Letting Go of Expectations

earthy-spirals-fractal-This imagery shows us the relevance of a dream to both real outer events and universal truths. As humans, we often think that things are solved by doing – we must always be doing more to feel satisfied. Yet that can get in the way of our ability to feel and experience in the outer world, and it can prevent us from our connection to the Whole in universal terms. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: Even though I dreamt last night, I’m still having trouble pulling it out. The only thing I remember is the last part of the last dream. 

In that dream my father’s down here with us, and I’ve gone somewhere, maybe to a doctor’s appointment that’s about an hour away – and he’s with me. And when I come out of the appointment I went to and get in the car, suddenly dad wants to go visit my nephew in L.A. And I start getting upset about that because it seems too far to drive to L.A., plus to have to drive an hour home.

And I don’t have my stuff with me and everything, so I’m really starting to fuss about it. And then I look at my dad and I see that, in some ways, this is just all a joke to him. Anyway, that was when I woke up.

John: What we’re being questioned and challenged about, in some inner way, and I guess we’re lucky that this can happen, it’s as if we see something at a depth inside, at a touching of the heart inside, that we’re catching on to the gig of our doingness.

You would never catch on and you’d continue to keep following a checklist, and doing this and doing that, and going through these patterns and habituations. You actually believed that there was value, true value, in doing something like that – but after a while that just becomes a nausea.

In fact, you can step back and you can look at people and realize that almost wherever you look people’s lives come to an end after having gone through a whole consequence of notionalities and mannerisms for a whole lifetime.

And so you’re using your father to symbolize something of a greater Whole, and you’re using a certain heartfulness that your father carries because he reflects the patriarchal overallness of his nature that is a deep honor and actual inner divinity, symbolically speaking.

And looking in that particular direction, it is easy to think that you have something more to do, as if something more is expected of you, as if there is something in the surroundings in the environment of the outer that is expected of you.

And it’s like, as you experience more and more of a kind of closeness, you think that you need to do things like a kind of responsibility or something, like paying dues for what has occurred – as if it’s doing a type of service. Because part of all of this that is going on, of which your father is a link, because your father again represents a type of divine overallness of being, coming through as a particular being, you find yourself trying to serve that particular being instead of the Whole.

What’s meant to happen is, if you’re really experiencing something at a depth inside of yourself that connects through the teacher, or the tradition, or the lineage, or however you would say that, if you’re truly experiencing this, then you come to know, just like your dad laughs and jokes at you, that deep down he really doesn’t want to do this or that.

He just wants the overall expression of something that resonates and feels wonderful as a Wholeness, as an emptiness, as a letting go. He just wants that to resonate. He just wants that to be pervasive, but he’ll go along with whatever it is that you’re inclined to do, until you catch up with the fact that it isn’t what you set up and determine to do that is real.

It is the degree to which you hold a mutual oneness space between you. And so somehow you know this because in your dialogue with your dad you come to the recognition that as soon as you quit this notion of having to do this or that, in order to be at peace about something, that you will find that everything, everything sits in this letting-go state, in a Wholeness way, which permeates outside of mannerisms or characteristics of one’s design.

Which leads me to think you know like if you have your dad come down here, what he is reflecting as a part of him is clearly somewhere else in his depth of being. You’re doing a service by compelling him to have to go to hither and to thither and to see this and to see that.

Instead, your dad is better suited if he is able to kind of just go around feeling things. It’s kind of an illusion to think that when you bounce from here to there to there to there that you’re actually having experiences, or feeling things.

The notionality that more needs to happen interferes, and everyone buys into that, and as a consequence that sense of an appreciation of something in a state of Wholeness, in a state of rest, in a state of an emptiness, gets compromised, and the idea of this or that needing to happen comes into the equation.

It’s this expectation stuff that estranges things, because there’s something about tweaking an expectation that creates a giggle or a wrinkle, and a looking forward to things, that we seem to have to have. We haven’t yet learned how to just sit in a place of peace inside of ourself and be completely full there.

And until we do that, we continue to project and throw ourself around in manifestation in a way that undermines or compromises that space, which is the only real space, and the only real note, and the only real way of being, and is the fullness of breath. It’s not just an out-breath only having to scope about. It’s the in-breath that’s also able to sit in the peace or bliss of itself.

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Full of Myself

John: My dream dealt with similar themes as yours (see The Dance of Life), but instead of it being a literal dream, it was more a repetition of images that had a simplistic nature about them.

The simple images were ones that felt controllable in terms of how I would like to see them unfold, yet at the same time they felt incomplete. I was always getting a barrage of images that had more going on in them – they were multidimensional – and they kept me off balance.

The simple images had to do with my personal well being, and making choices; they felt good. The more complex ones led to a greater outcome – they actually took into account the past, present, and future of Creation all at the same time. They are more about the core of things than the details of things.

What I’m saying is that if I’m allowed to shape the outcome (of the simple images) so that they make sense to me, in order to keep from confusing and complicating my life, that’s when I fail to appreciate the fullness of existence, and I remain unaware of what is unfolding.

Said another way, I’m only looking at what I want to look at, instead of seeing all that is going on. I’m not allowing other aspects to have their importance. I’m trying to steer things according to what I want and think feels right.

The more complex images have all kinds of possibilities going on simultaneously. I haven’t filtered them by my personal choices. These images have complexity and combinations that aren’t defining or screening things out – they take everything into account and portray life more as it actually is.

So the images that portray what I want to believe or see are personally chosen by me, and are limited by the veils of my own defense mechanisms. Those veils allow me to feel safer, more protected, less confused, and more at ease with everything, but I’m giving up the big picture. In doing so, I lose the ability to function on other levels, i.e., I’m not able to see the signs of God (so to speak) that provide me with information about these other levels and the whole, simultaneously.

If I limit myself to my own perspective, it’s like drinking my own Kool-Aid – I’ll never really know what’s going on. It’s drinking from a cup that’s full of myself. To expand out of myself, and to access these other levels, is to accept the flow in all of life, a flow that leads to a greater perception of the whole.

A human being isn’t able to know what’s going on when they’re caught in personal perspectives, because those perspectives are just images that we shape to fit our expectations – they stifle the natural processes of life.

Our veils can only be removed when we accept everything in life. The world is like a great painting – the surface may seem flat, yet there is a much larger experience available to us when we explore the hidden depths within.

When we only see what we want to see, we deafen ourselves to the call of the greater process in which we exist. We foolishly do this because we don’t have a real understanding of our wholeness. If we did, we could push right through the veils and begin to drop the defense mechanisms and personal barriers that we think are so important.

This was a hard dream to write up.

Playing it Safe

John: So from your dream yesterday, and now into mine, the ongoing theme is about developing oneself to adjust according to what is unfolding (for yesterday’s discussion, see Another Dimension). That’s very different to the way most of us behave, because we are accustomed to always being headstrong and coming at life in a way that we imagine it’s supposed to be. That headstrong, ego-based approach is, of course, due to our cultural conditioning, i.e., personal experience, education, family life, and social norms.

My dream starts off with me having to contend a bit with my conditioning. The feeling I have is that I’m in a scenario that is far more than I’m used to experiencing. This is pushing my senses to an extreme, which is out of character in terms of how I normally see myself. There is a feeling in the dream that everything is over the top. In other words, my defense mechanisms actually make me think that I know what’s going on.   

The problem, however, is that how things are “supposed” to be, in the living organism of this universe, is actually dictated according to the flow. I am (we are all) more hardwired into this flow than I (we) care to realize. I’ve forgotten it because I have held onto my internal buffers.

These buffers are, of course, defense mechanisms, and without them I have to contend with the aliveness of life more directly. In the dream I saw that as so outrageous that it was unnerving. So it made me feel disoriented.

In the next dream a question was raised regarding what is to going happen. Someone asks the question in relationship to something in the outer: they ask, “Is the stock market going to go up or down?”

It’s like they’re taking a poll to see how different people react. Those who feel more defensive think the stock market is scary and could easily come crashing down. In other words, they fear they will get hurt.

I break through the issue by saying it’s going to go up. There are a whole group of people standing around (including your dad) who agree. But rather than just leaving it as a matter of opinion, it’s important to understand why it’s is going to go up, so I say that it’s determined by one thing: either the money supply – the supply of currency – is going to increase, which is inflationary, and will send the market up, or it’s going to decrease, which is deflationary, in which case the market is going to go down.

So what are these dreams really about? In both sets of images I’m examining how things are meant to unfold. To see things from that vantage point is to get away from personal involvement or personal opinion. I’m being shown that the safest path is to let go of feeling separate from it all, and instead get into the aliveness of the flow and see where it leads.

Of course aliveness here means everything that’s alive – taking into account all that exists – and of course separating out my personal desires, hopes, or hidden agendas, because those only serve to separate me from the flow and cause a hurt to my heart. Humans can’t steer the flow, they must go with it – they must be aligned to what it is doing.

When I try to contend with things separate from the flow of life, that’s when I hurt the heart. And of course when others try to do the same, they will hurt my heart as well. It may seem like human nature to try to direct things away from struggle and hurt – to always try to make things “safe,” but it’s more natural, and in keeping with the aliveness of everything in life, to be in tune with the rhythm. In so doing something from within can then be revealed.

In other words, something is trying to rise up, which means that there’s something hidden that is touching the veils that keep reality hidden from us. To develop, or utilize, the coping devices we have adopted is to hide behind the veil. In so doing, neither our process, nor the process of the universe works very well.

Perhaps another way of saying the same thing is that people try and create an environment that suits their self-image. That act is in contradiction to the flow, and actually causes a contraction in the heart. Anything that veers away from the inner flow of the whole leads to suffering; the inner flow of the whole comes down and touches us from above. Then our light awakens within the greater light and it’s able to rise back up.

The challenge is to take in everything without expectation or judgment, and to be able to flow with that. That puts us closer to the heart of the world and enables us to follow the will of the Creator at play.

The will of the Creator is behind everything in Creation. Access to this flow is not possible when we deceive ourselves in terms of what is really happening.