Inner Banquet

We have to love the creativity of our unconscious, always creating images that tell us a story about ourselves – some more obvious than others – drawn from the pages of our experience. Here we begin with someone clinging to the dreamer’s back, wasting no time with abstractions. Then we progress the story in the next image where two parts of the dreamer are in line to get into a great feast. One part of the dreamer understands what is required for entry and drops the aspects that will prevent him. But, of course, the dreamer needs both parts of himself to attend, so there may still be work to be done. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So when I go to bed and come to sleep, the first image I have is that there’s a person on my back. And I’m kind of on a motorcycle, and I’m trying to get away from a situation that’s awkward. And so I’m just driving away as fast as possible getting out of the scenario. 

And I’m actually kind of shocked and surprised, but it’s not like I’m ducking and dodging and weaving. Those forces were pretty stirred up, you would have thought that someone would have thrown something, or shot, or whatever, and could have at least hit the passenger I’m carrying on my back. But they didn’t, and I seem to have gotten away. 

And then in another image, a person hands me a knife they are carrying. In other words, what had happened is there was this big line, and it was a line to get into this building or this place. And, inside there, there was wonderful food to eat. 

But in order to get inside, you apparently had to go through a bit of security. And so this guy knows better, and so I’m standing in line with him, and suddenly he reaches in his pocket, as if I’m somehow or another a person he has to account to, and he hands over a knife he has so that he can go inside of the building. In other words, he fesses up, or otherwise there’s a security or a barrier that would have turned him around. But he lets go voluntarily, and, in doing so, is able to go inside and partake of a wonderful feed therein. 

So the meaning of this is, these are dreams about letting go and being able to go where I haven’t been able to go before. The theme of the meditation dream has to do with a new way of being that had not been known to exist, at least for me, until now. One had obstacles, or something stood in the way in terms of concepts or who knows what. 

And in this dream, the first image there is a barrier, basically, that I carry, that holds me back, or should hold me back. But in the dream, I, somehow or another, I’m aware of this enough that I’m able to take a step, a step such that, in the final image, I voluntarily and joyously – I mean, it was amazing. I mean this knife is in his pocket and it’s personal and whatnot, but he reaches in and hands this knife over to me almost as if it’s an afterthought. He’s glad to hand it to me. I didn’t ask him for the knife, he just voluntarily and joyously gives it up.

And what he’s doing is he’s giving up that which had been, or, because he is me, I’m giving up that which has been keeping me from going into an inner banquet hall where there is a whole dimension of things to be taken in wondrously. So what I’m being shown is that a breakthrough is imminent. That is the sense, anyway, that I have upon an energetic level of my beingness at this time.

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Something Has to Go

arnWhen no one is listening to us, what do we do? Often, we raise our voice to be heard. Or we make our text ALL CAPS. Well, our systems can feel the same way in their conversation with us, on the inside, through our dreams. That’s when we get jarring or unsettling images that can throw us off for the whole day when we wake up. In this example, there is a murderer, and then the killing of a murderer. But we are all the characters in our dreams, so the image is an expression of a deep fear or resistance to what needs to occur. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I didn’t seem to like my dream last night, I only remember one of them. In that dream, I’m living in a house, and there’s someone that’s going around town murdering people. And I’m trying to find, or capture, that person.

And I’ll go out, and I’ll be looking at people and following them, and then coming back. And people come to the house, and I’ll be looking at them. And, at one point, I have three people sitting in a room with me, I think it’s three men, one person I know from high school, I forget who the other two are. And I become convinced that’s it’s one of them.

And I know that the characteristic of this person who’s killing people is that he’s compulsive, because he’s killed successive people. And, anytime anybody comes through, it’s like I’m looking at them, I’m examining them. I’m trying to figure out where they were and what they’ve done. And everyone does kind of keep moving. So it’s hard for me to get a sense of them.

At one point, I have to leave these three people I have in the house where I’ve kind of narrowed it down, I think it’s one of them, and I ask some friends to watch them, and describe that I think that whoever it is will be compulsive.

Well, when I come back to the house, they’ve captured the person that was murdering everybody. I even thought it might be one of the ministers, but it ends up being a woman. So I have two of my women friends holding on to her until I can get back into the house. But as I come into the room, they take some kind of a cylinder and push it into her arm, cutting the arteries, so she’ll die. And I’m like shocked that they did that. And maybe they just thought that would stop her killing anyone else, but I’m shocked at it. So that was the dream.

John: The dream was triggered by the fact of an energetic inside, or a kind of awakening, or awareness quality, that you’re moving towards inside, in which the idea is one of letting go of everything.

So the idea of letting go of everything is scary because it triggers the impression of a kind of death. And so you’re trying to figure out how to observe all of this, how it is that you can take and observe, or notice, what is changing. Because this whole schematic of a type of death is a schematic in which a quality where you’re used to trying to make something meaningful – you can’t quite do anymore. And so it’s like the flip side of that, is that something is killing you.

It’s a peculiar sensation. The first time I had the sensation like that is I actually had something physically wrong with me. And, of course, I carried the sensation in terms of waking up and there being like an emptiness, where there was nothing alive, which meant that there was something dying.

That isn’t what you’re doing, what you’re doing is you’re carrying this sensation of something like this, because there’s a sense of a stillness, or a quietness where you let everything go. And that has an impression of death. So the oddity of this thing is, no matter how you look at this, it still looks like something has to go. And there’s always something that has to be let go of.

And so, in terms of your view of the overall world, that’s like something is dying, only you’re dying in terms of the way you’re caught, or held, or tied up in terms of the world. It’s a scattering sensation. You feel scattered, you feel discombobulated, when you have a dream like this. You feel like you can’t trust your sensibilities, even, when you have a dream like this. You feel like you’re overwhelmed, and it’s because you’re coming dangerously close to something in which there isn’t the aliveness that kind of keeps things going.

You carry something like this to the farthest degree, it’s almost as if the stillness goes back to the Demiurge, which is supposedly a vibration that came and ultimately out of that is the evolution of the species. And first there was just the Demiurge, and then came something as embodied as life; as human existence. It’s almost as if that’s where something like that is going; in other words, where it’s going, how it’s going, what you’re scoping to find, how it’s to be, is still like a mystery because it involves having to let go or sort something out.

And the attempt to do so causes these images that are kind of terrorizing, because it’s easier to keep something quickened in one’s nature, than to adopt a state that is more empty, because that is scary to the sense of oneself, that holds on to this quickening, that’s like an aliveness or vibration. It’s scary.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Something Has to Go

A Cycle of Learning

break of wallDoesn’t it always seem the biggest hurdles lie before us just before we make the biggest breakthroughs? On an inner level, that can be because we have traveled the path of least resistance, letting go of what we find easier to face first. So then, when we are ready to move on, the last hurdle is what we have been most hesitant to face. It’s a normal part of any process where we need to grow in ourselves to accomplish something. This dream shows this scenario in very stark terms. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: Well my last dream was so loud I lost some of my earlier dreams. In the last dream I’m like a young girl in high school. I’m a senior; it’s near the very end of the school year.

And, for some reason, I haven’t gone to school that morning. I’m at home. I’m downstairs and my mother’s gotten a new little couch, it’s almost like a love-seat size that she wanted for a dance room in the house. And so she’s kind of put it against one wall, and then she’s moved some other chairs out in front of it so that you kind of create a room inside of a room.

And I’m looking at that and wondering in a way why she got that one because I knew there was another couch that would’ve worked better, that was going to be available, that would’ve pulled out into a bed if she wanted a dance studio room – but she got that one.

I’m feeling some tension, and I go upstairs, and there’s like a wide open room upstairs with light coming in, and there’s two beds in it. And I have a younger brother who’s like a toddler, who’s in the other bed, and I seem to just be resting. I go over to the bed nearest the door and I’m just resting for a few minutes there with my boyfriend. It’s like I’m wondering, in a sense, why I’m there, but I can feel this tension.

When this man who’s my father in the dream comes upstairs, that’s when I feel all this tension that I’d been feeling in the dream. And he goes over to the bed and he starts to molest my brother, who’s just this toddler, and suddenly I’ve had enough. I realize his status kind of held the whole house captive, had everybody in fear.

So this time I go over and I make him stop, and I slap him really hard, and grab my brother. It’s like I’ve kind of had enough of whatever was going on in the household. And then I must have gone to the police after that. I don’t see that, but I see myself a day or so later being at school, and kids at school were wearing the same colored outfit in support of me because it’s like the case is being heard in court that day.

My attorney was down at court, I guess so my dad gets prosecuted. And I’m waiting for the attorney to come and tell me how court went. And I’m realizing it didn’t matter that much that I had missed school that day because I was a senior, and it was close to the end of the year, and that was all I remember of the dreaming.

John: It’s an interesting scenario you’re presented with, in that you’re coming to an awareness in an overall environment that you’re in, meaning that something has been opening up and maturing as a process, that has gotten you to a point where you’re basically on the verge and ready to be able to very shortly go out on your own.

And that there’s very little left yet for you to have to study or do, in other words, you’re at the very end of more or less a cycle of learning, from which you’ll then be able to be independent and on your own.

But you’re not quite independent, and there is still something that is still holding you back, kind of a mannerism in your environment – in your family – something that hasn’t been dealt with, that needs to be contended with before you can come into your own. And it has to do with an aspect in which you are abusing, and doing, something that is damaging to your process of unfoldment.

And, of course, this is a part of a process in which something needs to have been caught up with, contended with. I mean it has the appearance of something that’s pretty dense, and really quite out of place, especially in comparison to the fact that you’re ready to graduate and go out on your own.

And yet there’s still this very backwards thing that exists, that holds something back a lot from being able to have a strength to be on its own, keeps it repressed from being able to come out and be free. Something that you were able to kind of ignore, or go through, and get to the point where you got to, but now that you’ve gotten to this point, you have to break that spell, as well, as kind of a last thing before you can actually fulfill the last little tidbit of your education that has you being free, graduating out on your own very shortly.

And, to do so, you have to take a stand, and that stand is not a type of position that is easy to take because it requires you to go up against your family, to a certain degree, in order to cause it to be more responsible, in order to get it to drop a way of being, a waywardness that is destructive.

All of this is actually part of your process. In other words, you can miss school, the last days of school, you can miss some of those last days of school in order to do this, plus the whole process of your schooling is something that involves not just you, but it involves the whole evolutionary class which is there to support this breakthrough process, which is a process that is a breakthrough for everyone.

Interesting huh? So the question is, what in the heck are you talking about as the breakthrough process? I mean the dream doesn’t say what it is. The dream doesn’t indicate in what regard or way you’re emerging in terms of a newfound inner-to-outer freedom, because it’s an outer freedom in that you’re going to be graduated and free. It’s an inner awakening that causes you to contend with something that needs to now be contended with. And it is something that affects the whole, because that process that you’re involved in all gets involved in its support of you making this threshold breakthrough.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: A Cycle of Learning