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Posts Tagged ‘personal growth’

John: So from your dream yesterday, and now into mine, the ongoing theme is about developing oneself to adjust according to what is unfolding (for yesterday’s discussion, see Another Dimension). That’s very different to the way most of us behave, because we are accustomed to always being headstrong and coming at life in a way that we imagine it’s supposed to be. That headstrong, ego-based approach is, of course, due to our cultural conditioning, i.e., personal experience, education, family life, and social norms.

My dream starts off with me having to contend a bit with my conditioning. The feeling I have is that I’m in a scenario that is far more than I’m used to experiencing. This is pushing my senses to an extreme, which is out of character in terms of how I normally see myself. There is a feeling in the dream that everything is over the top. In other words, my defense mechanisms actually make me think that I know what’s going on.   

The problem, however, is that how things are “supposed” to be, in the living organism of this universe, is actually dictated according to the flow. I am (we are all) more hardwired into this flow than I (we) care to realize. I’ve forgotten it because I have held onto my internal buffers.

These buffers are, of course, defense mechanisms, and without them I have to contend with the aliveness of life more directly. In the dream I saw that as so outrageous that it was unnerving. So it made me feel disoriented.

In the next dream a question was raised regarding what is to going happen. Someone asks the question in relationship to something in the outer: they ask, “Is the stock market going to go up or down?”

It’s like they’re taking a poll to see how different people react. Those who feel more defensive think the stock market is scary and could easily come crashing down. In other words, they fear they will get hurt.

I break through the issue by saying it’s going to go up. There are a whole group of people standing around (including your dad) who agree. But rather than just leaving it as a matter of opinion, it’s important to understand why it’s is going to go up, so I say that it’s determined by one thing: either the money supply – the supply of currency – is going to increase, which is inflationary, and will send the market up, or it’s going to decrease, which is deflationary, in which case the market is going to go down.

So what are these dreams really about? In both sets of images I’m examining how things are meant to unfold. To see things from that vantage point is to get away from personal involvement or personal opinion. I’m being shown that the safest path is to let go of feeling separate from it all, and instead get into the aliveness of the flow and see where it leads.

Of course aliveness here means everything that’s alive – taking into account all that exists – and of course separating out my personal desires, hopes, or hidden agendas, because those only serve to separate me from the flow and cause a hurt to my heart. Humans can’t steer the flow, they must go with it – they must be aligned to what it is doing.

When I try to contend with things separate from the flow of life, that’s when I hurt the heart. And of course when others try to do the same, they will hurt my heart as well. It may seem like human nature to try to direct things away from struggle and hurt – to always try to make things “safe,” but it’s more natural, and in keeping with the aliveness of everything in life, to be in tune with the rhythm. In so doing something from within can then be revealed.

In other words, something is trying to rise up, which means that there’s something hidden that is touching the veils that keep reality hidden from us. To develop, or utilize, the coping devices we have adopted is to hide behind the veil. In so doing, neither our process, nor the process of the universe works very well.

Perhaps another way of saying the same thing is that people try and create an environment that suits their self-image. That act is in contradiction to the flow, and actually causes a contraction in the heart. Anything that veers away from the inner flow of the whole leads to suffering; the inner flow of the whole comes down and touches us from above. Then our light awakens within the greater light and it’s able to rise back up.

The challenge is to take in everything without expectation or judgment, and to be able to flow with that. That puts us closer to the heart of the world and enables us to follow the will of the Creator at play.

The will of the Creator is behind everything in Creation. Access to this flow is not possible when we deceive ourselves in terms of what is really happening.

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John: In my dream, I notice that when I introduce something into the scene that I can’t alter, or can’t flow with, I literally start to sweat in my sleep. In fact, there was a whole part of this dream that I can’t remember the details of, but I can feel that I was actually flowing somewhere. When I woke up, however, the part that stood out was the fact that I was sweating from it.

What I conclude from this is that as long as I’m with the flow, or maintain the flow, I’m okay. But as soon as something obstructs it, or if I continue on as if nothing has changed, denying it, that’s when I break out into a sweat. I’m having a physical reaction to the dream.

There were times during the dream that I could see that I had a lot before me – as if I was in a huge space full of things. Yet it seemed that I was able to handle it all in a natural way. I wasn’t necessarily identifying what I was coming in contact with, I was just there with it.

What I noticed then, was that the degree to which I isolated out something from the flow, that would become the problem. It’s not unlike what we saw in your dream, where you were in a huge warehouse and basically were stopped by the first item you focused on – it prevented you from getting any further.

So it’s similar for me here – I’m able to handle everything until I begin to isolate, or separate, pieces out from the whole. As soon as I do, whatever it is becomes fixed in its nature. That fixing causes me to be unable to flow with it, and feeling the stress of that blockage causes me to physically sweat.

So I find myself catapulted from a crowded, flowing space, into a vast emptiness with one particular, immovable, thing. It’s like a contamination, or something that still needs to be worked out. It causes a disturbance in me, and because I’m unable to get it to shift, or move, it causes stress.

In other words, I’m left to cope with the fact that I have no answer in terms of how to deal with this particular problem. At times I try to shift it. Other times I treat it as irrelevant in terms of the overall, expecting it to simply go away on its own. But nothing works.

My inability to resolve this causes a breakdown within; the outer manifestation of that is me sweating, as if I were running a fever.

What does all this mean? In this dream imagery I’m not actually seeing specific items, it’s more about certain energies that I’m dealing with. And what I think this process is showing me is that I’m unaccepting of certain things in me, or in life, and that creates a blockage and a great stress.

It’s interesting, because out of the huge diversity of life, whether outside of me or internally, getting hung up on certain small details that, in the scheme of things are totally irrelevant, can still bring the whole process to a halt. It’s amazing, but we’re all are doing it all the time.

What I’m being stopped by is shown to be immovable. How does one deal with immovable things? They accept them, as part of the landscape, so to speak. But for these particular aspects of life, or me, I’m not quite able to take that step – yet.

Consequentially, I react as if I have a right to dictate that something should be this way or that, instead of flowing comfortably along with what I cannot change. But the time has come for me to be okay with this trait, or condition in life, and to stop trying to think that it’s “in the way,” or needs fixing. I can’t keep generating this same reaction (sweating, in the case of the dream) over and over again.

What I’m understanding too is that this particular stumbling block has a pattern to it. It keeps coming back as some little thing. This pattern could be nothing more than being bumped into by a stranger and getting irritated. The pattern is the automatic irritation that always follows once you’ve been bumped.

How do you get to a point where someone can bump into you and you’re indifferent, or you don’t get irritated? Until you find that point, it will keep coming back over and over again. And you might even be thinking that getting irritated makes sense when someone bumps you – you might defend it. But that irritation is actually evidence that you are holding onto something, and it’s holding you back.

So this is the type of irritation I’m suffering from in my sleep. I can pretend it’s insignificant, or that it will go away, or that it can be shifted, but that isn’t facing the issue gracefully. I need to be embracing it as part of life.

I keep saying no to it, and as long as I refuse to budge, and I maintain this unshakable attitude, I’m resigned to my suffering (and sweating).

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John: I somehow got the meaning of this dream yesterday (see Awakening). It relates to my outer life, where I’m working on a situation that has some very dark energy associated with it – even the state government has gotten involved. It’s dealing with some very powerful forces that have taken and manipulated things to their benefit, and now I have to deal with some of those forces by writing a detailed letter.

For days now I have been doing this, venting about all the egregious behavior in this situation. And what has been happening is that I have been given all kinds of hints that something is not right in what I’m doing. Even my computer has acted up so that I have to walk away from it for a while. It is a strange, unsettling process to go through. But after a few drafts where I am ranting and raving, I settled down and took all the venom out of the letter and just stated the facts as I know them.

So the dream scenario shows that what I’m dealing with is loaded. It’s a loaded scenario and I have to navigate it carefully or I will get the filth on me, like in the thicket with the bird-doo. And I have to make sure not to stir things up, because that could make it worse. But I still have to get through the thicket to the clearing.

A great teacher discussed an example of how this works. She described a student of hers, an older woman, who oversaw a secretarial pool staffed with a lot of younger women. The young women were always talking about lipstick and boys. She had the responsibility for the work to get done, but the women were just kind of unconscious about it. So she began to resent the women for not being more mature.

So she complains to the teacher, and finally the teacher tells her that this situation would not be happening if there wasn’t something that she needed to go through, that she needed to experience in order to be done with it and be able to move on to the next place. The woman needed to take a look at her own attitude and mannerisms and see if she could somehow let go of, or transcend, her judgments. After all, the young women were just being young women.

Time goes on. As circumstances would have it, the woman takes a vacation far away, someplace where she can completely let go of everyday life. And as soon as she comes back, she gets promoted out of her job to a job with a separate office of her own, no longer overseeing the young women. When she tells the teacher about it, the teacher says she “must have gotten it.” So now her life has moved on to something else.

So my dream suggests that I got it, that I made it through and that I can now get on to something else, i.e, the excitement I feel to be back on familiar terrain. Because this was an unusual situation to go through, and the way I was handling it – venting my anger in the letter – would have stirred things up for a long time to come.

And what a waste of time it would have been, not to mention the personal burden of having to deal with this dark energy for a long period. When I try to unravel a problem that I have in my life, in which I have gotten myself twisted up, I can get caught in the maze of venting; it takes over. So I lose my clarity and the venom can gain momentum so I no longer know how to stop. I can spend hours at something and get absolutely nowhere because I have too much stirred up inside.

In that state it’s like I feel things as a personal wound, and then I get an almost righteous attitude about doing something about it. There’s a quality in me that loves to disturb, that’s into a good fight or something. We all do it to a degree: when we get into anger, part of us likes the anger, and when we get into some stress, part of us likes the stress.

We seem to think that we should take these situations head-on, almost wrestle with them, when it’s better just to step away and not feed energy into them. It’s like the idea where you should “throw love at it.” Or if you know how, to just be in a certain heartfelt place so that you mirror the situation back instead of getting involved personally. You find a way to get through, or around, it without getting the bird-doo on you. Then you proceed on, you do not perpetuate the problems. You take the opportunity to make a big step personally.

So in this way, our enemies (our challenges) are our friends, because they afford us the best opportunities for personal growth.

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