It can be very subtle, yet it is a kind of collateral damage.

It reminds of that movie about Edith Piaf, La Vie en Rose. When she first started out she had such a natural talent that it was actually a surprise to her, and she just lived it as a surprise. This quality was tremendous inside of her, and it had to be teased out, as if she knew how tremendous it was. When she was later carried along by events, she began to screen things out from her life that she thought were interferences, or obstructions, to her process. And as she did that, she choked some of the life out of her art, and of herself.

So one has to be careful. There are many examples of how this has happened in a spiritual journey, even in the stories of saints, who can have periods of time in which incredible things happen, and then periods of time when things go dormant. Something happens that interrupts the catalytic process. It may last for years, then all of a sudden they overcome it and they are back to being natural and how they need to be.

So this inner process that wants things to occur in a particular way, is a process that, little by little, creates separation. And it will even justify this separation by putting it in the guise of a person’s specialness, which appeals to a certain vanity in us. But when you succumb to this urging you can slowly kill the magic and not even know it. This may defy common sense in a way, because you’re inclined to think that when you hear the “magical note,” that you drop everything else and put your focus and attention strictly on the magical note. But if you do that you screen out everything else that made it possible to hear the note.

You do not take and refine it, per se. I have seen this refinement mannerism before, and it always seems at the beginning like a good idea. When you finally see what the treasure is, you zoom in on it and start eliminating everything else, thinking you will achieve it sooner. But instead, the exact opposite happens – you choke off the catalytic flow.

What you are actually doing is trying to control that process of unfolding, and it’s a mannerism of the brain/ego. But if you stop and look at how something unfolds, you realize that there are no accidents, and there is a natural synchronicity and reason for everything that occurs. And if you listen really closely, you can actually understand how what is unfolding adds a note to things. And this note, if you are really quiet with it, has an inclusiveness to it, and that can enable you to penetrate the separation of things.

We suffer from this belief that everything in a spiritual journey follows according to a gradual letting go, where things gets better and better. It doesn’t unfold that way. It unfolds in waves, by reaching crescendos or crises that require a person to make a breakthrough. Then we leave something behind, and enter a new wave.

This is an interesting lesson for you to have in a dream, to recognize and experience a quality in yourself that knows deep down how to let go and let the overallness work. There is an unfoldment that is even more inclusive – that fits more naturally with life – than one can possibly grasp. Much more than a brain can grasp.

But of course, you have to be very careful because there are things that are distractions. So how do you have the discernment to know which is which? That comes from having a listening center, where you can hear the quality of a note and recognize it as part of the process. If you do not respond to that, you are already creating a separation from what is possible in you.